That's a stupid generalization and it isn't even true. You claim you don't want to generalize, but that's exactly what you are doing. Most guys don't hate commitment, some guys are just young or immature and don't want to settle down because they know they don't have to at that point in their life. Maybe you think all men are players or hate commitment because that's the type of man you attract.
Not to generalize but you're ( correct spelling) not like most 18 year old women, and in my non professional opinion, you are (didn't use the contraction that time) absolutely correct.
It goes into fact of nature, males competing to have the biggest "harem" by which to spread their genes for the species. This in itself is good but the way it is expressed in our human society is bad. The size of the "harem" is where these men get their self-esteem or ego/pride. By having lots of women, they see themselves as a very attractive person. Also, they learned this way of thinking from how they saw other males treat women as they grew up. They don't know that there are other ways to treat women. Some women even believe that cheating is "normal" in a relationship and this perpetuates this cycle and mentality
You're 19, right? Are you seriously thinking about having a boyfriend now that you keep for ever until you get married, have kids, etc? And if you are then good for you but most people of your age don't want commitment like that - male OR female.
Check out a few dating websites or Tinder - why do most in 30's or 40's say " don't just want to hook up/ONS" and around your age most people post pics and write profiles that scream the opposite!!
I'm not intending to generalize either, just stating the facts. The older you get (generally) the more you want commitment - both male and female.
It isn't just guys who doesn't want commitment? We can be just the same... I know for myself I freaked the fuck out when my boyfriend wanted to go from dating to relationship state... Not because I didn't wanted to be with him, I was just scared until I actually said yes (which was the next day). And i guess that's how it is for most people, boys or girls. But I guess some aren't mentally ready for it, maybe it is their first real crush and it is gonna be a real relationship and that can freak anyone out, because comiting to a person like that is scary, you are vulnerable and then when you actually commit you are scared the person is gonna leave or that the person can leave you whenever they want. So I guess it is all about giving it some time, maybe not rush into it, And be sure and then they won't be so scared of committing
Maybe I'm not typical here, but I have no fear of commitment - what I fear is vulnerability and being betrayed.
I remember being puzzled by an OKCupid profile question, "how long do you want your next relationship to last?" - who would honestly answer that with anything other than "life"? If you don't want the relationship to last... why begin it in the first place?
To me, it was like a pet store asking "how long would you like your new kitten to live?" - what kind of sick mind would answer anything other than "as long as possible"? Who'd go into a relationship wanting it to end?
Choosing a date is most important thing there whether it is a guy or girl. Getting to know each other is a key. For that you need a time. Because everyone is so impatient when it comes to dating mistakes are easily made. For that kind of finding a good date friendzoning guy or girl it your biggest enemy. It is same damage to rush friendzoning as to rush dating. Please do not do any of this. Let the filings flow spend time together and see what happens whenever it happens. Being a good partner is about being a good friend as well as good lover.
I have no problem with commitment myself, however a lot of the girls I talk to and am attracted to, they don't want anything too serious, so because of that I have no one to commit myself towards therefore I will brag to my male friends "hey bro you wouldn't believe this a few girls just were asking me to come over tonight" but if I'm with female friends I don't 'brag' about that stuff. I understand that its not something to joke around with but its what happens. This is almost definitely true for every single man at least once in their life even if nothing happened last night they would still say 30 girls randomly started asking to go to somewhere private
Why being "The Player" is a more respected role than being the boyfriend in most cases is because being a player confirms that they have what it takes to "score girls", it shows that a lot of girls are willing to do him. While the boyfriend can only have 1 girl and has to listen to her and bend his life te go parallel to hers.
Not to say that the boyfriend is not respected, in my book the boyfriend is greatly more respected than the player. I'm neither of them though, so I might not have the best of opinions on this.
