Is this a sign my ex has feelings or wants nothing to do with me?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex work with each other and recently got into a huge fight. Our assistant manager told him to stay away from me. We’ve stopped all communication, blocked each other on all social media and no more after work calls for the last 2 weeks. We were toxic and kept going on and off for 3 years even when we promised to just be friends.

He did have to break the ice and speak to me the other day but since then he has been so off. I got the chance to speak to him today and just made small talk. I asked if he was angry at me and he said not at all, he just wants it to stay neutral between us and to not go back to what it was before and was told to stay away from me.

I told him I think the best thing we ever did was detach and stop the phone calls and that I’ve moved on and hope he has to and all he does is nod his head and will not give me actual worded answers or make eye contact with me like he use to.

Is this a sign that he hasn’t yet gotten over me so he doesn’t want to go too into depth or is it that he actually wants nothing to do with me?

[virtue2332]

Stop where you are at right there. Why do you need an exolanation. Take it at face value leave the man alone. You already said it was toxic and now are told to stay away from eachother. I hate to say this but you probably messed up and let a good guy go because if your need to make things more complicated than they need to be. He is a smart man that has genuine feelings but knows that as men we usually lose at this game. We end up being the bad guys. He know his job is on the line you know it's on the line because they probably fire him but there you are trying to stretch out any contact with him that you can. Maybe all you deserve is a head nod. That's kinda sad because if you think about it that's all a scared hostage does is non verbal. I only say this because you are the one trying to get information and telling us he is trying not to respond. That makes you in the wrong. He doesn't owe you anything it was Toxic Move on

[virtue2332]

I also want to point out that although my spelling and grammar are atrocious in that rant. It's not easy on this phone with a sketchy auto correction enabled. Back to a point I want to make. Some of you guys see a pretty girl in that picture and are being soft because of it. If you haven't seen Shallow Hal watch it and it should offer some perspective.

[Asker]

And I’d hate to say this but you’re making a lot of assumptions on something you know nothing about. If you actually read what I said, he was told to leave ME alone. However, we are still working together. We cannot just ignore each other. He spoke to me first last week, so all I did was ask if he was okay and told him I think we made a good decision. “Let a good guy go” lol if only you knew. But hey you can make any assumption you’d like.

[Asker]

And to try and make him sound like a victim by comparing him to a scared hostage? Give me a break. He always nods his head like because he cannot communicate properly. But he was always ready to communicate when it was time to start arguments with me at the workplace or get jealous that I was speaking to other guys and trying to move on. He also has some pretty extreme narcissistic tendencies , but yeah keep assuming he’s the victim. There’s a reason why his job is on the line and not mine, and it isn’t because he’s the guy. It’s because he’s nuts. And it’s totally okay for him to be told in the past to stay away and then call me on No Caller ID? Since you know so much about the situation lol? I said those things to him because even after everything we went through I still care for him.

[virtue2332]

Slow down I'm not trying to get dragged into your toxic relationship web of wonder. I'm just giving you an opinion take from it what you want. You are 100 percent correct I am making a lot of assumptions and I apologize if I'm wrong. I didn't make any of these assumptions with no information. So I'll tell you how I made these assumptions I'm not saying they are 100 percent correct but they are 100 percent based on your history of questions and comments. I get it if you're the person in the photo you are a pretty girl. That's why some of this comes as a surprise to you. People don't tell you the truth or you get the benefit of the doubt. It's pretty girl vs man she says is a narcicist. I'm not saying you are lying. I only have what's available. So I always say let's assume he is everything you said. Then logically why not just move on you shouldn't have any issue based on looks. So why does this girl put up with this? I see red flags and they don't usually end good. So I looked at your history of questions and coments. I've been married over 20 years and I have 3 daughters 26, 14, 10. Toxic relationships scare dads. I'm not against you I want you to win. I hope you both win independently. What signs do you need?

