How to get my ex back in a long distance break up?

[mdaire]

I've been in a relationship for more than a year with an Australian (i'm french) it was passion, a lot of love and also a lot of fights. We were every day together and we could say that i "stole" his freedom. I put pressure on him to move in to France after the end of my visa. In October after another fight i decided to go back home to France. He said to me i'm coming asap. Month after month he was changing the date, and more and more angry i become. Never really put myself in his shoes and didn't have the right "strategy". Finaly end of januray i decided to block him, insulting him and saying it's over. And here we are, i took a step back and i realize how dependant i was, how much pressure i put on him, how hard i've been. A month ago (March) i decided to text him back, and it was really nice, every day texting about everything... After a month texting, i told him how much i was sorry and i was ready to come back to australia not only for him but for study too, tough reaction " I think it's not the good time" "i'm not ready" "i am in the process of self discovery right now" "maybe later yes i need more time" "i don't want to figth like we use to, you will never change". I did change i can feel it. And i know that the second he sees me he will see it. 7 months we haven't seen each other, can't wait for someone that i deeply love for ever without being sure no? I send him a final letter full of love saying that when he is ready, to contact me at the moment i need to move on with my life and can't keep texting him everyday.
I deeply love this man. Hopefully he will give us another shot... So hard when you aren't even in the same country
What do you think?

[AmandaYVR]

Well, I would have said don't get into this situation, long distance relationships are extremely difficult for the practical logistics. But of course sometimes you can't help yourself if you happened to be living short term somewhere, I guess. But I'd strongly advise against beginning them in the first place, unless that place is your goal of where to live, irrespective of the person.

Anyway, too late now. Now what should you do? As others said, leave it be. I'm not focusing so much on the blocking part you did (people make mistakes), but you did convey to him your feelings, he knows the situation and your wishes, and he's made his decision. The only thing you can really maybe do is - if you absolutely must know - ask him if he really meant that, or if he was just trying to let you down easy. Because if his answer is actually no, and will always be no in the future, you'd be hanging onto to something that didn't exist. I guess that's what I would do. No, I would walk away from this. What I would not do is keep in constant contact with him. It will only torture you more. Unless you're talking marriage or a permanent job offer, you can't easily get back there, and him vice versa, and putting marriage into this picture, after all that's happened, is just too much to ask, too much undue pressure.

My prescription is for you to watch 90 Day Fiancé (if you can get the show there, maybe not.) There are many seasons, I've watched them all, and it will remind you the difficulties of these types of relationships.

This is an Australian one for you. Great looking couple. Looks hopeful, right?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/a0WMWBtQGas

But these are all the ways it goes wrong...
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=90+day+fiance

[MissRomantic]

I can understand your frustration. It didn't seem like he made up his mind to come to you because he was always changing the date. Your frustration was justified though it is possible that after you blocked him and insulted him that he's still feeling hurt from it, which is stopping him from getting back together with you, but at the same time, he loves talking to you. This makes it possible that maybe he still has feelings and he'd come around to getting back together. If I were in that situation, I would tell him you are the only man I want to be with and I want us to give the relationship another chance, but realistically, I can't wait forever until he's ready. Then I'd ask him, are you okay with the possibility that I might end up with someone else? Then tell him that I love him deeply still but I can't keep talking to him if there's no possibility of a reunion because you can't move on that way.

[Apope16]

Well first, unless you are physically seeing each other and having sex. then I would say you dont really have a relationship. You guys are long distance flirtation buddies at that point.

With that said, It should be noted that getting your ex back if they are long distance is next to impossible. People will prioritize what is available to them. You have not been having sex with him. You have not been present in his life (actually in person). So you have not established a connection or a bond with him in any real or significant way. YOu are not in love with him because at this point you dont really know him the way that you think you do. You like him because he is giving you attention.

Now to answer your question... the best way to get an ex back is to go no contact. dont ever contact him again for the rest of your life. Make sure you end things on good terms. Then someday when you have officially moved on that ex will randomly want you again when he is lonely and remembers happy things about you. Maybe when he moves to France he will look you up someday. I would also recommend you do something big or new with your life. Visit another country. Learn something new. accomplish something you have always wanted.

Be ready.

When you run into your ex a year from now or 5 years from now and he is still single then you want to have exciting life transformational stories to tell him. make him want to be a part of your life. Post your journey on instagram

[ChocoBrownie]

thats the best you can do, if he wants you back that will get him going.

[coachTanthony]

------"i am in the process of self discovery right now"

is code for... It's over. We had a good time but YOU are not what I want in my life long term. The bad part is he doesn't have the courage or the balls to really tell you how he feels.

He hides behind these BS excuses of "self discovery."

Move on... in my opinion.

