Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"


There are three different types of people in the dating scene:


A) The person who is open to dating any race.

This person has no preference when it comes to dating racially. They are willing to date whoever they share a connection with.

B) The person who says,"I have a preference for my own race."

This person is unwilling to date outside of their race. Although this person is referred to as "close-minded" by some, this individual does not discriminate against others. They do not feel other races are inferior in comparison to their own. They do not associate other racial groups with the negative stigmas that are in place for them by society. They simply just share a attraction to their own phenotype or others with similar features/characteristics.

C) The person who says they have a preference but is really a closet racist.

My main discussion in this article will be Person C.

Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"

This person constantly tries to camouflage their actions. It is apparent to some that this person is racist. They often insinuate that they are better than others through their actions and words. When confronted with the fact that they are racist, they are often quick to say:

"I have a -insert race other than their own- friend"


"I have a preference, I can't be racist!"

People that are able to see past their camouflage know that isn't the truth.

Person C hides behind the words, "I have a preference" because that is what is accepted in society. The truth is, they share a deep routed hatred for the race they choose not to share a committed relationship with.

Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"

Covert racism is a form of racial discrimination that is disguised and subtle, rather than public or obvious. Concealed in the fabric of society, covert racism discriminates against individuals through often unnoticeable or seemingly passive methods. Covert, racially-biased decisions are often hidden or rationalized with an explanation that society is more willing to accept.

Person C

  • May have many friends of different racial backgrounds.
  • May even have a few sexual encounters with those outside of his/her race. (But would never seriously commit or marry someone that is not their own racial background).

Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"

Examples of comments that are made by this person:

"Black people are criminals and ghetto".

"Hispanics are dirty and loud".

"All Asians look alike. They are only good for submission."

"White people smell like wet dog. They are stuck up and snobby."

The list goes on.........

You can be any race to hold hatred to another.

Offensive comments as shown above are quickly covered up by the, "I have a racial preference in dating" line. Often times, the comments made by people like Person C are overlooked because no one ever second guesses when someone says they have a liking towards a particular type of person.

How can they? Especially, when this person seems to get along with a variety of ethnic groups.

I get it!

I am not easily fooled.

This is racism in its most subtle form.

It is often swept under the rug because it's concealed to look like something that is acceptable in the eyes of others.

Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"

People like Person C aren't always aware of their deeply routed hatred for other races. It's very common that some individuals feel this way about other races subconsiously. Societal, cultural, and environmental differences/beliefs have the ability to strongly impact ones views of others.

Some covert racists often remain in denial about the "truth" of their views and continue to portray an image they are opposite of.

Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"

We’ve got to face the fact that some people say you fight fire best with fire, but we say you put fire out best with water. We say you don’t fight racism with racism. We’re gonna fight racism with solidarity

Whether racism is overt (open and observable) or covert (hidden and disguised), it is something that will never end. Do not allow yourself to be blinded by those who say they have a preference. Those that truly do, harbor no hate or resentment. Those that do not make ignorant comments and portray an illusion that's appropriate for the world.

Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"
Add Opinion
18Girl Opinion
55Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guy

  • UnknownXYZ

    I believe the whole racial preference thing shows how limited people are as seeing others as individuals. I have no racial preference but I pretty much don't believe in the idea of "race". The term's only usefulness is that it quickly refers to flawed patterns which works practically which is why I use it. However, making preferences on such a flawed term is ridiculous.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • RJGraveyTrain
    This was well written and I think you made a lot of good points, good work.
    LikeDisagree 11 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • 9mfeo
    From what I have seen, those who say they are in category B are really category C in denial.

    That said, very well written and balanced take as always. *This* is the kind of content that deserves accolades and site-wide recognition.
    LikeDisagree 14 People
    • Stacyzee

      Thanks :)

      I would refer to those in category B as close minded.
      Some of them are just not open to the idea.
      They do not posses any hatred however which is why I cannot view them as racist.

      There's really a fine line between the two which makes it hard to label for others.

    • 9mfeo

      I understand completely. For me, it's the difference between racism and internalized racism. If you can't find a single person you find attractive within a particular race, are you really seeing those people clearly, you know what I mean?

      It is indeed a huge waste of energy to hate.

    • Stacyzee

      I understand your view as well. I can see why you think of it that way.

  • croxy
    That's not correct. I don't hate any races, just because there's some races I'm less attracted to then others. If I hated them I wouldn't date them at all.

