Girls, how do I tell a girl expecting a serious relationship, that I want a dating/friendship relationship and is it possible to do this via text?

[Jjpayne]

I met this girl on plenty of fish we had a lot of fun texting and then met in person. She wanted some intimacy which made since with dating. But I want to keep dating other girls but she seems to just want one man. She is still waiting for me to recover from my dad's death but I still want to date around and I want her to do the same. How do I say this politely to her? I say text because I'm not sure I want her to wait months for me as that would be when I'd like to aim to see her person next

[ChiTown33]

Tell her you like her but you're NOT looking for anything serious right now, maybe evet. Because whether you feel that's the truth or not it's the only thing that'll make sense to her. If she has taken a definite intetest in you this is going to be a rejection to her. Sorry, it will. But it'll be doubley worse if you make her believe that could change in the future (even if it may). It's not fair to have her wait for you if she can find immediate happiness with someone else who would want her right now.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

If a girl truly loves you , she would wait for any sex
i don't get along with a girl who just wants sex off
from the beginning that we start talking. My opinion
if you want date around just tell her , your not ready
for a steady relationship , you rather date other girls
to be sure you met the right one. I think a phone call
is more better on how to handle this situation.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for most helpful guy :)

[Jjpayne]

You are welcome :)

[little_bird1]

You already went on a date and didn't discuss this? She should've figured it out if you didn't said that you want a relationship too. When I go on a first date, I put all my cards on the table and I'm expecting for the guy to do the same. If I don't hear what I want, I'm out and moving on. I guess she's just naive so spare her the misery and tell her. It doesn't matter how, text will do.

[Jjpayne]

I'm aiming for the sooner the better and I like putting all cards on the table!! How would I word this on my next date? Considering I can actally find another date :)

[little_bird1]

Easy, just ask her what's her story and what is she looking for. Then you tell her what you're looking for (like you wrote here) and then go from there. If you're not looking for the same thing there's no point in second date. Tell her you had a great time but that she's not what you're looking for.

[Jjpayne]

im looking for a long term relationship but I've got to know that I've taken in different options and know that the girl was chosen with careful consideration.

[Paris13]

Explain to her You are Not Ready to be her Steady and you Want to Go Slow So She will Know And that you wish to Date Others. She may be Upset and Not go for It, Don't feel like an Idiot. xx

[Paris13]

I saw this was You, Jj, Hope you are Coping a Bit better over Dad. xx

[Paris13]

Thank you, Jj, for the MHO. xx

[Jjpayne]

you are welcome :) thanks for the advice!

[Paris13]

Happy to Help, Like you always do me. xxoo

[AmandaYVR]

Is it something that you don't see in this particular girl, and you're still playing the field until you find someone who would be worth sticking with, or will it be all women as well? If it's the latter, I think you should be a little more direct about what you want right now, right from the get-go. Is there a setting "Looking for..." kind of thing? You need to have some mention of "casual" or even maybe "hookups". Otherwise, you could theoretically keep running into this predicament over and over. And this is one of the reasons why girls get so fed-up with guys in the dating world. They get their hopes up, and then feel they are only being appreciated for their bodies, which is sometimes very true.
I have no idea what guys say in this situation. I don't think the advice you've gotten so far is quite specific enough, but I also don't have the exact words for you. At your age, if you're dating around 35, most of those women will be looking for something more serious than what you want. So try and preempt this from happening again. And create yourself a succinct, but kind script to have at the ready.

[Jjpayne]

I'm wanting to date more than one girl. It's not meant to be one girl than done, to my knowledge that's not how it works. I get things are more serious but I can't just pick one and stick with her because she's not the only option to consider.

I've been told that dating requires closeness as a part of it. I'm just trying to figure this out. I want the opportunity to date at least a couple of girls to get to know them and then figure out which one I have the best connection with. I am not trying to be a player. I am just trying to navigate the dating scene appropriately. The way it's suppose to be done.

[Jjpayne]

I enjoyed texting with her back and forth. And talking with her can be fun too but I'm just not feeling a connection in person. I just want the opportunity to date a couple of people but being open that I'm doing so.

[ChiTown33]

I agree with 95% of what you've said. I'm pretty sure based on what i know of Jj it's not intentional rejection. And sadly there is no non hurtful way to reject someone.

[Jjpayne]

I also really like her as a person. I don't want to hurt her feelings or lead her on either. I've been trying to be careful but by being careful we had a long texting arugement about kissing being required on a date... Of which I'm still trying to figure out what's expected and what's considered leading activities

[AmandaYVR]

I like you. And you are entitled to do as you please.
But I don't entirely believe you about this. You sound like you are planning to date around, and you really make no mention of stopping that if you suddenly found a particular girl. So own that.

[ChiTown33]

Lol everyone's going to have different opinion on that Jj. And most women will disagree with the way you're handling it because they'll look at it from her point of view.

