Does it matter how many people your partner has slept with?

[coachTanthony]

Does it matter how many people your partner has slept with?

Very important

Not important. The past is the past.

Other

[fashionguy17]

I think all the people who are saying "yes" are saying this out of insecurity and spite. I could be wrong.

When I was in my early twenties, I was a sexless virgin. When I heard about women having sex or if they had a a few sex partners already, I used to get so mad. I used to tell myself, those are not the types of women I want and I want a woman who is a virgin.

I used to tell myself that, because I was hurting on the inside. I was sad and upset that I couldn't find a woman, let alone have sex with one.

Skip ahead 5 -6 years... I am no longer a sexless virgin and my body count is about 8-11. I currently have a girlfriend who is 24 and her body count is 21. She told me she started having sex in high school and had a few friends with benefits.

Am I mad that my girlfriend had a lot of sex partners? No. It doesn't bother me at all. After having sex, I learned that a partner's sexual past isn't really important. Everyone has different sexual experiences and everyone is going to bring those different experiences to the table.

Just because someone has a lot sex partners, doesn't make them "tainted". Just because someone has a little bit of sex partners doesn't make them a "loser". If you really care about all that, it's because you are insecure. I used to be.

The only time I would be concerned about my partner's sexual past is in regards to STDs. However, I always get tested before I engage in any sexual activity with someone new, AND I always ask to see test results of someone else before we even begin having sex.

[Thotkiana]

Yes you are wrong

[fashionguy17]

@Thotkiana Cool.

[OlderAndWiser]

What is important s her attitude the role of sex in a relationship:. is it just a recreational activity or something reserved for two people committed to each other? I am not looking for casual sex and I don't want to be one more name on an ever growing list.

If she had many partners in the past but has matured, learned her lessons, and settled down, I can accept her past. If she had had seven partners this year, me and her ain't happenin'!

[Anonymous]

Its nasty to me if he slept with a lot of people. It seems unnecessary to sleep around so much. The guy could just be in a long term relationship and have sex with that one girlfriend the entire time until they break up and found another girl to have a long term relationship with. Let's say he's been with 3 girls. I would rather have that than a guy who has been with 20 girls. That's disgusting to me and not a turn on or he's not a stud to me. I know some girls out there want a guy who knows what he's doing in the bedroom but he can be easily experienced with a few girls not a bunch of girls. Experience doesn't matter to me. I've actually never had sex and would rather be with a guy who's also a virgin. But I feel like thats impossible to meet a virgin guy because every guy I meet has had sex. I also worry about STD's as well.

I normally don't ask a guy how many girls he's been with when considering a relationship with him because I don't want to know the answer and it's none of my business. I know if he tells me I'll be disappointed unless he's a virgin like me, I'll be happy I finally met a virgin. But usually if he asks me if I had sex then I usually ask him even though I know I will be disappointed lol I have no idea why I do it to myself, why I ask. But I only ask if he asks.

[btbc92]

If you going to have sex with that person unless you going to be in a sexless relationship, the answer is a definite is a definite yes. Unless that person doesn't care about how did going to get treated sexually. Because everything that that person does sexually with you is everything they did and learn from other people. That does not guarantee that you're having real sex with that person. you just having sex with all those past partners through them. A lot of people who say no obviously don't really take sex seriously because when something does happen, sadly that's the only time when they want to start judging a person.

[Cynicaldreamer]

To an extent, yeah. Specifically if he's been with lots of women.

If he's slept with a ton of women, that would both intimidate and bother me... not to mention I'd wonder why he had been with so many women before me.

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't hate people who have slept with a lot of people but I'm religious and the bible says if you plan on going into ministry you need to marry a virgin.

[Jamie05rhs]

Does it say that? I've never seen that before. I'm just curious, though; I'm not trying to give you a hard time. (Also, I personally want to marry a virgin, but I am not looking to go into the ministry; I don't feel called to that.)

[SueShe]

If I was into dating or in a relation, I would place a very high importance on body counts of my future partner, yes.

The reason being that the higher the number of previous partners, the higher the risk that I am just another trophy on his list and who wants to be remembered solely as number 84 but not as the person that gave her time, devotion and a number of other things that guys ask and demand from girls, right?

[JSmuve]

It's pretty important. I'm not really interested in girls that have slummed around. To be in a relationship with a girl I need an emotional connection with her, which is really hard for me if I know she spent her earlier years jumping from bed to bed. It makes me question whether she's actually serious about me or if I'm just this month's dick for her. We'd clearly have different ideas of sex and intimacy and knowing she's been so cavalier with her sexuality just cheapens the entire experience and make me feel like I'm just another guy to fuck and dispose of. I wouldn't feel special to her because I'd be number x in a long list of guys, and if the past is any indication of future behaviour, which it usually is, then the line wouldn't stop with me.

