Receiving a text a few minutes after the end of the first date: needy or endearing?

[OlderAndWiser]

This is an example of what NOT to text after a first date; don't forget to proofread before you send!

You had a first date and it went very well. He/she looked like his/her pictures online. He/she was on time for the date. Both of you quickly relaxed and enjoyed the conversation. There were no awkward pauses and he/she actually appeared to know how to use their brain. You felt physically attracted to him/her and the prospect of a developing relationship feels rather exciting. At the end of the date, you kissed. . . on the lips; it wasn't a sloppy tonsil examination but it was passionate. You definitely want to see him/her again and you are happy to finally feel this way after a string of mediocre or bad first dates.

You watched him or her get in their car and drive away. Now what? Are you thinking about how many days to wait before you call him/her, or maybe text? When do you do that?

Under these circumstances, some very sane and rational people. . . (me) . . . would send a text as soon as I get home. No, I wouldn't say anything about "can't wait to see her nipples!" I might send a text that says, "I sincerely had a GREAT time tonight and I hope you felt the same way. I'd love to see you again soon, so I'll call tomorrow or Monday to talk and hopefully schedule another date. Sweet dreams!"

What do you think if you receive a text like this? Is it clingy or desperate? Is it too much, too soon? Or is it simply candid, transparent, and flattering?

I'm flattered. . . as long as he/she doesn't start talking about love and marriage!

I'm actually HOPING I'll get a text to tell me that he/she had a great time!

If I had a good time, I want to know that he/she felt the same way. If I didn't have a good time, it's the perfect opportunity to say, "Thanks, but I don't think we're a good match."

It was just a first date; he/she should be more relaxed and chill about it

I don't need one more clingy guy/girl in my life!

He/she should understand that they should wait a day or two before texting

I'm so glad to have a first date that I really don't care when or what they text!

[coachTanthony]

Most times when SHE sends this text message right after the date... It means she wants to talk all night because she doesn't want it to end. Her dopamine is popping and she is coming down from her high.

Now this also happens to dudes who send a message right after the date. They may also be on cloud 9 looking for a bit more internal validation because if fucking feels good.

My advice has always been.. send the text the next day mid morning. Let the date stand on it's own and let's not ruin it by texting back and forth right after the date ended.

[coachTanthony]

Thanks for the mHo

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I think it would depend on what they write.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Hey, I had a great time tonight. Hope we'll see each other again soon!"

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

This week is okay in my book.
"I love you so much and can't wait to see you again" would be a different story!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

*This one

[CarpetDenim]

Purposefully waiting a day or multiple days before texting someone for the sole reason of making yourself seem like a busy and unclingy person is immature and honestly ridiculous. The only thing this kind of behavior does is hinder the development of good communication. It takes maybe thirty seconds at most to type up a text and hit send. No one is going to assume you have no life and lose romantic interest in you if you have thirty seconds to spare on sending a message to them.

[MrOracle]

I have no idea how you are as smart and wise at 16 as you are, but I bet you have to restrain yourself from smacking idiots all day long.

[OlderAndWiser]

I'll second the motion by @MrOracle!

[Unit1]

I don't know how you came to such conclusions. I take a minute on average +/- some seconds depending on the text length that i type on mobile.

Let me guess... No person is too busy to text back? Is there a time limit at which point you consider it is rude to not reply after you sent a text?

[MrOracle]

@Unit1 She's talking about taking DAYS to reply, on purpose, just because you want to SEEM busy.

Sometimes people ARE legitimately busy, but to use it as a positioning tactic is bullshit.

[OlderAndWiser]

@MrOracle You nailed it. . . as usual!

[Unit1]

I see now. Somehow I lost track of it by the time she said "it takes 30 seconds".

[StingRayxoxo]

B or C. I think it's great, especially because perception can be inaccurate. It's nice to know where things stand.
When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he would text me as soon as we parted-- which made me feel wanted and appreciated. I love it.

[StingRayxoxo]

Thanks for the MHO

[witherwing]

Of course I want a text that'll signify they liked the date. I hate the waiting game people play. I'd rather just set a date for the second date right away or at least within a few days. It's easier to match our schedules if we think ahead of time.

[Logorithim]

Endearing, in part because I am quick to show my own interest and can therefore appreciate that

[Unit1]

This right here ^

[PrincessGrail]

If I liked him, it makes me happy to get a text after the date.

[ChurchOfIron]

Women won't like it rationally, because it's uncomfortable for them--but you need them to feel that discomfort. Need them to think about it, "Why isn't he texting me back? Did he not like the date? Did I do something wrong? Is he dating other girls?" It keeps them thinking about you for a longer period of time and wondering why you aren't showing interest.

It's kinda important to not text her until the next night. Unfortunate, but that's how it is.

I used to really hate the waiting game people play. But now I understand why they do. Nature. In order to establish that you have value separate from her, you have to restrain yourself from centering your life around them. That's putting them on a pedestal, and nothing will turn them off quicker.

Even if they rationally appreciate it and are rationally grateful, dating isn't about rational thought--it's about emotion. So, you need to solicit the proper emotions, in the proper order.

Basically, the one who falls in love first loses. Human relationships are just a giant power struggle. I aim to maintain my power. I'm relatively certain that I will use my power to create a situation which is beneficial for both of us.

To answer the question, sending a text right after the date would be:

Rationally: Endearing
Emotionally--attractiveness level: Needy

[rylielovessoftball]

I'd like to know whether or not he had a good time while we were out together. It gives us a place to find out where we are in terms of maybe starting a relationship. I don't expect to hear from him within like the first few hours after we had our date... but I would like to think he needs a day or two to process his feelings and if he says he had a good time and I had a good time, it gives us a place to work from and to set up a second date. If one of us didn't have a good time, we can go our separate ways or we can try something new.

