LOOKS are not the most important thing?

Question

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Warning: this reply is probably going to offend most people-

No, they are not! Contrary to what most of y'all think, looks are not the most important thing in a relationship or dating. Some of us do put personality, intelligence, and how you treat others beforehand.
I have met beautiful people with ugly personalities that make them completely unattractive to me! And then I've meet people considered "unattractive" that are beautiful because they have a kind and giving soul.

However, some people will never see past that because they're too busy looking at superficial features of a person! I know. I've had guys in the past admit when they rejected me or friendzoned me they loved my personality! Yet I wasn't their "type." (Read: not attractive enough for them) Which yes, that's their right and I respect that; we all have our types we romanticize over or consider our ideal partner. But if you go purely off looks, you might miss that special person.

Looks eventually fade, and that "hot" person you insisted on dating or marrying will eventually lose his or her looks: do they have a brain to back up that body or not?

The ones that put looks first are the main ones in unhappy relationships because their partners are shallow individuals with little to no personality to offer to the relationship.

If a guy can hold a conversation, has a good personality, manners, decent hygiene, and knows how and when to dress, that's makes him pretty attractive to me.

el_Te_de_la_Rosa · Accepted Answer

Looks of whom and to whose perspective?

Looks of me is certainly not the most important thing for me. It depends on how someone percieves my appearance. Some think I am pretty, other people don't think so. I'm off a beauty standard for men my age (since I was in 20s till now) in my country even though many women tell me I am. That's why I love them.😊 Or, there are something else they are looking for in me, not just looks because if my look is the thing which matters the most then why am I still not persued to be a partner in a long term relationship?

Neither looks of my potential partner. It is not the most important, but quite. It gives me a hint of good genes. Strong body implies he takes a good care of himself, not sitting around doing nothing but workout and have a healthy diet. He can't be a lazy person. It's an effort for being better and that's a good trait. Anyways, if a man I find him attratctive isn't mentally matched with me, or if I don't like his odor, the appearance will be diminished.

A buff is good.
A buff nerd is better.
A single buff nerd is the best!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Believe me someone who's unattractive LOOKS are the MOST important thing. As a whole package when it comes to relationships or dating we don't prioritize looks first (which is still a lie). In terms of *attraction* getting a date to begin with looks are the MOST important thing.

Just to clarify as not to get "oh I'm just being pessimistic when it comes to my looks". I got negative comments about my appearance in High School.

To determine if looks are or not the most important thing, we should remove as many variables as possible. So lets solely look at casual sex. Research clearly shows women put even more emphasize on looks when it comes to casual sex. Guys obviously also try to get as attractive as possible, its simply casual sex favours women so they are able to do so.

Research also shows the same thing, looks are important. If looks aren't important then why don't we see mismatched couples when it comes to appearance? Ignoring money how many women are dating below par? Go to nightclub women would not even give guy a glance if they consider him subpar.

If looks aren't important and other factors can substitute then surely guys would be able to get hotter girlfriends? Yet it never happens. Sexual Market Value still holds true.

Looks is the first thing, its the filter that determines if any other variables will make a difference. If she doesn't find you at least appealing, nothing in the world is going to make a difference.

Bandit74 · Accepted Answer

They aren't the only thing that matters, but I think they are probably the thing that carries the most weight.

Being really good looking increases your options for sex/dating more than having a good personality does and having below average looks hurts your options for sex/dating more than having a below average personality does.

Also, worth noting is that how you look affects how you are perceived. People who are attractive are often perceived to be more friendly, intelligent, trustworthy, capable etc.. compared to average or below average looking people. You could have two guys tell the same joke or use the same pick up line and if one is more attractive he will probably be perceived as funnier/ more charming and have women be more receptive to him compared to the less attractive one.

I think unnatractive people are also more likely to be perceived as having bad personalities even though the same personality traits wouldn't be perceived as harshly in an attractive person.

SydneySentinel · Answer

Damn, I just answered this on a different question...
They don't need to be considered attractive to everyone, they just need to be attractive to YOU. I've dated some guys whom friends/family considered unattractive... (they referred to one guy as Uncle Fester) but I was attracted to them for whatever reason. "Uncle Fester" and I laughed together alllll the time. We both had been single for a very long time and had aligned morals and goals.

