Some Women Have Men Flock to Them While Others Are Invisible. What Makes These Women Desirable?

The women that have men flock to them , while the others are invisible.  What makes these women desirable?

So, before I begin, I must place my stance on this myTake. Yes, I feel as if I am the woman on the invisible side of the spectrum. I did not enter my first relationship until my early twenties and it was sadly short lived. I have befriended other ladies in high school, even some that I work with and these women seem to get so much attention. This makes me envious and I guess that makes me juvenile.

I would not say that I am beautiful or gorgeous by any standard. I am thick (around a size 10-12 in Women's clothing) and above average in height. I am hispanic and live in the south, where a majority of the men are probably appealed to a different type of woman. I feel regardless of my location, I do not measure up to the other women in the area or the others I am acquainted with.

I grew up in New York for thirteen years and never had a "boyfriend" in middle school. In H.S., I was never asked out to a prom or homecoming. I did not get guys to ask me out until I was a Senior in H.S. and that was only because they were friends with one of my friends.

People have complimented me throughout my lifetime and I am not including solely family. Friends, strangers (in person and online) and work. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, however, I am skeptical as to how women flourish in their dating lives.

Some say it is a due to their approachability and physical appeal that draws others. Yes, I am considerably reserved, yet I did not think it would take me so long to enter a relationship. I had to put myself out there online to encounter a guy that seemed suitable and the process was not as easy as it may sound.

Whether you are the belle of the ball or a wallflower, what is your opinion on the matter? What is this it-factor women have that makes them socially and sexually/romantically acceptable?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I’ll be frank about this. The healthiest girls get the most attention from guys.

    By health I don’t mean you get the a’ok from the physician at your yearly physical exam. No.

    The girls that go to extreme lengths above and beyond standard health metrics are the ones who are grabbing guys. The ones who eat healthy, don’t drink or smoke, are in the gym just because they take their lives seriously and don’t want to self-sabatoge.

    This is about the only thing. The rest stems from an overflowing self-assurance that follows logically from getting tangible results prior.

    Tips: Take yourself seriously. Get real about fitness because you want to. Realize your accomplishments are worth something, and that therefore you are worth something. Act like you are worth a lot, and have the facts to back it up for real.

    Do that. The same goes for guys.

    Physical health is the best indicator of fertility. Fertility is the best indicator for sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is the best indicator for having casual sex. Having repeated casual sex defines a relationship.

    Therefore, to have a relationship you must first have casual sex. To have casual sex you must first have high fertility. To have high fertility you must first have strong physical health. To have strong physical health you have to take yourself seriously. To take yourself seriously you have to avoid smoking and drinking, and start eating like you care a lot about your health. To care a lot about your health exudes self-assurance. Self-assurance with facts to back it up = men flock to you.

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    • I would have to disagree with this. Looks will only go so far if you don't have the personality and friendliness to back it up. I don't know about you, but I'm not interested in a sour, resting-bitch-face girl, no matter how 'healthy' she is. A girl with a genuine, easy smile and friendly disposition is much more attractive by far.

    • @SquareWave I don't know man. Most normal personalities are fine. Most people aren’t bitchey. If they are, then that’s more of a problem than the default.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I really think it's physical attractiveness and approachability. I have a friend who is really beautiful AND she's incredibly open to interaction. Like... she smiles at EVERYONE, compliments everyone, and so, people feel safe approaching her. Men move to her like a moth to a flame. Interestingly, so do women. And I really think it has to do with her persona... she radiates contentment. You'd be surprised how many people wanna be close to a happy person lol.

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What Guys Said 21

  • I feel the same. I'm sorry to hear you going through it too. Personally I think it's a factor of being attractive. In which I'm not as you can see. And to be honest it could just be your personality as well. Normally woman tend to look down on themselves more. I bet you look alright, maybe your personality.

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  • Work on your social skills and attractiveness. You'll have all the guys you can handle.

    The #1 desirable trait in a woman is her level of attraction and desire for her man. Everything else is secondary.

    You really need to focus less inwardly and more outwardly. This is why you feel the way you do - it's just not all about you. You have to BE a friend to HAVE a friend.

    Love can't start 'till attraction does.