One word. Evolution. While we have forced monogamy into our society, humans are biologically and instintually evolved for polygamy. Look at our closest realatives the chimpanzees and the bonobos. Neither are monogamous. Even the shape of the penis is evolved to scoop out other men's semen during intercourse. This is also why men have the refractory period, so they don't scoop out their own semen. Men aren't the only ones who cheat either. That humans are monogamous at all is actually kind of surprising. It's also a relatively new concept for humans, only about a thousand or so years old. We have known the circumference of the Earth longer than monogamy has been more desirable than polygamy.
I'm sure this is a far more technical and detailed answer than you were looking for, and probably not what you were wanting or expecting. However, it is based in fact.
It's not that men hate commitment, it's the attractive men who hated commitment.
There are 2 extremes of men: the boyfriend and the husband. The boyfriend is fun, spontaneous, adventurous, charming, ambitious, smooth and generally boyfriend material. The husband is conservative, defensive, nerdy, boring, realist, avoid-and-retreat, somewhat of a coward, probably care more about family than his own pride and honor.
Most men fall somewhere in between. They are capable of both but tend to play one or the other role.
You want a guy who can commit, don't look for an exciting guy. Look for a boring one. The one with resolve instead of ambition. The guy who is willing to do whatever needed rather than the guy wishing he can do great things.
I don't think that guys hate commitment. It's just probably compared to girls that "value" commitment more.
Another thing that might "put a target" on our back is the fact that we boys kind of rush to get in a girl's pants. I even have a "pussy until 4th date or I leave" rule. I obviously don't straightforward tell them my "rule" and if I somehow learn she is a virgin, the "rule" falls off. If she is not a virgin, I usually "rush" to her pants, because if I feel it and she looks like she is also feeling it, then why not step it up? And mostly guys initiate that. I don't think I've had a girl that initiated (behaviourly) sex. Usually the/my "girls" just asked for it.
Because sex is fun and variety keeps things interesting.
Because marriage is a fiscally risky and often restrictive contract that relies on them being absolutely sure they are willing to spend the rest of at least one of their lives with each other or else the court bias will likely leave him alone, moving out of his house, paying alimony/child support, and ensuring that if he complains he is religated to the whiners and losers who dared not stay with their wives.
Because darwinian success for a male is impregnanting as many females as possible where darwinian success for a female is being impregnated by the male most likely to give healthy, above average offsping and then help her protect and raise them.
Because they aren't ready to settle down and want to get plenty of experience before they find the right woman for them.
It makes logical sense rather than emotional sense i suppose.
My answer was going to be about how genitals are irrelevant, and that some PEOPLE are afraid of commitment. I feel in love twice with girls that didn't want anything more than sex. All I want in life is to find someone to share my time with. But I need to add that one reason for men to be afraid is because in most system countries, the courts favour women. A woman can decide she doesn't want her man anymore and take his children, his home, his possessions. She can beat him, and be seem as the victim. A woman can even ruin a strangers like by accusing him off sexual misconduct. So if there's any reason for guys to be afraid of commitment, it's because they don't trust the world.
One they hate bitchy girls... two... they suck at holy shit.. (them... I am better but can sympathize to dudes cuz society has no real holy men around being leaders to them... I can relate since my shit was evil before and like them most have no clue their bad deeda and manners...) Three... guys usually think two steps ahead regarding life relations which is dumb... lmao Four... they don't know good holy men can have great sex and relationships.
In fact they are extremely more holy which feels fucking aweaome.. love all souls that know and love all body just if they know intellect with good lifestyle choices lmao
Well, being a guy myself who has never had an exgf not inquire at a later date whether I ever thought "about her" or was I "still happy without her" or any other fishing for a reconnection that was the reason for contact at a point later on after breaking up, I realized that all I ever wanted was that same commitment in return... only to find that while although guys will nearly always prove opportunism as a fundamental rule of everyday life, there are females who because of self esteem issues, low self worth, or even no self respect... ARE COMPLETELY CAPABLE OF CHEATING, BRINGING HOME a VD for you to share the joy of, but never quite fit the label "player"
They don't, but if you are looking for commitment from guys who are players , fuckbois or love hookups, then you are looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place to start with. Simple
First there's the cost of being a boyfriend. It's emotionally, financially and socially expensive to date a woman exclusively. The risk is very great, and often not worth the gain, especially if the same gain can be had with much less risk. If a guy only wants sex, then why would he commit when he can get sex without it? If a guy on the other hand wants a relationship then it becomes a different thing entirely. But most guys who behave this way are not interested in a dedicated relationship, so they do what they can to get what they want.
