Background info: so my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. I sent him a message 1 month ago saying I was fine with the breakup, and agreed to be friends. Well school began and so we see each other every day. I smile and wave casually, saying a nice hello. He seems to be awkward around me, and once tried to avoid me. He is all stony-faced when he talks to me and then whips around to crack a joke and laugh with another person.
And now I just logged into facebook and my ex popped up in chat . . . asking for my PERMISSION to ask someone out?! What the heck does that mean?
He said "It's cool with you if I date other people right?"
I said "Well . . . I thought we broke up. Is it not supposed to be?"
and he answered, "well it is, I just figured if I asked someone out better to make sure it doesn't upset you
If that makes sense?
I guess I'd just rather you found out from me instead of facebook or someone else
I just don't want any bad blood between us for anything"
Do people normally do this?! Is he trying to rub it in my face or something? I said again I was fine with the break up and he said "yeah but people don't always say what they mean." I had to reaffirm this again. Arg, he still thinks I'm in it for him or something? I'm so confused!
Most Helpful Guy
He is right you know. There are a lot of people out there who would say they're OK with the breakup and that they'd still be friends and all of that usual stuff, but it's clear to me that you are unaware of the truth of the matter.
The truth of the matter is that very few people who say they're OK with the break up are really just putting up a front. A strong poker face masked in bravado. They'd say they're fine, and then misdirect anger all over the damned place. Like maybe they'd be short tempered with their ex, or with other people. Maybe they'd just get insanely jealous, angry or bitter. Some just simply start feeling hurt or sorry for themselves, or simply hurt that their ex moved on so quickly. Some people just get p*ssed and rant about it on the internet, on places like Facebook, MySpace, LiveJournal, maybe GirlsAskGuys, or heck even the odd I.M. program, either to let off steam, host a pity party, or possibly inspire others to chime in with outraged support.
Simply put though, it's like your boyfriend said it. "People don't always say what they mean." and as a matter of fact I'm of the opinion that this holds especially true when it comes to relationships and breakups. Sometimes this isn't always intentional either. Sometimes they THINK they'll be alright in theory, but in practice they find they actually can't fucking take it and they snap on some level, and start exhibiting behavior like what I mentioned in the previous paragraph. The kicker is that some people are completely oblivious that they're doing it even when they do. So yeah, man, this stuff can happen.
As for why your ex boyfriend was doing this. I can only guess that he was genuinely trying to be respectful. Pretty much like he said, just so that you don't have to hear about it from anyone else, and so that he didn't end up damaging what of a friendship you two might still have. I mean to be honest if it were me, I wouldn't be doing it specifically to brag, or rub it in, or to try and hurt you or make you jealous. It's certainly not MY style and it doesn't sound like that's what he's going for here either. I really think that all he was trying to do here was make sure that everything was cool, and that you two would still be cool. There doesn't have to be an ulterior motive here.
Though if I may say so, I'd like to just comment on something about how you sounded when you wrote this question. Just a theory but you sound a little irritated and worked up here. I'm not sure if you're more irritated that he had to ask you this in the first place, or if it's that he really might be moving on here. If by some tiny chance it's the latter, then maybe you should think about that. Maybe you're not as fine with the breakup as you think. But no matter what the reason for that is, I would suggest you not get too angry about this. I think in this case he meant well. Try not to be too mad at him for this.
I hope this helped you out in understanding all this. I wish you the best of luck.0