My boyfriend and I have been together for 1year&5months. Our relationship has always been pretty stable, we don’t constantly argue, we know how to be playful w/ each other, we both enjoy watching each other play video games and we make each other laugh pretty often. We’ve always spent our weekends together, he’s never had an issue w/ me spending time w/ him and I’ve always enjoyed being w/ him despite knowing that his depression/anxiety causes him to go through a lot of mood swings and those make him give off different energies. Sometimes it’ll come in the form of aloofness, indifference or that he just seems irritated about something. For the first 12 months of the relationship I was really good at not allowing his moods to interfere w/ my moods but when I reflect on the last 5 months I def. don’t feel like I’ve been as patient or as emotionally self regulated as I use to be towards him.
On Monday he texted me about how he was sent home from work cuz he was feeling sick. (Screenshots are@the bottom, sorry if they’re too small☹️)
I don’t want to be with anybody else, so I feel the need to wait for him cuz I understand he needs his space during this time but at the same time I do feel like his responses are very contradictory to each other. Like when he says “you make me happy I don’t wanna break up” and “I also wouldn’t wanna take a break” but then saying “I don’t want you waiting for me in case things fall apart” ? Like what? Is that just his anxiety not being sure if he’ll really be able to get help for himself? Part of me feels like he only said he wants a break because of being too scared to break up since he wants the option to easier have me again if he gets better. Then my brother pointed out how he’s leaving when the going gets tough which obviously could mean that if we were to reunite that somewhere along the line I feel like I should expect another heartache like this from him. Idk😔I’m expecting the worst but really really hoping for the best😣
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1 y
*****Woops, the screenshots looked small in the preview of the post but nvm ya’ll can see em just fine lol
Yeah, a lot of this is his anxiety, but his whole plan to take time and get himself really ready to be in a relationship is a big and positive step for him. And it's great the two of you both seem mature enough to recognize that.
It does suck, but honestly I don't think either of you should "wait" for the other. Obviously that doesn't mean go dating in an attempt to garner jealousy. What I mean is that both of you may be different people at the end of your break and growth periods. And that's okay.
If you guys are taking a break, give yourself full permission to take that break. Consider yourself single again - but don't force yourself to get dating again if you don't feel it.
Unless you promise each other to "wait", which honestly is can be harmful for someone with anxiety - ambiguity doesn't help us much, just treat yourself as single.
Again, that doesn't automatically mean you need to find someone else. You're allowed to be solitary and single and happy.
Focus on you, and consider what you want out of your relationship (s) going forward and what you can give in turn.
He’s scared of hurting you, but at the same time, he isn’t ready for a relationship either. He needs to get his things sorted out if you want your relationship to progress.
He seems to have a lot on his plate, it isn’t advisable to be in a relationship especially when he mentioned that the relationship is adding stress.
He seems to have feelings for you, but he needs to concentrate on his mental health for now. It’s best to take a break and let him figure things out.
Are you willing to wait for him though? You can’t be sure of what the future holds for the both of you. I’d recommend you suggest him a therapist. You could be a good friend and provide him with emotional support.. only as long as you don’t get hurt in that process.
You can wait for him.. but will he be the same person you fell in love with? People change, things change, situations change.. you never know what will happen next. Take a break now and don’t particularly wait for him. Concentrate on yourself for now
Sounds like things are falling apart. You’ll most likely end up meeting another guy and cheating. It always happens. Happened to me three times before I quit having legit relationships/ relationships in general. I don’t even trust women enough to just be friends outside of work let alone in general. I’m sure I’m not the only one
This is a complicated situation... He is worried that because of his mental situation you might get hurt and even he is unsure about this emotion... Maybe getting mental medication would make him more articulate. Because right now he is not able to see things quite rightly
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1 y
Yeah, I feel like the only way things will work is if he gets professional help and there’s no telling when that would be since he’s so financially stressed right now.
He is going through a lot it seems. He can't even think what to actually do about the relationship because his mental health is all over the place. You can wait for him if you're really in love with him. But yeah, wouldn't expect him to be wanting to be together again when he's better. It's very complicated.
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Asker
1 y
Yeah, that’s very true. You’re right though, As much as I have hope that he’ll potentially seek some sort of treatment there’s still no guarantee that he’ll want to be together again once he’s better:/
okay... from an outsiders point of view i think he's breaking up with you. he's just trying to be nice about it. he also used you for happiness but it didn't work. he needs serious mental help. also, you can get a new place/new car while still being in a relationship. that's why relationships are team work... you work together to help get through. this dude... i would honestly just cut your losses.
He pretty much says it he believed getting with u would fix his depression where it won't and now he is deciding to do so and feels it will be easier without juggling a relationship I guess
if you need to have a "break", it essentially means the relationship is already over
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Asker
1 y
Yeah but obviously I want to have hope and breaks don’t always mean things are done for good since a proper break means temporarily taking a step back from the relationship w/ the intent to get back together :/
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