What is the woman's job when it comes to dating and courtship?

In society, its always been said that its the man's job to approach, ask out, and pay for the dates so what's the woman's job in dating? Don't say dress for the date because guys also do that too, don't say give thanks for the evening out because if its already the man's job to treat then there's no thanks to give.

Updates:
Lol this is just a question. A lot of triggered people on here

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, to each our own, but I'm against the idea of letting someone else open their wallet for me when I am perfectly capable of doing so myself. If I do not have a wallet to open, then I do not have a date to attend. So, you can scratch that off your list of "job" duties.

    Anyway. If I've agreed to go on a date with someone, then my "job" consists of:
    - Arriving at the specified time and location.
    - Being dressed according to the setting, with a slight emphasis on looking more presentable than I do in my day-to-day life.
    - Being courteous and engaging in conversation with my date, with the intent of getting to know my date better and letting him know me better. Basically, facilitating a verbal exchange of personal information with the goal of finding commonalities.
    - That having gone on for reasonable amount of time, my duty is then to cover my own expenses, bid my date farewell, and leave.

    That's still how it's done, right?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. I think that if you begin by describing our roles as "jobs," it distorts the entire discussion. Dating and courtship are purely voluntary matters.

    2. Each of us has the right to determine for ourselves what our roles in dating and courtship will be. If our putative partner does not accept the role we define for ourselves, they are free to move on to the next
    "contestant."

    3. Relationships are frequently not symmetrical, balanced, or equal. There is no reason why they should be. The valid questions to ask in a relationship are a) am I getting what I need from this relationship? and b) am I paying am excessive price for what I am receiving? If you are not getting what you need, or the price is too heavy, you are free to move on to the next relationship.

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    • I have to approach the girl, I have to ask her out, I have to plan the date. I have to... That's my "job" even if the term job isn't perfectly right.
      Yes, I could decide not to, but I can't decide to go to the next contestant, because there is none, if I don't do these things. If I didn't do these things I wouldn't have a single date yet. I can only decide to do the part that is expected, or staying alone forever. So, yes, if I want to date, I as a man have a "job" to do.

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    • People meet and start relationships wherever and whenever, e. g. they meet at a common hobby and start a relationship somewhat later, without dating. You are right so far.
      In my case however, and in the case of many other, this might not happen, after all, it's a game of chance, if you don't actively look for a relationship.
      After 25 years of absolutely nothing I got tired of waiting and initiated dating. It just didn't happen in another way. (with a single exception two years later, which didn't work out)
      Personally I'm a very very reserved person and that reduces my chances of randomly meeting someone special significantly. I just don't approach people as much as others do, don't meet as many as others. But I'm sure there are many more who don't find anyone elsewhere, who have to date.

    • @Sucram, I do understand the problem. Virtually all my relationships and sexual encounters have been facilitated only by my willingness to achieve life-threatening states of intoxication. Moreover, all the relationships that these extreme measures yielded have turned out to be disastrous and the sexual encounters unremarkable. The only meaningful relationships (including friendships) I've had have only occurred in the last 5 years and all have been with people encountered online and who live in different countries to myself.

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What Girls Said 47

  • I think the woman's job is to make herself attractive enough that the guy will choose her instead of some other girl and stay interested in her long enough for her to have a long term relationship. Being attractive is hard - the competition is fierce.

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    • Its not just about attentiveness. That's only half the battle. Looks pull me in but personality makes me stay.

    • The guy does the same thing though, so it's not specifically the woman's job. The question is about what you do that guys do not.

  • No one has jobs in dating. That's an old-fashioned view.

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    • I agree! 👍

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    • @karahiri True , I was just focusing on efficiency and effectiveness I guess.

    • Hey. Keep it Weird.

  • Times are changing. I see more women ask men out today than I did last year, that’s for sure.

    Also, if I ask him out, I’m the one who invited him right? So I should pay because I asked him out.

    If he asks me out, I’ll still bring my wallet and ask if we could split the bill. Paying for our own food/drinks/tickets is more fair, but most of the time he’s the one who pays IF HE asks ME out.

    What you described in your question is for old-fashioned couples/dates. Many people still expect the guy to pay, but most of my female friends (that tell me about their dates) ask them to split the bill.

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    • Wow. I've never seen a woman ask a guy out before in my whole life.

