There's picky and there's PICKY.
Years ago, a radio station was setting up a single woman. She was going through what she hated about various guys, some of it reasonable, some of it a little shallow (to me, anyway). So they managed to have a guy call in... they asked all the questions. The guy had a good, stable job, he earned good money, he was well educated, worldly, loved animals, had a "cool factor" this girl was looking for, etc. She was open... until they asked how old he was. Ironically, he was a few weeks younger than her. Not by much. She shut him down with "I don't date younger guys." It wasn't like he was 18 and she was 24, or 18 and 36, which might make some sense. It was a few weeks (if that). Now, if that wasn't a set up, THAT is picky.
For me, there are certain things I almost "NEED" from a woman I could successfully date. Most of those things are "She has a decent job, works hard." "She's fairly intelligent." "She isn't on any illegal drugs and isn't severely hooked on something past caffeine." She doesn't have to pull in 70K or more, she doesn't have to be between 5'6 and 6'1, she doesn't have to look like a supermodel, or have a genius level IQ, have a Irish Setter, any of that. I would say if someone who wasn't famous or fabulously wealthy was demanding that sort of thing (especially without providing any of that themselves), then that's picky to the point of it being a problem. Now, celebs and other vastly wealthy people, it makes sense to be a bit more picky (and if they can get it, good for them), but even then, it's a bit much.
Lol only a few weeks younger? Jeesh
No. This feels better stated as selective instead of picky.
Picky to me is like this job, wnats to live this place, likes these colors no, must have certain clothes, etc.. Selective would be what you describe below as integrity, value alignment. those people are out there, maybe at your age they've been picked over well... that's how I felt at that age... everyone good was taken and had to wait for divorces cycle. kinda true, but they are out there, just not in your circles.
Not really, it's great to have standards because you will be with this person for a long time and don't want any of what is supposed to be good end in disaster. As long as you don't set your standards too high, such as only dating Chris Pratt exclusively, you're good. But make sure you don't drop your standards too low either, or you ending up with an abusive asshole.
Yes i have dropped my standards too low in the past and was with an abusive asshole, so now I'm not just looking for anybody
I wouldn't go with just anyone, i just think I've a certain type of guy i like, even going back to my school years every guy I've liked have all got something similar about them i wouldn't be attracted to someone with a big beard for example on first look. But its just something that can't be helped
Opinion
67Opinion
There is a such thing as being too picky, and is usually rooted in restlessness and being discontent with the Self. So it leads you to want excessive specifics in other individuals that will satisfy you, until you find out that you're still not happy.
When it comes to our happiness, we can never be too picky.
We should always know exactly what we are looking for so we don't choose the wrong person or settle down with someone so different from us that the ending would be imminent.
It's not wrong. It's YOUR choice.
You don't want to be TOO picky.
Yes I agree. I'm talking about finding a person whom has similar beliefs, morals, and values. Which in today's society, it's hard to find people who actually do have some morals.
Morals like what?
Being honest, not doing drugs, not cheating, and not intentionally hurting others
@dmmmmm01888
I know a lot of people who are honest, not cheaters, do not do drugs, or do not intentionally hurt others.
No, it's not. It's people's freedom of choice. It's important your date is compatible, or it doesn't work. It's not that bad being single and being a happy single person is better than being in a relationship that doesn't work at all because of lack of attraction.
If you and your date doesn't have the same values, enough agreements in how to live life when sharing a house and interests, the relationship may end up as both chaotic and dry.
I tends to prefer some cultures more than others. Cultures opposed to gender equality for instance are cultures I wants to avoid and therefor I'm not into dating people with a very conservative lifestyle. I wants to do what I likes to do without people wanting to deny me it. I don't want children, pets etc. either or a partner demanding me to go to the gym when I'm not into it or other "sporty" activities. Prefer a partner not in the military too. I knows it's quite common to either have a dog, wanting children, be in the military or enjoy sport, but does that mean I should lower my standards? No, it doesn't. Shallow or not, I'm fine with being single. I can date people into sports as long they don't want me to participate.
Yes, I'm extremely picky in looks and smells too. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't find appealing and the society shouldn't "push" me into it either.
I think you should be realistic but don't try and let others define who you can and can't go for. It's good to push limits and break society's grip.