    I'm attracted to physical features, some races have less and some have more of those featurs then others, but that's not always the case, if that's not the case and I find that person attractive I'm open to date them.

    Yes I DO have preferences, but it's only based on what physical attributes I'm attracted to.
    Like 9 People
    • Stacyzee

      I stated this.
      I distinguished in my article between person B and c.
      I did not say everyone with preferences are racist. You're actually agreeing with me and don't get that.

    • croxy

      Wait what so according to you I'm person b then?

    • croxy

      Because I'm not unwilling to date outside my race, it's just that I'm less likely to be attracted to a certain race, but it still happens, just not as frequently

    • Show All
  • Mistnigqa808
    I think this is the best take that I've read about this topic thus far. Since I've seen a lot of "PERSON C's" on the web + somewhat in real life. And IMHO the best way to "pull them out of the shadows" is to make them mad. So you can see if the racial slurs will come spewing out of their mouths (usually does) shortly after.

    Cuz they'll usually do everything in power to justify their "preference" when IMHO it's not a "preference". But just them trying to take the #PC route about it. Since if you asked them to "truthfully" write down their preferences on a piece of paper it wouldn't look anything like mine of Black, Asian, Arab, Indian, Latino, White.

    But something like "blackx4, and Asian (really written there to fool us into thinking that they do truly have preferences. When in the end, it's all nothing but PC BS because they're scared catching flak for it LOL). nice take.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • I ignored your bullets points on the "person C's"... sorry LOL

    • Stacyzee

      Does that change your response?

    • Nope, I still feel the same way about them. And tbh I kinda ignored your bullet points on purpose. Cuz your/the generic run in the mill "person C" will usually live in an all ___ community with maybe 1 token friend, right? Who he nor his family really likes in the 1st place. But they'll choose to keep em around for the "I have a ___ BFF" for arguments IMHO HAHAHA

    • Show All
  • the_rake
    too many contradictions and there isn't really much difference between person b and person c in your book.

    for instance,

    person b:

    'This person is unwilling to date outside of their race. Although this person is referred to as "close-minded" by some, this individual does not discriminate against others. They do not feel other races are inferior in comparison to their own'

    person c:

    'person who says they have a preference but is really a closet racist'

    do you know they are a closet racist or are you assuming they are a closet racist. how do you know person b is not a closet racist since neither person b nor person c say explicitly racist things.

    does person c say things such as:

    ' "I have a -insert race other than their own- friend"


    "I have a preference, I can't be racist!" '

    or are they saying things like,

    ' "Black people are criminals and ghetto".

    "Hispanics are dirty and loud".

    "All Asians look alike. They are only good for submission."

    "White people smell like wet dog. They are stuck up and snobby." '

    because there is an obvious contradiction between saying things non-racially explicit on one hand and saying things that are racially explicit on the other hand.

    either person c is out in the open about their racism or you don't know that they are racist.

    also, are you really fine with person b having racial preferences or are you just saying that so you can attack person c (who is not really that different from person b).
    Like 5 People
    • Stacyzee

      Hi there,
      I'll be glad to clear this up for you. There are no contradictions in this article, it's just that you are not interpreting it well.
      Some people simply find certain facial features more attractive than others.
      It's pretty much like you finding a slim woman more attractive than one who is overweight.
      Do you hold any negative feelings about women that carry a little extra weight? No.
      It's just the person that appeals to you more is similar in body build to you (both people are suitable weight for their height)
      Someone that is discriminatory openly states stereotypes about those they are unwilling to give a chance to (person c).
      Since I am speaking about covert racism, this is the type of discrimination that is usually overlooked.
      This person may say offensive things in a joking manner to mask their hatred that they feel towards a certain group inside. people that are covert racist aren't open about it, the racism they display is usually subtle and not open.
      As a black

    • Stacyzee

      woman I must say I have faced this (outside of the dating scene). A couple of times, I have asked white people for directions , only for them to keep walking and ignore me. I've had doctors appointments and have been told "to have a seat as soon as I walk in" without much acknowledgment. Someone that enters that is the same racial background as the receptionists gets a friendly greeting and engaged in conversation.
      I have even been followed in a few stores , while those that are white haven't ,
      Covert racism is done in ways that are covered up.
      Usually when people think of being racist they think of the Kkk people that openly discriminate.
      Most racism nowadays is subtle.
      This is what I am getting at in my article.
      Person C tries to cover up the demeaning things they say, but it's apparent what it is.

