Found out my ex is dating again. Advice on how to deal with it?

[Anonymous]

So me and this girl met in November, we started dating on new year's eve and eventually made our relationship official on Valentine's day.

Then seemingly out of the blue she dumps me in early April claiming that she's been trying hard but can't seem to fall in love me and the reason is that she's not fully moved on and healed from a toxic ex she's been out of touch with for a whole year.

I was devastated but I took the blow like a man and walked away to heal and work on myself.
(We have mutual friends so we remained kindof friends)

Last Sunday we met up for a coffee her me and some friends. But I got there early so it was just us for a while.
I asked why she didn't go out with us the night before and she hesitated and said she was busy. I was about to accept the answer but then she said it "I was on a date"

Those words cut through me like a knife.

[EricSummer]

I understand your disappointment. You had bought her excuse that she had not moved on, but suddenly she has no problem with dating.

Of course, some time has passed and maybe she really has moved on a bit more.

However, the typical reason would be that she simply needs someone who is more like her ex. She gave it a try with someone nicer like you, but you simply do not give her the thrill she craves.

Anyway, you are probably just fine for a different woman. Not all of them want the exact same type.

You should move on, too.

[Asker]

Thank you Eric.

This is the best answer I got so far. Very pragmatic but not necessarily negative towards me or her.

And you're right I did treat her better than her did and she admitted it.
Ironically it's not because I'm such an angel who's incapable of giving thrills. If anything I'm guilty of a lot of cheap thrills before her but for once I wanted to see what it was like to bond with someone in a healthy relationship.

I thought I moved on. I even hooked up with a girl since her but hearing that she's dating again brought back all these feelings made me feel like she was dumping me all over again.

[EricSummer]

I see. That's really ironic then and not exactly what I thought.

I hope you did not get discouraged from looking for a healthy relationship. The majority of women want that.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say I'm discouraged but i have doubts about the "majority"
Sure there are women out there who are willing to have a healthy relationship but it seems like most girls, at least those my age, are so messed up from poor parenting and relationships that they crave the chaos of the toxicity

[Fireguy17]

It happens, and yes it can sting but that is life.
We have all probably had that happen to us at some point.
Suck it up and move on with your life.
It will get better over time.

[Flower7]

It would be best to stop hanging out with the mutual friends. That seems to be the only way to completely get her out of your life and not have to hear any updates about what’s going on with her or who she’s dating.

[Asker]

That would be good advice but it's most of my friends and in your 20's you can't make new friends at the snap of fingers.
I used to make it a point never to date within a friend group. I broke this this rule and now I gotta pay for that it seems

[Lliam]

She moved on, so should you. It happens in relationships until you find the perfect match. But you had fun while it lasted.

[KrakenAttackin]

Of course she has a new man. She had him lined up before she dumped you and you are still giving her attention. You went from her boyfriend to just another simp on her friend zone bench, dude... stop. delete her from your life.

[dudeinohio]

She's your ex. Why do you care? Move on. Quit living in the past.

[Asker]

I guess it's not about living in the past and more about not liking how the present turned out.

Meaning she dumps me.
And now she's seeing someone.
And I'm not.
So she gets to have what we had with someone else, the attention the how was your days the what are you up to this weekend...
And I get a lot of solitude.
I know I'll eventually bounce back and meet someone else and my life is good but it just feels like dumping me was a win for her and a loss for me

[dudeinohio]

Well, you will find someone. Just takes time and patience.

[BlackJeep]

She was never into you. Move on.

[In_Trance]

Why would you give a shit?

[msc545]

Just dump her.