This is my general criteria. I'm a bit picky so hopefully it'll help iron out the thought process:
1. First impression is probably about 25% of it if I was to assign a number. - Does she have good facial features? Statistics support bilateral symmetry as a universal attraction aspect. - Any obvious hygiene issues? - How does she rank with her peers? (Is she the least attractive or potentially unpopular, black sheep etc.) - Work ethic maybe? I work with a higher ratio of women, so it wouldn't be uncommon. 2. How she holds herself and/or approaches me. I'd say a good 25% here too. - Slouchy/Lazy, unprepared mentally for their day is a no-no. There's obviously exceptions but if it's a routine thing, yeah. - Posture, attentiveness, where her eyes seem to keep going, the little things about body language. 3. Lastly, a good chunk of it too, her overall appearance externally, and her personality. I group them together because I don't think they are as opposite as people like to surmise. - Your appearance daily tells me everything I need to know about you mentally and physically 90% of the time. I'm very career oriented and firmly believe how people look isn't a superficial thing. If you constantly show up disheveled and inattentive it is not attractive. It is worrisome.
Honorable Mentions: -Killer eye contact. -Pearly whites. -How you act around other people's children or your own says a lot too.
If she is physically attractive and I feel sexual chemistry with her I want to date her. Otherwise if she isn’t attractive and I don’t feel any connection then she’s a friend
Other traits than physical will include is she into me, confident personality. I tend to fall for girls a little bit crazy or not normal. Single obviously and shares so of my hobbies or interests in common
Based on my experience - guys think you are dateable if you are receptive to them and they feel you can compliment their life and personal interest. I get hit on a lot cause I tend to be submissive and agreeable and try hard to make people like me and I respect everybody.
Well the main flaw with that is not all of us women are submissive by nature, particularly myself. Though your other points I do agree with- it is important to find a partner than compliments you well~
Okay Coach, you know I got to keep you on your toes-
So what if she DOES have a backbone, yet she's still seen as "just a friend?" Let's say she's made it known she's interested in said guy, even goes as far as to ask him on a date! Yet he decides he sees her as more of a friend than someone he rather date. Then what?
Then what? You move on. if you are really living your life with high standards and exuding these qualities then you have done everything you can and that should be enough.
Being congruent with what you say what you do and who you are trumps any rejection from some guy not seeing you as dating material. Most likely that guy isn't HIGH value enough to recognize what is even going on so you don't want him anyway!
Never worry about having high standards... the men who are high value and want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.
Physically attractive with a face I can picture waking up to and body that suggests an active lifestyle is the door opener for me, but ultimately not the key thing despite its importance.
The big ones for me are similar goals, like having a family, owning a house and being financially successful and stable. Similar passions like faith, hobbies and political views are important too, but ultimately personality that meshes with mine to have that continuous chemistry and spark.
I value women who act and are feminine. I love women that have a great sense of humor and respects my views and decisions even if she doesn't like them. She can commit and values and respects my time and a woman who can be honest and upfront with me about anything with clear communication instead of leaving shit up for interpretation and mixed messages.
For me, friends are similar in terms of personality and respect for me and my time, but ultimately it comes down to visual perception at first. If she doesn't have the body shape or face I can like, I will make my initial decision based on that since I know I am not attracted to her sexually which in turn doesn't make me want to lead her on and be more straightforward from the start. Even if she is good looking, I can get turned off quick if she bores me or doesn't have something we can connect on to stem conversation and friendship with.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Along with looks? Sense of humor. She doesn’t have to be that funny, although that’s a plus, but she has to get my sense of humor otherwise it’ll never work.
Modesty is another big one. She can be a little cocky with me, that’s fun, but if she’s posting pics on FB and IG all the time— off to the friendzone. I have a friend who is model type GORGEOUS, but she posts pictures ALL THE TIME. She also dresses pretty promiscuous. We’re great friends, but I could never date her because of that.
Finally— lifestyle. If her idea of a Saturday night is going to the bar or the club— friendzone. I’m sorry, but if you’re in your late 20s or early 30s and you’re still clubbing or being a barstar, I’ll be your friend but I’m not trying to wife that up.
I found your reply very interesting- in a good way! So in other words, you prefer a simple, down to earth woman that has her life in order and doesn't party all the time, or thrive on social media to boost her ego or try to be popular. I would hope most women in that age range behave that way regardless (which they don't).
For me it's a girl that fit's most of your preferences both physically and personality wise, compared to a friend which may not. I think it's the company they provide and that they mostly match your interests with the typical things thrown in such as making you laugh with a similar humour to yours or challenging you in ways you find enjoyable.
Physical attraction is the main one, particularly when the woman is either overweight or exceptionally short.
Other than that, it's lack of long-term relationship potential. Such as vastly differing expectations from life, for example- wanting children (or already having children), traditional marriage, to settle down in my country or having "an involved family" that is going to remain a persistent annoyance in their life.
Basically, the things that don't necessarily correlate with how I judge the person themselves, but still render us incompatible in the long run.