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    • Also again, the statistics show that when the woman offers most women do not really want him to accept. That's what I was getting at. I don't know why women like to do this (in general) but that creates an unreasonable situation, if he refuses he is seen as a sexist asshole, if he accepts then he is a cheapskate and also an asshole. Just state what you want, which by the way the vast majority of the time is the man paying, and be done with it. You don't hear men talking about how they want really unattractive women then turn around and reject those same women do you? No, because we don't want those kinds of women, its fine to want things, but its not okay to lie or create weird conditions that allow you to claim one thing without actually having to follow through with it.

  • No matter who pays... the woman should always thank the man for a pleasant evening! And the man should always thank her for the pleasure of her company. As far as paying going... it should be about 50/50. (But don’t be one of those guys who works it down to the cent... that’s just rude).

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  • It's not the man's job to do those things unless he wants. The only job people really have in dating is being honest, kind and decent. The rest of it is what people decide to do because they want to.

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    • I don't know about that because if a guy doesn't approach, ask out and be willing to pay for the date/s he will almost be guaranteed to be single for the rest of his life so guys have to do these things. The consequences of not wanting to approach, ask out, and pay for dates will effect men's chances of dating it doesn't effect women's chances of dating.

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    • @AllThatSweetJazz Discussing it and not making assumptions.

  • To be honest questions like these make me wish i didn’t have to date. First off dating shouldn’t be a ‘job’ for either person. They shouldn’t ‘have to do ‘ things to please eachother it should all come naturally. At the end of the day we’re all humans trying to find a soulmate a women’s role and a mans role in a relationship shouldn’t exist it should be two people enjoying eachother.

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    • Ideally it would all come naturally and everything would be magical but since when is it like that? All this stuff, like approaching, these are thing guys feel they have to do. I suspect women are often 'totally natural' when it comes to dating, but it's only like that for women because men are doing things to meet your expectations. Maybe you don't see it as a job, but guys are given the expectation to do these things, effectively it is a job they are made to do and that's how I think most guys see it. Use the approaching example; the vast majority of guys would prefer not to, yet can't trust that *anything whatsoever* will happen if they do nothing and wait. It's obviously a job to guys.

  • I completely disagree with you...

    Approach... I've approached guys who I was attracted to... in fact, I'm married to one !!!

    Ask Out... I asked him out before he asked me out... he did follow up pretty quickly though

    Pay... I generally paid for roughly half the dates I've been on... I insisted on it... and in some cases, I did things like cooking the guy a real nice dinner... in addition to time, the ingredients aren't free !!!

    And then... I did dress nicely and did my best to be a fun companion for the date !!!

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    • Well you're one of the few don't make it seem like its mainstream for women to be like you say you are.

  • Do the same thing the guy is doing. Yea it's nice for a guy to pay for the first date but women should also pay for a few dates as well, or at least half. They can plan dates or even turn the current date into something more exciting like entice you to take a detour on your walk and end up near a creek I don't know

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    • Let’s be honest girls don’t do that. They just expect the guy to do it

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    • Then ask her before you go out. Paying sometimes and not paying sometimes doesn't make you any less attractive. I paid for both my boyfriend and mines meal on our first date

    • I’m not taking about paying. I’m talking about initiating anything.

  • Traditionally, it was to remain pure and untouched so as to still be considered valuable enough to marry.

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  • I think there are several that ate willing to work, it just seems like most of them feel like the woman should work too and she's shitty of she doesn't. I me ma I understand it if you don't make enough for both of you, but if you and especially if you have kids, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a housewife

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  • I will definitely approach a guy if i like him and want to know him.
    And about paying for dates i believe we should just pay for our own food. And i would never want the guy to pay for me and be in debt to him.

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  • There are no jobs when it comes to dating and courtship
    People who think like that aren't worth dating

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    • Lmao why am I the only guy who agreed

    • @ItzYaboi I think it's obvious that most guys feel like there is pressure on them to do these things and here's a woman taking it for granted as if it's "natural."

  • That is an old-fashioned view because not a lot of women were allowed to work nor did they get as much as men did. It's not the man's job to do so, if the person courting wants to it's a nice way of getting the attention of the other person, but both men and women can do so.

