Moving on from my ex, and now she's trying to make my life miserable?

[Anonymous]

I recently went through a very difficult break-up. It's been a few months and I'm slowly getting to the point where I'm moving on from the relationship. I'm not entirely over her, but I'm enjoying being single again.

The problem is: ever since I stopped trying to pull her back into my life, she's started spreading rumors about me to all of our mutual friends.

I realize that if I was over her, this shouldn't bother me. But, we had known each other for a while before we started dating, so it's kind of messed up to act like this. Before anyone tries to make me seem like a jerk, she dumped me and I never cheated.

What's her deal?

[Ashmo13]

I totally understand where your coming from! I went through a rough break up with my ex recently also; I caught myself crawling back to him when I missed him, but you can't do that. I wish I could have him at times, but I was to insecure in the situation because I also thought my ex was cheating on me. Her deal is that she wants you but doesn't want to go through the 'cycle' again. (the cycle of feeling that insecurity and being confused). She is playing it safe by being away from you but she deep down inside wanted you all along. In time will she only be able to see that you two just needed space or maybe you really did just need to be with different people. Its rough, but time will tell; Everything happens for a reason! If you want her back then you should ask her what's going on and if there is anyway you can help her. If you don't want her, then you should just let her find out for herself that she made the mistake. Your friends shouldn't matter; if they believe the rumors and not you, then they really aren't your friends. Only you know what you really did. I hope it works out for the better! (p.s. I still wish my ex hadn't mislead me to thinking that he cheated, because he said I was someone he wanted to marry, and when he said that still haunts my brain; I wish we could've been what we should have been). Hang in there lol

[NotSoSuper]

It's a girl thing. No matter who is to blame for the break up, girls a bitchy creatures by nature and we tend to hurt people in sneaky, psychological ways. On behalf of the female population, I'm sorry she's treating you like this, especially if she has no right to!

It's basically lashing back at the break up. That's what we've been taught to do: make it a dramatic situation. If she's acting like this, she clearly wasn't worth your time anyway. However, have you considered speaking directly to her about the matter? Just maybe telling her (calmly and nicely, so as not to provoke her further) that she's acting in a completely unacceptable manner?

But it shouldn't bother you or your friends. I've just been through almost the same thing with a guy, and it made me realize who my real friends are. So take it as an opportunity. Your real friends know who you are and will realize what's going on, especially if you speak to them about it. Friends who aren't real (like one of mine) will probably just start swearing at you and bad-mouthing you. And, quite frankly, do you really want a friend that believed in you that little? I think not.

I think that even if you were over her, it would still bother you. It's hurtful to see anyone spreading rumours about you when you feel you haven't done anything wrong!

[Asker]

Well, if it's like the answer above yours says, then confronting her about it is just going to give her what she wants. :/

[NotSoSuper]

Yeah, to be honest you should probably just ignore it. She'll get over it.. eventually.

Gosh, sorry, girls like that just really make me mad! >.<

[Asker]

lol, thanks. To be honest though, there were some red flags about how she dealt with other exes that I should have noticed.

[NotSoSuper]

Well, you've learnt to look for them now. Write it down as experience and you'll avoid another situation like that in the future. You'll never learn if you don't make mistakes, right? I'm sure you came out of it with at least some nice memories, anyway (or at least I hope so)!

[ArtistBboy]

Exactly; nice answer. The thing I would like to add is that by focusing on all the drama in this situation, you will repel both old friends and new acquaintances - no one likes drama. Even if you don't necessarily speak up about this situation directly, it will rub off that you are bothered by what she is doing. I'd also like to add that if you follow what NotSoSuper is suggesting that you are basically showing you are immune to her bullsh*t behavior. Doing so makes you feel and look superior.

[Asker]

Thanks for the comment. That's a really good point.

[candy247]

you said it all girl. good job!

[truebuddy]

if you are feeling miserable then it is just the part of karma, just face it elegantly and soon you find relief . may be you are at least one percent wrong and you have to face its reflections that come upon you, the moment you feel positive strength in you its the moment you over come this issue and her negative behavior have no strength but just to shut her mouth up. Just have patience.

[Asker]

That's deep. Thanks.

[Kittie]

This similar event happened to me. On a civil matter and only at it's earliest stages you should tell the attacker to stop, and if they still don't ignore them. If time already passed by it's best to keep ignoring them since their attacks may become more dramatic because they are getting desperate.