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  • It is all about response. Man is supposed to be the offender and the woman is supposed to except or reject the man.

    She can do that with words, body language or action.

    Girls are like pizza. Some are better than others, but they are all good.

    Just have to have the right toppings for the guy you want.

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  • Usually there is a certain energy that the man magnets have. It's their energy, combined with a flirty style of dress. They are usually infinitely approachable, friendly, and make you feel interesting.

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  • Communication. Girls who are popular with men aren't hard to speak to. Women who make you jump through 50 hoops just say 'hello' aren't worth the effort.

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  • It's practically impossible for a girl to be "invisible" to men. You're a girl... If you're "invisible" then it's your own fault. Sorry.

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  • A smile and warm personality can do wonders. You have to seem approachable to be approached!

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  • Well for starters if you aren't blocked for saying hello, sounds like you fare better than most guys. Alas, women seem to have no problem blocking me

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  • "I did not enter my first relationship until my early twenties and it was sadly short lived." That's not late really. In fact I feel like if you are still a teenager and in a relationship it probably isn't an actual relationship. Just puppy love. Of course you'd be jealous. These girls are out-competing you. I do not think it has anything to do with your ethnic group nor location solely (I'm from the south). You probably are average to most people, but that doesn't mean you can't still get partners. I saw someone on here suggest smiling. Maybe that'll help, but in the long run I'd say just keep living life. Don't worry about being in a relationship. Just try to meet people and interact. I don't believe you necessarily have to be a vocal person.

    What makes other women attractive? That's a very open ended question but I mean physically it would include a lot of things. Size, weight, shape, facial structure, etc. age makes a difference too.

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  • Physical attractiveness.

    That's about it. Everything else is important, but secondary to ^ that.

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  • It's because they are high value! Meaning not only are they good looking, but they could also have money, power, morals, or status.

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  • *being attractive to said guy
    *having positive, open body language & facial expressions

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  • You place this text under 'anonymous' status. If this is your general modus, you should not be surprised to often go unnoticed. When we see some people 'getting all the attention', it does not mean that others don't get at least some amount of it. If one is more the timid or temperate type, a suitable (and interested) partner usually is similar. That's like the handbrake pulled on both sides, and so things unfold slower or more hindered. As nothing in life comes for free/by itself, the least to do is to make oneself sufficiently visible. and to do a first step when someone else doesn't, hurts no one.

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  • If it's any consolation , at least 95% of men are invisible to women , we are used to this !! Also , it is NOT just about pure looks , there are plenty of outwardly attractive women with absolute crap " personalities " and radiate arrogance , huge ego and hostility , the majority of women round my way are NOT approachable , mostly stony faced / scowling expressions , smiles are very rare ( partly the culture too ) , however this may also a defence against unwanted male attention too , which is understandable.

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  • There personality. For me many woman seem in approachable.

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  • I'd prefer the invisible ones over the ones that have more competition.

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  • Personality and looks?

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  • These women know how to get men

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  • Interesting mytake.

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  • Well Blake Lively who's illustrating your take is hot as fuck. Gorgeous face and a boner-inspiring body. That's why she has guys flocking to her.

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  • Slim, small waist, big tits (at least a C cup) and pretty face.

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    • I don't think so... i think I have what you described but still never had a boyfriend :(

    • @Jxy95 PROVE THAT SHIT! Show a pic and I'll judge that. I'm a brutally honest prick too so you'll get the truth!

    • @Jxy95 Then maybe it's time to do something about that. A LOT of girls who complain about exactly what you said believe that dating is a passive experience for women and that women should do nothing. Those women who men flock to? They are putting themselves out there in the first place. They are actually talking to men and getting to know them.

What Girls Said 14

  • Some people have a natural magnetism to them. I notice a lot of girls who aren`t academically smart, at least some of them, but their faces and personalities are glowing. Even I want to be around them at times. I guess beautiful people are told they are beautiful from day one, and they learn to deal with it in a way that they know it, but won`t always rub it in. That`s just how I have experienced it. Also, confident women are automatically more attractive because they aren`t difficult to be around.

