Feeling TERRIBLE. I love him but I don’t want a relationship with him?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating this guy for one year and he was my everything. My world revolved around him. I would wake up everyday feeling like the luckiest girl in the world because he was mine. I would obsessively stare at our pictures before I went to sleep. He was my bestfriend not only my partner. We text everyday 24/7 and tell each other everything. Seeing him was the highlight of my week. Sexual chemistry was powerful and sparks were so strong. A year into the relationship minor problems would appear between us, but none major enough for me to lose feelings. He was sometimes too dependent on me when it came to his job, or date plans, or getting in to clubs since I had the PR. He gamed a lot and was an introvert whereas I was a social extrovert. I had to lose many friends and sacrifice many fun plans to be with him. He had no friends, and even though he loves me, I would always question his feelings because he was a naturally cold person. He often ignored me on dates and his phone annoyed me a lot (football, bitcoin, games) even though we saw each other once a week. My parents disapproved because of our religions, so the relationship was a secret. He lived far away so we saw each other once a week. I was blind to these issues because I loved him. When summer started and he had to fast during Ramadan, I started to go out again by myself. It was then that I realized I was having fun without him. My old life was back. I would party, see old friends, go to the best places, check out other hot men. I felt terribly guilty when the realization kicked in (especially when I began to find other older men attractive). I never felt like this before, what was happening to me. I was happy with him. He was all that mattered. He was all I saw. So after a mental break down and depression I broke up with him. It broke me. He still talks to me everyday because he loves me, and I don’t want to imagine my life without him. But I don’t want to get back together. How does this make sense?

Updates

1 y

I feel terrible for leading him on. He still loves me and still has hope we will get back together. I am still sexually attracted to him, I still enjoy talking to him, yet I am enjoying my current freedom and don’t see myself in a relationship anytime soon. That is unfair to him. I feel terrible yet I don’t want to let him go.

[serious]

Well, I can understand but you have to make a choice. You either want to be with him or you should cease all contact and move on completely.

It is tough choice, given what you are saying but if you are really not enjoying the life with him despite being being good then ceasing all contact with him would make most sense.

You said it yourself, you started enjoying life without him, the biggest problem I could see here is that you are an outright social extrovert who needs people, friends, company and you need to go out whereas he is the polar opposite in this case. He seems like a indoor and homie type of guy who is just content playing video games, watching TV etc etc.

This I suppose you were not happy with yourself but still other things were good so it was good for your for a while. You both being polar opposites in this case does not do any good.

Now you must make a decision to either get back with him or you want to completely cease all contact with him. However, if you continue talking to him, you continue meeting and spending time with him will not do you any good. It will confuse you further and you will never be able to actually move on.

Hence take a call right away and live up to that decision. It is your life and it is your choice.

Good luck

[Asker]

Thank you it was a very tough call but I had to cut things off even though he did not take it well. It is better for the both of us. I think if I really loved him I would not even be asking myself this question.

[serious]

Correct. If you really loved him then you would not be asking this question

[Anonymous]

Please leave this poor man alone. Go have your happy life and laugh with your girlfriends and fuck other guys if you want. But leave him alone. If you break up with a man then break up with him. Don’t string him along and give him false hope. What the hell is wrong with you?

[LazerBean]

Infatuated is the correct word, not love. It sounds like he was a red flag from the beginning. Move on and do better next time.