I'm 33, she's 28, we're still relatively young (or at least she is, lol), we're not senior citizens here. We've been together 6 years now. The first 6 months I don't think we left the bedroom. Probably had sex twice a day, or if she was still sore from all the sex we'd still fool around. She'd wake me up in the morning or the middle of the night with bl0wjobs, then I'd return the favor. Our sex life was an A+.
Then things changed. The abbreviated version of that story goes: opposite work schedules/decrease in sex but still made a priority --> she has nervous breakdown/no sex for 14 months --> broke up for 6 months because she wasn't in a state to be in a relationship --> got back together, but she spent a year living in residential intensive therapy centers, so rarely saw her and couldn't have sex --> currently she lives in my area again but we haven't moved back in together yet Because her sister needed a roommate. She's getting her life back on track, and is in school and outpatient therapy, doing much better! So yeah, a lot has happened, but that'd be three pages long, lol. Just added it Because it's part of the story.
Anyway, when we have sex, it's amazing. We're very sexually compatible, and she pulls out all the stops when she wants to; lingerie, outfits, etc, all on top of being real easy to look at anyway. That makes it even worse, Because that's what I'm missing out on when we don't have sex.
But here's the problem: she's "not feeling well" like 98% of the time. Her stomach hurts, her throat is sore, she feels nauseous...it's always something. Obviously I want her to feel well first and foremost Because I care, but secondarily, I'm trying to hit that, sonnnnn, lololol. The lack of sex is f*cking KILLING ME. And one of the knocks on her is I think she exaggerates not feeling well so people will take care of her and/or not expect things of her. She's kinda lazy about some things and she claims she's sick to avoid having to do stuff. I don't think she does it to avoid sex per se, but she can't abandon the act when there's other things to avoid. Plus, she gets lazy about showering and shaving, and she won't have sex unless she does, which I appreciate, but wish she would keep up with it.
What can I do about this? I'm not ready to be the miserable old guy who never gets laid, lol. I'd talk to her, but she gets very defensive, and I don't want to come off like it's all I care about. But a relationship without sex is mostly just a pain in the a$$. I love her and I'm not going anywhere, but I can't live like this.
Most Helpful Girl
I feel like there is something mentally going on with her, sex is very mental for women. I feel like psychologically sex might be hard for her because she feels something is off about your relationship. I am not being judgmental I just am saying from personal experience. The only times I haven't been totally into with sex was when I felt there was something off about the power dynamic in the relationship and it made me uncomfortable. When I am in a relationship I like to feel like I am the one that sort in charge, not sexually but emotionally or something. Maybe because you are 5 years older she feels like she is not in control and the power dynamic is shifted in your direction. Maybe you should more closely examine the nature of her breakdown for clues. Can you tell me more about that? Why did she have a breakdown and what was it about?1
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