Should I text my ex this? It's been two weeks.

He broke up with me because I was crazy over little things and he was sick of it and sick of hearing me apologize and not change anything. Our breakup was a mess --- I wouldn't let him leave my house, and when he texted me later that day to dump me, I said please never contact me again along with mean accusations. My friends and family got involved and contacted him to get my Christmas gift back, and some weird kid posted a photoshopped pic of my ex on his Facebook --- of course I made sure every post was deleted from my ex's wall immediately.

It's been two weeks and I have not done anything to contact him. He has ALWAYS cared for me very, very much and he has always wanted to be with me but he kept telling me that he needs me to change the way I freak out or he'll have no choice. He said he loves everything about me but this and I know I hurt him when I told him to never contact me agian...

Now I feel bad. I know I have a lot to work on and I know that I messed up and I feel terrible for what I did to him after how patient he was with me. I'm working on myself and I'm in a good place and I just want to be his friend again. I don't want a relationship at ALL in my life, but I don't want to lose his friendship.

I was thinking of texting him on Friday (It'll be the 2 week breakup mark then) and saying "Hey. I'm so sorry for everything that happened last month. I didn't mean what I said that night and you did not deserve it by any means. I know that I have so much to work on and I'm sorry for the things I did. I know why I acted that way and I'm in a better place now than I was. I would love to start over and be friends and catch up sometime."

Should I say that? I'm not looking to get back together right now. I don't need a relationship right now, I'm working on myself. But I miss my best friend... So would it be good to text him that this week?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, don't send him anything. Leave him alone. Two weeks is not enough time, and it seems you've been struggling to make it these two weeks since You've obviously been counting down the days to when it seems acceptable to contact him. Well Friday is not that day. It makes you seem like you're trying to apologize again to do the same thing to him again in the future. If you couldn't be a good girlfriend to him, you definitely can't be a good friend..

    The problems you have are about you and personal things you need to work on. The great part about this is that you've already come to this conclusion on your own and that's the first step. You can't do that while you're still trying to focus on him. Although you're saying you only want to be friends with him, is that because you really don't want to be with him? Of because you realize you've finally pushed him to a breaking point and you know he won't consider a relationship with you? Be honest, would you get back with him if he forgave you again? If he agreed to friendship, would you be hurt if he got another girlfriend? My point is that I don't think you WANT to be just friends, I think you're willing to agree to that in hopes that you'll get back into his good graces.

    Like I said in the beginning, leave him alone. You contacting him this soon will only push hi further away. Although it isn't what you want to hear, and I wish there was a nicer way to say it, it looks desperate and clingy. And you seem to be on the slippery slope to being the labeled "The Crazy EX". Just move on, it seems hard, but you'll do it. Maybe somewhere down the line, you can apologize to him, but not anywhere in the near future.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Oh my...you seen sweet, but wow... step back. deep breath.

    believe in yourself...don't believe in regrets. Believe in learning. This was a learning experience. Move on. He is behind you. you deserve better

    Work on yourself. Your confidence. Say this over and over... I choose to want someone...I do not NEED anyone and I can then accept that I an independent

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    • SHE deserves better? More like HE deserves better.

    • No, deWho is right. While I could be crazy and worried about stupid things, I had my reasons .My last relationship was emotionaly abusive and really fucked up and this guy was certainly not an angel. He started off a player, used me for sex, tried ending things before even dating maybe once every month, or he would scare me with something fucked up about his past every month. So technically, I deserve better, I'm just a forgiving person.

    • Thank you for agreeing. I can read between the lines. I see the bitter, the mistrust. I was a little surprised I got voted down, but then not everyone understands everyone is the way they are for a reason. Hang in there...raise your standards and the main thing...find what makes YOU happy...

  • It sounds like you should leave well enough alone. You've done enough damage. Why do you think he would still be friends after everything that has transpired. If you want to contact him then do so after you've sorted yourself out. 2 weeks is still pretty freshly burned IMO.

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    • I was thinking of saying "Hey. I'm so sorry for everything that happened last month. I didn't mean what I said that night and you didn't deserve it. You made me realize that I have a lot to work on. I know now why I acted the way I did and I'm sorry if I hurt you or ever broke your trust because you've always been there for me and I still appreciate everything you did for me. I hope that we can start over and be friends and catch up sometime."

  • Sure, text him whenever you'd like. Why wait until Friday if that's how you really feel? But be prepared. Even though he may care very deeply for you, people do have their breaking points. I hope for your sake he hasn't reached his.

    You may want to consider adding in your text something about him, and you missing your best friend, just as you said here. And maybe start with 'Hi', unless all of your texts to him start with 'Hey'. Tell him how grateful you are for him...all the good stuff you said above about him...so he knows you appreciate him. Otherwise, I'm afraid, he'll run off immediately. Have you discussed with him your seeing a counselor or therapist to help you out with whatever's gong on with you? You say you're in a better place... We're not sure why, but if you've come to some type of a decision that he'd be interested in you may want to let him know.

    Good luck to you, and starting over with your ex.

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    • "Hey. I'm so sorry for everything that happened last month. I didn't mean what I said that night and you didn't deserve it. You made me realize that I have a lot to work on. I know now why I acted the way I did and I'm sorry if I hurt you or ever broke your trust. You've always been there for me and I still appreciate everything you did for me. I hope that we can start over and be friends and catch up sometime."AM I coming on too strong? If so I can just say sorry and ask to be friends.?

