Why is he trying to make her keep it a secret now?

[Anonymous]

My ex is in jail and currently reached out to me from jail wanting to talk.. and I told him that I saw that the current girl said they were getting married and he blew it off but I told him I didn’t want him reaching out anymore and that when he gets out don’t come looking for me.. he said it hurt hearing me tell him I don’t want nothing to do with him but why would I he is supposedly getting married.. anyways I said I’m ending the call.. if I ever bump into you in person it’s no bad blood I’ll at least say hi and keep it moving.. so as the call was doing a countdown to end he said “ I love you” and of course I still love him so I said I love you back and it hung up.. that was a week ago.. fast forward to today my sibling and his sibling are best friends so my sibling was with his sibling today at his moms house and the current girlfriend came around venting.. she said now he wants her to keep the wedding a secret and the RS a secret and to stop posting about it on social media she said she that she don’t want to have a wedding she can’t post about.. she is extremely mad.. my sibling said she never said a word that they just listened to her.. my thing is do you think he is telling her that because of me? Cause what the heck

[WaterIsland]

So the “I love you” thing. From a pure emotional perspective, you both spoke your emotions. Which is great. However, from a logical perspective, it wasn’t fair to either of you, or his girlfriend to say that. He shouldn’t have put you in that position, and you probably shouldn’t have said that knowing he has a girlfriend.


I’m not saying you did anything wrong. And I’m not blaming you. I just thought it’d be valuable to explain the difference between the emotional and logical side of that comment. And both are important here, considering that you’re now potentially dealing with the logical fallout of that comment.


As for your real question about keeping it secret now. That is truly between him and her. I absolutely would not insert yourself in the middle of it. If she’s mad, she needs to talk to him. You have nothing to do with it. Even though your sibling is involved, you aren’t.


You also have ZERO idea what is going through his mind or what he’s thinking. If it involves you, and he wants to involve you, he can. But he hasn’t.


The final thing I’ll say. Remember that boundaries and enforcing boundaries is good.


Someone telling me not to come looking for me again, then ending the call saying they love me, would be a MASSIVE mixed signal. I’d recommend sticking to a lane, and setting and enforcing your boundaries.


Hope it all goes well!