[VIVANT]

I’m direct but not expressive.. very difficult for me, that. 😐

So initially this would be a bit overwhelming for me but not in a bad way. Deep down appreciate he can not only be direct but take natural human things in stride. It would be encouraging for me in my own efforts- which would he better for both of us as we progress ( if we if comes to that)

So I’d be shocked then I’d genuinely smile. 😌😊

[VIVANT]

I think I would be increasingly happy about it as time went on. And relieved he wasn’t like me 😅

[VIVANT]

I also in general think it’s admiral when people are willing and able to be open and real. And it’s in a respectful way there’s nothing untoward that any rational person should have issue with, in my opinion

[lightbulb27]

you do hav feelings, they are just disconnected.

[lightbulb27]

it depends on how it is done. I would send a followup quickly. but if I translate her sending me a text as needy/clingy in how she wrote it, it's too much... ughoh again.

[VIVANT]

How would you do it and how would you like it done so that you are not uncomfortable?

[lightbulb27]

@VIVANT "Hey, thanks for the great date, well done meistro!. I got home safely. Have a great week and look forward to hearing from you."

positive, funny, not too emotional, but I get the message it's positive. If it is this, it may be mis translated... or would have years ago:
"Oh my God, that was so perfect, I can't wait to see you again. I'm so excited, I know I shouldn't text but I am, text me back, ok".

[lightbulb27]

@VIVANT the point would be showing positive emotion while being in emotional control.

[VIVANT]

Oh I understand I just wondered how that would look to you 😊

I don’t think enthusiasm means loss of control.. I think In your example, the concerning part is her thinking she shouldn’t text and then texting.

I wouldn’t he comfortable saying the rest of what she said, however I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. If she had a good time and looks forward to another and is comfortable saying so- I think that’s positive if you liked her..

the* text not text* is neurotic and doesn’t bode well for future interactions. I’d assume a lot of push and pull will evolve. which will be lots of drama and not good. Or stable.

[lightbulb27]

@VIVANT yes. in general, texting is dangerous, I'd use it sparingly. mis communication, mis typing, misintent, mis translation. it should be the last form of communication and now, we think it is the first.

[OlderAndWiser]

Amen! Texting is great for, "Honey, can you pick up a gallon of milk on your way home?" Texting is awful for, "We've got some problems and I need to take a break." or anything else of importance. Messages get misunderstood so easily and it becomes difficult to undo the harm.

[lightbulb27]

yes, the emotional and relational damage alone from:

"Hi honey, love you so much"
4 hours later... because someone was in a meeting or their phone wasn't working... sender getting pissed off
reply: "xox"
now there's emotional trouble.

[OlderAndWiser]

I see so many posts on this site where the original problem could have been avoided entirely if the couple had actually talked instead of texted. And young folks never seem to learn this lesson!

[VIVANT]

I never text 🤓😅

[OlderAndWiser]

@VIVANT Smart lady!

[VIVANT]

I wish I could claim wisdom as my incentive. I honestly can not deal with the ambiguity of phone or text.

I can do email or in person. Preferably in person.

[Unit1]

I don't know what's so smart about never sending texts.

[VIVANT]

@Unit1

Works for some and that’s great -but often they cause a lot of confusion and unnecessary drama

[Unit1]

@VIVANT pfft. That will trigger my red alerts. Mind games are not tolerated on my end.

But okay.

[Lauren-green]

I would like a message after a first text probably just something like "I had a really good time seeing you😊" would suffice, nothing too over the top or gooey with feelings since it is only the first date

[BlackRoseFairy]

It would be great to know he had a good time too. It gives you an idea of where he's standing, instead of the stupid waiting games. Honestly, if I don't get a message within 3 days I consider the case closed...

[yucychan]

This is my opinion only. Your reply seemed a little too eager to please.
By all means, yes, please do text her to let her know you enjoyed her company.
But you don't want to make yourself look too available as well. Be a little more aloof and mysterious.
For me, I would prefer to receive a simple reply as below.

"Had a great time tonight and would love to see you again soon. Nights."

Then ask her out again a few days later.

[OlderAndWiser]

I'm rather transparent. Some love it and some don't.

[Paris13]

I don't Mind as Long as Anyone, Hun, Doesn't Talk about Marriage or Really Being Serious Right away into a Relationship... It Has happened to Me many a Time. xxoo

[rose004b]

I think it's completely fine. If it's something people want to do naturally, what's wrong with being authentic? Overthinking our actions is a waste of time. If the receiver chooses to interpret it as being needy or lame, that's their problem.

[TonyBologna25]

Well that conversation was cringe, but saying thanks for a good date is fine.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yeah, texting is SO perilous!

[ambarlee25]

If it was late at night and we split after the date to head home, I would be fine with a 'let me know when you get home safely' text from each other

[Red-Blaze]

I think it depends on the person, some may just see it as normal and chill, when others may be clingy
I think it depends on the feel once get

[SexyAshh]

Endearing because i know where we stand, and i have the upper hand at that point

[Unit1]

I say we men benefit just as much if women follow up with us 😀

What upper hand? 😉

[SexyAshh]

I dont follow up.

So OK👌✌️

[TripleAce]

I bet tbat text would make her laugh and def get him a second date. Totally recommend it Lol. Seriously

I think a post text or call
Is important

[Anonymous]

As is often the case with such things. Do the exact opposite of what 99% of the pinks say they desire, and things will go really well.

[TacosRAwesome]

I think a text within the hour to see if they made it home safe is nice.

[MannMitAntworten]

Either them or you sending a thank you is not remotely needy.