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    • Women have always been allowed to work. We have documents dating back to the 1300s of female master blacksmiths. Women chose not to work because quite frankly it sucks and especially historically as it took you decades to get to a point where you could set up a shop (otherwise you where traveling from village to village practicing your craft) and potentially make money plus it was all grueling physical labor jobs which women didn't want. Also their is no wage gap, women got paid pretty much for what they worked which was less then men because they wanted to stay home with the kids as much as possible (not knocking it, just stating a fact).

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    • First and foremost, I am not upset, I'm just stating that what you said is factually incorrect. I'm not emotional about it don't know why you would suggest I was. Secondly, your second statement isn't correct either. Yes women who didn't work cooked and cleaned, but that's because they didn't work. Its not like that's some how unfair, he worked, depending on the era, upwards of 100 hour weeks (it wasn't until the early 1900s that men even got more then one day off a week (sunday and that was because you where not suppose to work on the Sabbath) to pay for the house, fix any problems that the house had (as calling some one to fix anything was really rare) putting food on the table etc. It was simply showing gratitude for all the work that he did. Again, not sure why so many people claim that this was something that was forced on women, they wanted to do these things to show their gratitude to their husbands who where slowly killing themselves to provide all of this to their wives.

    • 100 hour work weeks in a factor or a couple of hours of cooking and cleaning? Which one sounds worse to you? So as I said, women where very happy with that arrangement (which is why women in the fifties are happier then women today and women in traditional relationships report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction).

  • The girls job is to rent out the gladiator ring, provide weapons and pit all the contenders against each other XD

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  • The women’s job is to avoid guys like you. No sane female wants to date a man with your outlook on dating. It’s not a “job.” If you don’t want to date then don’t. Your attitude sucks.

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    • He didn't use the right term, but I wish you would be more comprehensible. I am a french speaker and I don't know for him, but sometimes we are just short in vocabulary.

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    • So a guy who's obviously not happy with his dating life asks a question in a disappointed tone - and you slap him as response? Because that is supportive, right, and you're such a nice person?

    • And besides, if you take the guy's role (as described in the question) - why not just respond - initially - with 'not all girls are like that, I pay for my own dates etc.'
      Why do you feel the need to dismiss/attack him - in his own forum post?

  • I don't believe in putting all the pressure on the man. I would like to ask him out on dates sometimes and pay. I typically offer to pay anyway.

    I believe a woman's job or duty is to console her man, lift him up when he feels he isn't doing a good enough job. Give him confidence. Be his shield.

    As far as bringing home an income, I believe both parties should, unless one of them wants to be a 'stay at home mom/dad' (which I personally don't find myself doing)

    I think my opinion was based off of marriage but 🤷

    As for dating, listen to him. Don't get on your phone. Seem interested. Have acceptable body language. Offer to pay for the meal. Be polite. I just thought this was obvious, it seems a lot of women are offended by it. I don't know

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    • men was created to tak care of a woman and a was created to comfort her mate in every way but as th world continue generation change and th system of love change so human lost th idea of true love now im living in th this generation so both sex are working which wasn't so before but as it is i don't see a problem if they both love and care of each longs it is genuine from a sincere place not because of negative reasons and bad experience

  • My time, my vulnerability, being able to communicate and also my money because guys aren't the only one to pay and also me sometimes asking a guy out because girls also ask out

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  • As far as I’m concerned, there are no defined “jobs” or rules for either the man or the woman in dating and courtship.

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  • Keep the guy happy, stay loyal and fulfill his needs.

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  • To be flexible and understanding. To make it not just the man's job. It takes two.

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    • But let’s be honest girls (not all but a lot) expect the guy to initiate everything, at least that’s been my experience

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    • Honestly, the future heart break and let down doesn't seem really worth it.

    • No but the potential success is worth it

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What Guys Said 102

  • Dating is not a job. It's two people enjoying the company of each other, getting to know the other person better. It's the 'job' of both, to make the other person have a good time, whilst enjoying themselves. That certain people now use dating as a means of tricking people into serving themselves, is a different matter.

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    • It must be a job because if you did a poll right now on who's job is it to approach, ask out and pay for the date/s , I'm sure that people will say its the man's job to do so in dating I just asked because those things have through history , has been viewed as the man's job so if men have a job in dating then what's women is what i'm asking.