[virtue2332]

There are times in life when you just cut ties cut your losses and move on with zero explanation. Put it this way let's say you are somewhere and you hear gunshots going off and see people running. I hope you won't hear those shots and go why are people running as you look around asking who's shooting why do you think they are shooting? Do you think they are shooting at us or someone else? If he's shooting at me do you think he hates me or could he just be doing that to get my attention? I know it's dramatic but you say this relationship is toxic, You say he has a personality disorder. You say you have been going on again and now it's escalated and affecting work. That's all risk no reward bullets flying you're not running. Who to say you communicating with him gets you both fired? It could be enough to lose it. You don't see any danger in that? You keep poking at a snake you get bit.

[Asker]

I put up with it because I cared for him and we had a lot of good memories as well but yes it is a red flag because I should love myself enough to just let go. I’ve always had trouble letting go. It’s also been a cycle for 3 years (caused by HIM coming back ) so it is hard to let go. He’s slipped up too, it isn’t only me and I’m not trying to instigate an argument but because he was in my life for so long, when I see him upset it still affects me and makes me want to ask what’s wrong. I still catch him staring at me all the time and then he looks away quickly. Everyone has told me they still see him looking at my phone when he’s standing behind me, because I’m sure he doesn’t like the fact that I’m trying to move on and I’ve felt him staring at my phone many times this week as well. All of these things sometimes give me hope that maybe he cares enough about me that things can be resolved even though I know they can’t. And my problem is I do overanalyze things because when someone is a bad communicator , it’s my brain’s way of trying to make sense of the interaction so I can try to move forward but I guess I need to realize he will never give me the answers I want. I’m sorry that I was so defensive. I come here to ask questions because I don’t want to bother the people in my life or my coworkers with this stuff especially because I know none of them like him.

[virtue2332]

No that's fine. You say you know he won't give you the answers you want. You should be more concerned that he does give you the answers you want for the wrong reason. I've also been in a toxic relationship when I was younger all my fault jealousy and insecurities. I ruined that relationship but it was easy because I was in the military and came back to the states she stayed in Japan. Look at me know I've been married for over 20 years my ex also the mother of my oldest needed that space away from eachother. It allowed me to find my wife. My ex and I are friends know. I analyze everything too and the reason why it didn't work was because I admitted already that I was young and insecure but it was also the fact that we didn't balance out. We were not capable of communicating in a way that we heard eachother. She had habits, she was from the south and I'm from Ca., that magnified my insecurities. Things that were normal for her just triggered me. It wasn't her fault it was more of how I was raised and brought up. My wife know understood because we were from the same background and because of this it wasn't an issue I was able to grow and find my way. It was just a deeper connection where the first one was based on sexual attraction. I think back and we were just friends and co-workers that hooked up. It was close but it didn't work and would never work relationship-wise. When it's right there are more things pushing a relationship together than pulling it apart and those are things you just know you wouldn't have to question it. It always takes effort but you find things to agree on vs the things you disagree on. Like I said I'm a girl dad and my dad was the only boy so I'm surrounded by women on all sides.

[virtue2332]

I've seen toxic relationships lead to domestic violence issues that slowly brewed and boiled over quickly. I just teach my girls to move on and it's could be as simple as risk vs reward. I see a lot of risk in your situation and it could be just a paranoid Dad talking but it could go bad fast it could be one thing and who knows. I wish you luck trust me when I say there is someone else waiting you just have to cut ties. When my first relation ended and my daughter was in a different country I didn't think I was going to make it through it. I did and we all are doing just fine one day at a time. Life's too short to waste time dealing with drama.

[Asker]

Thank you for all your advice and sharing your experiences with me. I’ve definitely moved on from the relationship aspect. We actually broke up a few months ago but even remaining friends would just lead back to the same thing and he’d always call me which made it feel like we never broke up so I think this time he’s just scared to have really any interaction because he can’t help himself and has very obsessive tendencies, and really anything we do brings feelings back immediately. I saw the hurt in his face when he told me he needs to leave me alone, I know he’s hurting but I don’t think he wants to get into it and I need to learn to respect that and not always try digging for answers. And thank you for wishing me luck. I wish the same for you. I will continue to move forward with my life and try my best to avoid any unnecessary interaction with him.

