No contact rule with coworker?

[Anonymous]

I'm was a friends with benefits with a coworker. He broke it off. I feel played (he got his rocks off, I didn't, then he ended it). I've been trying to do the No Contact rule for my own sanity. But we're coworkers and I see him for an hour each day (luckily our shifts only overlap for an hour). I was doing well at avoiding him, but today he went out of his way to talk to me. He's still acting distant, not flirty at all, but friendly, asking for the most recent office gossip. I fell into it and texted him that I had more gossip after he left. He just texted (immediately) "nice", which for him was pretty dismissive. I feel like an idiot because I was trying to keep away from him. I get so anxious around him. It's so uncomfortable. I'd love words of encouragement. I'm going back to trying no contact (to get distance and preserve my sanity).

Also, I'd love your opinion - it was just weeks ago that we hooked up and he ended it because we got caught at work. Him being friendly to me at work makes me nervous. Is he trying to keep the door open in case he wants to hook up again sometime in the future? I don't understand why he's going out of his way to talk to me while remaining distant. (The relationship was never serious, just friends with benefits.) Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Don't go for the no contact thing. That's stupid and won't solve anything, plus it's not necessary.
With friends with benefits you should always be prepared to know it's not anything more. When he got off but you didn't that's kind of a dick move and might be a reason to stop fucking him, but nothing more. If you want to keep your distance, do so, but it seens like he still wants to be friends and you could be friendly to him as well.

[Anonymous]

He is just trying to be professional and just have a conversation with you at work. It's not weird for him at all. You're the one that making weird and uncomfortable. You guys can still talk being that you work together, just keep it professional that's it. New rule should be no sleeping with coworkers.

[Asker]

He said he wanted to just keep it professional but he did this once before and honestly this is how it all started. And men do try to keep the door often for the future.

[carlitoswayy]

It really does sound that your going to end up in bed again. Why do u care if the door is open? Dont sleep with coworkers, thats just a mess.

[Asker]

@carlitoswayy a lot of people meet their significant other at work. But I admit this was a big mistake. I don't want to hook up with him again but I do want to prepare myself to turn him down if he's going to try again. He's very sexy to me so it will be tough but I know turning him down will be the right thing to do.

[carlitoswayy]

honestly, finding your SO at work is a waste of time.

You dont meet your SO at work by hooking up lol.

Yep.. He is sexy to you.

Again, im a man and i know exactly what he is doing. Good luck.

[carlitoswayy]

Lol..

So you guys hooked up and now he is distant?

It sounds like you want more than just friends with benefit.

I can tell ur gonna give in.
Keep getting played sweetheart

And another piece of advice "dont shit where you eat " seriously, hooking up with a co worker.. Really? Where are the work ethics..

[Asker]

I don't want more, I just expected my fair share of fun. Are you saying that he's being friendly because he may try to hook up again?

[carlitoswayy]

Exactly.

You want your fair share? What does that mean?

Yes, sometimes we do that, especially if we know the girl is thinking about us and after us.

Mark my words, if sex happens again, he will go more distant

[Asker]

That's where I'm confused. He broke it off, but is now acting friendly. Is he going to try again? Is he keeping the door open in case he wants to again?

[Asker]

How can I "give in" if he's the one who broke it off.

[carlitoswayy]

Lol you sound a bit naive, not judging.

Listen, perhaps was a one time thing for him or he is just playing hard to get and is clearly working.

I have done this to girls and honestly? I just wanted to have sex, not play them but i guess it appears that way.

If you want to have fun just tell him u want to hookup, worse case scenario, you will get rejected.

[Asker]

We established that we were just hooking up. We had that talk. He ended it because his boss found out he was hooking up with a coworker (boss didn't know it was me). So ex friends with benefits said we should just keep it professional. He left and came back 6 weeks ago (before the boss found out). We didn't have sex, he wanted to, it was just oral sex. I'm a bit nervous whether he'll try to come back or not. He's the one who shut it down but now he's the one being friendly (but distant). I'm trying to not be naive, that's why I'm asking. Should I prepare myself that this guy may hit on me again? I'll have to say no, but he's super sexy to me so it will be hard and that's why I want to be prepared. If it's over then it's overy and I'm good. I just don't want to be blindsided if he hits on me again. And this new friendly is making me nervous.

[Asker]

This friends with benefits has been going on for a few months. It's not the first or only time. But he shut it down, even said he can't be seen talking to me, so I am trying to understand why he's being friendly, but distant. The distant is professional, sure. But I don't understand why he's going out of his way to chat with me, even tho its a bit awkward and cold.

[carlitoswayy]

Can i message you?

[Asker]

Sure

[carlitoswayy]

I see,

I think you are confused and you like this guy a lot.

To be honest. If he approaches you again, say your not interested. Keep it professional.

Yes a lot of people meet their SO at work, but like his boss, he doesn't like that shit because he knows its trouble.

[carlitoswayy]

You will have to message me first hehe, your anonymous

[Asker]

I like what we had going on. It was fun, for sure. He shut it down. Will he try to approach me again? I need to prepare myself to say no if that's a possibility. Have you ever met someone that you were very chemically attracted to? My head may say it's a bad idea but it will take a little convincing to get my body to say no.

[Asker]

it won't let me. says you only accept messages from certain people.

[Twolips]

That must be awkward