My ex won't pick his stuff up?

[Anonymous]

Broke up 3 months ago, been in no contact and in limited contact.(he did the breaking up, said he loved me but wasn't happy the last couple weeks and he didn't know why) I text him a few weeks back asking does he want to collect his things or will I drop them off and he didn't reply. Should I ask him again/how do I go about giving Him his stuff back? (Im not throwing them out or giving them away, he has something very sentimental here from his father who passed away so I want to give it him and wouldn't feel good giving it away) bare in mind he knows I still love him because I drunk text him last week and he replied so I dont know how to approach this again? I was thinking of just showing up and giving them to him because he probably won't reply if I ask him again but scared he will annoyed , why did he not text me back?

Call to his house with them unexpectedly

Contact him again about how to give them back

[Anonymous]

It's his stuff. It's up to him to come and get it.
You have tried to organise to let him have them and he is being difficult.

I agreee, don't throw them away. Put them away somewhere dust free and out of sight for you. Alternatively you could just post it. I wouldn't say go knocking on his door. It might hurt you if you get a bad reaction to showing up unnanounced. To be honest I would be mortified if an ex showed up at my home unexpectedly.
If you must drop it to him go leave it on the door step. But actually if you know the address posting may be the way forward. He will not expect it and it takes away his power over your mind at the moment!

He may be hurt by the break up and trying to move on and can't bear to talk with you at the moment.
Having his stuff there is also always an open path to still talking to you.
Until his stuff is back there is always a reason for you two to talk.

My ex broke up with me. It took him well over a month to get my stuff back. He would text me and arrange to drop it off then I would hear nothing. I only asked once what was going on. I couldn't be bothered to chase around. Then he said he would come over and I could come out and get it (basically he wanted to see me too) Then he didn't show. Then finnally one day he said he would meet me in the evening then changed his mind and left it on the door step whilst I was at work.

There could be several reasons why your ex won't text you back or get his stuff at the moment.
Best thing is just get it out of sight and leave him to contact you to get it. Or just post it. This whole time you cannot move on and are thinking about him over the stuff.
If you live with someone else make sure they know where it is so if you are out or don't want to see him they can hand it over.

[Melirain]

It sounds like he's going through a bit of a rough time, and him breaking up with you may not have much to do with you at all--more like he can't be in a relationship right now.
But anyhow, I think you should message him/his mom a few hours in advance of dropping off his stuff, to let them know you're coming. Preferably put the stuff somewhere safe from weather and somewhat concealed, such as a porch--but if you can't don't worry--and knock on the door to let them know it's there, then leave without waiting for them to open it. You may want to take a picture of the stuff when you leave it there too, just to document that you didn't damage it, for legal purposes.

[Asker]

Ya maybe he's just not ready for a relationship like he had been the last few years. It just sucks I'm tired of being upset and worrying about it when he seems to be moving in just fine. I tried texting him just starting s normal conversation yesterday on Viber and he hasn't even opened it. That's how little he care s like

[Melirain]

It could be that he doesn't care, or it could be that he is trying to avoid confronting something that is painful to him. If he didn't care at all, I suspect he'd have no problem opening your messages, he just might not bother responding to them. But if he doesn't even open them, that tells me he may feel guilty about breaking up with and not talking to you, so by avoiding looking at your messages he's trying to avoid his guilt. Or, he could feel conflicted about his decision to end the relationship--like part of him still likes you, but part of him thinks that either he won't be any good for you while he's grieving, or you won't be any good for him while he doesn't have the energy to try and be happy around you right now.
Either way my guess is that he does care, but that doesn't mean he's going to change his mind about the relationship right now.

[Asker]

So do you reckon there's anything I could do?

[Melirain]

Well, that depends. If you're looking to help him and still care about him, then I'd message him something like "I know you're going through a rough time. I still care about you, and if you need me, I'm here for you. If not, I understand, and I hope you have a nice life." Then I wouldn't message him again, unless he contacts you first (and by contact I don't mean him just responding "thanks").

At the same time, you have to think of what's healthy for you. It may not be good for you to wait for him too long. I'm not going to say you should "just get over him" because that can be hard to do, but I will say, try not to think about him too much, and remember to live for yourself.

[that_tall_blonde17]

If he isn't picking up his stuff after 3 months either just throw it out or donate it to good will. And text him a day before you do it and tell him if you don't pick up by this time then I'm throwing it out or donating it to good will.

[that_tall_blonde17]

And you can just keep the sentimental thing a mail it to his house.

[meowcow]

Pack his things and have it ready.

If it's an option, drop it off at his parent's place.
Document it, like have a friend video you going to his folks place and giving them the stuff - so that he cannot claim you never returned it, or threw it out.

