True
False
Other "Provided my insight" in the comments below
See Poll ( I look like my dog )
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Warning: this reply is probably going to offend most people-
No, they are not! Contrary to what most of y'all think, looks are not the most important thing in a relationship or dating. Some of us do put personality, intelligence, and how you treat others beforehand.
I have met beautiful people with ugly personalities that make them completely unattractive to me! And then I've meet people considered "unattractive" that are beautiful because they have a kind and giving soul.
However, some people will never see past that because they're too busy looking at superficial features of a person! I know. I've had guys in the past admit when they rejected me or friendzoned me they loved my personality! Yet I wasn't their "type." (Read: not attractive enough for them) Which yes, that's their right and I respect that; we all have our types we romanticize over or consider our ideal partner. But if you go purely off looks, you might miss that special person.
Looks eventually fade, and that "hot" person you insisted on dating or marrying will eventually lose his or her looks: do they have a brain to back up that body or not?
The ones that put looks first are the main ones in unhappy relationships because their partners are shallow individuals with little to no personality to offer to the relationship.
If a guy can hold a conversation, has a good personality, manners, decent hygiene, and knows how and when to dress, that's makes him pretty attractive to me.
Mmmmmm yeah but nuh unh.
decent hygiene? Expectations a little high in 2020? Ha
"women rated male characters designed to capture high Dark Triad facets of personality (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism) or a control personality. Physicality was held constant. Women rated the high Dark Triad character as significantly more attractive [d = 0.94]"
www.sciencedirect.com/.../S0191886913012245
@coachTanthony I mean dang Coach- is it asking to much to date a guy that knows how to use deodorant, combs his hair, washes his hair, and smells good when you cuddle up to him? I better trim my expectations down then! LOL
No it's not too much to ask... have you been having issues with this sort of thing?
@coachTanthony I'm happy to say no! The few I have been with were nice and clean :)
Nothing like a nice smelling man to make a girl happy.
No, my issue is falling for guys everyone else thought was ugly, unattractive, or not my type. But of course I didn't listen. Only for said guy really be ugly- personality wise that is!
"No, my issue is falling for guys everyone else thought was ugly,"
You are really starting to intrigue me here!
@nella965 Cool! Good deal!
@coachTanthony One day, I'll have to discuss my past dating experiences with you and the guys I dated. You'll either shake your head, or go "Wow" when you tell you some of things and guys I dealt with, haha.
@Cynicaldreamer I wanna be included too!
@DorkVader Yes ma'am! I wish we had a private group chat (hint hint gag admins!)
But yeah, I definitely don't mind! Heck, you two are like close friends now; I don't mind talking about my "lovely" past with you... you'll get a laugh I assure you
@Cynicaldreamer @DorkVader YAY alright! I will bring the pork chops!
What's offensive is you said most of us would be offended.
@leftyouonread Haha well I know some of the things I say on here, such as the truth, tends to offend some people. So I had to throw that out there.
Mostly to be a little smartass 😊
Looks of whom and to whose perspective?
Looks of me is certainly not the most important thing for me. It depends on how someone percieves my appearance. Some think I am pretty, other people don't think so. I'm off a beauty standard for men my age (since I was in 20s till now) in my country even though many women tell me I am. That's why I love them.😊 Or, there are something else they are looking for in me, not just looks because if my look is the thing which matters the most then why am I still not persued to be a partner in a long term relationship?
Neither looks of my potential partner. It is not the most important, but quite. It gives me a hint of good genes. Strong body implies he takes a good care of himself, not sitting around doing nothing but workout and have a healthy diet. He can't be a lazy person. It's an effort for being better and that's a good trait. Anyways, if a man I find him attratctive isn't mentally matched with me, or if I don't like his odor, the appearance will be diminished.
A buff is good.
A buff nerd is better.
A single buff nerd is the best!
Believe me someone who's unattractive LOOKS are the MOST important thing. As a whole package when it comes to relationships or dating we don't prioritize looks first (which is still a lie). In terms of *attraction* getting a date to begin with looks are the MOST important thing.