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  • I'm a girl, 25, size 10 pants, never had a problem getting the guy AFTER HIGH SCHOOL. Let me explain, I was a cheerleader in HS. I was what was known as "popular", yet until late in my junior year was invisible to all the guys. I grew up in a very small town and it used to inferiorate me.
    College happened. I got screwed over in a relationship. I let myself be single and learned who I am, what i want, etc. Now, I'm a crazy confident person who isn't willing to settle for less than I believe I deserve. And now, I am the person who has to let people down, vs the heart broken.
    The single most attractive thing about anybody ever is confidence. When a dude looks at you and you break eye contact and stareat the floor? (Used to be me) not attractive. Maintaining eye contact and giving a cute smile whether you're interested or not, confident and sexy.
    How do I know this? I'm a girl who hangs out with dudes. My best friend is a 64 year old man. It is what it is. But my main group are 25-30 And we frequently talk about this. No I'm not sleeping with any of them, nor have I ever. They all agree, a woman who looks like she believes she's too good for you, whether she is or not, is desirable. It's a common case of wanting what you can't have.
    Love yourself, grow some confidence, you'll stick out. The saying, "no one can love you properly until you truly love yourself" is the most valid argument I've ever heard.

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  • Usually the confidence in yourself will be one of the main things. I've always gotten too much attention since I was in middle school. I'm one of those girls who is so busy paying attention to what I am doing and not paying attention to the guys, that they tried to get my attention. I would suggest not concentrating on looking for someone, but do things for you and have fun doing it. Be happy and confident in the person you are, that will usually give off positive vibes.

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  • I don't think that physical appearance is what you require for being in a relationship. As you told us that you are always praised by others I think you have a great personality. It's always attractive. And people around you start to think that you are too good for them so they used to back off.
    Just wait for the right time and you will also meet your soul mate someday. :)

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  • " I am thick (around a size 10-12 in Women's clothing) and above average in height. I am hispanic and live in the south, where a majority of the men are probably appealed to a different type of woman."

    Cry me a fucking river. Black men revere thick women. You are only looking for rich white guys, that's why you get the treatment you do, and that's entirely your fault. Learn to like who likes you and you'll be rid of this problem in no time.

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    • "Black men revere thick women" Not true at all but go on 😂

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    • @ovoxo_ Ok, it's good to know there's black men who like thin women, too. And yes, I've sometimes suspected this (the settling part) but people get usually mad when I say this.

    • Because people people do not like hearing the cold hard truth. Look at black men who are successful and have as many options as white guys do. Not one of these date big girls, not ONE. The regular black guy does because he's settling. That's it.

      Perpetuating that stereotype that black guys like fat white women or big girls in general is insulting to us. As soon as we get options the big girls become "invisible" to us as well.

  • You asked "What Makes These Women Desirable?" I'd say good looks/appearance for one. Bubbly or non-snobbish personality another.

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  • To be honest I feel the same. I have met girls with the personality of cucumber and yet all the guys are around her. So I've been thinking all the time since I can remember: I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough, I'm not good enough, so eventually I stop trying with men.

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  • Ahem. Just because you don't get asked out does not make you invisible. I usually find that yes it does have a lot to do with looks however girls who are very intimidating and independent attract a lot of attention whether they are average or hot.

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  • in my experience men prefer as thin and tiny as possible. i've always been average height and weight and it's not as desired.

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  • Self confidence. By reading your post I think you dont have much. I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, physically speaking, even though I know I have certain great features but I have always had men around me because I consider I have a strong personality, independence, intelligence and always a good topic to talk about as well as much love to give. Not everything is about the looks. At the end we wil lall be old and ugly one day. DOnt you put it so much in those terms. Focus more on what you are because for sure you are a lot more than a body and a face and you will see how men fall to your feet (in a good sense).

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  • I've kind of been on both sides (with the invisible side being more prominent). For the most part I've been very very very invisible to the opposite sex, guys just wouldn't come up to me at all. Then out of the blue, someone I really really like will confess that they find me super hot. What i've worked out is, after some investigation that guys can be pretty scared to ask girls out or, that they see you more as girlfriend material as opposed to hookup material and they feel uncomfortable coming onto me in hookup only situations.

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  • It has to do a lot with the way you carry yourself and how you look physically.

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  • I say it depends on location. Some men in the area may favor thick while another area favors slim

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  • You’re reserved? That is the reason.

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