    • the_rake

      'Someone that is discriminatory openly states stereotypes about those they are unwilling to give a chance to (person c).'

      Ok that's fine, but in the article you said they were a closet racist, so which is true - is person c open and honest about how they feel or are they keeping it to themselves (in which case, how do you know). This in mind, you go on to talk about covert racism, although I don't really know much about that, all I can say is to the following:

      ' A couple of times, I have asked white people for directions , only for them to keep walking and ignore me. I've had doctors appointments and have been told "to have a seat as soon as I walk in" without much acknowledgment. '

      This kind of thing happens as a white man also, you know. Sometimes people are just busy and don't necessarily have the time to fully acknowledge you. Also what would 'covert racism' look like in terms of dating?

    • Show All
  • pavlove
    it's a bit more nuanced than that.

    there's also person d) who i've seen a lot around here who only date one race and that race isn't their own. lots of black girls wondering if white guys will date them.

    also, i think people in group b) would also make racist jokes because they are aware of race on some level. unless you're color blind you can't really avoid it though it doesn't make you racist unless you choose to hate because of it
    LikeDisagree 13 People
    • BigJake

      "Lots of black girls wondering if white guys will date them."

      They're not wondering because they're actually interested in being with white guys, they're wondering because they want white guys to tell them that they're desirable. Black women are so bothered by being a second (or third) choice for so many black men that they're desperate to get some sense of validation. If they really wanted to date white guys, you'd see a lot more white guy/black girl couples around. The fact is, there aren't many out there, and that's proof that black women still aren't interested in non-black guys.

    • pavlove

      @BigJake and also white guys are less open to it than white girls are open to black guys

    • yowza67b

      Black women like white guys. Us white guys aren't attracted to black women for the most part.

    • Show All
  • takumii
    Like 9 People
  • HikerDude
    Freedom of association is still a freedom that we enjoy as citizens of the United States. As much as you might want to, you can't control with whom people associate, nor can you dictate others' thoughts and feelings. All the caterwauling from people like yourself won't change the fact that people do have dating preferences for one reason or another.

    There are black women who work with white guys, socialize with white guys, and grew up around white guys, but they just aren't physically attracted to white guys. Their preference is to date black and Latin American men. Are they "closet racists" because of this? No, absolutely not. By the same token, there are white guys who have a polyglot social circle who only want to white girls because that's who excites them. Is this wrong? Are these guys closet racists? Hell no, it's their right to choose to whom they're attracted and with whom they want to have sex.

    So, bottom line, your post come across as just another attempt by a social justice warrior to tell the world how we should think. It's arrogant, condescending, and, ultimately doomed to fail.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    • Stacyzee

      @HikerDude Sharing an idea or shedding light on an issue that is often overlooked is not in any way forcing people to make choices they have every right to. No where in my article did I tell people that they must do this , or must do that. In fact , I openly stated I am ok with preferences in this article. That line is drawn when people attach negative stigmas, stereotypes and hate to other races. When this happens, it's not a preference anymore. It is hate, that is what I am exposing.
      You want to talk about freedom to express oneself but I find you very hypocritical in the introduction of the idea. You are pretty much stating that people have every right to express their actions and words, but I on the other hand do not.
      Sounds like you don't understands the concept of freedom.
      You are contradicting yourself by saying it's right for a certain set of people do to something , but not only for others to have a right to formulate an opinion or responses.

    • Stacyzee

      You are those words you speak of because your judgment seems clouded and one sided. You completely flew by the entire point of my article and only insinuated your ideas ,

    • HikerDude

      You just called an entire group racist based on nothing more than assumption, yet you're telling me that you're not passing judgment or decrying their dating preferences? As several others have pointed out, there are some serious logical inconsistencies in your statements. You seem to be speaking from both sides of your mouth at once. On one hand you're trying to give the appearance of rationality by saying that you don't take issue with preference, while on the other hand you're labeling broad swaths of the populace as racists without the slightest bit of empirical evidence to indicate as such. You can't make any legitimate claims to rationality when you make such unfounded claims.