Just to clarify as not to get "oh I'm just being pessimistic when it comes to my looks". I got negative comments about my appearance in High School.
To determine if looks are or not the most important thing, we should remove as many variables as possible. So lets solely look at casual sex. Research clearly shows women put even more emphasize on looks when it comes to casual sex. Guys obviously also try to get as attractive as possible, its simply casual sex favours women so they are able to do so.
Research also shows the same thing, looks are important. If looks aren't important then why don't we see mismatched couples when it comes to appearance? Ignoring money how many women are dating below par? Go to nightclub women would not even give guy a glance if they consider him subpar.
If looks aren't important and other factors can substitute then surely guys would be able to get hotter girlfriends? Yet it never happens. Sexual Market Value still holds true.
Looks is the first thing, its the filter that determines if any other variables will make a difference. If she doesn't find you at least appealing, nothing in the world is going to make a difference.
They aren't the only thing that matters, but I think they are probably the thing that carries the most weight.
Being really good looking increases your options for sex/dating more than having a good personality does and having below average looks hurts your options for sex/dating more than having a below average personality does.
Also, worth noting is that how you look affects how you are perceived. People who are attractive are often perceived to be more friendly, intelligent, trustworthy, capable etc.. compared to average or below average looking people. You could have two guys tell the same joke or use the same pick up line and if one is more attractive he will probably be perceived as funnier/ more charming and have women be more receptive to him compared to the less attractive one.
I think unnatractive people are also more likely to be perceived as having bad personalities even though the same personality traits wouldn't be perceived as harshly in an attractive person.
"Also, worth noting is that how you look affects how you are perceived."
YES! Once again, you've nailed it, Bandit. And yet I constantly puzzle over why people are in denial about this.
This has even been demonstrated among children! Among babies even, where it's difficult to argue that societal norms have been hammered into them! Babies prefer attractive people! Children rate attractive teachers higher than unattractive teachers.
Moreover, a study showed that PARENTS are more attentive to attractive children! Teachers are more attentive to attractive students. This was taught to me during my training.
And yet so many seem to deny that such is the case. Why do you think so many deny this, Bandit?
@Bluemax
Why do you think so many deny this, Bandit?
I don't know, perhaps some people knowingly down play it to come across as more virtuous / having more depth to their personalities. Others might be blissfully ignorant because they haven't experienced it as much themselves or perhaps are just more optimistic believing what makes them feel better similar to how people are with religion.
Another factor is that even if people acknowledge it, there really aren't any good solutions to the problem. Like you said, it has been observed that even babies show preference towards conventionally attractive faces so it seemed pretty ingrained in us to prefer beauty. And sexually you can't pressure people to befriend/date/sleep with people they don't want.
The only solution I see would be for genetic engineering and/or plastic surgery to advance to the point where everyone or at least a larger % of the population has the option to be good looking but not many people seem to have favorable opinions of either of those options. And even if that were to happen perhaps some other hierarchy would take its place.
what you said is true. However, having a great personality and tremendously kind heart can also make people very fond of you and place you with a much higher regard than the average person. I know cuz it has happend to me. Show people that you are speical and they will treat you special. Its not only looks that make you seem special to people
Yes, it's true we do seem to make it more virtuous when the attractive see past the unattractive. Just look at the legion of "beauty and the beast" stories (although it's interesting to note there is a paucity of such stories where the woman is the beast). In reality, the attractive often *do* see past the unattractive, they just don't want to date them. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Yet we insist on labeling rejecting someone for his/her appearance as being shallow. How I long to see an end to that word as it's applied in such situations.
And the unattractive have it worse, actually. When *they* reject someone based on appearance, it's FAR less acceptable. They're labeled both shallow AND stupid, while people neglect to acknowledge the same forces of evolution are at work equally among the attractive, average, and unattractive alike.
Where I *do* think people need to rethink attitudes towards the unattractive are in areas that have nothing to do with romance. Jobs, court, classrooms, etc. And this is where awareness comes into play. You can't fix something if you're unaware of it or refuse to acknowledge it.
