The Rake's Dating Philosophy

This is a synthesis of my main ideas since joining the site. The focus is on the logistics and psychology of dating and how men can overcome the inequalities of a dating economy that is biased in favour of women. First, I describe the nature of the existing gynocentric dating economy. Second, I detail the machiavellian nature of female dating strategy. Third, I outline the male mating strategy required to overcome this. This will be my final article.

1. Gynocentric Dating

The Rake's Dating Philosophy

The 80/20 theory is a percentile representation of the aversion women have towards hypergamous polygyny. What this means is that 80% of women are more selective on the whole about their sexual and romantic partners than men, favouring high status individuals in a small minority (20% of men). The remaining men either have to downgrade

What makes these high status men so attractive? Some people attribute this to looks and physicality. Some people argue instead that these men have the greatest socioeconomic status and wealth. Others argue that these men are simply more confident. What constitutes female attraction is an essentially irrational phenomena however: researchers found over 200 reasons why women might find a man sexually attractive, and for the most part women were not even consciously aware that they were attracted. This means that any theory of what 'turns a woman on' should be taken with a grain of salt.

I believe confidence is the common trait we can apply to all men that are successful with women? Why? Because not only is confidence an attractive quality, but men with more confidence have the stomach to sift through potentially thousands of women rejecting them before they find a woman that is attracted to them (and vice versa). So in other words, confidence negates the fact that female attraction is irrational. In light of this, I highlighted some of the attributes in confident men or 'alpha males' that women find the most attractive in separate takes.

As a separate note, I also explained in much detail in one article that men at the very least have equal gender issues compared to women in society.

2. Machiavellian Female Dating Strategy

The Rake's Dating Philosophy

There is plenty of evidence that women are hypergamous and polygynous, therefore validating the 80/20 theory (but don't quote me on the exact percentages because it might not be as extreme as 80% and 20%). This is favoured to the ethical alternatives women have of non-hypergamous promiscuity and demisexuality which I highlighted in a separated take. For example, a study by Clark and Hatfield and another study replicated in 2009 proved that women were less responsive to casual sex requests than men. This proves greater selectivity amongst women, hence validifying hypergamous polygyny. Other studies which prove women prefer to 'date up' include evidence of selectiveness when it comes to physical attractiveness as well as wealth and status:

In a world where women have so much sexual bargaining power, men are left with the same old traditional dating advice:

- Buy her drinks

- Pay for dates

- Just wait and eventually the right woman will come along

- Pick a girl and commit to her

- Just be yourself

Typically this is advice that keeps the 80% men that can't get laid on a short leash while the high status men have their pick of women who have sex in their 20s then settle down in their 30s. When the lies and deceit covering this up get called into question, women know how to conduct psychological warfare through ideology. They will use every dirty tactic in the book, shaming men for their sexual desires, shaming 'nice guys', using slut-shaming as a defence (when nobody even knows about the woman's sexual history!), etc., etc. The harsh truth is, women just don't find these men sexually attractive and that they are significantly more selective than most men are, being inclined towards hypergamous polygyny.

3. Male Counter-Machiavellian Dating Strategies

The Rake's Dating Philosophy

Not everything is doom and gloom, however.

I already mentioned that it is largely unknown whether extrinsic factors are more attractive or intrinsic factors. That's why it's important to work on both, extrinsic being looks, money and socioeconomic status and intrinsic being a genuine, authentic confident mindset that is both attractive to women AND allows men to sift through larger pools of women in spite of rejection. @pavlove already wrote a fantastic take explaining why men should STILL try to be successful with women, even if only 1% of women find them attractive, but I can't find it, damn!

There are two books I recommend for physicality and confidence (specifically confidence for meeting and attracting women) respectively.

The first book is Mark Rippetoe's Starting Strength which emphasises the importance of building core strength and physical mass through the squat, bench, deadlift and overhead press, breaking down the form of each lifts in anatomical detail.

The second book is called Models and is written by Mark Manson. It highlights the importance of developing a genuinely confident mindset, meeting as many women as possible and attracting them by demonstrating vulnerability and pure honesty (stating attraction from the offset and never lying about one's intentions).