    • It's definitely better. And no I don't think you're coming on too strong. I'm just not crazy about how it ends on the ..."and catch up sometime." It just sounds...too casual or open-ended or something. Perhaps, "Let me know if you'd like to catch up later sometime."

      Ad you might want to change "You've always been there...you did for me." to "You've always been there for me. I appreciate that and everything you've ever done for me. You're a very thoughtful man." to bring it around to him.

  • Well it's already a maturity sign from you to have realized that. Not everybody is able to do it, so congratulations.

    Regarding the text, why not ? Just be less evasive about the "start over" part. Tell him you'll be happy to catch up later. And see what he answers.

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    • What do you mean? I feel like I should say "Friends" so he doens't have ideas or think I'm being clingy and wanting to get back together...

    • Show All
    • Yeah I guess you're right. I was thinking of saying "Hey. I'm so sorry for everything that happened last month. I didn't mean what I said that night and you didn't deserve it. You made me realize that I have a lot to work on. I know now why I acted the way I did and I'm sorry if I hurt you or ever broke your trust because you've always been there for me and I still appreciate everything you did for me. I hope that we can start over and be friends and catch up sometime." Is that good?

    • Put him in the context as well. .

      Your draft is just I, I, I. He has to be put into the equation. You're also doing it for him. "I still appreciate..." is too self-centered. You have to ask for forgiveness without explicitely saying you want to get back together "I hope you can forgive me later", since it's a farther objective.

  • So long as you make it clear you aren't trying to get back together right away, it would be a good message to send him. He probably knows you were just distraught.

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  • I had a similar situation with someone who was a friend. She went off, unfriended me in social media, so I blocked her accounts. She apparently also deleted my phone number. When she tried contacting our friends to get it from them a few months later, they asked me if it was okay to give it to her. I said no because I wasn't ready to talk to her again. About six months after, she must have found my number in an old phone and texted me. I had cooled off at that point, and she asked my forgiveness. I forgave her and she told me she's doing better and in a better place. I'm happy for her, but we haven't spoken since.

    I guess what I'm saying is, if he's anything like me, he may need more time to come around than what's already passed.

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  • If you sincerely care about him and don't just crave his attention (which is what it sounds like), then don't contact him at all. To tell him to never speak to you again, delete your entire Facebook history with him, and send your family to take your Christmas present back from him is pretty cold and final. To try to be friends right after that just reinforces his opinion of you freaking out.

    You fucked up big time; accept the consequences. If he wants to come back into your life, he'll forgive you when he's ready and he'll contact you. That's when you apologize, and you do so profusely, and you don't talk about yourself unless he asks.

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  • Wow! I had a girlfriend with the same problem. (Keyword: HAD)

    She'd go crazy over the silliest ish and blow it out of proportion and say something very foul. We would not speak for days and she ends up regretting it every time.

    He still thinks of you but his dignity and pride tells him not to inquire.

    I think you should just leave him alone for a good month and a half or two.

    Obviously, he sees a lot in you but There's nothing that pushes a guy away more than a desperate/clingy and inconsistent woman and if this keeps happening he's gonna eventually hate you like what I did with my ex

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    • Well is it really clingy to ask to be friends? I'm thinking of waiting longer so I can fix myself and move on and the text won't have impact on me if he chooses not to text back, like wait till 3 or 4 weeks after the breakup. I was thinking of saying "hey, I'm sorry, I know why I acted taht way, I didn't want to hurt you.. And id love to start over as friends and catch up." (in summary haha) is that a good text? I don't want to seem needy or anything... I really do want to be his friend again tho

  • You. Are. Desperate.

    You are refusing to listen to anything other than yourself, your own passions, and anyone that might say something you want to hear.

    link -- I was one of the anon's from that question of yours, on just this topic

    link -- I was also one of the anon's on this question. Again, concerning this same topic.

    Dude, you seriously need to work on yourself. You're driving this guy away, you're driving yourself crazy with desperation. This is not at all healthy, you aren't growing at all, and really you're just damaging yourself for the future.

    So once again, I'm telling you to cut him loose and do some soul searching. You need it and deserve it. Don't short change yourself because you're the one that has to live with yourself. Living miserably is not the way to do it.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I think you should leave him alone. You want to deal with your guilt and have him around as a friend. It's still about you. You don't want to get back together "right now". Will you eventually? How much of reaching out to him is about keeping him around until you are ready to get into a relationship? That's not what being a friend is all about.

    Out of love for him, you should give him his space. You know you hurt him. Let him heal. One day, you will have a chance to apologize.

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  • It's called a breakup because it's broken. It's important to stick to your guns and make sure you DON'T contact him. Delete his number, mourn the loss, credit yourself with having gone 2 weeks without talking to him, and keep adding to that, see if you can get to 30 days, then challenge yourself to 60. The days will fly by.

    Keep yourself occupied with other things, join a gym, dye your hair, go clothes shopping, anything to keep him off your mind. Best of luck to you.

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  • Leave him alone for a few months before trying to be his friend. Sort yourself out first. Change doesn't happen within 2 weeks.

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  • You can't be friends again. point blank. It NEVER works that way. Especially since it sounds like you had an unhealthy relationship. You need to work on yourself and moving on. As hard as it is to lose your "best friend," breakups happen and you have to come to terms with that. Girls always want to "stay friends" but you can't have your cake and eat it too. I suggest, if you said to never contact you again and he's sick of you apologizing without changing, it's time you stop apologizing, leave him be, and focus on yourself.

    You can't draw out the closure phase because truth is, you'll probably never really feel complete closure from any immediate action. You'll get closure by dealing with the breakup on your own and moving on.

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  • I would not

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