Dating Advice For Those Still in School!

[bente2]

(By school I mean high school, I’m writing this take with an audience of ages 13-18 in mind)

Seniors and freshmen should NEVER date

This one is really important to me. I’ve seen people defend this and somehow try to make it seem okay? It’s really not? A freshman is 13/14/15 years old. A senior is 17/18. That’s a two year difference, minimum, which does not matter much when you’re an adult. But if you’re a teenager going through puberty, every year comes with a great amount of change. I still remember how dumb I was a year ago, how much I’ve changed. You are not an adult yet, so there are certain “restrictions”.

If you are a senior and want to date a freshman, you need to think about why (and why you shouldn’t). Chances are it’s because a freshman is naive in certain areas you’re not. They are easy to manipulate and use (often for sex). That’s also why if you’re a freshman, you need to watch out and be careful. Not everyone has your best interest at heart. Dating someone older might SEEM cool, but you’re really not on their level of thinking yet. They will want to do things you aren’t comfortable with, and you’ll have difficulty expressing your feelings because you’re probably pretty insecure and not accustomed to more serious relationships.

PDA should be kept at a minimum

A peck on the cheek or even mouth is totally fine. A nice hug occasionally or a small gaze too. However, too often I see couples eating each other in the hallways, pretending they’re in the fucking notebook. Pressed up against lockers or stairs...

Also, if you keep it at a mimimum outside, kissing in their bedroom or in another private spot will seem much more fun. The teachers and other students will surely appreciate not seeing it too.

Realise this is not very serious.

Dating at this age is often for short term only. You need to keep this in mind when you’re in a relationship. Don’t expect to marry this person, instead, don’t be afraid to judge harshly. What i mean by that is you should use this time to find out what you value in someone. It might be a simple blend now, but by dating and thinking hard about these things you’ll figure out what you want and seek. I found out through experience I really value loyalty. And I also value intelligence and humour. I found out a certain age range I get along with better et cetera et cetera. High school is a time of finding things out, including relationship related stuff (unless you don’t want to be in relationships, that’s a-okay too!)

Allow yourself to indulge in it, though.

However, also allow yourself to fully relish in your relationship while it still lasts. Because school dating is usually so short, you have a short time to enjoy it. Be sure to feel comfortable, let things naturally evolve and get closer, even though things might end soon.

Don’t romanticize it too much.

Dating in high school isn’t like some teen drama. It’ll most likely be hella awkward and new, and that’s okay. That’s a step towards adult dating. Relish in the awkwardness instead, don’t try and act out a scene of a movie.

But also do not feel obligated to date.

Dating is NOT a necessity. If you do not feel like you should date, want to date or whatever, don’t. Even if people try to make you feel less worthy. You are your own person, you do not need “your other half”, there is no such thing.

There, I wrote some helpful things, I hope. I’d love to hear your tips, opinions and stories!

[Jgirl532]

I would say the same. We seem to be very likeminded, and I agree with you completely. The nice thing about my school is that it is split into two campuses because it is so big that we couldn't all fit into one. One campus has freshmen and sophomores while the other has juniors and seniors. That keeps the whole freshman-senior thing at bay, and the stereotypes about everyone wanting freshman girls and senior guys don't really apply. I think that cultivates a better atmosphere when it comes to dating.

However, PDA is really common on the younger campus, and I do find it very annoying. On the older campus, there is some sort of system where couples basically claim a stairwell for a certain amount of time, and suddenly its basically theirs. My school is quite weird.

My big piece of advice for high schoolers, though, would be to listen to what their friends have to say about potential or current partners. I dated a guy that my friends all hated, and I ended up socially isolated because they refused to be around us, lonely, and depressed. I wasn't happy in that relationship to begin with, and my friends knew it.

[Dumbbrunette]

Any advice for homeschoolers?

[bente2]

Try to engage in social activities, such as a hobby, try to go places in your town where there’s other people your age etc!

[Dumbbrunette]

Thanks!

[WeirdoWerdo]

I'm 16 and my age is not included... I can't date anyone? or both? Well not that this school system or anything is a thing in my country a 14 year old and lets say a 16+ year old person don't even go in the same school or anything. A 16 to 19 y/o are in high school and are NEVER mixed with anyone younger you can't even be a fucking super smart alien you will not jump a class like NO. Like shit I'll be in High school officialy next Tuesday... Personally I'll only date girls the same age as me or 1 year younger at most even if that means she'd be at a completely other school which is nto a high school like my 1 year older cousin did he went to 1st year in high school last semester but his girlfriend was in my grade... I don't find anything wrong with that nor does any parent at all...

[bente2]

Your comment is incoherent, but I tried making sense of it...

Your age is included? I wrote 13-18?

What I’m saying is someone that’s 13 and dating someone that’s 18 is absolutely wrong.

[WeirdoWerdo]

"A freshman is 13/14/15 years old. A senior is 17/18." Where the hell am I :(

[bente2]

Well you’re neither a freshman or a senior when you’re 16.