Also, take a look at some of the counter-traditional dating methods I highlighted in a separate take.

Conclusion: dating is objectively unfair for men, but can be overcome with a focus on self-improvement, meeting and attracting as many women as possible. It is important that men do not become deterred by the ugly fact of hypergamous polygyny while simultaneously acknowledging that the world does not owe them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think the goals for hookup is to find someone really hot but you don't actually like. Why? You don't want to get attached. I know this sounds harsh, but what good does it do to have casual sex with a person you're not attracted to?

    Men just have lower standards when it comes to casual sex.
    And I guess it's because there's really no "bad" sex for men. It takes very little effort for him to cum.
    Many women prefer no sex over bad sex.

    This is why it's riskier for us to engage in casual sex. And why we're more selective.
    Aside from pregnancy and STD symptoms showing up later for us (thanks a lot mother nature).

    For men, it makes sense that they would still have sex with "butterfaces", girls that they think have ugly faces and hot bodies. They still have butts and boobs to play with. And the vag of course. We don't really have much but your face and dick. Maybe the abs or pecs if the girl is into that, but it probably doesn't bring as much pleasure to us and you like boob play does.
    Or "slumpbusters" aka girls that are ugly and they'd never actually date or even want to kiss, but a better alternative than masturbation. I've heard guys say that "ugly girls try harder". So let's say worse case scenario she is a dead fish, you still can pump and will cum.
    It's no secret that for us to get off, a lot of time is needed for even one orgasm. And if he's not attractive, well, it just makes it that much harder.

    For dating, looks aren't as important because you have other things to compensate. This applies to both male and females.
    Personally, I had 1 friends with benefits, that was about as casual as sex has gotten for me. And I know I'm not good on separating feelings from sex, and I did wanna test this out. I'm not. So I just wanted him to be good looking, and I didn't want to "like" him. I mean, he wasn't a bad person, but he wasn't what I normally date. And that was my goal. Good looking, but not an ideal partner.
    Would I do it again? No. I just had to try it out. But it wasn't the same as committed relationship sex. It was just a "get the monkey off my back" type of thing.

    • I do think that women should do more approaching so that men won't have the whole burden.

      But on this site, dudes have no game lol irl, I know plenty of ugly poor guys with average, pretty, and even hot gfs, ONS, FWBs, etc. I don't know what y'all are doing wrong.
      Those guys don't hate women and blame them for everything though. That might be it. They know it's a numbers game. You win some, you lose some.

      I've asked out guys, and I've been rejected by all of them. And no, they weren't hot jocks or whatever, they were guys I was attracted to. Scrawny geeky guys.
      You're not always going to get a yes. Not even if you're a girl. In fact, you're gonna get more "nos" then "yesses".
      I do agree that for women it may be easier, but it's still not as simple as many guys on this site think.

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    • i realize thats why you got to get them young before all that.

    • there is a reason things like mgtow exist. lost of men are mgtow and have never even heard of it.

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What Guys Said 16

  • love the conclusion there.

    Especially since it can be summed up with; "quit the bitching, and improve yourself instead so you have a higher chance to be among a girl's 20%" XD

    • Right! If you can't beat the system, join it!

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    • 'Okay, some women will still demand millions, bbut they're gold diggers anyway.'

      Right! Being broke is actually a good thing in some ways - you know that no girl is interested in you just for your money.

      'what's fun about the 80/20 rule is that it implies that 80% of women are easy (or insert any other word you find appropriate). so who even wants those 80% anyway?'

      This is what I liked about another user's take: he explained why you should still try EVEN IF only 1% of women find you attractive:

    • yep, exactly.

      The 20% will change from girl to girl. And i don't need a million girls. I just want ONE girl that finds me to be perfect, and whom i find perfect too.

      I don't need more. And that takes less luck than 1 in 100 XD

      People are fools for not trying

  • I don't get half of those words bro but dang, Random S/o to my dad for tall jacked athletic genes. <3

  • Brilliant man, so good.