Keep in mind that usually it takes 9 months for the crazy ones to finally stop trying. Plus karma seems to make them suffer during that time too, that's why they try so hard to make you suffer with them. Those kinds of people either truly believe they're not at fault, is obsessed of their hopes about getting redemption, or loves getting attention from their ex.

I hope she stops soon or people don't buy into her shenanigans.

[Asker]

Yeah. She had a tendency to bad mouth her exes.

[Anonymous]

Sorry this happened to you I really am I went through a breakup myself and meaningful relationships are hard to walk away from it almost feels like your chest is caved in and then to finally be able to stand up on your own two legs and turn around and see that dispite it all she can't take and remember the good things of the relationship is just adding insult to injury I know its hard but its even harder if you stay confided get out there meet new people friends and relationship wise and talk to the people closest to you its easier going threw something with support and just start living life to the fullest live it for you and maybe next time she see's you having a goodtime and able to be yourself she'll see what she missed out on I wouldn't wish a pain like this on my worst enemy and I sure hope and believe that you can come out on top and with a new perspective on life its hard but stay true to yourself

[titoloco]

Happens to the best of us dude. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, you just have to wait until the smoke clears out to see who is left standing at the end.

the mental image I get from your story is a little chiwawa barking to get his cookie but it's simply out of reach because I have it in my hands and I'm teasing it by approaching it close to the mouth and then when he bites to reach, the cookie get's out of the way...hahahah.

[Anonymous]

yo , I've been through this and i know a girl who has put someone through this.

i asked her directly because i wanted to know what my ex was thinking on her end, this is what she told me, and the reason why she went so hostile

she said that she dumped him , the break up wasn't good, she felt that he wasn't pulling his weight, he felt she wasn't. he begged for her , she didn't budge, she instead jumped right to another man.

she did it because she wanted to hurt him. and that was the nastiest way she knew how.

she said jumping to another man instantly while her ex was hurting was like a boost of adrenaline and pain reliever.

3 years later, she tried to sabotage him when he started moving on, he cut the last tie between them. she said she felt rage and panic and in the heat of the moment tried to put him in jail.

deep down she just didn't want him to move on, she expected him to stay put.

now years have gone by and she's more grown, she knows that she was nasty , and that she was making his life hell. but her bandiad of a rebound fell off and shit didn't know how to deal with the sudden pain, so to level the pain, she brought her ex down to her level

[ashleynatasha]

mean any mutual friend that listens to her isn't your true friend anyway!if I was your friend id say "hey he is a good guy I want to stay mutual don't drag me in this"so don't stress about that if you have a real friend they would back you up! I think she is not to happy with breaking it off! it sounds like she still thinks of you ..i wonder what her deal is! I would confront her ..i mean in some cases you can't trust everyone ..id just get to the source of the problem try to squash it!say hey sorry we didn't work I wanted to be with you ..y are you spreading these rumors ?what do you have to loose !hpe I helped

[Anonymous]

i'm sorry that happened to you and that is not fair at all. that's very immmature and pathetic of her to spread rumors about you after she dumped you. as if everyone doesn't know what her intention is. to hurt you. she sounds very vendictive and if I were you I'd be counting my blessings that you don't have that bitch nitemare in your life anymore. you're friends will always be your friends and the interesting thing is that they told you what she's doing. I'm pretty sure she's lost a lot of respect from people for doing that to you not to mention she has no self-respect. take care and only worry about your actions that only you can be accountable for. I'd never to thalk to her again either.

[BirdofParadise]

She's upset that you've stopped trying to get her back... even thought she broke up with you, she still wants you to want her. She is spreading these rumors hoping to get a reaction from you, the best thing you can do right now is ignore it and not let her know its bothering you. She will stop.

[Asker]

This is probably going to seem offensive, but are most girls really that desperate for an ego boost?

[BirdofParadise]

Its not a girl thing or an ego boost thing, its a reaction to losing you and the attention you gave her. Right now, bad ideas (like bad mouthing you) seem like good ideas so she is acting on then.

[Asker]

I get what you're saying... I think. hahaha.

[Anonymous]

Take this as a blessing in disguise. At least she's helping you move on all that much quicker because how can you feel for someone like that. Don't let her see any kind of reaction out of you. Go on as if it doesn't faze you & it will eat at her. Women can't stand it when you are over them or not attracted anymore so they lash out. Best revenge is do nothing & be happy she is out of your life.

[Blankname1]

I agree!