The opposite can be recognized too. A guy can be totally "hot" by societal standards but if he's a douche, I'm repulsed by him and can't look at him the same way. Douche is an absolute NO for me.
If he's hot but not the most intelligent guy, that's a bit more forgivable because at least he's got a good heart and morals/goals could align.

Anyway- yes, you need to be attracted to your partner.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

I'd like to say no, but dammmnnn he looks good. I mean um no they're not🤐😉

ElissaDido · Answer

Attraction is a puzzle. A puzzle made up of many pieces. Some pieces are bigger and more central than others, and some are smaller but still needed to get the full picture. Attraction is a big part of the puzzle. But it's not the only one.

DorkVader · Answer

Looks will get your foot in the door, but you gotta bring something else. Humor. Movie tickets. Snacks. Depth.

Me personally, I find something attractive in most people. I don't know if it's because I'm half artist, or if it's because I'm a nice person

leftyouonread · Answer

You framed that oddly but they most definitely are and that's not based on its overall value which i believe is low. They're the most important thing because they initiate the relationship close to %100 of the time. Of course they're are exceptions so I don't wanna hear about that one friend whos minority relationship values define the world. For something to started it needs to be initiated. Think of it as a spark plug. It's cheap and does very little to do with how well your car runs. But it won't start without it.

Sarahr123 · Answer

I don’t think that guy is good looking but yes looks are not the most important. I think intelligence, loyalty, sense of humour, patience, courage of conviction and being a good person come first. Then comes the looks, the height, the facial features, the symmetry, the perfectness of the eye shape, nose shape, jawline, cheekbones, lip shape etc...

Marinaughty · Answer

I dated both very good looking n just so-so n really it depends on guys. However, my relationship with the guy just so-so lasted for 5 freaking years n it was amazing. The good looking only last for a while n i always broke up in bad term. Due to my past experiences, I rather chose an ugly but a good guy for life, but I'll definitely date a good looking for fun.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Looks are important don't get me wrong you need them for sexual/physical attraction but they aren't the most important thing.

I'd say personality is more important because what good are looks in a relationship if you have the personality of a block of wood, among other things.

On top of that chemistry stems from compatible people via personality if your not compatible with your partners personality and have no chemistry in that way then how can you do anything? Also there is a component to sexual attraction and being turned on when it comes to personality to some people find certain traits that other's possess from their personality attractive.

In my mind though they're both quite important for different and sometimes the same reason.

Bluemax · Answer

It's sometimes a bit confusing to phrase a true false question using a negative. I wonder how many voted for one thing when they meant another.

I liken the importance of looks to job prerequisites. No, they aren't the most important thing. However, to most they are a requirement.

btbc92 · Answer

Yes. It's not. It's because of the importance of looks is why so many girls and guys end up with bad partners. I have seen so many people both offline and online date people their not COMPATIBLE with! Mark Gungor here explains it SO MUCH BETTER.

Sensmind · Answer

I picked C because I believe there is plenty of middle ground between "Being pretty/handsome gets you everywhere" and "Personality trumps looks every time".
Now there is no denying that looks play a role in the early impressions of someone until you get to know them, how much of a role after that depends on each individual.
My way around that or even advice is try to look your best and be the best version of yourself as much as possible to move forward with romance even life itself

Anonymous · Answer

Well, if you have to look at someone every day for the rest of your life, my advice is to make it count! "Hell yes", looks are everything; it's what gets the juices flowing, it's what makes the best kinds of memories, it's the thing that makes life most exciting. Would you want to buy an ugly car, have an ugly house or birth an ugly kid? It's really a silly question, "of course", we are all attracted to beauty, and as far as we know, life happens only once for each of us, so why not make it count!

If you wed a fat, ugly man, you'll have an
"Oh shit, what the fuck did I do"
looking face (like the gif below).