Well instant gratification is compulsive hoarding and empty! Why do guy want it well it is easy just enough to go by... and for some guys it is a illusion easier to maintain then havung to best them self in reality! I can only speak for my self As I grew in a instable house old I be came an addict to chaos sex pain and neglect so it is easy to say I was a perfect storm to become a player! I had learn there is no reward in empty lusts... It is all about communication skills acceptance validation and overcoming shame troughs relating with other about how neglect and invalidation made you seek out temporary gratification... Recognise your wrongs and owning the hurt by coming to grasp with reality Repecting personal Space; Relinquishing Complusiveness Control apply dedication self reflection... Choosing to be a leader in bring the relation betterment first... Working as a unit! For this men perspective!
Most guys that I know including myself, would absolutely welcome a committed relationship with a woman. Heck, I myself even look forward to getting married and having a couple of children some day soon. (though in my case I still need to find a girlfriend)
While it is true that there are some guys out there who don't like commitments, kind in mind there are also some girls out there who equally dislike commitments. The important thing is not allowing those who don't want a commitment to tarnish your outlook of the rest of the gender.
There will always be a few of those people you come across through life, just side step them and keep looking. There are more of us who do want a committed relationship, just never give up.
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That's a stupid generalization and it isn't even true. You claim you don't want to generalize, but that's exactly what you are doing. Most guys don't hate commitment, some guys are just young or immature and don't want to settle down because they know they don't have to at that point in their life. Maybe you think all men are players or hate commitment because that's the type of man you attract.
Not to generalize but you're ( correct spelling) not like most 18 year old women, and in my non professional opinion, you are (didn't use the contraction that time) absolutely correct.
Preach.
It goes into fact of nature, males competing to have the biggest "harem" by which to spread their genes for the species. This in itself is good but the way it is expressed in our human society is bad. The size of the "harem" is where these men get their self-esteem or ego/pride. By having lots of women, they see themselves as a very attractive person. Also, they learned this way of thinking from how they saw other males treat women as they grew up. They don't know that there are other ways to treat women. Some women even believe that cheating is "normal" in a relationship and this perpetuates this cycle and mentality
You're 19, right? Are you seriously thinking about having a boyfriend now that you keep for ever until you get married, have kids, etc? And if you are then good for you but most people of your age don't want commitment like that - male OR female.
Check out a few dating websites or Tinder - why do most in 30's or 40's say " don't just want to hook up/ONS" and around your age most people post pics and write profiles that scream the opposite!!
I'm not intending to generalize either, just stating the facts. The older you get (generally) the more you want commitment - both male and female.
It isn't just guys who doesn't want commitment? We can be just the same... I know for myself I freaked the fuck out when my boyfriend wanted to go from dating to relationship state... Not because I didn't wanted to be with him, I was just scared until I actually said yes (which was the next day). And i guess that's how it is for most people, boys or girls. But I guess some aren't mentally ready for it, maybe it is their first real crush and it is gonna be a real relationship and that can freak anyone out, because comiting to a person like that is scary, you are vulnerable and then when you actually commit you are scared the person is gonna leave or that the person can leave you whenever they want. So I guess it is all about giving it some time, maybe not rush into it, And be sure and then they won't be so scared of committing
"Pride in cheating"? What a horrible notion!
Maybe I'm not typical here, but I have no fear of commitment - what I fear is vulnerability and being betrayed.
