There's picky and there's PICKY.
Years ago, a radio station was setting up a single woman. She was going through what she hated about various guys, some of it reasonable, some of it a little shallow (to me, anyway). So they managed to have a guy call in... they asked all the questions. The guy had a good, stable job, he earned good money, he was well educated, worldly, loved animals, had a "cool factor" this girl was looking for, etc. She was open... until they asked how old he was. Ironically, he was a few weeks younger than her. Not by much. She shut him down with "I don't date younger guys." It wasn't like he was 18 and she was 24, or 18 and 36, which might make some sense. It was a few weeks (if that). Now, if that wasn't a set up, THAT is picky.
For me, there are certain things I almost "NEED" from a woman I could successfully date. Most of those things are "She has a decent job, works hard." "She's fairly intelligent." "She isn't on any illegal drugs and isn't severely hooked on something past caffeine." She doesn't have to pull in 70K or more, she doesn't have to be between 5'6 and 6'1, she doesn't have to look like a supermodel, or have a genius level IQ, have a Irish Setter, any of that. I would say if someone who wasn't famous or fabulously wealthy was demanding that sort of thing (especially without providing any of that themselves), then that's picky to the point of it being a problem. Now, celebs and other vastly wealthy people, it makes sense to be a bit more picky (and if they can get it, good for them), but even then, it's a bit much.
No. This feels better stated as selective instead of picky.
Picky to me is like this job, wnats to live this place, likes these colors no, must have certain clothes, etc.. Selective would be what you describe below as integrity, value alignment. those people are out there, maybe at your age they've been picked over well... that's how I felt at that age... everyone good was taken and had to wait for divorces cycle. kinda true, but they are out there, just not in your circles.
Not really, it's great to have standards because you will be with this person for a long time and don't want any of what is supposed to be good end in disaster. As long as you don't set your standards too high, such as only dating Chris Pratt exclusively, you're good. But make sure you don't drop your standards too low either, or you ending up with an abusive asshole.
I wouldn't go with just anyone, i just think I've a certain type of guy i like, even going back to my school years every guy I've liked have all got something similar about them i wouldn't be attracted to someone with a big beard for example on first look. But its just something that can't be helped
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There is a such thing as being too picky, and is usually rooted in restlessness and being discontent with the Self. So it leads you to want excessive specifics in other individuals that will satisfy you, until you find out that you're still not happy.
When it comes to our happiness, we can never be too picky.
We should always know exactly what we are looking for so we don't choose the wrong person or settle down with someone so different from us that the ending would be imminent.
It's not wrong. It's YOUR choice.
You don't want to be TOO picky.
No, it's not. It's people's freedom of choice. It's important your date is compatible, or it doesn't work. It's not that bad being single and being a happy single person is better than being in a relationship that doesn't work at all because of lack of attraction.
If you and your date doesn't have the same values, enough agreements in how to live life when sharing a house and interests, the relationship may end up as both chaotic and dry.
I tends to prefer some cultures more than others. Cultures opposed to gender equality for instance are cultures I wants to avoid and therefor I'm not into dating people with a very conservative lifestyle. I wants to do what I likes to do without people wanting to deny me it. I don't want children, pets etc. either or a partner demanding me to go to the gym when I'm not into it or other "sporty" activities. Prefer a partner not in the military too. I knows it's quite common to either have a dog, wanting children, be in the military or enjoy sport, but does that mean I should lower my standards? No, it doesn't. Shallow or not, I'm fine with being single. I can date people into sports as long they don't want me to participate.
Yes, I'm extremely picky in looks and smells too. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't find appealing and the society shouldn't "push" me into it either.
I think you should be realistic but don't try and let others define who you can and can't go for. It's good to push limits and break society's grip.
I think you should be with someone that you truly love. And if you don't really love them, don't put them through a fake relationship and then a harsh breakup.
Being highly selective isn't bad if you just want to choose your partner wisely and really don't want to compromise any of your standards or other things you find important... But being picky over things more than needed is excessive and you will never find a good partner that way.
For example, I know that monogamy, loyalty, trust, faithfulness etc things are very very important to me. Not only have I never been physically intimate with a guy myself only out of respect for the man who will actually commit to me, but I also have my own share of strict rules, one of them being that he must not watch porn if he is married with me.
Is that being picky? Maybe. Actually, yes because this is one thing very important to me. But what's really too picky is to expect that he is going to be a total saint or male nun or something... Which I don't.
Wrong, no.
But you're kind of hurting yourself if you go too far with it.
Even if you remove all of your criterias there's going to be a limited number of people who you'll enjoy spending time with who are also interested in you as an actual partner as opposed to just sex regardless of how you look and what gender you're after.