[Swiss_Tengu]

Factually and principially, no.
What matters is, what an exceedingly high number might entail, like STDs and certain expectations, and what can be derived from that information, like bad personality traits and a high chance of it not working out any better with me than with the rest of the guys she had.

[1828avaava1828]

Somewhat but it’s an awfully big window. 1-10 is preferable for me. Is more okay? Sure, given the proper situation. but a large count like 30 I just don’t see the need. And it is risky for being unhealthy

[coachTanthony]

30 would be a lot for someone your age!

[Hurlyburly]

Yes, it does matter to me. I wouldn't want a partner who's into casual sex. I do not care much how many past relationships he had though at least as long as the amount and the duration are somewhat reasonable.

[Daisy007]

Yes, bc i'm not interested in "one night stands" & i'd most likely want a lasting "relationship" which i'd be in w/ him. So, yes it does matter & I haven't slept w/ anyone so that's why as well.

[Hassaniscool]

Nice

[Bárbara1402]

I used to care about that but after awhile when you are in a serious relationship and committed you only care about the way you feel around that person and what you have and start to worry less about those details. Maybe it happened for a reason and made that person ready to be with you.

[MajesticTwelve]

It has to do with how they value people. Do they care about you? Are you just a notch on their belt? Past behavior indicates future behavior.
I also don't want someone with too little experience, they might be just too tempted to see what's out there.

[naijagurl]

To some extent yes but I try not to judge. Meaningful sex is kind of important to me so I would like my partner to share the same view and I would like to feel comfortable knowing that he won’t move on from me to 50 other girls.

[R_Cakes91]

If he doesn’t want to wear a condom with me then it gives me an idea of how many women who have let him go without one. In that case, I’d worry about the number of sexual partners.

[Mister_E_Alaska]

I've been with 62 women and 4 men and only got crabs once. Otherwise I'm 100% clean.

[R_Cakes91]

Ever been tested for HPV?

[Mister_E_Alaska]

Me no. My wife of 5 years yes. By proxy I assume I'm negative because she is.

[R_Cakes91]

Don’t ever assume you’re clean

[SueAnon84]

Well I guess as long as they are clean (or not contagious with any stis/stds currently) then I guess it's okay... the only person you truly have control over is yourself. I had to learn that the hard way. It also depends I guess on how in love with them I am or how committed! I just want them to be moral and responsible for their health and future! I feel that sometimes though, from experience, it's been quite hard to find that type of guy unfortunately...

[mattdzz]

It's important to me. If she's over 10 there's no way I'm even dating her. Under 5 including me or I'll just smash and pass.
It's interesting to see that girls are pretty evenly split on this, while twice as many guys say it's important than not important...

[PeacefulRainDrop]

In a way yes and no.. I think you can tell a lot honestly.. did they have sex only in relationships or friendship, threesomes, gang bang and one night stands too.. the past is the past at the same time hard call matters to a degree but then again it doesn't.. as long as he only has eyes for me and doesn't want to share me or be shared it's perfect

[Sensmind]

The number doesn't matter but the why she slept with them would be more important - I would be more interested in her history than a data point say the number is hundreds pretty damning (but on investigation she was a single mother who became an escort to put food on the table, pay rent, sent kids to a good school, save for a house, pay for her schooling that trained her for good job she has now)

[Mr_Flint]

The choices one makes informs others about one.

I never understood how upbringing, religion, money, etc are all important aspects to investigate and assess and yet one is suppose to ignore or pretend sexual behavior and history is meaningless.

Yes, sexual history and partners matter.

[progboy]

The exact number isn't important and I'm not worried if she's had more than me but I'd like to have a partner with at least a vaguely similar experience level to me. My current partner is well into four figures and possibly five which is a massive turn-off for me. I do love her but her experience is a pretty major barrier to me being properly serious about her.

[Browneye57]

Yes, of course it matters. No one wants a used up old piece of meat. Man or woman.
You leave a little bit of your soul with every intimate encounter. If you do this enough times you have nothing left, it becomes meaningless and hollow, and nothing left to cherish.

[Coolflow7]

My answer would be “somewhat.”
Any sexual partner that she considered at least a serious relationship would not matter to me because everyone has past experiences and you can’t predict the outcome of those relationships while you’re in them. Water under the bridge.
Now if I found out she slept around a lot casually without any meaning behind it that would bother me quite a bit in my opinion due to the lack of self respect she had for herself.