Guy in dating wants to see me all the time. Is this a red flag?

[emmalove18]

The guy I'm dating, I have been friends with for 6 years. In those 6 years he has always shown a romantic interest in me. It's never been the right time, in the 6 years I've known him I had been in a serious relationship and had a baby. My serious relationship broke up 3 years ago and I just wasn't interested in pursuing anything seriously so on and off over the past 3 years we had just been very casual and meeting up when it suited me.

The past 3 months we have been more serious, I have been seeing him about 2 to 3 times a week and already he has started talking about the future. I have made it very clear to him that I am a busy mum and I really cherish my alone time, he said he understood. I would be willing to see this dude every second night (which is a lot for me as I love my alone time and need it to recharge).

The past month though he has been asking to see me like every night. He went down to the pub today to watch football with his friends which is great, I really believe it's healthy to spend time apart. He called me from the pub and asked if he could come over at 9 pm. I told him he couldn't as I was going for a bath and an early night and my daughter has nursery the next day. He sounded quite offended and I told him it wasn't personal but like I've said I need some time alone as I was just with him the night before and the full day today. He's now being off with me and hung up the phone.

Is is this a red flag? I have set out my boundaries very clearly so I don't know what else I can do. He has never had a serious relationship whereas I have had several so I know what mistakes not to make now ie spending too much time together, it's not healthy and I feel it's suffocating after being alone for 3 years.

Am I being selfish in not wanting to spend everyday and night with him?

[Edymemelord]

I'll tell you my opnion.
Me and my boyfriend are long distance, we Skype everyday and night but what I would give for him to be able to stay when he comes for leave (he's in the army). I would die to be in your place.
But we are after all different people and this isn't how you feel (just felt like giving you another perspective to look at).
I don't think it's selfish to want alone time, in fact it's natural.
You should invite him over and sit him down and go on this long story (make it up if you have to) about how important alone time is for you and why you need it.

[emmalove18]

Thank you very much for your opinion. And thank your boyfriend for his service! Hope it works out for you both! :)

[Edymemelord]

Of course any time c:
And I will!

[laurapalmer]

Him wanting to be with you is a good sign. It means he's committed and really likes you. Imagine the opposite. If he never wanted to see you you'd be wondering if he actually wanted a relationship with you. Time apart is good, but time together is very important.

[emmalove18]

Thanks for your opinion! I do agree I wouldn't like the opposite happening to me but I just think every night is a bit obsessive. I've been there, done that and it gets boring quickly! I have my daughter that zaps my energy throughout the day (she's a threenager haha) and I also need to spend time with my friends aswell as catering to my own mental needs (which is alone time to recharge myself). I get what you're saying though! Thanks! :)

[laurapalmer]

I understand where you're coming from. Maybe you could set up a night or two a week that are pre-planned date nights for you guys. That way you both have something to look forward to and plan around.

[Johnny_2x4]

Yes, it is. This guy's clingy, which is evident by the six year wait. I suggest you let him go, he will end up controlling, abusive and aggressive. This is obviously something you don't want for your daughter. Good luck, he seems volatile so do it somewhere where he won't be able to hurt you.

[emmalove18]

Thank you!

[Edymemelord]

I completely disagree, they were friends for 6 years. And I don't think he'll end up abusive or aggressive. I've been in an abusive relationship and from what she's said he shows no signs of leading down that path.

[Raymond_Reddington]

@Edymemelord i completely disagree! Pineapple on a pizza is the best thing ever!

[Edymemelord]

@Raymond_Reddington With chedder cheese hell yeah

[Raymond_Reddington]

@Edymemelord hellz yeah you know whts up!

[Intraluminal]

Clearly you have intimacy issues, but you are who you are, and for you, his need for a close, intimate relationship is too much, so in that context, yes, it's a red flag.

[emmalove18]

Why is it apparent I have intimacy issues? Thank you for your opinion though!

[Intraluminal]

People who have loving relationships typically spend most of their free time together. You don't like that. That's usually an indication of intimacy issues.

[emmalove18]

Oh. I would consider that unhealthy. I have a daughter and a wide network of friends that also need my time more so than him and then I also need to take care of me and what I need to do to recharge. I appreciate you taking the time out to reply though so thank you and will take in to consideration what you have said!

[Intraluminal]

Any time.