As for solutions, I have some suggestions. With existing technology, cosmetic surgery is... sometimes questionable. The results aren't always what the patient aims for... or the surgeon for that matter. As for genetic engineering, quite a few people have moral hangups about that (though I can't agree with them. Very few would have moral hangups about genetically engineering things like muscular dystrophy out of people). Here's my suggestions in the meantime.
1) Acknowledge that we *do* treat people better if they're attractive and worse if they aren't, including areas that have nothing to do with mate choice. Stop denying the stats behind it.
2) Work to change those attitudes in ourselves, and not merely for virtue signalling reasons. Also understand that there will be times we fail.
3) The unattractive need to try to understand that in many cases, it's a form of learned hopelessness that prevents them from improving themselves. And in many cases, they *can* improve their appearance, particularly in developed nations where obesity is a greater problem (I'm lookin' at you, America). Being healthy often helps.
@Bluemax It's not shallow to date someone that you're not attracted to at all. But realize that there are many of those who wouldn't date someone unless they look hot or at least an 8 out of 10. This is shallow. There are certain people out there (not most of the population) that are very picky when it comes to looks. And often, this will give them a harder time finding their soul mate. Because true compatibility and love may lay in individuals that aren't the most eye catching. Good looks does not mean better love or compatibility. You can't fall in love with someone for their looks.
And also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone that you think isn't very attractive may be very good looking to somebody else. So you can't really say that Mary is going out with an ugly dude. Because mary might actually find him attractive.
@Bluemax
"Jobs, court, classrooms, etc."
Yes, definitely.
I also find it could be more of an issue going forward with things like LinkedIn being popular for recruiting. I haven't seen any stats on it, but I wouldn't be surprised in the least if people who have a profile pic and are physically attractive are more likely to get recruited/offered jobs.
"With existing technology, cosmetic surgery is... sometimes questionable"
I agree which is why I said technology would have to advance for it to really be viable.
Things like being able to 3d print bone/tissue and having more precise surgeries via robotics should hopefully help that in the future.
"As for genetic engineering, quite a few people have moral hangups about that"
It's weird, people always claim to be against inequality but when it comes to genetics arguably one of the greatest inequalities of all time they'd rather let status quo remain.
Physical attractiveness and IQ are highly dependent on genetics and offer those who are blessed in those categories with immeasurable advantages in so many different aspects of their lives from childhood through adulthood. I don't understand how being able to ensure your child ends up with desirable traits is worse than leaving it up to chance like it is now.
@Bluemax
I don't know if I believe ugly women are significantly better off than ugly men. Sure ugly men might have it easier in the sense they are more likely to be able to compensate for their ugliness via monetary success but only a small portion of ugly men will be able to become successful enough to make up for their ugliness and even when they get someone she's probably not actually attracted to them.
"in developed nations where obesity is a greater problem"
That is true. People who are unnatractive due to their weight often get the highest payout for their efforts assuming their have good bone structure under the fat.
To be honest tho.. I don't have a ton of sympathy for people who are unnatractive as a result of their weight. To me it is at the very least partially their own fault for becoming fat in the first place and usually within their power to change if they put in the effort. I am much more sympathetic towards people who are unnatractive as a result of their facial bone structure since that is out of their control.
Opinion
50Opinion
Damn, I just answered this on a different question...
They don't need to be considered attractive to everyone, they just need to be attractive to YOU. I've dated some guys whom friends/family considered unattractive... (they referred to one guy as Uncle Fester) but I was attracted to them for whatever reason. "Uncle Fester" and I laughed together alllll the time. We both had been single for a very long time and had aligned morals and goals.
The opposite can be recognized too. A guy can be totally "hot" by societal standards but if he's a douche, I'm repulsed by him and can't look at him the same way. Douche is an absolute NO for me.
If he's hot but not the most intelligent guy, that's a bit more forgivable because at least he's got a good heart and morals/goals could align.
Anyway- yes, you need to be attracted to your partner.
Yep! Yep! Yep! Brilliant (as usual), Syd!