[laysea]

What kind of rumors is she starting? Are they rumors that are actually affecting your life? Also, do your friends believe these rumors? If they do, honestly maybe it's time for new friends... One of the best ways to move on from someone is to completely cut ties to them. Unfortunately if you have mutual friends, sometimes that means moving on from those friends as well. Good luck man.

[martyfellow]

Shes just vindictive and thiks she neeeds to blame you for what happened instead of just letting it go. Many people are like this.

I'm afraid you have to respond and tell your friends she is just getting even with with you in her imaginary verion of what happened. I think most of them will understand. If they haven't seen that themselves, they have certainly heard all about it.

[bodhi926]

sounds like she's pissed and this is revenge, did she cheat on you and that is why you spilt? either way you know the truth, get all your facts straight and when you see her with people you know she has been spreading rumors too, confront her with the facts only, not a yelling match, just prove your point about how she's not telling the truth and how you can prove she is liying, sorry to say they can be vindictive as hell

[hakuna_matata]

she is immature. just be glad you got rid of her. her actions have only helped you to realize that you can do much better! so just ignore her... tell your friends the truth... don't spread rumours about her at all... in fact perhaps you can say things like "i understand breakup can make some people act like it...nothing against her..she is just sad and upset that things have moved on" .nothing will irk her more than your sympathy.lol

[martyfellow]

People usually resent the time they 'wasted' with their ex, and act in vindictive ways, trying to 'get even' for their disappointment.

This happes reagardless of who is at fault, or even if no one is at fault...stilll people will tend to blame others for their problems, and exes are convenient targets!

AS you say, when you're over her, it won't bother you. Take this behavior as a signal that it's OK to move on totally!

[MissTustin2011]

She is bitter that you are moving on. If she had moved on then she wouldn't be saying these things. This just shows her immaturity and she needs to grow up. Some girls will make things up to make themselves look good. It is the typical narcissist personality. In her mind she does not wrong and everything is your fault. I know this doesn't make sense to you but that doesn't matter for her. For her it is about winning and getting everyone on her side. The best thing to do is be the bigger person and just tell people you don't care what she says. You know that truth and that is all that matters. In the end her lies will come out.

The best thing to do is just forget her and hang out with your friends a lot. I recommend changing the subject anytime a friend tries to talk about her. Also get rid of anything that she gave you, well that is if you plan on not getting back with her.

[torch1]

she's not getting attention from you anymore and this upsets her. so now she's using others to get your attention in hopes you will call her and ask her about it. She likes the attention of being wanted and you not doing this anymore so it upsets her. I'm not saying she likes you are wants you back. only she really knows that.. But what is known is she doesn't like it when she has no attention.

[Anonymous]

Hey, good for you for moving on! It takes a lot of willpower to do it, I know. Id just keep right on moving on and being happy. Usually this does happen, when you finally move on from a relationship, the ex seems to creep back into your life. Id say she was enjoying the misery she thought you were in when you were in the process of getting over her, and now that you are happy, it pisses her off, and she's spreading rumors about you to spite you. Just try and ignore her and continue to move on.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

I have been in a similar situation and it sucks.

Passing rumours is going to make her look bad, not you. I don't know what her deal is because I can only relate to your side of the story but keep taking the high road because in the end she is the one who is making herself look bad. The only people who will take her side are people who you don't want in your life, not because they took her side because they will believe anything that is said about anyone.

[Anonymous]

Ignore her. My Ex did the same to me. She aborted our child so she could have a chance at college and a life. I stood behind her and she turned it all against me. A year later she still tries to hold me down with guilt while she is out sleeping with anyone and now engaged to someone else. Every time I try to even date anyone she spreads rumors and makes me the bad guy. It got to the point I had to move to another state to get away from it.

Best thing you can do is move on.

[Serotriptomine]

Yeah. Sounds like a waste of space if she's going to be immature enough to spread rumors.

And if those rumors influence what your "friends" think of you, then they aren't worth having in the first place.

[Brianna2010]

Girls like to make guys feel like you miss us and that you should feel like poop for not being with us. Even if we dumped you, we want you to know that your miserable without us. Obviously it isn't over in her eyes. I suggest talking it out.

[6Paul11]

You know what they say... "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

It's true. She's a bitc h. Let it blow over. You'll find a better girl in no time.

[darkraven]

She's bitter your getting over her and is probably regretting letting you go. Or she's just a spiteful bitch.

[truebuddy]

2nd one is right: bitterness = no love, ego, selfish, mean...

[AmberChick]

You should ask her, there can be a number of reasons of why she is doing the things she does, we can only guess but she would know