    What do you recommend for a startup type of guy who's looking after his folks and thus out of the hit drinks after work lifestyle (for now). How does he maintain attraction until he ventures back to the Stinson lifestyle when he has the means to acquire his bachelor pad?

    And what of a long distance friendship (girl became single, met her when taken), keep in touch by text and visit each other now and again (on nights out)?

    • Hey sorry for late reply. My answer is that clubs and bars aren't necessarily the bed place to meet women any way. In your shoes, I would prefer to meet and attract women as I go about my daily routine, using simple, authentic compliments and focusing on direct, open body language. That reading recommendation, ' models ' has good info for building a foundation in confident communication and building an attractive lifestyle. Best luck. p. s. You can always go on an occasional short stay to another town, enjoy the scenery and tourism their while you try to meet and attract women during your stay at the local hotel. Hope this helps.

  • Good take!

    I heard somewhere that in the history of humanity 80% of women have reproduced, but only 40% of men have. I just looked it up again and found this reddit thread (it has a link in it to an article, might be interesting for you to read) :

    So it is indeed clear that it is much harder to be an attractive man than to be an attractive woman (although these are historical statistics and stuff). So yeah, like you said self-improvement is the thing haha :P

    • Yep, it turns the whole thing into something of a sum-zero competition where only a few men benefit. That is why I am so anal about self-improvement. But yeah it's difficult to find modern day statistics. I wouldn't be surprised if 40% of men reproduced since there will be the elite 20% who have their pick and then some remaining men who either date down or settle for prostitutes, arranged marriages, etc. Many problems could be avoided of people just stuck to their own leagues. I'll give that link a read through, thanks!

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    • @dartmaul15 well, other studies I mentioned seemed to point towards hypergamous polygyny.

    • 'Or do you have any things to add?'

      No, just don't overcomplicate. Calm and confident is fine. You don't need to throw in humour, intelligence, charm, and everything else into the mix. It will make everything ten times harder.

  • all of this sounds like a lie or lack of information

    • if you have better stats, then feel free to share :-)

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    • well first, I don't have anything to gain personally from this as you will probably realise if you look through my other takes (URLed into the OP). second, the 80/20 thing, I don't know if it's true or not but it does seem that way and I did post evidence that would suggest women are polygynous/hypergamous and this points in the direction of 80/20. I haven't seen that movie.

      third, I was going to talk about this but forgot to mention it. the 80% of men will either downgrade to the least desirable women, use prostitutes, or if they are VERY lucky they can use tricks and tactics to sleep with an 80% woman once in a blue moon - e. g. work their way out of the friend zone, buy drinks for them, etc. eventually the 80% woman WILL settle for an 80% man (marriage) - this is after the alpha male is finally forced to commit to a relationship. essentially, the beta male is being forced to settle for the alpha male's sloppy seconds while society (and the woman in question) tells him that he ought

    • to feel grateful.

  • I really don't feel like it's this complicated.

    • This neglects a plethora of attractive qualities like confidence (separate though related to personality), socioeconomic status, money, etc. It also doesn't take into account the mindset that is required to actually get out there and attempt to meet and attract women.

    • You made it more complicated than it actually is, I'm not tall, not the best facial structure, not much confidence, and don't usually have anything to show whether or not I have more money than most people. I just talk to people and it's worked out pretty good since middle school.

  • A lot of male 'research' into sex and dating, to me, reads more like moral judgment rather than actual research. I don't think it's anyone's 'fault' that sexual behaviours are what they are.

    I say this because there's no original data here, you haven't reached any actual conclusions other than to try and show how unfair it all is, and you even fell into the trap of confusing the optimum outcomes for a woman's genes as being the same as a woman's behaviour (which is a bit weird, when you say it in plain language).

    More productive would be to talk about how to make the world a better place.

    If males must have a beauty standard, why must every male have the same standard? What if our schools divided men into hundreds of subgroups and indoctrinated them with different beauty standards?


    What if men learned to be more charming and fun? Could that tilt the ratio, make it more even?