I don't give a damn what the rest of the world thinks. But what *I* think of her matters a great deal.
by the way, I knew a friend of a friend who was also Uncle Fester. In fact, he came to my friend's annual Halloween bash as Uncle Fester... and he required no makeup. He even had it so that you could put a light bulb in his mouth and it lit up. His girlfriend at the time was super cute. He was funny and kind and people liked him. (Great parties, btw! My friend and I once made a cadaver for serving snacks. His chest cavity opened, and voila! Chips and dip! And he always made T-shirts for each year... I still have mine!)
Thank you, Mr. Bluemax...
That's exactly right!
That's awesome that he OWNED his Uncle Fester. That's even more attractive when he has a great sense of humor about it!
Sir Bluemax...
I'd like to say no, but dammmnnn he looks good. I mean um no they're not🤐😉
That's my cousin Steve.
@leftyouonread
Well tell cousin Steve I say Helllooo 😉
Fair enough
What?😇
Attraction is a puzzle. A puzzle made up of many pieces. Some pieces are bigger and more central than others, and some are smaller but still needed to get the full picture. Attraction is a big part of the puzzle. But it's not the only one.
Looks will get your foot in the door, but you gotta bring something else. Humor. Movie tickets. Snacks. Depth.
Me personally, I find something attractive in most people. I don't know if it's because I'm half artist, or if it's because I'm a nice person
Movie tickets! YESSSSSSS
movie tickets... then the goobers... ju ju beans, popcorn, nestle crunch... the list goes on and on and onnnnnn
I did that when I was poor. Bring on the 10.00 goobers!
You are right! Give me my junior Mints!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M29A6rZpKqk
You framed that oddly but they most definitely are and that's not based on its overall value which i believe is low. They're the most important thing because they initiate the relationship close to %100 of the time. Of course they're are exceptions so I don't wanna hear about that one friend whos minority relationship values define the world. For something to started it needs to be initiated. Think of it as a spark plug. It's cheap and does very little to do with how well your car runs. But it won't start without it.
You framed that oddly
YES I did! Ha
I don’t think that guy is good looking but yes looks are not the most important. I think intelligence, loyalty, sense of humour, patience, courage of conviction and being a good person come first. Then comes the looks, the height, the facial features, the symmetry, the perfectness of the eye shape, nose shape, jawline, cheekbones, lip shape etc...
You don't think Ryan Gosling is good looking? Child please... come on now. LOL
Ha Okay... when Ryan Gosling can't get a date we are all screwed! lol
He has recessive traits like blonde hair and blue eyes whereas I prefer darker features on men like he should be tall, olive complexion, brown eyes and brown hair. I also think he can look a bit feminine sometimes and I don’t like feminine looking men at all. I mean he looks like a man in that picture but in other pictures he can look a bit like a pretty boy. I like alpha male types like really manly men. A bit of scruffiness in a man is attractive.
You having a preference is all good! We all do. You said he wasn't attractive. Just can't wrap my head around that!
I dated both very good looking n just so-so n really it depends on guys. However, my relationship with the guy just so-so lasted for 5 freaking years n it was amazing. The good looking only last for a while n i always broke up in bad term. Due to my past experiences, I rather chose an ugly but a good guy for life, but I'll definitely date a good looking for fun.
wow very interesting
Looks are important don't get me wrong you need them for sexual/physical attraction but they aren't the most important thing.
I'd say personality is more important because what good are looks in a relationship if you have the personality of a block of wood, among other things.
On top of that chemistry stems from compatible people via personality if your not compatible with your partners personality and have no chemistry in that way then how can you do anything? Also there is a component to sexual attraction and being turned on when it comes to personality to some people find certain traits that other's possess from their personality attractive.
In my mind though they're both quite important for different and sometimes the same reason.
It's sometimes a bit confusing to phrase a true false question using a negative. I wonder how many voted for one thing when they meant another.
I liken the importance of looks to job prerequisites. No, they aren't the most important thing. However, to most they are a requirement.
Yes. It's not. It's because of the importance of looks is why so many girls and guys end up with bad partners. I have seen so many people both offline and online date people their not COMPATIBLE with! Mark Gungor here explains it SO MUCH BETTER.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/p-u8ZmVYbLII picked C because I believe there is plenty of middle ground between "Being pretty/handsome gets you everywhere" and "Personality trumps looks every time".