[AmandaYVR]

There was a glitch with the timing of these posts now. My post appears at the end, but I did not see the last 4 before mine. We must have all being commenting simulteneously. So I retract what I said. With more details (such as "I'm just not feeling a connection in person"), the story becomes more clear... or maybe more convoluted.
I still don't know how you should phrase this. The guys would be better at this than me. So I'll leave you all to it.

[Genie23]

Your father passed away? Oh my God, JJ.. I'm SO sorry for your loss. I hope he's resting in peace and I really wish you all the strenth to cope with your loss. Sending you lots of love and hugs, buddy.

I think it will be better if you just tell her in person. If you don't feel comfortable, then tell her over call, that you still need some time to decide whether you both are right for each other or better off as friends. You should tell her that you still want to datr other girls and you are okay with it if she wants to go out with others. You just need some time to think before you take the next step. If she understands, good. If she doesn't, that makes it clear that you're both not right for each other or at least not on the same page which means it's better to part ways or stay as friends.

[Jjpayne]

Thank you :) and yeah... A lot has happened...

[Genie23]

Anytime. :) If you want to talk to someone , I'm here for you. You can message me anytime.

[Jjpayne]

Thank you :)

[Genie23]

You're welcome. That's what friends are for :)

[Poppykate]

Can I give you a few words of advice?
I think I know what you are going through. It’s really hard when you lose a parent of the same sex. ( I know I have been there). Your own mortality is brought front and centre- because now YOU are the end of the line. Having casual, random sex isn’t going to make you feel younger, or fill this void.

But since you want to do it... Be straightforward with this girl. Tell her you want to date casually. And you want her to date casually too. Tell her straight that you will be dating other women, so she won’t be waiting around for your call/text. Because trust me, an attractive woman will always have more options. You don’t want her to close her options!

[Jjpayne]

I honestly don't want to close her options

[SirRexington]

Well, I think you need to tell her you aren't what she is looking for. I'm not sure if you're suggesting you want to sleep around (which I strongly disagree with) or you simply want to look around for a girl you think might be better but either way, she needs something real and you seek tk believe that that ain't you.

[Jjpayne]

I am not sleeping around I just want to date with other girls. Simple dinner and talking with other girls. I am not trying to be fake but I think is our view of our relationship might be a little different I at least hope she might be on the same page

[SirRexington]

She definitely needs to know. Im not the best with stuff like this though.

[holograph]

You don't. You find women who are in the same situation as you. Most people don't respect the goals you have where you want to date multiple people because you don't want to make a decision. That is totally leaving any woman you talk to hanging until you figure yourself out. That's not reasonable or fair in my opinion. You date someone, get to know them, then you either take it further or you figure out you aren't right for each other and you move on. Sequentially dating people doesn't lock you into marrying the first person you date. Yes, you will have to make one decision at a time if someone is compatible with you, but I don't understand why you feel that isn't good enough for you.

And also, if you're going to tell her... text is not the right way. Honestly she is likely to give you a negative response regardless of how you communicate this to her but text message is going to give you a lesser chance of it working out than a phone call or in person.

[girl2034]

You're leading her on.. Bro thats not nice. Why are you not interested in dating her? She sounds like a good person

[Jjpayne]

It's tough... I honestly have never really had a romantic relationship before. Kissing and cuddling are all foreign to me until her which she clearly said she wanted. It was tough to know how to be considerate and honestly how to be witty without sending mixed signals. This is why I'm seeking advice.

[girl2034]

I guess you're just afraid because it's all new to you..

[Jjpayne]

Yup, that is a true statement

[ivysandy]

Just go straight to her and tell her your mind, please don't hurt an innocent girl just because of your own personal gain, tell her you wanna date many women than she will decide whether to date you or not.

[Jjpayne]

I don't want to hurt her that's why im asking this. I want to be as fair to her as possible

[Daniela1982]

Be honest and tell her the truth.

[omgjassy]

Wait your dad passed away? I’m sorry to hear that. Just tell her that you still want to date

[Jjpayne]

Yes... :(
It happened in July
Thank you :)

[omgjassy]

So two months ago woah

[Jjpayne]

yups….

[Avicenna]

Something like that should not be texted. At least call her. Be upfront but also make sure she understands that you enjoy hanging out with her.

[Royalsarcasist]

You probably should have been upfront about your intentions from the get go. Then she wouldn’t get her hopes up. The more you lead her on the worse she is gonna feel. And if you do it over text you are a douche. Have the decency to talk in person.

[CindyRuns]

At 31, I may be a bit old fashioned... pick up the friggin phone and talk.

Even better... discuss it face to face !!!

[Drumlin2001]

You can at least video call her. Just be direct and honest with her

[Wowgirl30q]

No text sir... just say what you are looking for or not looking for. You have a great speaking voice

[oceansprey]

I suggest a phone or in person conversation. Be direct and tell her your are waiting to date not settle for a ltr at the moment.

[Anonymous]

if she wants something serious and you don't, you're not compatible. DONT WASTE HER TIME

[EleanorRigby]

Only good answer on here.