    • Show All
  • RainbowFanGirl
    Oh my, I totally agree with you. There's people who say they don't date black girls because of the stereotypes projected by society. That we are loud, sassy and whatnot. It is wrong to assume these things about all of us because of the stereotypes projected by society and to not date is because of it. If you don't find us attractive that is one thing, but to not date is because you want "pure" babies and because of our supposed demeanor then that's another thing entirely.
    LikeDisagree 14 People
    • I guess some people think it's okay to stereotype people based on that actions of a few. Again, I never said that's it's wrong to have a preference, but when you based that preference off of stereotypes, then that is when it crosses the line as racist.

  • lanternhill
    Or... I simply don't find the majority of black guys and Asian guys I've met to be attractive. I do not say the types of things you mention, I do not have a problem with marrying someone of another race - I just tend not to find them attractive. Some yes. Most no. I specifically have a thing for British guys and I think it's because the majority of my background is genetically British. I love the eye shape.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • I guess that's close to B but not quite - I do find a lot of middle eastern and south Asian guys attractive. Just not east Asian or African. And I did read the whole thing but was thinking I would fall under C by virtue of not quite being A or B... but I guess not.

    • Stacyzee

      Thanks for being honest with your response.
      I would think you're somewhat of a mix between a and b.
      You love your own. You find them the most attractive.
      You are open to dating outside of your race even if that is not your physical preference.

  • TadCurious
    I don't think your characterization of Person C is consistent, and thus your essay is not as effective or as convincing as it otherwise might be. You state that "Person C may have many friends of different racial backgrounds." And then later you state that Person C has "deeply routed [sic] hatred for other races." I don't buy that formulation. I don't believe someone who has friends different racial backgrounds would have deeply rooted hatred for other races.
    Like 4 People
    • Stacyzee

      It's a part of the cover up. As someone that has experienced life I have seen the in denial too many times.

  • RedThread
    Great take. As someone who doesn't have a racial preference, it's always interesting hearing the reasoning behind it when people do.

    I'd date a woman of any ethnic background but the odds are higher for some over others simply due to the environment I'm in.
    LikeDisagree 10 People
  • BeardedMan
    Cool story bro, that's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
    LikeDisagree 20 People
    • Stacyzee

      Informative articles don't entertain you much.
      Perhaps I should talk about about the Kardashians or twerking since that seems to be within your intelligence factor.

    • BeardedMan

      What's a Kardashian and what is a twerking?

    • Stacyzee

      My point exactly !
      Your brain is literally mash potato.

    • Show All
  • casualweekday
    I fail to see how it makes one "close minded" if they choose B.
    I am not racist at all and I don't think there is any race that is any better or worse than any other. It just so happens that I have very rarely felt attraction to black women. I am not closed off to it and I don't have some "rule" against it, it simply hasn't happened very often. Should I attempt to force it in order to be seen as more open minded? Why should I?
    Like 6 People
    • Stacyzee

      If you shade main attraction towards the race of your own and are at least open to dating others, I'd consider you a mix of B and A because you aren't completely closed off to the idea.

    • Stacyzee


  • RationalMale
    People might not be "born racist" but according to some groups, 3 month old babies are keenly aware of race.

    And in all seriousness, why do you or anyone else really care if someone has "racist" biases in dating? I mean, seriously?

    Here. I am extremely racist. I'm white, and one of the reasons I only ask out white girls is that when I have kids one day, I want them to be white and have my good looks, and carry on my proud white bloodline lol. That, and I think hot white girls are way hotter than girls of other races.

    There, perfect example of overt racism in dating, lmao. Now my question is, why do you care?

    Does it disturb you that not enough black guys can sleep with white girls yet, or something? I just don't get your logic. Why does it even concern you?

    I mean, people have more reason to ban gay marriage based on STD medication costs to society, than you do to be worried that not enough people are having interracial sex.
    LikeDisagree 16 People
    • ThePostMan

      No they aren't. True science will posts sources. Racism is a byproduct of ignorance.

    • @ThePostMan

      Is that why you didn't post any source?

    • I'll rephrase for you, @ThePostMan.

      "Racism is a byproduct if ignorance."

      Ignorance of what, specifically?

    • Show All
  • CapricornSwagL
    My gosh lol. Why are people including black women in their comments. This black woman doesn't five 2 craps if you dont find me attractive because I am black. Who are you again? No one
    LikeDisagree 16 People
    • SweetSourL

      Haha Ikr! I realized that too. I dont know why they are saying "black women" in the first place.

