Guys, How fast do you move on after a 3 year relationship from someone you love and thank for positively Influencing your life?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex broke up last summer, next month would be a year of us breaking up. I did the breakup because his dad is a narcissistist and I found out later from my mom, who finally admitted to me, that my dad was manipulating me and gasligthing me so I can depend on him so my dad can fill his own Insecurities. This caused me to get depressed, also I noticed we were following unhealthy relationship habits (one was dealing with another woman, not voluntary for my ex, but forced by his dad since his dad was trying everything he could to get rid of me cuz I am not "what he wants for his reputation". And the second was my habit of putting my ex responsible for my inability to stand up for myself and emotions... And my ways of "stayong quiet to maintain peace, even if that means tolerating abuse"). So I decided to breakup with him because it hurt me to see him try for me to be happy when I didn't had the energy to do anymore. We left still loving each other, I told him I needed to heal not just our brekaup but me, and I said "maybe we can try when we both mature and I am strong enough to deal with your dad".

Fast forward to NC, and breaking NC. First times I reach out to him pouring out my heart and at the time he was distant (obviously hurt).

The second time he reach out in September-October, and we ended up kissing and holding hands. He tried to kiss again for the second meet up but I refused, since he was saying hurt he was and he would maybe download tinder (he never used it). Then he got mad at me and went for no contact.

In March he reach out to me and we started taking as "friends" but he wanted to let me know he is moving out on how own and if we could try again (I wanted to but I didn't felt healed yet, I just stopped feeling hurt from the breakup but still didn't heal to what originally broke me down).

Updates

+1 y

Next was in April when he showed me his apartment through Skype. There he said "I wanted you to be part of it because I thank you for helping me get where I am today, you helped me get in the right path and not many people positivity influence you and just wants the best for you."

Last time I reach out last month to just wish him happy birthday, he said thank you. I wnated to talk more but I was unsure if I should. And right now I am missing him and overthinking that he is moving on

Updates

+1 y

So my question is... Can a guy move on if he has this feelings for a girl?

I have tried to not be manipulative and controlling to him and I told him "I don't want you to just wait on me, I want you to live life. You will learn so much about yourself now that you are living on your own and right now I am not ready to date anyone, at all because I have my own baggage to deal with".

He said he wants to go to my graduation (in December) would it be too long to wait or he would moved on by then?

[Joshua0213]

Depends on why we broke up. If it was something she did like a week? If it was something I did like 3 months or so

[Asker]

What about on why we did?

[Avicenna]

It would take months probably

[Asker]

To move on? From March he was telling me he still had feelings for me and then April when he wnated me to be part of his milestone of moving out and telling me about his future plans?

[Anonymous]

Usually half the life of the relationship

[Asker]

So for my case maybe by the time I graduate (in December) it would be when he would be over me?

[Opinion Owner]

Possibly or if he finds someone else

[Asker]

How easy it is then for guys to move on then, they move on faster then girls then

[Opinion Owner]

No always but they get another girlfriend they do

[Asker]

If he has a girlfriend then that means he moved on tho, or I don't understand your comment.

[Asker]

Because I personally can't think of dating if my mind is not over my ex, at least for serious relationship and even then. I am not interested at all in guys

[Iron_Man]

Took me three years

[Asker]

Did you dated or remain single during those times?

[Iron_Man]

I almost did I had many opportunities but I couldn’t

[Asker]

What was about her (or you) that didn't allow you to move on?

[Iron_Man]

I knew her for 7 1/2 years she lived with me and we travel the world together

[Asker]

Oh okay! Well hope you get a chance to be happy 🙏🏼🙏🏼 that is a long time to know someone and be part of their lives.

My ex and I were friends for a year and then dated for 3. But when we meet we both felt like "we must have meet before" and when we finally talked to each other we both had the feeling of "I feel I known you forever/I feel you can understand me easily/I can open to you so fast" for me he immediately felt like home and since before I knew him or became friends I felt safe in his presence. And he told me he felt like I am the only person who truly understand him and he can be his true self with.

[Iron_Man]

You are so kind to me I really appreciate it. I definitely feel you I know exactly where you’re coming from. 😊

[Asker]

Yeah but I don't know for someone reason I feel he is with someone rn. But I don't know, the first 6 months I was depressed. We started talking around September-October and it didn't end well because he thought he was making himself look stupid for trying for me (at the time I didn't want to because he was heavily influenced by his Narcissistic dad and I haven't even started healing my own Insecurities.) Then those 6 months I went from sad, to angry, to sad again, to "well if he is dating someone knew then it's his loss", I booked a trip with my friends and returning, he calls me. And now it feels like I'm going through the same motions again, but this time without feeling too depressed. Just sad and anxious

[Asker]

And Everytime we talk he mentions dating. Like we broke up in July, but in October when we reach out again he mention maybe using Tinder, then we went no contact and in March he tells me he never use tinder and doesn't like when his coworkers tell him to get over me by dating someone else or sleeping with someone else. But he also mention that there is a coworker who he is comfortable with and that his other coworkers or she said that she is also comfortable with him too. And I don't know... I mean waiting to maybe December for my graduation. What if he is like "yeah I'll come to your graduation but I'll go later to my new gfs" or say "yeah I can't go because I have a new girlfriend and I don't think I should be with my ex". But also maybe he will remain single? I don't know, he also said "for as long as my heart is with you I'll want to try again with you, I'll even breakup with a girl for you... Well that would be wrong. But tell me when you are ready and If my heart is with you I'll try again". So I don't know, he is confusing me and it's making me overthink. Like is he rn with this coworker he mention or is he really "for as long as his heart it's with me he will want to try again"

[Iron_Man]

What exactly do you want to do now

[Asker]

I don't know, I'm really confused... I don't feel strong enough to deal with his narcissistist dad... I really don't know. Wish he had a somewhat normal father because that's the only thing that makes me overthink if we will truly work out. I mean our personalities match and he respects me just as much as I respect him... I don't know.

But what do you think about the stuff he says he tho, like he always mentions dating and I'm like "is he already looking?" How can he look for a new relationship when he says he still has feelings for me? And he is the type of guy that wants serious relationships.

[Iron_Man]

He already has a girlfriend and you don’t like the dad and basically you’re just clinging on for hope this could take years before this is resolved is it really worth it to you?

[Asker]

I don't know if he does.

[Iron_Man]

Set yourself a time limit if he doesn’t take you back or go after you hard then release him 100% from reality and your mind. Wish him the best of luck the. move on in your life

[Asker]

And no one likes his dad, his dad is a narcissistist. Not even his own family like him sometimes since he uses money to control everyone and belittle people even his own blood.

And I don't know he is worth it, I mean, I don't know how common or rare it is to find someone that your personality just clicks and it's mutual respect and care for each other even when we don't see eye to eye. When it comes to what we want future wise, we are alike, how we like to spend time and have fun, we are alike (we don't see the fun like the rest of our peers in just clubbing and drinking, we do, but it's not our center nor we like to do that), and how we both are committed to be our best version of ourselves, we are alike.

Even when we both started out and had our own issues in communication and jealousy, we always validated the feelings and remain patient with each other as long as there was respect (which it was). And we learn to communicate and stop the jealousy to be so much of an issue. So I don't know, we are each other first relationship

[Asker]

I don't know, he is worth it* (in my mind he is)

[Iron_Man]

I gave you the game plan on what to do basically were just repeating ourselves give it for the rest of the summer and if it isn’t work out end it. The father isn’t going anywhere so you’re gonna have to get used to him for the rest of your life. You’re going to have to embrace him If you want this relationship to work