I remember being puzzled by an OKCupid profile question, "how long do you want your next relationship to last?" - who would honestly answer that with anything other than "life"? If you don't want the relationship to last... why begin it in the first place?
To me, it was like a pet store asking "how long would you like your new kitten to live?" - what kind of sick mind would answer anything other than "as long as possible"? Who'd go into a relationship wanting it to end?
Choosing a date is most important thing there whether it is a guy or girl. Getting to know each other is a key. For that you need a time. Because everyone is so impatient when it comes to dating mistakes are easily made. For that kind of finding a good date friendzoning guy or girl it your biggest enemy. It is same damage to rush friendzoning as to rush dating. Please do not do any of this. Let the filings flow spend time together and see what happens whenever it happens. Being a good partner is about being a good friend as well as good lover.
I have no problem with commitment myself, however a lot of the girls I talk to and am attracted to, they don't want anything too serious, so because of that I have no one to commit myself towards therefore I will brag to my male friends "hey bro you wouldn't believe this a few girls just were asking me to come over tonight" but if I'm with female friends I don't 'brag' about that stuff. I understand that its not something to joke around with but its what happens. This is almost definitely true for every single man at least once in their life even if nothing happened last night they would still say 30 girls randomly started asking to go to somewhere private
Why being "The Player" is a more respected role than being the boyfriend in most cases is because being a player confirms that they have what it takes to "score girls", it shows that a lot of girls are willing to do him. While the boyfriend can only have 1 girl and has to listen to her and bend his life te go parallel to hers.
Not to say that the boyfriend is not respected, in my book the boyfriend is greatly more respected than the player. I'm neither of them though, so I might not have the best of opinions on this.
One word. Evolution. While we have forced monogamy into our society, humans are biologically and instintually evolved for polygamy. Look at our closest realatives the chimpanzees and the bonobos. Neither are monogamous. Even the shape of the penis is evolved to scoop out other men's semen during intercourse. This is also why men have the refractory period, so they don't scoop out their own semen. Men aren't the only ones who cheat either. That humans are monogamous at all is actually kind of surprising. It's also a relatively new concept for humans, only about a thousand or so years old. We have known the circumference of the Earth longer than monogamy has been more desirable than polygamy.
I'm sure this is a far more technical and detailed answer than you were looking for, and probably not what you were wanting or expecting. However, it is based in fact.
It's not that men hate commitment, it's the attractive men who hated commitment.
There are 2 extremes of men: the boyfriend and the husband. The boyfriend is fun, spontaneous, adventurous, charming, ambitious, smooth and generally boyfriend material. The husband is conservative, defensive, nerdy, boring, realist, avoid-and-retreat, somewhat of a coward, probably care more about family than his own pride and honor.
Most men fall somewhere in between. They are capable of both but tend to play one or the other role.
You want a guy who can commit, don't look for an exciting guy. Look for a boring one. The one with resolve instead of ambition. The guy who is willing to do whatever needed rather than the guy wishing he can do great things.
I don't think that guys hate commitment. It's just probably compared to girls that "value" commitment more.
Another thing that might "put a target" on our back is the fact that we boys kind of rush to get in a girl's pants. I even have a "pussy until 4th date or I leave" rule. I obviously don't straightforward tell them my "rule" and if I somehow learn she is a virgin, the "rule" falls off. If she is not a virgin, I usually "rush" to her pants, because if I feel it and she looks like she is also feeling it, then why not step it up? And mostly guys initiate that. I don't think I've had a girl that initiated (behaviourly) sex. Usually the/my "girls" just asked for it.
Several answers to this.
Because sex is fun and variety keeps things interesting.
Because marriage is a fiscally risky and often restrictive contract that relies on them being absolutely sure they are willing to spend the rest of at least one of their lives with each other or else the court bias will likely leave him alone, moving out of his house, paying alimony/child support, and ensuring that if he complains he is religated to the whiners and losers who dared not stay with their wives.