I think you should be with someone that you truly love. And if you don't really love them, don't put them through a fake relationship and then a harsh breakup.
Being highly selective isn't bad if you just want to choose your partner wisely and really don't want to compromise any of your standards or other things you find important... But being picky over things more than needed is excessive and you will never find a good partner that way.
For example, I know that monogamy, loyalty, trust, faithfulness etc things are very very important to me. Not only have I never been physically intimate with a guy myself only out of respect for the man who will actually commit to me, but I also have my own share of strict rules, one of them being that he must not watch porn if he is married with me.
Is that being picky? Maybe. Actually, yes because this is one thing very important to me. But what's really too picky is to expect that he is going to be a total saint or male nun or something... Which I don't.
I can totally agree with not watching porn while married. But what if he has seen it in the past?
Then he better stop doing it.
True.
Wrong, no.
But you're kind of hurting yourself if you go too far with it.
Even if you remove all of your criterias there's going to be a limited number of people who you'll enjoy spending time with who are also interested in you as an actual partner as opposed to just sex regardless of how you look and what gender you're after.
By being picky you reduce the sample size of potential partners reducing the chance that you'll actually find someone that works out.
And you're loosing out on a great deal of potential partners who you might think isn't ideal.
You don't necessarily know right here and now what makes someone the right one for you even if you might think that you do.
The perfect partner for you might be someone you'd never consider and by picky you might risk losing out on them and on happiness for the rest of your life.
At the same time, there are some relationships that might be harmful to you.
No. It's not wrong to be picky when looking for an ideal partner.
There's nothing wrong in it.
As long as you understand that
(i) the higher you raise the bar, the more people you exclude, AND
(ii) people will look at you askance if you yourself don't bring anything to the table.
If you understand both these risks, then you should go for it.
Wrong or right doesn't even come into the equation. This isn't a question about ethics or morality. You have the right to choose your partner according to whatever metrics you want.
To a certain extent, if a girl says I want a guy who I'm attracted to, he has to be ambitious, completed his studies (i. e: got a degree), is committed, could be a good father/husband, etc then that's fine. But if a girl says, he has to be 6 ft 6, a doctor, making $700,000/year, wants a 10,000 sq ft mansion, looks like Christiano Ronaldo, funny, understand women all the time, helpful, has the energy to do this and that... then that's just ridiculous, God tests everyone so what if your partner deals with a serious ailment or disease, then what? I think for people who have super high expectations and extremely picky are living in a fantasy world that everything will remain the same forever. One day we will retire, one day we will lose our youthful looks, are we truly perfect then?
It depends if your giving someone a real chance before being picky or your just judging them before getting to know them fully!
Are you giving them a chance to change if they are willing?
Are you willing to compromise on certain things? Or come half way?
It’s your life at the end of the day so it’s your happiness so only you know what will and won’t make you happy so no one can answer that for you as no one else has to live with that person but you!!
This is a good answer.
No it is not.
If you would just be with anyone cause s/he is a "good" person you will never be happy, it will never be a real relationship, you won't really like him/her, and it would just be a lie that'd hurt you and your possible family.
Even tho finding a good partner is hard, that's what gives it meaning, s/he's special.
So don't go low, you will know when you will know.(money doesn't have to be a standard tho).
You'd only have a good relationship if you're attracted to that person and the other way around.
Of course you should be picky. You should get everything you’re looking for. With so many different types of people in the world there is no reason that everyone can’t find their ideal partner. Why settle and have something that can become problematic later. My sister decided to marry someone who was no romantic. She thought she was ok not having romance in her life. 10 years later they’re divorced primarily over that reason. They may seem small upfront but they can become big later on.
How could one be too picky when choosing an ideal partner?
I suppose maybe if they were being drastic like they can’t wear the color purple, excluding a group of people for something like skin tone etc
But as far as a compatible personality & life goals, etc
I don’t see people having standards for their longtern partners
There's nothing wrong with excluding people based on race. That is a physical characteristic of their body, and that's the body you're going to be having sex with for the rest of your life. You have to at least be attracted to them.
@Jamie05rhs but assuming every single person you may meet that’s a particular ethnicity will be unattractive isn’t exactly an intelligent thought.
Well, of course. But if you're looking for chicken, do you go to Popeyes or do you go to Burger King? Sure, Burger King has chicken. But there's more of it at Popeyes. If you know your type of fish, why would you not focus on the ponds that they're more likely to swim in?
