My boyfriend passed away, I don’t think I’ll be happy with anyone else?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I were together a year and a half. We’ve had ups and downs, near the end of our time together we had some rough times and he needed to work on some things. He had bipolar and when things were rocky I wasn’t sure what to do but put my foot down if he wanted to work on things then I wanted him to take initiative. I have two children of my own and he was a father to them. We broke up, and from our last break up I assumed he knew the problem. When we got back together last time I said if he can’t work on these issues then it’ll be over. I just wanted him to try and I knew he was capable. We broke up and I moved my things out of the house.. a week goes by I noticed he was drinking I told him to calm down on being reckless and be careful. A day goes by and he hung himself at the house alone just our dog there with him. That’s when I found out his “friends” at the bar he would go told him I cheated on him and all of these nasty rumors. I had no idea because me and him were distant at the time. They blamed me for his suicide. Then I found out that his bar friends saw him crying, drunk, drooling on himself at the bar and his “brother” had a random girl drive him home.. if only I knew all of this before I would have tried to help him. I’m so angry and hurt. I wanted him to try and work together so we can be back together. Now I’m going to be alone, I don’t want anyone else. I’m only 26

I can’t picture marrying anyone or loving anyone the way I loved him. I wish I could rewind time. There’s so much I didn’t know. And I was waiting for him to step up and get himself together.. I didn’t know he was that low. I wish he didn’t hang out at that bar but I work there some nights I know he was trying to feel better but the alcohol had his mind fogged. Not sure what I’m looking for on here.. I’m just lost.

[Summeroflove]

This is really one of the worst things I think someone can go through especially if you had kids together then loosing their father is super hard. I don’t know if you ever cheated on him or not but if you were loyal and they claimed that you cheated that’s called slander and defamation you need to seriously get a lawyer and sue the absolute shit out of everyone who intentionally spread malicious lies about you. Regardless of what you did, it’s too late to take it back now.

Self perseveration I think you had to do what was best for yourself as well as your children. I think you seen the good in him and knew that if he really wanted to do better he could but you can’t force someone to change. Many people try to change someone or rescue someone from themselves and end up being taken advantage of as well as used as a enabler. I’m not saying that is what he was doing by any means but it happens all the time.

What the future holds I have no idea but you need to process this grief and not worry about looking for someone else unless and until you’re ready. Don’t force yourself to date someone because not only is it not good for yourself it’s not fair to that other person either if you’re not ready as well as haven’t moved on.

Loosing someone you cared about is traumatic as well as I’m sure there is incredible guilt on your heart. If you feel like somehow someway you caused this. If you were loyal to him, loved him, and did the best you could for him. That’s all you could have done I can understand feeling that way and honestly I probably would too.

You're someone with empathy and genuine love someone who doesn’t have either of those things wouldn’t care they would only care about preserving their own self image. But that isn’t what you’re trying to do.

If someone just immediately moved on I would be concerned as well about that too. You can’t if you have empathy just move on from someone like this it may take years and maybe you never will find someone else. But you may at some point find someone you truly love as well. You can cross that bridge when you get to it. You need professional help and to allow yourself to feel the grief. The guilt, sadness, depression, anger, the pain, and everything. People who don’t allow themselves to process these things never heal.

I don’t know what the future holds for you. But your children and their well being should be the number one concern. They are going to need a lot of love and support as well as you are.

[Summeroflove]

Some people spread lies too because of envoy. They hated seeing he had someone who loved him. Again, I’m only assuming you never cheated.

But they just hate seeing two people happy together. Maybe there is a chance someone told them something that wasn’t true and relayed it to him. But I would be furious too if someone had accused me of doing something so horrible that I never did that lead to someone committing suicide.

At the end of the day. I don’t think there was anything you could do. If the relationship was toxic you did what was best for both yourself and him. So you could be happy. His self destructive behaviors you can’t stop no matter how hard you try.

People only change when they want to and are willing to. Many people like I said try forcing it and it never works

[Asker]

I was always loyal. When we broke up I had a customer from the bar text my phone and ask if I was going to be at work and he might have seen that but I would never cheat. He seemed to have gotten really paranoid near the end and now it makes sense why he was so convinced our break up was because he thought I was seeing someone else. And I’m not sure how the lawyer part goes I don’t have the physical evidence, I just have a mutual friend said that people at the bar told him these horrible things saying that I “laughed at him” one night when I worked and he was crying at the bar. Someone said they saw me leave with a customer which is not true. I don't know what he could have been hearing I’m sure worse things. I don't know how to go to court with that. His “best bro” works there too and he keeps sharing crap on Facebook saying women don’t care about men’s mental health and that women “lie and cheat” so I know he hates me and believes I did those things. But he was the love of my life I just wanted him to improve himself but it went the complete opposite direction.

[Asker]

My children and I plan to move a few hours away to be in the same city as his family, so we have more support and he loved our children so much so I know he’d be happy that we are near his family.

[Summeroflove]

Asker that’s horrible and not all women are narcissistic like that. I sense a STRONG envious bone in his body. Especially if he knew deep down that you loved him and was loyal.

If he wanted that kind of relationship or even secretly wanted you I don’t know. But I would consult with one and see about if there is a means to gather evidence. Check your recording laws in your state and see if someone can get him talking on recording

[Summeroflove]

I do believe you were loyal. If you had seen someone during the time you broken up that’s a lot different. But some people get envious and jealous of someone else.

Seems like he’s been hurt by people. And… This is what he resorts to when he sees someone with soemoem who does care

[Summeroflove]

Well asker I’m glad about that I’m glad you all have support. I don’t know what the future holds you shouldn’t worry about finding someone else unless and until you start finding yourself genuinely attracted to someone.

Some people will go date and even have sex to fill a void. But I promise that makes things worse. You’ll know when you know. Focus on what’s important in the moment. Focus on grieving.

[LiamJHayden]

Take the time to heal and then be open. With eight billion people on the planet, I suspect that there is someone who will love and cherish you when you are ready.

[slatyb]

Wow, I'm so sorry. Eventually you will likely meet someone, but it may not be soon.

[Anonymous]

Why are they so special