Option 2, give him a deadline to pick up his stuff. Tell him his stuff has been lying around for 3 months and taking up space and it's all going to be donated after the deadline. An email or text record should suffice in protecting you from legal action if the items are donated and he wants them back in the future.

[MadeInAmerica]

I would just dump at his front door and whatever happens to it happens to it. If he wants to be immature and not reply when he knows you have something from his father he would love to have then you are doing more then enough.

[Asker]

He lives with his mum still so I don't want to just leave em there in case she sees them first and thinks it'd rude of me to do that. Should I knock on the door and make sure he gets it or?

[MadeInAmerica]

Whatever you do is more than enough on your end. If it makes you feel better giving it to him or his mom then do it. Just taking it over there after he doesn't reply is be nice to begin with.

[Asker]

I just don't want to look like a crazy ex girlfriend showing up at his house unexpected when he's making it obvious he doesn't want to deal with me. It really sucks like because I would love to be with him again

[MadeInAmerica]

I don't think it makes you look crazy if all you do is bringing those things over just hand him the box and walk away.

[Asker]

Ya that's true. I do want to get back together with him should I not try to speak to him about where our relationship went wrong? When I text him that I missed us he said he always thinks about our good times and misses it too but too many maybes for him to think it could work. So I do want to speak to him as well about what happened , is it too late/too soon? Its been over 3 months like

[MadeInAmerica]

I don't think you should then you look like the crazy ex girlfriend that can't let go and using bringing over items to get back together. Just leave. Hopefully he txts you later thank you and then you could go bout talking about why you do it that then move into the other things.

[Asker]

Ya hopefully I'll run by his house tomorrow hopefully hell be home :( so nervous! It'll be my first time speaking to him in person since we broke up

[SITdown]

Box up all the things securely. Have a friend or family member contact him with a set specific time left on the porch for him to pick it up. If it is not picked up at that time then you are no longer responsible for what happens to his possessions.
You should not be present during this time.

the past is the past and you gain nothing by worrying yourself about what he does or doesn't do.

[bryon]

If you know when he would be home just haul his stuff over and knock on the door. When he answers just tell him you need him to get his stuff out of your car. If he refuses just set his things on his steps and leave

[Asker]

I was going to do that today but his mothers car was on the driveway as well so would prefer to do it when he was at home by himself. Do you think he would thin k in crazy by showing up unexpected? He knows I want him back but its been three months I can't keep hanging on to his things if we aren't going to get back together

[bryon]

In all honesty I would have done it especially if his mom were there. That way I knew the door would have got opened , and this would have been dealt with

[Asker]

I didn't want to bring his mom into it , I'd hate if he left stuff at my doorstep and left and my mam found it. It would make me feel like he didn't care at all. I don't know I guess I'm just confused to why he won't see me :(

[bryon]

I wouldn't want to venture into the whys actually , it may make feelings worse than they are now

[Asker]

Ya maybe you're right I just wish I could understand what goes on in his head. Out of nowhere got really distant and broke up with me and told me he loved me yet could walk away and now he ignires me unless i contact him about my feelings and says he thinks about us and misses it but won't give us a chance, its so upsetting don't know why he's like this. We were so in love the last few years. :/

[bryon]

This is indicative of someone that has other interest in other places , yet keeping you as a fall back girl. That's just my thoughts based on what he said and how he is acting

[Asker]

I don't think I'm a fall back girl because he isn't seeing anyone else or me. I think he still has feeling s for me but just gave up on us unfortunately

[bryon]

He broke up stating he wasn't happy but didn't know why !! I don't get that any more than you do

[Asker]

Ya it broke me apart because I used to make him so happy. He broke up with me before after his father died and said the same thing but came crying back to me 2 days later saying he didn't know what he was thinking because him the best thing that's ever happened to him... That's why I kind of had hope he would cone back again but its been three months and he's really trying to keep his distance

[bryon]

Him really not having a reason to break up other than what you stated is what led me to say or think he was seeing someone else

[Asker]

He isn't seeing anyone though thats the thing. He told me he just felt weird about the relationship all of a sudden and that he though things might be going too fast even though at the same time he said he disk think they were so that's why he was confused and unhappy. I asked him why he was was unhappy, was it just him and not our relationship like what happened the last time. And he just said he didn't know

[reptocarl]

He can't be that sentimental about it or he'd have it. Give him fair warning and a deadline and if he blows you off throw it out. Why can't you mail it?

[Asker]

He's been very weird since his dad passed away. Tbh I think that's when our relationship starting having problems. I know he wouldn't appreciate me giving it away. I just don't think he wants to see me and I can't understand why if he really has moved on why would he care

[reptocarl]

It obviously isn't that important to him

[es20490446e]

Does caring about a relationship make having a relationship harder?

[DooKan]

put it at his doorstep when he is not there, unless you want to see where he stands with you