NineBreaker · Answer

No. Looks are not the most important thing. It doesn't mean that they're not important at all, but they're definitely shouldn't be in the top 3 things to look for. Let me ask you this: What's the point of dating someone who looks good but literally cheats on you and mistreats you. It's an extreme example, but I think it holds true. You can improve on your looks, and you can learn to be better in bed, but it's nearly impossible to heal the sick soul of a sociopath.

genericname85 · Answer

i'd argue they are the most important. because looks decide over who you'll approach. you won't even get to know those that don't have adequate looks. so how is character gonna win someone over if you didn't get to know them to begin with.

obviously after the "getting to know" phase, looks are secondary. but for the first spark of attention they are the most important, cause looks are obviously more salient than a good character.

Exterminatore · Answer

For girls 100% for guys...90%. A guy can’t be dog ugly, but if he’s a 5.5 to 7... looks can be compensated for by other things. For girls though... not much they can do to compensate for being unattractive.

I’ll also say for either gender many people settle when it comes to looks. They do the best they can and settle even if they’re only 50/50 on the others looks. As far as I’m concerned... almost everyone is with someone who they thought that was the best they could do. Very few are with someone they thought they could do better than.

Serenitykayyy · Answer

Looks are important at the beginning of the relationship for me. Then as I start to get to know the person I will either love who they are or won’t. The person they are will determine whether the relationship will continue.

Anoniemus · Answer

False. Most important to men. Important to women but there are traits that are more important for us.

Creepazoid · Answer

No I'm not the best looking guy in my opinion, but I have got my share of compliments and girls wanting to give me a try.

jasco · Answer

When picking a partner most people tend to go for looks then personality for me I am the Same but I have met lots of people who looks great were honestly just plain dickheads and I have met ugly people who has the greatest of hearts so I guess if your ugly your more likely to be nice then If ur pretty cause most people who are pretty take everything for granted or are just selfish but there are some who aren't I have met them

LesterJester · Answer

Looks don't last forever. When you're old, saggy and wrinkly or end up in a tragic farming accident, if all you had going for you were your looks, then you're kinda fk'd.

Looks are a temporary bonus to your stats.

Testaccount65754 · Answer

Looks matter the most, and when it comes to personality women just prefer narcissistic assholes.

"women rated male characters designed to capture high Dark Triad facets of personality (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism) or a control personality. Physicality was held constant. Women rated the high Dark Triad character as significantly more attractive [d = 0.94]"
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886913012245

skeetskeetskeet · Answer

Its true you can still get laid with shitty genetics... i had a friend in high school that looked like the mad magazine dude but he managed to pull tons of hot girls because he was a funny mother fucker and was hilarious to be around... but looks will not hurt your game in the slightest... looks id say are a close second... if not a tie to money

CubsterShura · Answer

You see, looks are very very important... But the thing is, there are so many other things WAY more important than appearance.

Shaniqua_Shaniqua · Answer

A real BIG meat stick most important to me!! He gots ta be able to PLEASE a woman!!

nella965 · Answer

I think anyone who thinks looks are the most important thing in a relationship is not worth being with. Such a person most likely doesn't even know what true love really is. These also aren't the types suitable for marriage.

Daisy007 · Answer

No, they're not! BUT it does factor in for me (& i'm sure some others as well since you're attracted facially 1st before you actually get to talk to him)

Sunshinegov · Answer

Looks are very important but only initially... I feel like the more time you spend with someone you don’t really see their looks as much anymore but their personality, humour and passion shines through. But to say physical attraction is not important is a lie. That’s the hook but the sinker is everything else that goes along with it

1stPlace · Answer

Not the most important, but they are more important than people lead on. Men and women. Looks are subjective. There has to be something physically attractive that all of us find attractive before we thinking about being with that person. Then that's when more important things like character and personality take over. If it weren't, people wouldn't get "friendzoned" nearly as much.

hsshannah96 · Answer

To me they’re the first thing I notice. If there isn’t something striking about your looks, I might not talk to them cause if I think our future sex life would stink, why would I —- know what I mean?

bannacookies · Answer

Of course they are not. Looks is like... the last thing. Because that in the picture, looks not good if that's "looks".

Anonymous · Answer

sigh, The "mangina" of GaG, once again desperately looking to curry favor with the women here.