Because darwinian success for a male is impregnanting as many females as possible where darwinian success for a female is being impregnated by the male most likely to give healthy, above average offsping and then help her protect and raise them.
Because they aren't ready to settle down and want to get plenty of experience before they find the right woman for them.
It makes logical sense rather than emotional sense i suppose.
My answer was going to be about how genitals are irrelevant, and that some PEOPLE are afraid of commitment.
I feel in love twice with girls that didn't want anything more than sex. All I want in life is to find someone to share my time with.
But
I need to add that one reason for men to be afraid is because in most system countries, the courts favour women. A woman can decide she doesn't want her man anymore and take his children, his home, his possessions. She can beat him, and be seem as the victim. A woman can even ruin a strangers like by accusing him off sexual misconduct.
So if there's any reason for guys to be afraid of commitment, it's because they don't trust the world.
One they hate bitchy girls... two... they suck at holy shit.. (them... I am better but can sympathize to dudes cuz society has no real holy men around being leaders to them... I can relate since my shit was evil before and like them most have no clue their bad deeda and manners...)
Three... guys usually think two steps ahead regarding life relations which is dumb... lmao
Four... they don't know good holy men can have great sex and relationships.
In fact they are extremely more holy which feels fucking aweaome.. love all souls that know and love all body just if they know intellect with good lifestyle choices lmao
Well, being a guy myself who has never had an exgf not inquire at a later date whether I ever thought "about her" or was I "still happy without her" or any other fishing for a reconnection that was the reason for contact at a point later on after breaking up, I realized that all I ever wanted was that same commitment in return... only to find that while although guys will nearly always prove opportunism as a fundamental rule of everyday life, there are females who because of self esteem issues, low self worth, or even no self respect... ARE COMPLETELY CAPABLE OF CHEATING, BRINGING HOME a VD for you to share the joy of, but never quite fit the label "player"
Men need to feel like they 'choose' not that they got trapped with no way out... if he is the instigator then he 'choose' to be loyal
Agreed.
@lookupintomyeyes 👍
They don't, but if you are looking for commitment from guys who are players , fuckbois or love hookups, then you are looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place to start with.
Simple
Just to make it clear, not blaming you
Just thought that it was an interesting topic to discus since everyone has a different opinion
First there's the cost of being a boyfriend. It's emotionally, financially and socially expensive to date a woman exclusively. The risk is very great, and often not worth the gain, especially if the same gain can be had with much less risk. If a guy only wants sex, then why would he commit when he can get sex without it? If a guy on the other hand wants a relationship then it becomes a different thing entirely. But most guys who behave this way are not interested in a dedicated relationship, so they do what they can to get what they want.
Well instant gratification is compulsive hoarding and empty!
Why do guy want it well it is easy just enough to go by... and for some guys it is a illusion easier to maintain then havung to best them self in reality! I can only speak for my self As I grew in a instable house old I be came an addict to chaos sex pain and neglect so it is easy to say I was a perfect storm to become a player! I had learn there is no reward in empty lusts... It is all about communication skills acceptance validation and overcoming shame troughs relating with other about how neglect and invalidation made you seek out temporary gratification... Recognise your wrongs and owning the hurt by coming to grasp with reality Repecting personal Space; Relinquishing Complusiveness Control apply dedication self reflection... Choosing to be a leader in bring the relation betterment first... Working as a unit! For this men perspective!
Most guys that I know including myself, would absolutely welcome a committed relationship with a woman. Heck, I myself even look forward to getting married and having a couple of children some day soon. (though in my case I still need to find a girlfriend)
While it is true that there are some guys out there who don't like commitments, kind in mind there are also some girls out there who equally dislike commitments. The important thing is not allowing those who don't want a commitment to tarnish your outlook of the rest of the gender.
There will always be a few of those people you come across through life, just side step them and keep looking. There are more of us who do want a committed relationship, just never give up.