For instance, what if you like redheads? Well, there aren't that many black people with red hair, are there?
@Jamie05rhs I’ve never had a type. Skin tone, hair color, nose shape etc these things aren’t important to me. Plenty of attractive people every color there is. I was just raised with a diverse community so never developed a narrow view of attraction. Though I understand not everyone is as lucky to be exposed to so many different types of appealing people. For me I just can’t relate
I understand. And there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone's experience is different, and it shapes their view of the opposite sex and what characteristics they find appealing.
Picky and standards are very different. "Picky" means that there are small nuances that are extremely important to you that may not actually benefit the relationship. For example, a person might say, "the person I want to date needs to have a phd, be 6'4, have blue eye, and blonde hair, be physically fit, and speak four languages." However, saying, "I want someone who I am attracted to, is working to achieve their life goals, and respects my way of life and my beliefs" is a standard. It is good to have standards because those are fundamental needs that you need met to be happy in a relationship. The other is just preferences that will not necessarily lead to greater relationship satisfaction.
Depends how many years you are into the process. If it's been many, many years, then yea, possibly. Would you prefer to be alone or paired up with someone who isn't ridiculously "ideal?" I completely understand quality shopping. But we are, after all, only human. There are a handful of must-haves, but beyond that? Well… open your mind. You may learn about the myriad of imperfections that are heartbreakingly adorable.
Being picky is the least woman should be when choosing a life partner.
(Picky= choose the normal guy with good sense of humor, positive outlook to life, not a illcopulatewithjustanythingthatmoves guy, someone who is not freakin Peter Pan, and above all a guy who all is nice to people, all people, strangers included).
It is important to know the boundry, you wouldn't want to reject the man of your dreams because he has the wrong hairstyle or the wrong jaw structure or the wrong favourite band than your imagined mister ideal.
yes because no one is perfect. and not everyone will fit your standards. I try not to be so judgmental though. I’m not gonna lie I would choose personality over looks any day, believe me or not irdc. That doesn’t mean don’t try to find someone who has things in common with you though. But just don’t get with someone just because you’re trying get into a relationship.
No it isn't. Your (presumably) is to find your mate for a lifetime and if your core beliefs are different, you will have a very hard time making a go of it. Life is hard enough in society today without having to bang heads every day. Part of life is "choosing your battles", but you shouldn't have to worry about your core moral beliefs, for example, but more like "should you have vanilla or chocolate ice cream for supper".
It's not wrong to be picky, you're looking for someone that you expect to like for the rest of your life, ideally, but being too picky can become a problem if it is over something that you can compromise over, or something that is trivial, and you end up missing out on a really great opportunity for one that may never come.
Being picky is not wrong, having unrealistic dumb expectations on the other hand is pretty counterproductive. Too many people miss out on great possibilities because they are stuck searching for that super hot sexy supermodel or their rich beautiful prince charming.
No, you can't date someone who's incompatible with your lifestyle/goals or someone you're not romantically/physically attracted to
Also no one's obliged to put up with anyone's whimsies. I'm a rather quirky person myself (for example, I don't drink beer and can't bear the odor of beer). I acknowledge that but I'd rather being alone than compromising
I don't like beer either.
@Jamie05rhs really? Cool
:) .
Be picky lots will hurt you more picky you are less you will get hurt! Dont lower your standards for anyone!
Depends. If the things you are being picky about are not important to you, then it is too much. If they are vital, then no you are not.
I am picky too, and I have a list. Some items are essential, and some are not. But it helps to clarify.
It isn't about the morality of being picky, it is about realism/feasibility. There is a difference between only dating people that agree with you on whether or not to have kids and only dating albanian professional rugby players that live in swedon, have hazel eyes, blue dyed hair and speak 8 languages fluently. One is a necessary preference and the other is completely unrealistic. The trick is figuring out what preferences you can get away with.
it isn't wrong to be picky. I tend to only have a list of traits I don't want in a woman rather than what I do want in a woman and work from there. Usually tends to be good for me and I find myself dating a variety of women.
Same here, dawg.
It's not wrong. After all, this is someone you plan to spend your life with so you have to be somewhat picky. You just got to remember no one will ever be the perfect fit. They will not meet everything on your checklist.