Often its just him assessing the chances of becoming a lover and being your friend, while quite possibly including true "friendship" reasons, keeps you in his presence more often than nothing at all. Did he volunteer for that status or did you shut him down and only leave that option open. If you'd like it to change into something more erotic/romantic, you- girls in general have an incredible plethora of tricks to indicate that. What you do with your lips in conversation, your hands and most of all, getting inside his personal space will convey your interest.
I like a woman who takes care of herself and pays attention to detail. if her grooming is off I don't even look in her DIRECTION.. if she comes out the house and appearance is off with her Clothing I definitely look the other way. plus if she is dressed up in clothing to get a man ATTENTION I definitely look the other way. if a woman does things like this. i would NEVER consider her as a mate.. jus friends only
She cares about you and your family. Enjoys your interests or at least respects them. She enjoys being with you and wants to spend time with you. Is not shy about affection at the proper time and trusts and clearly invests time with you. Basically love is a sacrifice where a friendship you just be who you are and it does not matter what the other person thinks.. Something like that
Their personality and how attracted I am to their appearance and that personality. Sassyness in a woman is something I desire but to an extent.. someone that can keep up with my own sarcasm and wit are great for dateable. Friends can either take it or laugh it off but if they can't return fire, it's a bust.
That's an interest question. It goes back into my lifestyle. As I am demisexual (A demisexual person does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a strong emotional connection with a prospective partner.) it happens so that almost always I transcend a friendship into a relationship. Another factor that plays a role for me to decide for a healthy relationship for me is the open mindedness of my future partner towards BDSM or their active proclivities in that respect. So in such a manner, trust, familiarity, and dedication already play a role in the interpersonal dynamic of my future partner and I. The BDSM part compliments the foundation of preexisting strong emotional feelings.
I can mosly say what doesnt: Inexperienced releationship-dynamics wise, inexperienced in bed, is one of those selfish femmenists that mostly just use it for personal gain and attention, confrontational about everything/drama queen, fucked up thoughts about equality in general, doesn't know anything about politics or in general is a dumb shit on more or less every area in life, if she's too into social media, manipulative... I could probably go on with at least 10 more things.
Besides looks... then I'd say how she treats me. Is she interested in my life? Does she show genuine care for me? Can I trust her? Is she reliable? Does she have my sense of humour? Is she easy-going? Are we compatible? Is she someone who I could bring home to my parents?
If I can answer 'yes' to those questions then she's definitely head and shoulders above a girl who doesn't show those. But again, if I'm not physically attracted to her then it's all moot.
For me the difference of wanting to be friends or in a relationship would be how attracted I am to her (especially her face), and if we have compatible long term life goals (kids, a job that won't require traveling/days away from home) and an acceptable past. Other than those I think the rest would basically be the same for one I would be friends with. I'd still need her to have similar morals and some common interests in order to even be friends.
Well 1st thing, I'd need to be physically attracted to her. That's the qualifier for everyone really, but she has to have a personality I can vibe with. There are plenty of good looking friends I have that I wouldn't date because of their personalities. I prefer someone who's pretty similar to me. Quiet but playful. Laid back. Here interests, aren't a deal breaker but the more we have in common, the better. I like videogames and cars. He being politically moderate right would be a bonus but kinda rare with girls these days, especially ones my age.
The difference for me is that she is someone I'd want to be with every day and live with. I'm also physically attracted to her, something that isn't applicable to a friend.
She also has to be someone I'd want to have a family with.
I think very lowly of the vast majority of women, but every once in a while I do find that one girl that doesn't match any girl stereotype, actually has some life ambitions other than starting a family and does something about them rather than just day dream. Preferably has some engineering background
Feminine manners Smiles Compliments Attention Asking me personal questions, especially about herself Things in common, e. g. diet, beliefs, values, interests, social level Helpfulness and favours
The difference comes down to sex appeal. We can see a stranger and fantasize having sex with her.. that’s dateable. We see her and there isn’t any attraction.. friendszone
@ecfresh Ugh, yeah I know, I know. It sucks because when others say you have such a "good personality" or are a "good person," yet realistically, we know that's not enough to get someone's attention if she does not meet a guy's physical standard he's looking for or fantasizing about. Which leaves us in the dreaded friendzone, haha.
Ha ha we’ve been over this before and of course you are speaking to the choir as my head shot continues to receive creative feedback from the GaG community.
I bought in when I was 20 to women saying the same thing about personality and caring less about looks. It’s not shallow, it’s reality. Like we have discussed before people can lose weight as I know you did to improve their physical attraction and pay attention to details when putting themselves together to look their best.
It starts with looks for both men and women and I believe the decision about which potential bucket the stranger falls into is made in the first 30 seconds before they open their mouths.
Now as we know once they say something personality and other things such as scent and posture start to play into the equation but we have already put them in their bucket so by then it’s a case of evaluation of do we actually feel a connection to pursue a relationship or not.
@ecfresh Haha! Oh dear, I'm afraid to ask what kind of "lovely" feedback our peers have to say about your profile picture.
"It’s not shallow, it’s reality." I know. However, I reserve the right not to like or agree with said reality sir.
But you are right, most people assess how attractive someone is, just by talking or interacting with them for a few moments- all the more reason first impression is important! I've learned to be careful doing that because people can surprise you! Someone can look attractive, yet have a toxic or nasty personality that makes them unattractive.
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