[virtue2332]

That's all we could ever do is continue to move forward in life and share some experiences along the way. I think the goal in the end would be to have as many good days that it takes to forget the bad.

[molonski2]

I think his reaction says it all , I think he is happy with the split , maybe a little sad at same time , but yeah he has faced reality , but part of him is reluctant , I think beyond that it doesn't matter too much.

[Asker]

We broke up a few months ago and tried to stay friends and it literally just led to the same thing every time and then the arguments started again so I think we both just realized it’s enough. I would say I am happy that there is no arguing anymore but sad that I lost a friend. This was his and my longest relationship by far and we did everything together.

[molonski2]

Well , you know Strawberry , sometimes its just like that , you just clash , you know? And to create change would just be too too far , I've been in circumstances like this , its hard , part of you loves them , part of you despises them , that feeling of anger where your " blood boils " and you are verbally aggressive , thats not healthy for anyone...
So , you just have to say , " Look he had great taste , for sure --BUT the negative outweighs the positive " - You get me?

[Asker]

I completely agree , I don’t want to be unhappy and I don’t want him to be unhappy either. It just hurts. We had a friendship before we started dating and spent everyday of Covid during together and he always said if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have survived that because he was so depressed. I know what he meant by saying he doesn’t want it to go back to how it was before. We are the kind of exes that if you start talking it’s like you somehow end up together or intimately involved again. It was just a toxic cycle.

[molonski2]

And I can 100% understand the pain , I had a relationship like this when I was very young around 20 , I still know her now ! That is really great ( at my age ) , but it was horrible , always bloody massive arguments , you just can't live this , its too painful.
He is a great guy , you are a great girl , but for whatever reason ( despite great passion ) you just can't live together , without this toxic environment.

[Asker]

My assistant manager keeps saying eventually he’s going to try and contact me because he’s obsessive like that. He’s still staring at me at work, and they all say I was all he had (which is true) and there’s a reason no girl stayed more than a month with him and that he absolutely doesn’t deserve me so I’m sure he will realize one day when it’s too late. 😂😂😂

[Asker]

This could be why he looks so depressed T work now and he use to call me like 5 times a night for 3 years, so I always wonder what he's doing now to replace that lol but oh well

[molonski2]

5 times a night? Sorry , that's just utter intrusion , the guy has some serious problems of insecurity.

[molonski2]

He is one sick Puppy this guy - Sorry , but he is , what a nutjob , but he has good taste.

[Asker]

LOL yup so we can give him that but yeah I think I was just stupid for 3 years. That’s why I said, up until 2 weeks ago we spoke every single night on the phone and if I wouldn’t answer he’d call over and over. Not sure he has anybody to do that with anymore and not really sure why I allowed that. That’s why I’m thinking he’s acting like this now to really try and distance himself because he knows he cannot control himself.

[molonski2]

With all due respect , if I were you , and I had some idiot calling me like that ( I have had prior ) that spells CONTROL FREAK ! Its not remotely healthy , serious you should have berated him for that behavior. He has some problems , serious problems.

[Asker]

I know I agree. Lol well his loss. 😇😂

[molonski2]

Tick ! Thumbs up

[NathanDavis]

it's a very clear sign that he's still a very toxic person

[TaureanBull81]

It's still very clear on his end that he has issues to work through and is trying to be civil.

[Jerre]

I think he may want to be a friend solely for sex. I would find anew male friend.

[Asker]

How did you get that from this interaction lol

[Bklynbadboy12]

At this point does it matter this thing you two have is toxic your a pretty girl stop wasting time with this dude and move on

[dudeinohio]

That is why you never date co workers.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Sounds like he's just trying to move on too.