    • @SweetSourL Right. This mytake isn't even about black women. Those men are obviously slow... lol

    • SweetSourL

      Yup girl. I'm guessing you're the black one? And I mean that in a non racist way. Promise :)

    • Show All
  • DarkHumorRUs
    Why does it really matter?
    I always how I would date any race, cause I don't care about race, but I just haven't met any non-white/Mexican girls that I'm attracted to.
    Like 3 People
    • Stacyzee

      "Why does it really matter?" Is a question that can pertain to any aspect of life.
      If nothing ever mattered there would not be any rules, laws or regulations.
      The fact of the matter, people's actions have a way of affecting society especially when it's done to suppress groups that have to continuously fight for their rights.
      This article is out in place to bring something to light that is often overlooked.

    • Person C is a very small minority and they'll either be non-existent over time, or impossible to get rid of.

    • Stacyzee

      The "minority" is much bigger than you think. It's consider such because it's often overlooked.

  • dudegrt09
    Well I don't have any definite preference as such but I have always found that it's white women who have seemed to be interested in me, and so I've only ever dated white women instead of my own race (with a few exceptions)...
    Also is it possible for some women to have only sexual encounter with me or be friends with benefits but not seriously commit to me because I'm not of their race? maybe I'm in such a situation right now, and it's really hurting me
    Like 2 People
    • Stacyzee

      Yes, it's very possible.
      I wouldn't automatically assume that however unless the person gave me reason to believe that.
      Some people see other races as a fantasy or experiment and would never want a committed relationship with them , only good times beneath the sheets.

    • dudegrt09

      I can't be too sure about her, she seems to be very commitment phobic person, I never asked her if she ever had a non-white serious boyfriend... she used the n- word once and said that she never means it as offence and she knows she's not racist cause she has black friends and they use n-word all the times. She said that this word is made offensive in US (she is from Europe) and should not be considered as something offensive

    • Stacyzee

      I don't want to past judgment on her because I don't personally know her. However, she sounds a lot like "Person C" from my article. Do you really like this girl? I don't think she understands the depths of what she is saying. Just because a few black people, who also don't understand the impact of the "n" word use it, doesn't make it okay for her to do the same. She needs to understand what that word exactly routed from and its impact in history. It seems as if she says a lot of things without giving them much thought.

    • Show All
  • ThisDudeHere
    "They do not feel other races are inferior in comparison to their own."

    It would be so cool if judgmental people could understand this about people who prefer their own or a certain other race. Like, I'm pretty certain I'm mostly attracted to white women only. I 'could' date a black woman (not that I will, there aren't any from where I'm from) but I wouldn't settle down with her. Does that mean I think she's inferior to a white woman? No. I'm just being pragmatic over the fact that I want my predecessors to have white genes. Why? Because I'm white. It has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority - just want my kids to look like me and my ancestors. That's it.
    LikeDisagree 10 People
    • Stacyzee

      Although your preferences may not be understood by some. I admire you for expressing your views on this.
      As long as you harbor no hate or resentment towards others then by definition you are not racist.

    • Hmmm. Sounds like you are saying you "don't believe in the mixing of the races," which was a common refrain of racists in the past. As if somehow adding genes from another race is diluting or tainting the family line. What will you tell your own children or grandchildren later on if some of them want to intermix with other races?

    • @Lightspeed-Lemon nothing. That's their business.

    • Show All
  • SilenRose
    Nice myTake. This isn't related to race but I've been called a bi-phobe because I said I only date heterosexuals. *shrug*
    Like 2 People
    • Stacyzee

      What? Lol.
      I've only heard of homophobe when someone openly discriminates against them.
      But bi phone? Solely based off of the fact that you are straight makes no sense

    • Stacyzee


    • Stacyzee

      Labels have huge impact when they aren't thrown around for just anything. If someone is openly discriminating then it's common they will be called a lot of different things. But simply being straight and called that is odd. Maybe those people were joking.

    • Show All
  • bobbydigitaloa
    What would you classify those who are like. No I'm not racist but I just don't find anyone from race "X" attractive physically even though 1 of those person from said race would be a perfect match for me if they were not that race.
    Disagree 5 People
    • Stacyzee

      You have to ask yourself , why are you solely out to exclude someone based on their phenotype? Answer in honesty.
      Do you simply just share no attraction to that person?
      Or is society subconsciously influencing your discussions? Are stereotypes, negative stigmas , attached to the reason of why you wouldn't want to date that race?
      Do you feel your physical features in comparison are superior?

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