  • A little jaded, are we? Pay attention, you don't get to ask a question and then pre-qualify answers. If some people believe a woman's only responsibility is to dress for the date and give thanks, there's nothing wrong with that answer. Especially since guys don't have the monopoly on dressing for dates. There's also nothing wrong with splitting the bill with her, or even her offering to treat. Life is full of choices, some are tougher than others, but they all have consequences. Some guys prefer to be approached, some girls prefer to approach. They may be the minority, but they definitely exist. If you decide to approach, you must approach respectfully. If you decide to be approached, you must BE approachable. These are decisions we get to make for ourselves, and we get to change our minds if we don't like the results of a given choice. Nobody said you HAVE to submit to a given role; if they did, they're either an idiot or an asshole. Put on your big boy panties and make some decisions for yourself. Otherwise, let others tell you how it's supposed to be. But know this: playing the victim absolutely doesn't absolve you of the responsibility for your choices. You alone will suffer or enjoy the consequences. That's the best reason to make good choices. The only reason in my not-so-humble opinion.

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  • A woman's job is primarily selection. That's why women with low standards are viewed so derisively. On a date, the man is tested for wit, intellect and fiscal wellbeing. It's all a complex mating ritual, with the end goal of reproduction. Men know in the first five seconds of meeting a woman if this is someone they want to have sex with. But, as women have such a larger investiture, their process is more complex.

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    • I think there's probably a lot of truth to what you said. In current society, I get the impression there's more of an attitude we need to force more equal behavior and deny biology.

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    • As an example, I read recently an article in a well respected journal discussing observed homosexual behaviour in a certain species of primate. It explained some possible ways that such behaviour could increase reproductive success and survival rates for the group as a whole but then said something like: "some scientists believe these animals may engage in this behaviour for pleasure". As though most heterosexual activity came about as a result of two monkeys sitting down together and planning a family!!!

      Secondly, the fact that paternity may be called into question when females don't conform to monogamous expectations, is not a reason to believe it is the main cause of the violent emotional reaction by men compared to women. Why should doubt concerning paternity be more inflammatory than fear of being abandoned?

    • @Easterwood your theories are entertaining and plausible, and would be interested to test.

  • That's a very individual question. Personally, I like the "old-fashioned" view on dating, mainly because it suits me. I like being the one who decides what to do and pays for it. Many men do. The very best scenario, however, would be when a girl offers to pay for her half, because then we can still insits on paying for her while at the same time knowing that she's not too demanding.

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  • There is no man's job or women's job. I don't have the job to treat you as a women, only if i want to, but never in first date... If i don't get good vibes from you and if i don't like your company or your mentality, etc, we will never pass the first date... Stop following what society tells you they don't know shit and they are miserable. Is simple, Your women job is to please the men that you choose

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  • In my experience, men put time and effort into planning the date, paying for it, and making sure its a positive experience, while women put time and effort into looking good, enjoying (or 'enjoying') the date, and making the date a positive experience.

    When you account for the fact that women are expected to put lots of tine and effort into clothes, make-up, hair care, hair removal, styling, lingerie, etc, just to be considered eligible for the date, it kinda evens out with a man's the planning, stress, rejection, and hit to the wallet.

    An analogue would be ballroom dancing. The women is expected to follow and enjoy herself and look good for the man, while the man is expected to lead and make the dance enjoyable as the price of admission to watch the good-looking woman who also makes him look good. Both have responsibilities and I don't think either one has a disproportionate amount.

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    • So men don't take how they look on a date into consideration also? Do you show up in a dingy t-shirt and flip flops while she's dressed up? And all of the things that you said that women put time and effort into, men also put time and effort into those same things

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    • She can't get away with having a gut? Lol then only skinny women would date then. And she only has to shave legs if she's wearing a dress to the date and cosmetic surgery is a personal choice , nobody's getting that just to go on a freaking date.

    • Let me ask you: have you, as a dude, ever felt like you had to shave your legs if wearing shorts? I'm gonna guess no. Also, are more women or men dissatisfied with their SO if they gain weight after marriage? I'm gonna guess more men are upset than women. But if you think you've got to shave your legs and keep your sixpack for life, I guess you do you.

  • Each man & woman are unique individuals. And when they interact that is unique to how their personalities mix.

    Thinking back, I think all of the fun dates I had were spontaneous and not making demands on each other or treating it like a job interview or a test. Sure, you both are looking for things but it’s not rigid like your question implies in my opinion.

