How do you get over a rough breakup?

[Hannah_Ann_Linge]

I broke up with my boyfriend. This is the one I’ve had problems with for a while and I decided to get back with him a month ago. This time, we broke up again. The other day, we were trying light BDSM, and he tied my hands up so tight. He brought his taser in the room. He was gliding it over my skin and I was extremely nervous. He also would turn it on when it was extremely close to my body. He ended up touching me with the taser while it was on for just a second. It hurt. That moment really scared me; I was about to cry in the moment. In that moment, I was saying our “safe word” over and over again but he wouldn’t stop it. I feel like with our relationship, things are either amazing or bad. There is no in between and that is what breaks my heart. He can be such a great guy but these negative aspects in the relationship are big and I can’t just ignore them anymore. Should I stay focused on this breakup? Help? I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to stick to this break up because I’ve given in before. Is this even worth following through on?

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

You need to keep yourself busy. You need to get rid of things off his, change your routine, and cut ties with him. This is why I never date within the work place as if it doesn't work out, then you can't get space or avoid them.

You keeping letting him back in and that gives him control because he is using your feelings against you that is why you have conflicting feelings. You love the great guy and by putting up with the negative or thinking things will change is you settling instead of getting what you want or deserve.

There are so many red flags just based on the little that you have shared. You need to move on and find another guy. Just hang out with family and friends, keep yourself busy, and in time you will get over it. People that try to take time to themselves isn't a bad thing but sometimes they can get inside their own heads and that is a dangerous playground. You have thoughts and feelings that you think are valid but they really aren't. Do you feel safe and happy away from him more than you do with him? I am not talking here and there, I am talking about as a whole.

Abusers don't stop abusing even if you leave them so that fixes nothing but your safety and well being. They will abuse the next person and the next person. You can't save everybody from them but you can save yourself. Get away from this guy and break free. You will feel much happier and free once time has passed and you feel safe and happy all the time.

[TommyMountainFigure]

The reason he knows he can do what he wants to you and still have you going back for more is EXACTLY what you say is your problem. You aren't 'strong enough.' to leave him
Let me reword that. You THINK you aren't strong enough.

I'll tell you something about BDSM your boyfriend doesn't understand, and I doubt he ever will. It should be about enjoying the uncertainty of pain or pleasure you inflict. When you start to take pleasure in causing distress? You've crossed a line.
I can't tell you what to do or whether to leave him for good. I will tell you though, for him light BDSM is not enough. He wants far more and will constantly push you until you are nothing more than a quivering wreck.

[OlderAndWiser]

Breaking up: you may want to die. . . but you won't, so do yourself a favor and deal with it! ↗

[ohshee]

Wow it's messed up ,, I would love to tell you what to do I also would love to talk to you about it but I can't tell you what to do. It has to be your choice and your choice only. If I ever had the chance to talk to you though I would tell you to look back and everything look at the pattern that you have going you have to really be careful of this because sometimes you get out of the path and you can't get off of it and you'll find out if every relationship will start and end in the same matter are pretty close to it. I would love to ask you a bunch of questions
Not a bunch just a few just to see where you're at do you think about a few things the best way to get over it is understand there's a bunch of people a bunch of guys that would love to talk with you just be friends just to take up time clear your mind yes I would be one of them LOL one of the best ways to get over something is when you accept it.
You get 100% honest about it and then you make a choice make a choice to accept it make a choice to follow through and it's done it's over. It sounds cold but it's not. It will hurt as long as you want it to hurt it's your choice it's your choice to accept it and be happy afterwards or try to be it's your choice. It's your choice to lay in bed and cry at night. Or your choice laying in bed and dream and be happy it's your choice if you want to mope around all day. What's your choice if you want to get up and get motivated so to answer your question it's simple it's your choice but if you need to talk or just pass to e hit me up

[razelove]

If you have a safe word and it was ignored, especially with play outside the scene and a lack of care for your safety or pleasure, get out.

You can't be in charge of the scene or a sub without trust. If you're having relationship issues on top of that... do what you have to do, spend time with friends, work more, drink, rebound.

Just get out before you're finding yourself as a broken doll rather than having good sex, much less a healthy partnership. You're a 23 year old female sub, it's not like finding another guy is a task on par with climbing a mountain or anything. Things in your relationship likely just feel amazing when they aren't bad if that's something that isn't too far out of the ordinary for your "play".

[Floppy2112]

Oh Hannah! You know where to find me if you need me. This stuff is never easy and I was afraid that BDSM stuff would lead to some darkness. You should never have to be afraid of your partner.
Look, you can get the kind of man you want. You don't have to settle. And this guy is a control freak and seems a bit of a narcissist. It sounds like you know what you need to do, you just need to do it. But, I cannot make it easier for you. There is no cure for heartbreak, you just have to feel it. Better now, than if you were engaged or even married. It's gonna hurt, but you can talk and I can listen. And if you need protection, I can be there in a few hours with Bessie, my 12 gauge. It's persuasive.

[DaveToo]

The "safe word" is only as "safe" as your trust extends. When he goes over that boundary, trust is broken, and will never be mended. What you don't yet understand is, there are so many really nice guys out there that are willing to take you for who you are without trying to make you do things you're not comfortable with. If you give in again you will simply tell him he can do whatever he wants over and over as long as he apologizes each time. THAT, my girl, is exactly what will happen time and again until you finally die or are in a shelter for battered women.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

People who don't honour your safe words won't honour your wellbeing in other situations. I say cut and run and don't go back. Rule #1 of ANY form of bdsm: safe words are sacred. Breaking that cardinal rule is a sign of pure sadism and possibly even a degree of psychopathy.

[Horny-ashell]

Definitely don't give in it sounds like it could turn into something that you really don't want to be apart of. Regardless how much you think you like this person I don't see it ending well for you. Since it's over you should leave it that way. Find someone that will treat you like a lady and doesn't want to hurt you even in this kind of situation.

[Mehzmeh]

It's going to take time. What you are going to have to do is stop all communication with him. And focus on what you want to do in your career. I would usually say, get under someone new. But, I think you need to focus on you. And, grow and learn to be alone just for a bit. You got this. If you wasn't strong. You wouldn't ask for advice.

[jerdanro]

I know it hurts, but anyone who ignores their partners safe word is dangerous. Trust is critical in any relationship. Especially if you engage in BDSM.

If it were me, I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore. The Dom is responsible for your safety.

I know the break up hurts, but please don't put yourself at risk.

[jerdanro]

You okay?

[WalkingBassist]

It's always difficult to get over a break up. One thing that helped me was remembering the bad times or times she got drunk and belligerent. Also, it helped me to find new things to do, like I started volunteering. And it felt good to help people, kept my mind busy and left me with a lot less idle time, and I met and dated someone I met there. One more- exercise like a beast. The benefits are too numerous to name here but YouTube can help if you need. Hope this helped. Keep your chin up. Cheers!