    • 'More productive would be to talk about how to make the world a better place.'

      You can't. You can change the shoes you wear, but you can't cover every pavement in comfortable padded carpet for you to tread on barefoot.

      In other words, you have to make YOURSELF better, even when the odds are stacked against.

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    • If I might be blunt, by the way, I don't think the women need to do the reforming. Most of the reforming is probably for us, the males.

    • 'I mean, how are my kids to perform better? How are yours?'

      My kids will perform better with the knowledge I have to give them.

      'There's a real problem to be dealt with, and we should actually get mad about it.'

      Tbh, people don't take you seriously if you get mad you just look like a bitter emasculated man. Talking about 80/20 objectively like I do, just spreading the word with the focus on self-improvement and more people will listen to you.

      'Just stuffing your hands in your pockets and telling me "Meh, I'll just win the hands in front of me" is completely missing the point.'

      I used to care about all of this social responsibility stuff but it got me nothing, so now, yeah I'd rather just focus on winning.

  • I don't know to me men got it bad. you need to have money. and a expensive ass car to get a ok girlfriend I guess me having a not that high paying job and ok looks and a below average member will turn her off more. this is why I say it wasn't a choice for me to not go for girls and everyone needs to shut up with oh you can still find a girls shit

    • Yeah women are superficial about LMS like men are superficial about wanting a hot girlfriend. Difference is, women are more disguised/subtle about their superficialities but men are the ones getting all the stick.

  • great take! and thanks for the s/o!

    • no problem. it was a shame I could not find that take you wrote recently but many of the others you write drive the point home and without the need for analysing like I do.

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    • yep well for guys like me we need to get the analysing out of their system. then we are free to look at things from a more down to earth perspective which has the power of coming from a place where things have been looked at in detail.

    • do you have a link to the take btw?

  • Are you applying to a PUA firm yet?

    • no dude, I don't have anything to gain financially from this take.

  • So your proposed dating strategy is just go to the gym and get ripped?

    • no dude, I said it helps. check out the mark manson reading recommendation.

  • That red pill sure goes down bitter lol.

    You sound like you're trying to capture an animal and fuck it. Don't you think it's at all possible having genuine conversation with people is a better strategy?

    I don't know maybe i just don't understand the allure of sportfucking. I'm perfectly fine waiting a few dates of seeing how we hang out before we get to that part.

    All those dating rules are bs anyway. I only paid for a whole first date like once in my whole life and that was because it was expensive.

    Honestly it is not that hard if you're good to people

    • 'You sound like you're trying to capture an animal and fuck it. Don't you think it's at all possible having genuine conversation with people is a better strategy?'

      Putting words in my mouth much?

      'I only paid for a whole first date like once in my whole life'

      You're under 18.

      'that was because it was expensive'

      Mate, that is even more reason to split a date. It's ok to buy the girl a coffee but an expensive pizza at Frankie and Bennys? She can find herself some other mug.

    • It was tickets for something i was gonna go to with friends if she said no. I'm not going to expect her to shell out 30 bucks to something i invited her to. She even demanded i let her buy lunch when she saw how much tickets were. How's that for the rulebook?

      And my age is random clicks. I'm in my 20s. I've been on plenty of dates man.

  • I like this take, women as a whole don't know how good they have it. and yet they still start with the feminist bs.

    • basically, women are egalitarian feminists when it comes to job security but suddenly diehard traditionalists when it comes to dating. nowadays women truly want to have their cake and eat it.

  • Stupid because girls are aware of which men they are attracted too.

    • You might assume so but studies such as the ones I have cited and the way girls behave IRL seems to suggest differently.

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    • ok dude, restate it all you want but it doesn't change this little fact:

    • Those are extreme examples. Donald trump, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs all have/had plain looking wives. Most people date people of equal levels of attractiveness.

  • Were you referring to this take? Because this one wasn't written by pavlove

  • 0|0
    • Agreed with both takes, in fact I left opinion comments... by the way, I have a sneaking suspicion who you are ;-)

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