This is a very complicated situation. I went out with a girl who I liked and was dead-on sure that she liked me back. She talked to her friends about me, she glances at me all the time, she comes over to my dormitory ALOT. When we went out, she somehow had my favorite band's albums on her iPod, though she listens to punk and hip hop, while I listen to metal and blues. She asked me if she could put on something I'd like, and I said sure, and she surprised me with my favorite band.
The first date, we had great chemistry.. I usually pick up signs pretty quickly and know when a girl's not interested. So, after our first date, Valentine's day came up and I got her flowers. I asked her if she had any plans that day, she was busy. Turned out she was watching horror flicks with her roomie. Nonetheless, she hugged me and blushed, told me she never got flowers before. Yet then she comes into my room and asks me about my room mate! Looks at his books and tells me he's got a good selection!
I took that as she didn't like me, but to give her a second chance (she's a very shy girl and I've met shy girls who turned around and quit playing games after a while), I waited another week, asked her out again. She got back to me later during the day, rejecting me. Saying "sounds too much like a date, sorry, you're a cool guy, I'd love to be your friend". Pretty much then I assumed she was done with me and I shouldn't even talk to her again. Right?
Couple weeks later I'm at a party and she comes in the building. Says hi to no one, rushes and pokes me from behind. Smiles and says hi. I'm fed up with this bs and I'm a practical and straight-up honest guy. I basically just say "oh hey" and walk away. Throughout the whole night I get these angry glances from her which heighten when I went off and danced with a couple other girls. When she saw me and another girl dancing pretty sexually, she gave me this very angry look, walked into a corner and sat down texting. I swung by later on to see what's up. She said she's not mad.
Later I asked her to my room and tried to see if we can converse. I asked her for closure on why she didn't want to date. She ran through a laundry list- from "didn't feel anything" to "I have ridiculously high standards" etc, but she ended it with "but I really like being single". Yet what does she do after that? As I lead her out of my room, she tells me "oh by the way, I'm gonna be down the hall all night".
Let me give some extra background on this girl. We were acquantances from high school. She was a goth/punk complete with the make up and piercings then. College came around and she turned around. She still has some personality quirks- she's scared of embarrassment, to the point where she wouldn't even let me confront the coffee guy for messing up her order. She puts a great deal on image and is shy, and she can't converse properly cause she's afraid of sounding dumb. WTF is her problem? I would usually f- off but this is confusing and hurts!
The first date, we had great chemistry.. I usually pick up signs pretty quickly and know when a girl's not interested. So, after our first date, Valentine's day came up and I got her flowers. I asked her if she had any plans that day, she was busy. Turned out she was watching horror flicks with her roomie. Nonetheless, she hugged me and blushed, told me she never got flowers before. Yet then she comes into my room and asks me about my room mate! Looks at his books and tells me he's got a good selection!
I took that as she didn't like me, but to give her a second chance (she's a very shy girl and I've met shy girls who turned around and quit playing games after a while), I waited another week, asked her out again. She got back to me later during the day, rejecting me. Saying "sounds too much like a date, sorry, you're a cool guy, I'd love to be your friend". Pretty much then I assumed she was done with me and I shouldn't even talk to her again. Right?
Couple weeks later I'm at a party and she comes in the building. Says hi to no one, rushes and pokes me from behind. Smiles and says hi. I'm fed up with this bs and I'm a practical and straight-up honest guy. I basically just say "oh hey" and walk away. Throughout the whole night I get these angry glances from her which heighten when I went off and danced with a couple other girls. When she saw me and another girl dancing pretty sexually, she gave me this very angry look, walked into a corner and sat down texting. I swung by later on to see what's up. She said she's not mad.
Later I asked her to my room and tried to see if we can converse. I asked her for closure on why she didn't want to date. She ran through a laundry list- from "didn't feel anything" to "I have ridiculously high standards" etc, but she ended it with "but I really like being single". Yet what does she do after that? As I lead her out of my room, she tells me "oh by the way, I'm gonna be down the hall all night".
Let me give some extra background on this girl. We were acquantances from high school. She was a goth/punk complete with the make up and piercings then. College came around and she turned around. She still has some personality quirks- she's scared of embarrassment, to the point where she wouldn't even let me confront the coffee guy for messing up her order. She puts a great deal on image and is shy, and she can't converse properly cause she's afraid of sounding dumb. WTF is her problem? I would usually f- off but this is confusing and hurts!
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BY the way, ever since I talked to her in my room and didn't go down the hall to visit her, when I ask her to hang out, she says she can't. I'm thinking about asking her to hang again, and if she says no, I'll tell her honestly that I'm done trying.
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Hey sweetie..
Alright, you've a tough cookie in your hands, and I am quite certain you are aware of this. I've never been in a similar situation, but I AM a girl, and I DO understand our species quite well, and so hopefully I am able to shed some light in regards to your situation here.
It sounds to me like you aren't the only one confused. There are a number of explinations that could be used to explain the situation at hand- And only she can confirm any which one.
What it seems like to me, or an outsiders perspective, is that she isn't quite ready to settle down and commit to one guy at this particular moment in her life- But that she doesn't want you to move on from her either. It seems like she is trying to get over the fact that she enjoys her single life, but understand that where she has changed so much already (according to your explination), this would be hard for her, and it would take time... Time that is a nuissance, and time that you, apparently- through her eyes- don't have to spend on her.