By being picky you reduce the sample size of potential partners reducing the chance that you'll actually find someone that works out.
And you're loosing out on a great deal of potential partners who you might think isn't ideal.
You don't necessarily know right here and now what makes someone the right one for you even if you might think that you do.
The perfect partner for you might be someone you'd never consider and by picky you might risk losing out on them and on happiness for the rest of your life.
At the same time, there are some relationships that might be harmful to you.
No. It's not wrong to be picky when looking for an ideal partner.
There's nothing wrong in it.
As long as you understand that
(i) the higher you raise the bar, the more people you exclude, AND
(ii) people will look at you askance if you yourself don't bring anything to the table.
If you understand both these risks, then you should go for it.
Wrong or right doesn't even come into the equation. This isn't a question about ethics or morality. You have the right to choose your partner according to whatever metrics you want.
To a certain extent, if a girl says I want a guy who I'm attracted to, he has to be ambitious, completed his studies (i. e: got a degree), is committed, could be a good father/husband, etc then that's fine. But if a girl says, he has to be 6 ft 6, a doctor, making $700,000/year, wants a 10,000 sq ft mansion, looks like Christiano Ronaldo, funny, understand women all the time, helpful, has the energy to do this and that... then that's just ridiculous, God tests everyone so what if your partner deals with a serious ailment or disease, then what? I think for people who have super high expectations and extremely picky are living in a fantasy world that everything will remain the same forever. One day we will retire, one day we will lose our youthful looks, are we truly perfect then?
It depends if your giving someone a real chance before being picky or your just judging them before getting to know them fully!
Are you giving them a chance to change if they are willing?
Are you willing to compromise on certain things? Or come half way?
It’s your life at the end of the day so it’s your happiness so only you know what will and won’t make you happy so no one can answer that for you as no one else has to live with that person but you!!
No it is not.
If you would just be with anyone cause s/he is a "good" person you will never be happy, it will never be a real relationship, you won't really like him/her, and it would just be a lie that'd hurt you and your possible family.
Even tho finding a good partner is hard, that's what gives it meaning, s/he's special.
So don't go low, you will know when you will know.(money doesn't have to be a standard tho).
You'd only have a good relationship if you're attracted to that person and the other way around.
Of course you should be picky. You should get everything you’re looking for. With so many different types of people in the world there is no reason that everyone can’t find their ideal partner. Why settle and have something that can become problematic later. My sister decided to marry someone who was no romantic. She thought she was ok not having romance in her life. 10 years later they’re divorced primarily over that reason. They may seem small upfront but they can become big later on.
How could one be too picky when choosing an ideal partner?
I suppose maybe if they were being drastic like they can’t wear the color purple, excluding a group of people for something like skin tone etc
But as far as a compatible personality & life goals, etc
I don’t see people having standards for their longtern partners
Picky and standards are very different. "Picky" means that there are small nuances that are extremely important to you that may not actually benefit the relationship. For example, a person might say, "the person I want to date needs to have a phd, be 6'4, have blue eye, and blonde hair, be physically fit, and speak four languages." However, saying, "I want someone who I am attracted to, is working to achieve their life goals, and respects my way of life and my beliefs" is a standard. It is good to have standards because those are fundamental needs that you need met to be happy in a relationship. The other is just preferences that will not necessarily lead to greater relationship satisfaction.
Depends how many years you are into the process. If it's been many, many years, then yea, possibly. Would you prefer to be alone or paired up with someone who isn't ridiculously "ideal?" I completely understand quality shopping. But we are, after all, only human. There are a handful of must-haves, but beyond that? Well… open your mind. You may learn about the myriad of imperfections that are heartbreakingly adorable.
Being picky is the least woman should be when choosing a life partner.
(Picky= choose the normal guy with good sense of humor, positive outlook to life, not a illcopulatewithjustanythingthatmoves guy, someone who is not freakin Peter Pan, and above all a guy who all is nice to people, all people, strangers included).
It is important to know the boundry, you wouldn't want to reject the man of your dreams because he has the wrong hairstyle or the wrong jaw structure or the wrong favourite band than your imagined mister ideal.
yes because no one is perfect. and not everyone will fit your standards. I try not to be so judgmental though. I’m not gonna lie I would choose personality over looks any day, believe me or not irdc. That doesn’t mean don’t try to find someone who has things in common with you though. But just don’t get with someone just because you’re trying get into a relationship.
No it isn't. Your (presumably) is to find your mate for a lifetime and if your core beliefs are different, you will have a very hard time making a go of it. Life is hard enough in society today without having to bang heads every day. Part of life is "choosing your battles", but you shouldn't have to worry about your core moral beliefs, for example, but more like "should you have vanilla or chocolate ice cream for supper".
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