Do I have a right to feel the way I do?

[lexih_919]

So this guy I been with for a year and 7 months has been getting fights with me and told me he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. That I’m nothing like him and his type. Then he tells me he loves me and he can’t picture a life without me. That I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I just feel so heartbroken and hurt. I been crying everyday and throwing up but he said he wants to work things out. I love him but I’m hurt.

Updates

2 mo

Also he wanted one of his female friends back that I don’t trust bc I heard a rumor that they slept together in the past but he said I need to be more trusting and accepting of her. So I let him have her back. So I don't know anymore.

Updates

2 mo

Him and I would text everyday for a year and 8 months and made memories of going to the lake and going out to eat and other things and he said that meant nothing to him then he says the memories we share are important

[JoePro_]

He's either bipolar, or he's like me and has a food allergy.

For a long time, I had a really short temper, I would flip at the dumbest most unimportant things, and it would usually fall onto someone I was dating. Out of anger, I'd say things I didn't mean, but it was something that was part of my inability to think and regulate my temper, thoughts and feelings.

That said, I tried some diets once, to see if any helped me "feel" healthier. One of them said "no dairy" and so I stopped dairy for several months. In less than a week or two, my temper was entirely gone. When I later started drinking/eating dairy again, it came back. I did this a few time, off and on, to see if it was really the dairy itself, because at first I couldn't believe it. I thought the whole time that there was just something wrong with me, not something wrong with what I was eating. Sure enough, it was the dairy.

There's a protein in it called A1 Casein. It's been tied to mood disorders in some people.

I work in the mental health field and one of the therapists here heard my story, and related that she has a niece who's been having similar rage situations. After hearing my story, she recommended the "no dairy" for her niece, and her rage went away just the same as mine.

Makes you wonder how much of our mental health is tied to our dietary health.

I think you're valid for feeling confused and heartbroken. If you're willing to work with him, you might try the dietary approach first. There are lots of foods known to cause "inflammation", milk being one of them. You might talk about this with him, if it's important to him to not unload his anger on you. You might also consider talking to a dietician, and a therapist. See if he's willing to do these things for you.

If he's not willing to do this, then he's not willing to change. And my best recommendation is to move on. Don't let him break you more than he already has. You don't want to carry these traumas into your next relationship with a guy who might be great.

If he is willing to do this, then consider it a good sign that he recognizes he has a problem, and does care about you, and wants to find a way to change and be better for you.

Best of luck to you!

[Flatmanlewis]

Okay. So, you came here for opinions and I’m going to give them to you as directly and strongly as possible.
First, and most importantly: You have a right to feel however you feel. Period.
Second, the fact that this person has succeeded in making your doubt your own reality and feelings is pure manipulation.
Third, you have a right to feel however you feel.
Fourth, a man who truly loves and cares for you DOES NOT act this way. The words he is using to contaminate and confuse the situation don’t matter. “I want to do whatever the hell I please even if it hurts you BUT I love you and want to spend a future with you” IS NOT a viable option for life.
Fifth, you have a right to feel however you feel.
Sixth, a man with character can have women in his past and yet recognize that once you have crossed certain lines it is simply a change in the chemistry and there is no returning to a place of “we’re friends”. If and when you enter into a romantic relationship with a new woman these previous flings (be they one time experiences or they were friends with benefits) simply do not get to make the transition into your new life. Men of substance understand this. You don’t get to move into a new phase of life and cling to your old one entirely. Those who insist on it are immature and are not growing up as an adult male should.
Lastly, and most importantly, you have a right to feel however you feel.


My simplified advice: Leave him at once and spend some time building your own sense of self worth and value.

[HelpfulWoman]

take a hint. his nasty side is the true side. cut ties with him completely

[OlderAndWiser]

He may lust for you, he may want you, and he may need you, but his behavior shows that he does not love you. You have no reason to expect him to change, so you shoud ask yourself: do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? Do you want him to be the role model for your future sons? Is this your idea of a happy life?

[OlderAndWiser]

Response to update: he has shown you that he speaks without sincerity and you cannot trust his words to be truthful.

[RavVid]

Look very carefully at what causes the fights. We all have an intuitive concept of what a good partner is and I think it are breaches of our 'good partner image'. It is so intuitive it may not be conscious.

For example if I cooked I would serve the food. One girlfriend would cook but she would not serve. When she said serve yourself it jarred. Spoiled the nice gesture of cooking for me. I had never experienced someone cooking but not completing the gesture by serving. It was just manners to me.

We did have a fight later about something else. If it makes sense, I had the thought 'bad rude girlfriend' already in the back of my mind so inconsideration was going to spill over.

I think a lot of couple fights can be about an outward manifestation and the underlying is discussed.

I think a good question to your partner - hopefully before the fight gets going in earnest - is 'What would a good girlfriend/boyfriend do'. You have a chance of finding the underlying issue then. With that girlfriend I would have said you appear rude to me and inconsiderate and maybe she could have fixed it.

[OtterMan68]

dump him and run as fast and as far away as possible.
If he's mean to you, and then apologizes, and you take him back and he's mean to you again, he won't stop as long as you keep taking him back
BREAK IT OFF ASAP!

[boggboss]

Yes u have the right to feel ant way you choose and sound like you have a partner thats a clown

[boggboss]

U sound like you just allow him yo manipulate u and treat u like shit do u think this will end happy or good

[boggboss]

OK so what are u asking he is good at manipulating u

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think you should take a break until he decides what he wants to do in life.

[Anonymous]

Dude is toxic asf. You can do better.. you are going to destroy yourself and your mental health by tolerating this.. do yourself a favor and leave this boy..

[noohair]

I am not a doctor. Sounds like a very sick person that needs mental health care.

[eagle1951]

runn