She probably feels cheated by your dancing with other girls. She probably feels quite conflicted, actually. I can't say whether or not she has feelings for you, but her actions say otherwise. These feelings may not quite be to the level of "dating material", though they seem to be a tad more then "let's just be friends". My advice to you would be to wait it out for a few months, and be there for her, because that will prove to her that you care enough to wait. However, this all depends on how much she means to you, and how much you care for HER.
She's a shy gir, you say. And therefore, speaking with you about a potential relationship, as well as an incident (Her telling you she wasn't mad, her sending mixed signals once the two of you spoke later that night), would be nerve wracking for her. She would more than likely feel on the spot. It sounds as though she is confused as to what to say to you, and what to do about the situation you two have going on.
Like I said though, if she means enough to you, I would wait it out, and see how things go. Be there for her, as a friend, because that will mean a lot to her in the end. Trust me. In a month or so, if things don't change, and she is still acting this way, I would confront her once more, and see where that gets you. Express that you are concerned for her, and let her know how you feel.
I hope that helped even slightly, dear!
Good luck. Let me know how things go.
Alycia
Ok, well, clearly this chick has some issues. It could be a number of things, by the sounds of it she has no idea what she wants and until she figures it out, she will keep playing this back and forth game with you where her words contradict her actions. She could also be afraid of getting closer to you and getting hurt -- think about it this way, what's her relationship past like? How is she with her friends? If you know a bit about that, it should reflect a little on how she's acting right now. You said she's kind of shy and awkward so I wouldn't take this situation too personally since it's more likely a personality trait and conflict of thought more than anything. There are two ways you can go about this, continue to be chill (don't make any moves, or have any conversations out of the norm. friend-friend type) and hope that she decides on what she wants. If you decide on this, you cannot, absolutely CANNOT show her any reaction towards her behavior because that will be what's driving her to continue to play these games. OR, confront her, tell her that the way she's acting doesn't make sense when she says she just wants to be friends, and you aren't up for any bullshit.
It sounds like she does just want to be friends.
I had a friend, whom I was very interested in, sometimes he did things that seemed like he did indeed want me back. I would confront him on it and he would tell me the god's honest truth, that we were just friends. But we held hands in public, exchanged pecks, cuddled in public, and basically looked very bf/gf, even though we weren't.
Some girls are just affectionate by nature, we enjoy feeling needed and wanted, even if it's from a friend. Which can lead to disastrous results, ie, we confuse our friends with our actions. She's probably confused about how she feels, but I can't say for sure. The dancing bit is what surprised me. Maybe she was just having a bad night?
I would just keep it simple, even if she acts all weird and shit, just let her. Maybe she doesn't know how to feel.
Just back off for a while, let her come to you, and be upfront with everything you just wrote. That her actions confuse you to some degree, like the dancing bit, and everything. :/
I'm sorry if my advice sounds flippy-floppy but, it's really all I can think of.
Brother, I don't know what she's about either. Obviously her punk roots didn't teach her assertiveness, which can only mean she was experimenting with a "look" which reinforces your observation about this woman's preoccupation with image. Your gal pal sounds inexperienced with the boys, and is still trying to get a handle on her signals. Naturally, any green-blooded American man will put up with a fracken boatload of confusion and suffering if such trials came with the promise of a saucy midnight encounter. And yet I'm afraid they may not be on the menu since you have no clue what this insecure young lady has in mind for you. Here are you choices: A. Stick it out for the quirky sensitivity and warmth of an unpredictable college friendship; B. Listen to your inner Man/Pig and let this trifle go unless you can get her to talk dirty and swallow in pretty short order.
ok.. so she doesn't want to be your girlfriend... and yet she doesn't leave you alone.. and obviously you don't want to be just her friend.. that's totally understandable when a girl gives you mixed signals. its f***in annoying especially when she's playing games.. so.. the verdict: forget her..possibly she's still too immature.. it seems that way because of the poking thing and texting in the corner... that's all b.s. like you said.. just leave her alone and let her figure shit out for herself.. and I think that should be your closure.. you got better things to do.. better girls to go after -_-.. enjoy ya life..dont waste time with people like that
What I'm thinking is that she likes you but she doesn't want to like you and she's not willing to give into her feelings. Girls don't just so happen to have the same music as you. She probably went on your myspace page and looked at the kind of music you are into. And because she doesn't want to give into her feelings, she still wants to be your friend because however much she may not want to admit it she does like you and she doesn't want to lose all contact with you.
Or she may just want to be your friend and when you keep asking her if she's really not into you she gets frustrated because she's not into you. My guess would be the first one because it sounds like she got defensive when you confronted her. It sounds like she was trying to convice herself that she's not into you. Or it could be something the other answerers said or we could all be wrong. You have to remember that she's a girl and because of that there are at least a million different possibilities.
This is only my personal opinion.
Sounds like she enjoys leading you on. She wants to be single but still wants male attention and she knows she'll get it off you.
She might be testing you to see how much you really like her or playing hard to get.
I think you should talk to her say that she's leaving you high and dry and that is really unfair on you.
If she's causing you so much pain and please try and move on or back off for a bit.
bro just say screw it, is she cool to chill with? do you like to hang out with her? if you answer yes then do just that. f her if she doesn't want to get to have you like that then whatever do what makes you happy and just that