My boyfriend has many female friends, who're all so different than me. I envy them so much, because they're the typical hot girls who were popular in high school; you know, hot girls who have outgoing personalities, the type of girl that all guys like. They're kind of airheads, but still... I'm the typical girl who was a loser in high school, the type of girl who the popular kids bullied. As a matter of fact, one of the girls who bullied me in high school is friends with my boyfriend. So I envy and dislike his friends. They're everything I'm not, but most noticeably, they're hot and I'm average.
This makes things difficult for me, because whenever my boyfriend goes out with them and they party, I feel so excluded, ugly and angry, I feel jealous, insecure, inferior and I feel like crying. I don't like hanging out with them because a. I feel like I don't fit in, b. the girl who bullied me is there, c. I don't want my bitterness to show around them and make my boyfriend and everyone else uncomfortable.
My friends also don't like my boyfriend, so it's not like he can hang out with my friends either. Because they dislike him (because he was kind of a jerk with me in the past), he dislikes them back. So he dislikes my friends, and I dislike his. But it's not so much that I dislike them, it's more that I envy them and feel insecure.
He always tells me he loves me, but that's it, just words. When I get upset and need reassurance, all he does is dismiss it, he says I nag too much. I understand it must be frustrating for him, but he should understand, as he constantly needs reassurance from me, and I give it to him no matter what!
But I feel overwhelmingly insecure. Now he's upset because he partied with them last night and that bothered me, he says I shouldn't get upset about that. Now that he's upset, he will probably go out with them tonight. Should I just end it? I love him, but I feel like I don't belong in his group and it's getting to me. Especially because I've made sacrifices for him, but I feel he doesn't do the same for me.
This makes things difficult for me, because whenever my boyfriend goes out with them and they party, I feel so excluded, ugly and angry, I feel jealous, insecure, inferior and I feel like crying. I don't like hanging out with them because a. I feel like I don't fit in, b. the girl who bullied me is there, c. I don't want my bitterness to show around them and make my boyfriend and everyone else uncomfortable.
My friends also don't like my boyfriend, so it's not like he can hang out with my friends either. Because they dislike him (because he was kind of a jerk with me in the past), he dislikes them back. So he dislikes my friends, and I dislike his. But it's not so much that I dislike them, it's more that I envy them and feel insecure.
He always tells me he loves me, but that's it, just words. When I get upset and need reassurance, all he does is dismiss it, he says I nag too much. I understand it must be frustrating for him, but he should understand, as he constantly needs reassurance from me, and I give it to him no matter what!
But I feel overwhelmingly insecure. Now he's upset because he partied with them last night and that bothered me, he says I shouldn't get upset about that. Now that he's upset, he will probably go out with them tonight. Should I just end it? I love him, but I feel like I don't belong in his group and it's getting to me. Especially because I've made sacrifices for him, but I feel he doesn't do the same for me.
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+1 y
Ok, maybe he's not with them because maybe they rejected him. Maybe I'm second best, who knows. All I know is I'm not as pretty or as outgoing as they are. I'm smart, but who cares? It doesn't make me a better person.
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