"Date Coach"? You should be ashamed of yourself... all of your takes consist of the same message: "Men, no matter what you've experienced in regards to women, you are wrong. Women are justified in what they do... no matter what it may be and you need to just shut up and take it."

Do you even think about the men, you've messed up with your crap. You have decent average guys blaming themselves for women rejecting them because they didn't hit the genetic pick-6.

This question is just more of your like gathering, pandering bullshit. You certainly know that the women are going to lie and the men like you, always eager to stab their fellow men in the back, will rush to lie as well.

If karma exists at all, you and those close to you will have unfortunate accidents that occur in the near future. those things happen sometimes.

arizonaguy95 · Answer

No they're not. They're important but compatibility is the most important. A hot chick/dude with your desired features is no good if she/he treats you like shit.

DashboardLight · Answer

Looks get you the application form, personality gets you the job.

Voruund · Answer

Looks aren't the most important, but i wouldn't want to spend my live with someone i didn't find attractive.

ThatGuy133 · Answer

They aren't important. You can be hotter than a habanero but be a complete piece of shit.  I'll take a cute woman with a badass personality over a 10 with a shitty personality.

producer · Answer

They do matter, I get complicated sometimes, sometimes I'm called ugly, it's just depends on the person but I say it matters to the majority but it varies

Trojan35 · Answer

Well I saw many ugly guys having very beautiful girls next to them, I always felt sad for those girls but what to do, that was their choice. Your question is true and false at the same time. Due to my experiences ; Most of women seem they care about looks but actually they don't, men? Well men really do care about how woman looks.

Personally I want woman to be pretty at first, I should be attracted to her then I'll want to get to know about her.

EleanorRigby · Answer

Looks alone won't make me fall for him, and neither will his personality if I find him really repulsive physically. It all has to tie together.

Kindofweird · Answer

Well I fell in love with a person who is really not good looking...

Saris1 · Answer

Looks fade, bodies get old. I want to be with a good man.

ariadneR · Answer

I couldn't care less, he's attractive to me, he doesn't have to be attractive to everyone. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

They help in getting your foot in the door, but your personality is the meat and potatoes.

YellLow · Answer

Looks is what makes you move, personality its what males you stay 🤷‍♀️ and sex is as important

MrKinktastic · Answer

Certainly not the most important, more of a nice to have in my opinion.

AnomalousPearl · Answer

If he was gorgeous but a total douche there’s no way I’d date him.

thelittlemermaid333 · Answer

Personality and a kind heart is way more important to me overall

pigoat · Answer

Well when you ask it like that, i have to say it depends on your profession

1828avaava1828 · Answer

Not to a relationship. they are to beginning said relationship.

Agem123 · Answer

Not the most important thing, but more important than people pretend it to be.

Rangers · Answer

To some people they are, more likely to be the case when they're young

SamirahD22 · Answer

Those who say it's not are lying. Looks are the initial reason for attraction. Then comes personality , then chemistry.

Zusaso1 · Answer

Only initially. Once I fall in love even if my girl gained a lot of weight, wrinkles, etc I'd still be attracted to her,

madgoat · Answer

For a toy they may be, but for a keeper, it's their personality and capability that will make the difference. And in that latter case, looks do still matter but they're just not the top item.

Jjpayne · Answer

True, while they are the lure but at the end of the day, it's a person's behavior and beilefs that are important

dbr1987 · Answer

Looks are the most important at first glance. Looks make you feel attracted at first sight. But in holland we have a saying, you can't eat of a beautyfull table. So good looks does not outway a shitty personality

Silverio_Stieger · Answer

Nope. Just an open door. What's really important is what comes after the look

Anno2 · Answer

Always liked attrative people but whenever I fall in love they are far from perfect. Takes one to know one I guess

Pamina · Answer

Not *the* most important thing, but pretty important.

ChiTown33 · Answer

They are because regardless to the claims of many women. They see you before they ever hear you. And if they don't like what they see, you're going to be ignored.

AkshiJanjua · Answer

They just are how much you want to pretend other wise

LOOKS are not the most important thing?

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