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't think its a good idea - you guys were fighting while you guys were together and you weren't willing to wait until he was comfortable coming to your country but pressured him to come sooner - Find somebody closer - it might be hard at first but it will get easier

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Different countries are a lot of red tape he could have honestly been hitting road blocks not actually being like I dont want to go so ill tell her this date.. when you blocked him he probably ever saw that happening so then he mourned you.. then he's finally happy again and you come wanting him back.. it sounds like he wants what he had with you but not the random out bursts of angry.. and with covid probably thinking I need a woman around here.. I wouldn't write a letter to him its like a final thing again to get his attention screams desperation so id probably just keep him as a friend dont try and pressure anything with him.. id say I respect your decision looking forward to hanging out with you again as friends between my classes.. and take things slow peoples hearts are fragile he was about to give up everything for you then you turn around cause it wasn't happening as fast as you like block him like he's disposable so if you want this guy id remain friends over texting not love stuff then show him in person how he's the only man for you.. talk is cheap actions is what counts..

[mrs_empathy]

Here’s my takeaway from my previous relationship when I wanted to get him back, too. No matter how much I loved the person and no matter how much I showed him I have changed and progressed, that never changed the fact how he felt about me. We may have a good exchange of communication that time even after breakup but when it leads to commitment there’s a hold up. What I am saying is, if the guy really wants to get you back, there should be no if’s, no but’s, no reasons. And if he wants you back, and if time does now allow you at the moment, he’ll assure you with plans and give you updates of what you should be expecting from him. What you quoted from him words was a bit clear already. He’s not ready to be committed again. Please spare yourself from another heartbreak. Unreciprocated love will only harm you. Slowly let go of him and of your feelings. You have done your part. Have no regrets. Love yourself a little bit more.

[mdaire]

Thanks you for your words. You are truly right. It's hard because i understand him as a friend, he is young and i still feel connected to him. But thats life i will love myself more and more everyday. Thanks you

[mrs_empathy]

That’s the spirit! You can do it! 💪🏼

[Elsa143]

No it's not being dependent or putting a pressure on him. You did this because you loved him and he didn't. If he really loved you, THERE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN A SUCH SITUATION. Effort should come from both people.
Freedom, independence is good but don't forget that it's a weapon used by boys to avoid commitment and get rid of boredom to try out other chicks.
Come on, you deserve better. No need to get him back, it's his problem.
Lastly, deeply loving him won't change the fact of him being ignorant and detached.
You deserve better

[DellBell]

If it will be... it will be... all you can do right now is to focus on yourself and growing even more as a person. I know it's hard for you right now because you love him a lot and don't know what the circumstances are gonna be but give him space once in a while... don't keep running after him... let him run after you... otherwise he will just get frustrated etc...

If it's meant to be he will come after you if not then it wasn't meant to be.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

So there is this thing called out of sight out of mind.
Clearly his lost interest and his being polite about it, it means he cares for you but his not into you.
I know how it feels when you did some mistake and learned from it and desperately want to show how we have changed for the better but when we try too hard it never works.
You have given him the upper hand now, and the heart wants what it wants may be his already seeing someone but if truly want to give it a shot go ahead go study in Australia as you wished for but donot try to attract him or apologise just be yourself chill calm poised donot talk about past just notify 2weeks later when you are in Australia, start being with friends slowly work it out as like new fresh relationship and donot try to show that you have changed it should be naturally vissible and donot sell yourself short keep your head high if he comes back good if doesn't it's better for you think and act all the best👍

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think you both should make a fresh start
remind him that you still love him but you
feel that both of you need a fresh start
always try to keep in contact with him and
make sure to let him know that you still care
don't be afraid to express your feelings towards
him

[angiebangie]

I think you've done all that's to be done. In a month or so if he hasn't reached out, try again. How can you get across to him that you're different now and the relationships going to be different?

[Samtos]

As long as he reciprocates, to show he cares, you can hang on and give him sometime to figure it out same way you ghosted him initially and later came back.

[DiegoO]

Yeah... Even if you met someone in person first, before having to deal with a LDR, it's tough. Sorry about that. Both need to have a good communication. If there is resentment and anger in between, both gotta clear it off. Now, if both don't agree on making the relationship worth it, there isn't much to save.

[Anonymous]

The ball is in his court now. You did the right thing.

[spartan55]

I think he's done and just didn't want to say it. "Self discovery?" bullshit

[ManOfTheMatch1]

Text him on facebook or whatsapp. If you known somebody who knows him, he can link you together.

[mdaire]

what do you mean? i give him space to discover himself and will see...

[TonyMetal___86]

All i can tell you is that long distance relationships rarelt works so you better benefit from your time and find someone real...

[Shiningtempest]

@mdaire It's unlikely that you would be able to get your ex back.

[SunnyCaliGirl]

I wish you all the best

[In_Trance]

I think it's a waste of time

[mdaire]

alright...

[COMMODOREII]

Yeah it is hard. Good luck to you.

[Uptowngirl88]

Move on