Anyone fall in love with someone else while married/in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I am married, we have kids and have been together 10 years. It’s turned into a very toxic marriage. I just keep getting hurt.
He belittles me, calls me a pathetic mother, says I need cosmetic surgery, has cheated on me.
I know I need to leave but I come from a broken home and I’m scared. I’m scared for my kids. That money will be tough.

I met someone, it’s just talking so far but god he is kind and makes me happy.

how does this work? Anyone left someone for another?

[Anonymous]

hope the next dude is rich because this will be a very rocky road for you and your kids... your kids will deal with it tough too. i dealt with my parents divorcing young and i'm still not over it and never will be at this point. but then again, your husband treats you awful and i just hope that the kids don't hear what he says to you because that can also be very damaging. you are in a very tough spot here.

as for the new dude, he needs to know everything. don't introduce your kids to him until you guys have been dating for quite awhile. a long while. this has to be a long term relationship because you don't want your kids to feel even more unstable as you go through guy to guy. i know there's no way to tell, but you need to make it clear you need something serious and long term and someone who knows how to deal with a single mom that will be going through a divorce, which is a lengthy process and comes with a lot of baggage.

i'm not completely sure you should instantly go into another relationship, tho... i think you need to really work on healing yourself first and make sure your kids are okay. they will get child support from him. and you'll likely get alimony, if you didn't sign a prenup. so you won't be completely torn from being able to live.

[Asker]

I don’t think I’ll be jumping from one to the other.
I don’t know if the other guy knows how I feel, if he feels the same, etc
But I’m just kinda focusing on myself and the kids now

[Opinion Owner]

good

[Anonymous]

I understand the struggle you're going through. I was married with three children for over 18 years. finally got my full divorce 6 months ago. It took over a year for it to be finalized. It was difficult breaking my three children away. Don't know how many kids you have involved

[Asker]

I feel alone all the time and like all I have is my kids.

[Opinion Owner]

What are the age range of your children

[Asker]

3 and 7

[Opinion Owner]

So you and him only have the two together

[Asker]

Yup, just two

[Opinion Owner]

What is the age you got between you and him

[Opinion Owner]

I know from my divorce things are different in other states I am from Oklahoma I don't know what state you're from

[Anonymous]

Well first of all if this man you’re talking to has any sense he’d steer clear of you. You have a lot of issues that need to be taken care of as far as your marriage, divorce, kids, etc. Can you honestly say you’d be ok w brining all this drama to a man who you say is kind and makes you happy? To put that responsibility on him? I know ultimately it’s his choice to take that on, but do you think you should give him that option knowing how much it is to deal w? You’re thinking more about yourself here. Not his well being or that if your kids really. Kids may not like you for taking them from their dad even if dad is a POS.

[Asker]

He probably doesn’t even know how I feel. It’s just talking.
I’m not involving him for all the reasons you said, assuming he feels the way I do, he’d probably try to help. But I need to figure me out first.

[Mach40]

It's not unusual to develop feelings for someone else in a troubled
marriage. Your situation is challenging, and you should prioritize your
well-being and your children's. Seek support from friends, family, or a
therapist. Consider legal advice, financial planning, and ensuring your
children's well-being. Leaving a toxic relationship can be tough but is a
step toward a healthier future for all of you. re-state://background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Asker]

That’s what I am doing
Im setting up therapy and just focusing on me and the kids.
They guy probably doesn’t know how I feel and im not gonna tell him like this.
My husband just doesn’t get any of this and just shuts down or acts out
So im just trying to get my Ducks in a row

[Mach40]

"You can engage in online therapy, and there are also plenty of free ways to seek help in forums. Simply ask questions about each thought and the needs to gain insight. Organizing your thoughts or tasks can be accomplished on a cellphone; you can open a document or use a task management app like Google Tasks (GTask). Seek assistance for each idea or issue, such as when your husband is shutting down. If you choose to seek help together, both of you can chat with a therapist at the same time using different cellphones and the Zoom platform. Alternatively, he can also chat with a therapist by himself through Zoom.

[Mach40]

The effectiveness of everyone's suggestions depends on the your specific situation and willingness to seek help.

[Apple1996]

Never been through this but you definitely need to leave if he's cheated. It's not worth staying together anymore

[Asker]

It’s hard to think it’ll be me to cause the pain now

[Anonymous]

Being together for 10 years is a long time to throw away. Do you ever think about the impact that it might have on the kids. With the cheating part I definitely understand where you're coming from. But as far as the cosmetic surgery you're probably a beautiful woman. What is your family's thought on this whole process

[Asker]

That’s all I think about and why I haven’t left. If we didn’t have kids I would have left when I found out about the cheating
I was pregnant when I did
No one knows

[Opinion Owner]

That is completely wrong that he cheated on you to begin with especially if you are pregnant with the child. Is he still cheating as of now

[Asker]

I genuinely don’t know.
It went on for four years with different women at the beginning.
He says no now.
But I really don’t know.

[KrakenAttackin]

Have you been nagging and disrespectful to your husband? I doubt he suddenly changed into an asshole. Don't use. your own bad behavior to justify cheating.

[Asker]

I’m afraid you have it backwards. He’s been cheating the whole time.

[Anonymous]

What are some of the toxic things that caused the relationship to fail

[Asker]

Cheating, being upset that I’m doing well at work because he’s not, his family are terrible to me
There’s a lot

[Opinion Owner]

What do you do for a living

[Asker]

I’m in IT, which is a heavily male dominated field and even that is a problem. He is upset I’ve done well

[Opinion Owner]

That is good that you are smart. So what are your plans to do from this point forward

[Asker]

I don’t know. I feel so lonely with him, I already feel alone. I have love for him but I’m not in love with him. I don’t want to hurt him or our kids or anyone but I feel like I’m living a lie. The other guy, who probably doesn’t even know my feelings doesn’t even come into the equation yet. That’s a whole separate thing.
Right now, I can barely look at my husband without crying. It just all feels wrong to keep pretending

[Opinion Owner]

Do you want to DM so we can talk more maybe I can help you with some of your situation

[Opinion Owner]

So pretty much you have feelings of love for him but that's about it. So you saying pretty much living in a Fantasyland. Otherwise the kids why are you still sticking around

[Asker]

The kids, the shame of a broken marriage and not wanting to hurt others are why I have stayed all this time

[Anonymous]

Yeah, have you ever tried to work it out with your husband? for the sake of your children. I know cheating is a hard thing to get over. But do you still love him or not

[Asker]

I’ve tried for 6 years to get past it all, but honestly he’s getting meaner and meaner because he is unhappy too

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about divorcing your husband?

[Asker]

Yes, but it’s scary

[Opinion Owner]

I understand.

[Asker]

I want to be happy. I want my kids to see me happy.
I don’t want to take them away from their father. He’s a decent dad but a terrible husband

[Opinion Owner]

Would he consider marriage counseling?

[Asker]

He’s a hot or down before and says I need therapy

[Asker]

Shot it*

[riverrat3]

Be careful, seek safety