[acooke-13]

Hmm, I don't get the whole senior/freshman thing as I'm English and we don't have all that. But I don't see a problem with someone dating when their 15 and 17, it's abit weird if their 13 and 18 - but whatever floats your boat right. You're right, puberty hits and people change and what not, heartbreak happens, gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince I suppose

[bente2]

I’m dutch and freshmen are 11-13 here, seniors 16-18. I wrote this with the American school system in mind, where you have elementary, then middle school and then high school.

Because every year matters so much in puberty, i just think it’s really fucking weird to date someone that much younger. It’s like dating a younger sibling in my mind. When you’re around your twenties, fine, but in puberty? Nah.

[acooke-13]

Oh I see, yeah English schools are completely different.

[Scarecrow13]

My dad started dating my mom when he was a senior and she was a Freshman. They got married after my mom graduated, back in the 70s, and have been married ever since.

[BillieJean1070]

It was so much fun to call certain guys your boyfriend in high school.

[mishanw_1071]

... my boyfriend and i have been dating since we were 15 and really do intend to continue...

[bente2]

That’s great, it CAN happen. But it shouldn’t be expected. When you go off to college a lot of things change.

[mishanw_1071]

Yep 👍

[Anonymous]

at the age of 17 you are in no place to give love advice. and school dating is an epidemic. too much toxicity, distraction from studies and unwanted pregnancies occur. but this stems from the house. whatever values the kids are given, those values they practice.

[bente2]

Exactly, just as I can see the value you’ve been beought up with is “respect your elders simply because they’re older”.

Who do you think you are to judge someone that gives advice? Age is not a factor in advice giving. I didn’t write this for you, you’re already done with school.

[Opinion Owner]

you affect kids at that age though

[bente2]

Yes, i’m aware. That’s sort of the point, but i can see that it went over your head.

[marilynmansonssextoy]

What about if you can't find any non-conformists at your school?
xx
~ Mrs Manson

[bente2]

You try to stop judging “conformists”.

[Wowgirl10q]

Go out with someone older

[bente2]

True that, sis

[TheBigSoftie]

Nice Take!

[opurba]

Please use safety.

[Anonymous]

Nice take

[zagor]

Nothing wrong with seniors and freshman dating.

[bente2]

If you think a 13 yo should be able to date an 18 yo you’re sick. They’re barely getting into puberty dating someone on the way out? What the fuck dude.

[zagor]

Where I went it was usually 14 and 17 for those grades, not 13 and 18. And there are some very mature 14 year old girls, compared to boys that age. When I was a senior I liked a freshman girl, but at that time was too shy to ask anyone out.

In case you haven't noticed, girls finish puberty earlier than boys. That is why the girls seemed like giants in 7th grade.

[bente2]

Doesn’t matter if she’s “mature for her age”, that’s the same stuff paedos say man.

Girls do not finish puberty earlier than boys, all humans are fully grown at 21. The reason girls seem to mature faster is because they’re pressured into doing so, because their bodies are starting to look like women.

[zagor]

A 17 year old interested in a 14 year old is not a pedophile. That word seems to be bandied around a bit too casually among the ignorant.

Bodies don't magically mature at 21. And girls do mature earlier. Or can you explain why else I am now considerably taller than the girls who were taller than me in middle school?

[bente2]

Where did I say that a 17 yo would be the paedo?

Are you fucking stupid or what? Humans are fully grown at around 21, brain wise and body wise. Of course their bodies will change as they age and their opinions will shift too, but they are fully grown. Google it. Girls DO NOT mature faster, as i’ve already explained (which you choose to ignore)

[zagor]

If you're talking physical maturity, they do. In fact for some reason puberty now appears to be appearing earlier than in previous generations.

And girls stop growing well before 21.

[bente2]

Yeah, if you actually look up the reseach you’ll see puberty does start earlier, but not notably earlier (we’re talking less than a year here).

Can you fucking read? I said they are grown at around 21, which is true. Most people stop growing ans changing much at 20.

[VaIiant]

If you think a 14/15 year old dating someone 3 years older is “disgustingly wrong”, you’re in for quite the rude awakening. When I was a freshman I was mistaken for a senior, or older, constantly, both due to physical and mental maturity. Yes, some 14/15 year olds are ridiculously immature and probably shouldn’t date at all. But there are exceptions to every rule.

[zagor]

Vertically, girls usually are done growing at 15.

Horizontally, that continues for life...

[bente2]

@VaIiant i do think that’s wrong. I used to think i was “so mature” too, people even told me this. But i was so not ready for dating and having relationships with someone older than me. One year makes so much difference when you’re a teenager.

[VaIiant]

That’s you personally. You need to not write shit like this from spite of personal experiences, as it seems like you dated up and it went wrong and then decided to slander all people who date out of their grade.
I dated up all throughout high school and don’t regret it. Everyone I went out with was respectful and mature, and I was ready for the relationships. It’s not mine, or anyone else’s, fault that you had a sour relationship.

[bente2]

@VaIiant wow, you’re rude. Fuck off then.

No, it did not went wrong. They wanted moee than I could give them, and i’ve seen aimilar things happen to other people that dated older at a young age.