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  • I agree that if you plan to stay with a cheater don't try to find any information. However, in my case, I needed it in my state in order to file for a divorce and come out of the relationship. You can't just say I think she is courting want proof or you end up spending a lot of time and money to fight it out! Finding out was hard, but I was relieved that I wasn't crazy and it's making my divorce go a lot smoother. She would never confess; therefore, I did the best thing for me... find out, no doubt, move on. I was then introduced to some professional hackers...[hackdemon4@gmail. com]
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  • I agree with the women. Nobody has a "job" in Dating. Everyone does what they are comfortable with.
    So if you like somebody, you let that somebody know and ask that somebody out. Agree in beforehand what the date will be (cheap or no cost) and that's it. Don't forget to bring both of your wallets just in case.

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  • There is a growing number of females that may split the check or rotate the check based on dates and there's also some females out there too that also ask out and approach the guys. Even though this is not a majority it's more common than it Used to be

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  • for me personally i want girls to show interest in me and manitain that interest til the find out what kind of a guy i am, a lot of girls dont even show interest and expect guys to read their mind, or withdraw their interest the moment a guy says hi and start the shit tests..

    its simple show me you want me

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  • OK I've never dated as such as I've never found it easy to do what's expected of me because of my gender or ethnicity or even humanity but from observation I would say the woman's role in dating is:
    ▪️ to select the best mate based on a variety of criteria such as physical attractiveness, conscientiousness, generosity, assertiveness, business acumen, appetite for risk, willingness to confirm, social skills, openness to manipulation.
    ▪️to maintain the guy's interest in her for long enough to be able to make the selection based on above criteria without commiting herself too much in the process by becoming emotionally dependent or pregnant for instance.

    In all of the above, it is assumed that sexual selection is predominantly carried out by the female of this species and that appears to be the case. Males are generally far less selective than females.

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    • This question itself is consistent with the thesis that the male's approach to dating is not selective. If it were, the concern would be focused on how to avoid "gold diggers" in the same way womens' aim is to avoid men who expect sex if they shoulder the bill.

      Instead of this tho, the question seems to suggest the asker would be quite happy to go on dates with women who don't want to pay their way, as long as they are prepared to compensate the male for expenses incurred on their behalf by an alternative method.

    • @Chiral I'm trying to find out what's the woman's job in dating. Men have this job of asking out and paying for dates. If a guy doesn't do these things, he will 99.9% of the time end up dateless and y'all know it. And what does me asking what is the woman's job in dating have to do with going on a date as long as sex is guaranteed?

    • Well it's conceivable that if the female's "job" was to put out then you wouldn't be asking the question.

  • Everyone calling this old fashioned or some shit. Its how it always has been. The man is the leader and says what goal the woman has.. the woman wants to follow and enjoy the ride with you. Your job as a man is to enjoy yourself and nothing else

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  • Well for 1, women want equal rights... Well then start acting like an equal. U can be the first to approach. U can be today. U want to make the guy know Ur interested. U can today. Nothing's wrong with going out sometimes and being that go getta. I've had a few do this to me... And I found it quite interesting. Altho in the end, my friends know I'm the lion. I'll take care of them. If that makes sense.

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  • It's the man's job to ask and pay for yes.
    After that it's pretty well the same. To talk, and get to know each other to see if there is a reason to spend more time together or say goodnight and move on.

    Dating isn't hard! Lol

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  • In the 21st century, the man paying on the first date is wildly inappropriate. It sets up far too many expectations on both sides. In the 21st century, it is appropriate for both people to make their intentions clear.

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  • 1) allow thr man to pay for the first date. You can split the second one.
    2) be wise in food choices. Dont pick smt too expensive and drain him.
    3) be engaging. Dates are about the people, not the food.
    4) Be punctual.
    5) Smile!

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  • The woman's job is to just be herself. If she feels to pay for a meal or two, or pay for gas, or whatever she chooses it's up to her. In a rational mind, if she really does care about the other person and sees herself with him/her in the long run, she would try to support that person in whatever way; financially, morally etc.

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  • Take it from me, leave the old rules (bs) behind you. A man loves a woman who's considerate and not self centered and selfish. The more consideration you show the more generosity and kindness you'll receive from a gentleman. Not asking you to pay the whole bills but offer to pay or insist to split the bill (s). Always contribute but give him the chance if he wants to spoil you. Relationships are a teamwork, it's not adoption or free service.

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  • Well it's the man that has all the expectations put on him. Women don't have anything to do other than show up and make conversation, anything else is just strictly volunteer for them.

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