She said "I'll let you know by..." but never did?

[Anonymous]

Well, I've been seeing this girl since last June and we've gone on many "dates" together. All of them have been just us.(15+ dates). So far, our relationship is beyond confusing. We generally do not talk to each other unless we are together, but when we are, we are inseparable (spelling :\). But the relationship is unspoken and unofficial. I also have to basically initiate everything, but she is extremely responsive and cooperative. She has flaked on me before, but its very very rare, and this brings me to my main problem.

Last week, I asked her if she'd like to go bowling on the weekend. She accepted, but said that Friday would be better. So I tell her that ill pick her up at 3, but then she tells me that she will "Let me know" if 3 is fine on Friday. Kinda strange, but she has done that before with no issues after. Fast forward to today(Friday), and the only time I heard from her was for something she needed. Otherwise, nothing about the date we were suppose to go on. Date time passes, and still nothing.

Now I know she had college classes today to I've been thinking that might be why, and she just forgot to tell me that she could not come. But I would think she would text me or something, even after date time.. confusing.

For some reason this really has bothered me today, and I'm trying to figure out if its even worth my time to contact her anymore. Maybe I'm just overreacting...

Anyways, what should I do, and should I contact her or wait for her to contact me? Like I said earlier, we've been on at least 10-15+ dates so this is unlike her.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

You're overreacting, but that's the least of your concerns. Your biggest concern is that you're over THINKING. It was one moment, don't get hung up on it. You're gonna make yourself insecure that way.

As for should you or should you not contact her.. If you want to talk to her, then approach. If you don't really feel like talking, or have nothing to say, then don't talk to her.

But it seems you REALLY want to talk to her. So just do it.

And remember it's NOT a big deal. Focus your mind so you when little things happen, you ignore and/or don't care about them. It will make you happier and more attractive (since girls don't like insecure clingy guys).

Sometimes you just gotta learn how to say "whatever, fck it" and play a video game or workout (that's what I usually do, it usually clears my mind plus motivates my workout).

Best of luck to ya man! And keep us updated.

[Asker]

Bah lol you are right. Ill just let this one go and see what happens. I don't want to be insecure over something small like this, that's how you lose a lady. I was just so angry because I told her to specficially tell me when if she could not come, and she agreed, but I heard nothing back. But, I will just let it go I think.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

Good man! A relationship will always have problems here and there. Some problems HAVE to be confronted. Some if just ignored, help avoid big arguments that are really stressful and can set the relationship back. Anyways, it's okay to confront her about this- to point in out for future cases. BUT don't do it when you're angry, or otherwise be insulting about. Just say, hey it hurts me when you do this, could you please warn me if you can't go so I'm not stressing waiting for your response.

[Idolism]

It does seem suspicious and I've been in a similar situation, heck I'm in one now excluding the dates but more or so on all the vibes I get. However, based on information I've gathered, it's best to lay low for now. If she didn't text you to verify plans, she was obviously busy or you weren't worth the time. However, seeing how you two have been on a number of dates before and this is something that happened once, let it slide. It could be a legitimate reason and most likely it probably is. Don't question her about it though, keep it to yourself and watch if it happens over and over again. If it does, by all means talk about it.

Stay low, let it slide and talk to her as if nothing happened.

[Asker]

Ok, and thanks for the advice. It has happened like 3 times, but that's over the course of about 7-9 months of constant outings. I think I was just angry because I told her to tell and she didn't.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

3 times out of 7-9 months? That's not bad at all! It's okay to get upset over that, I would too. If it's that infrequent, you may not even need to talk to her about it (as I said in my other comment). But if it eases your mind, confrontation doesn't have to end badly. As long as you are polite about it and make sure she doesn't think you're still angry about it, it can go very well. But like I said, if it's really that infrequent she probably knows, but just made a mistake.

[beemad]

she may have just forgotten. you should have sent her a quick text "we on for bowling?" would have cleared things up if she had honestly forgot or if she was ditching u.

i mean if she's still going out on dates with you that's a good thing (unless they aren't really considered dates) a girl wouldn't waste her time going on a date with a guy she wasn't interested in.

chill out, lay low a little, let her come to u. if she likes you she'll miss spending time with you and will call you or text you to see what's up... then try asking her out on a date again AND you might want to make it official on the next date. she may think you aren't serious about being with her.

10-15 dates... a girl can get really attached spending that much time with a guy remember in the back of our minds we are always worried that a guy doesn't want to "commit" she may be wary of you hurting her

[Anonymous]

If you haven't had sex then you're not an item. And even if you have fooled around a little she might not be considering you boyfriend material.

You say "dates". If the word date has never been said out loud then its not really a date. My suggestion: ask her what's going on.

Tell her that whatever she chooses is fine, just that you want to frame your relationship. Are you friends with benefits (or just friends), just acquaintances fooling around or possibly couple material?

If she is under the impression you are just friends then she will probably be flattered by your desire to date her. Just make sure you tell her beforehand that whatever label you choose isn't gonna change anything unless she wants it to.

[ninthjewel]

It means she feels bad about turning you down she hopes you take the hint and stop asking.

[ikarus]

dude, the fact that you've been on 15+ dates and its STILL "complicated" shows you are indeed wasting your time. a girl that wants to be with you KNOWS she wants to be with your after the first date. you are definitely not overreacting, what she did was absolutely rude and unless a section of her brain was damaged between the time that you asked her and 3 o'clock friday, I highly doubt she had no idea she blew you off. so again, you're wasting your time, money, and effort. she honestly sounds like she's just "having fun" being taken out on dates with no commitment, which is completely unfair for you. anyway, that's my opinion.

[brianccc]

Let her contact you and try to find other girls in the mean time. Never rule out an option!