Now there is no denying that looks play a role in the early impressions of someone until you get to know them, how much of a role after that depends on each individual.
My way around that or even advice is try to look your best and be the best version of yourself as much as possible to move forward with romance even life itself
Well, if you have to look at someone every day for the rest of your life, my advice is to make it count! "Hell yes", looks are everything; it's what gets the juices flowing, it's what makes the best kinds of memories, it's the thing that makes life most exciting. Would you want to buy an ugly car, have an ugly house or birth an ugly kid? It's really a silly question, "of course", we are all attracted to beauty, and as far as we know, life happens only once for each of us, so why not make it count!
If you wed a fat, ugly man, you'll have an
"Oh shit, what the fuck did I do"
looking face (like the gif below).
This girl is funny. 😂😂😂
No. Looks are not the most important thing. It doesn't mean that they're not important at all, but they're definitely shouldn't be in the top 3 things to look for. Let me ask you this: What's the point of dating someone who looks good but literally cheats on you and mistreats you. It's an extreme example, but I think it holds true. You can improve on your looks, and you can learn to be better in bed, but it's nearly impossible to heal the sick soul of a sociopath.
i'd argue they are the most important. because looks decide over who you'll approach. you won't even get to know those that don't have adequate looks. so how is character gonna win someone over if you didn't get to know them to begin with.
obviously after the "getting to know" phase, looks are secondary. but for the first spark of attention they are the most important, cause looks are obviously more salient than a good character.
For girls 100% for guys...90%. A guy can’t be dog ugly, but if he’s a 5.5 to 7... looks can be compensated for by other things. For girls though... not much they can do to compensate for being unattractive.
I’ll also say for either gender many people settle when it comes to looks. They do the best they can and settle even if they’re only 50/50 on the others looks. As far as I’m concerned... almost everyone is with someone who they thought that was the best they could do. Very few are with someone they thought they could do better than.
Looks are important at the beginning of the relationship for me. Then as I start to get to know the person I will either love who they are or won’t. The person they are will determine whether the relationship will continue.
Same. Looks are #1 as far as attraction goes, but they only factor somewhat into personal investment.
False. Most important to men. Important to women but there are traits that are more important for us.
Sweet! What are they?
Lol. Are you being sarcastic? I would say personality traits (sense of humor, confidence, intelligence etc.) and stability. Precisely what Cynicaldreamer replied. The issue is, though, this is assuming that the man is, at least, moderately attractive to us.
So looks aren't the MOST important, but they're pretty important.
www.psychologytoday.com/.../why-physical-attraction-matters-and-when-it-might-not
www.sciencedaily.com/.../170404104722.htm
We want a man with a great personality who is stable in his life but he has to be attractive enough for us. I don't see any woman saying that she's sleeping with a man she is not physically attracted to unless if she is a sapiosexual or another type of sexuality in which physical attributes are not taken into account.
Nice thanks for the comments! Have a great weekend!
No I'm not the best looking guy in my opinion, but I have got my share of compliments and girls wanting to give me a try.
Well there ya go! Proof in the puddin right here folks!
Nah coach, I wouldn't be a prime example. We all have our issues that hold us back and we both know I have mine.
Never said prime example. Proof that you and anybody can do it. Prime example would be ME. I am the ultimate case study.
You got me there coach. I got a long way to go. And I'm out tonight👍
When picking a partner most people tend to go for looks then personality for me I am the Same but I have met lots of people who looks great were honestly just plain dickheads and I have met ugly people who has the greatest of hearts so I guess if your ugly your more likely to be nice then If ur pretty cause most people who are pretty take everything for granted or are just selfish but there are some who aren't I have met them
Looks don't last forever. When you're old, saggy and wrinkly or end up in a tragic farming accident, if all you had going for you were your looks, then you're kinda fk'd.
Looks are a temporary bonus to your stats.
You can also add your opinion below!
Most Helpful Opinions