For me I feel like being attracted to the person is wayyy more than just looks. I may seem I don't know arrogant, but I like a guy to be smart. Someone who can connect on a similar level as me. Otherwise it’s just talking to an attractive wall.
I don't think it's wrong to be picky, but you can be too picky. I think that people just should realize that nobody is perfect, and therefore that the ideal partner doesn't exist. Everyone has flaws, but you are or aren't able to deal with them.
That's kinda the definition of ideal... perfect with no flaws. How can you not be picky when looking for perfection? Overlooking flaws means you're not looking for the ideal.
It's good to be picky cuz if yoir gonna put your nuts there u wanna make sure that no one is gonna dig them out and steal them
I don't have nuts lmao 😂
I do not think so as I am doing the same, do not settle for less than what you find ideal, otherwise, you will not be satisfied with your relationship.
It is good to be picky as you don't want to compromise your standards. No one is perfect so there is some give and take. But there are certain standards that you don't want to compromise on.
It's not wrong to be picky, but you need to know what is worth being picky about. If something is genuinely a requirement for you, then don't compromise, but you may want to take inventory and find out which things are "wants" and which are "needs."
Having standards and boundaries are fine as long as you don’t reach and look for something that’s nearly impossible to find in a partner.
Of course be picky, you don't want someone who is a bad fit. However, don't let picky get to the point of almost impossible. There are no perfect people.
No, within reason. You want somebody with whom you are compatible and make a good match. However, you don't want to set your standards so high that it is almost impossible for somebody to meet them.
Nope. You should be. I have high standards for a future wife, and there's nothing wrong with that. With all the crappy people filling this world today it's quite needed to be picky.
I personally think a lot of people make very superficial judgments and turn down potentially great partners but that's on them.
I'm pretty choosy myself but I will take anyone that I think is compatible with me realistically.
I admit that I judge people on little things, but I believe in marriage 'til death, so if you're with someone for that long then the little things matter.
I keep my standards low, but boundary’s high. Common sense, I don’t expect him to be perfect, I except him to be who he is. So I can get to know the person, asking my self if I’m compatible with this. Lol
The real person always comes out after a "committed" relationship (marriage). Before that, during the period of lust, everyone is at their best behaviour. What will you achieve by being too picky? You just have to be wise.
No. But one wants to be picky about the things that really matter long term, not the trivial shit.
Hell nah. Being picky is how I found the man I wanna marry. I dont know how itll go yet, but when you find someone that you truly want, i find that you're most happy.
It is all about what you are looking for. Aligning goals and values isn't picky, it is sensible.
I think its great to have standards but don't pass up a guy because of that one mole on his face. lol
The "ideal" is in our head and is never wrong to be picky if you look for something serious. Is something several don't get, to click with someone (a potential partner) don't mean you should stick to that person. Compatibility is important also.
You need a connection and attraction. People prioritize diferent things and have diffent set of minds.
No, I have the same issue and to me those are basic standards not picky.
No, it isn't. The morals, values, and beliefs are far more important to me than aesthetics.
I dont date hos or women who aren't going to give me a bunch of kids. I could have 20 hos so whats the point of dating one? I could have men as friends i dont need a companion, i need someone to make a family.
It's necessary to be picky.
Just don't be unreasonable about it: if you want an abusive relationship, pick a bad guy, because a nice man will never give you one.
Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship
Yeah most women end up with assholes just like men end up with abusive women as well.
Yep. My whole family on both sides hated my ex. So yeah, when my family doesn't like them or my close friends, I know it's BAD
Yes it is but it’s the right thing to do. Don’t settle.
I am very very picky but I feel like this small thing is the only thing I really want which is a good vibe and good chemistry. I just dont feel like Im interested in a relationship if those two factors aren't there.
yes. because characteristics that u dont like become bigger issues in the long run u either hold resentment or u lash out.
If they are small stupid things like you don't want to date him because his hands are ugly.
It’s vital to marry someone with the same ideals, especially when it comes down to morals, values and beliefs
No, not at all. It's called having standards. If you just take the first thing that comes along, you're a desperate fool
No, that's a person that you're (hopefully) spending the rest of your life together. So it's a reasonable thing to aim for.
The higher the bar, the harder to find one of course.
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