Why do we always get attached to a guy or girl who doesn’t treat us right?

[Maddie_95]

whether it’s a guy or girl we’re dating and doesn’t show us the respect we deserve, why are we always so desperate for their attention? A guy or girl can say all the right things and get us attached and then completely “flip the switch” causing our emotions to be in disarray. How can I stop doing this? I’m tired of being disrespected by this guy I am attached to. I know I deserve better!

[DestinyElizabeth04]

Have you ever heard the saying "We accept the love we think we deserve"? I did the exact same thing you were doing and through a lot of my self findings, I had realized that I truly did not believe I was good enough. I was insanely insecure and I went into relationships very damaged, which ultimately led to its demise because these men treated me like garbage and I was the only one putting in any effort. Once I realized how toxic I was, I made a point to stay single and I worked on myself. For a year and a half I worked on my self esteem issues, started walking everyday, eating correctly, the whole 9. I also worked on my anxiety and found methods of coping that worked for me. So after a year and a half I met this guy while I was at work (I worked at a Big Apple/Chester Fried Chicken). One of my coworkers told me she wanted to hook me up with her friend Matt because apparently she thought we would hit it off really well. She was showing me Matt's pictures and all of the sudden, I shit you not, he walked into the store with one of my other coworkers. Weirdly coincidental. I will still on the fence about actively dating anyone at that time so I didn't think too much about it. Matt, my two coworkers and I planned to hang out the following day but both my coworkers ditched last minute, leaving me and Matt by ourselves. Needless to say we have been together ever since (3years) and he treats me like freaking gold. Point being, you need to find yourself. Dig real deep and truly search for your insecurities and face them head on. Once you get past whatever it is that you are dealing with in that head of yours, you will realize your worth and you won't settle for less.

[Maddie_95]

I am definitely insecure with myself. I suffered from anorexia for 9 years and body Dysmorphia for 6 years so my self esteem definitely took a hit. I’ve been working on myself and I’ve recovered from disorders. But, I don’t know how to become more secure with myself in regards to knowing that I deserve more and that this isn’t my fault

[DestinyElizabeth04]

This sounds so weird but I'm going to tell you what I did. It worked for me, though it might not for you. So firstly, my big thing was body issues. I didn't like my size, didn't matter how big or small I was. I didn't like my smile, the way my hair fell, hated my teeth, hated the fact that I had stretch marks (I have 3 kids), didn't like the fact that I have larger hips, etc. So I experimented a bit and ran across this forum that said to take pictures of yourself daily and whether you hate them or not, show them off in social media. This is kind of crazy because like, you are seriously looking for attention from random individuals online. But fuck it, I gave it a try anyways. So every single day for 4 months straight I would take a picture and post it online. Mostly Instagram. Nothing extravagant either, I might add. I was completely clothed, mostly face shots. In fact, my Instagram is dessiedoo93 and it is not private so you can see the photos I have posted if you care to see what I am talking about. Anyways, within 4 months of all these people boosting my confidence, it actually worked and I started viewing myself differently. My body issues were completely stemmed from ignorant bullies in my school years who made me feel like I was not good enough. So maybe this is why it helped. Complete strangers helped me boost my self esteem to a point where I no longer needed that reassurance. Like I said, it sounds stupid and it definitely may look like I became an a complete attention whore, but it worked for me.

[sawno]

Stop fantasizing about a version of him that he isn't. He will likely have used tactics to make you romanticize the future he never intended to fulfill. Avoid fantasizing about anything he never did, don't fantasize about trips ahead and judge a guy like he is in the moment. Also judge if he is being genuine with you when you talk to him, or if he is trying to please and win you over. Last but not least go for the cute guy you fancy in the corner, not the guy who practiced his ways that approaches you at the bar.

[Maddie_95]

But how do I stop fantasizing that “ideal” image of him?

[sawno]

You control your own fantasy, rule out everything that has not happened yet and turn it into a fantasy about the things he has done. The subcontious has difficulty telling the difference so if you fantasize about him being mr. perfect you will fall in love as if he was.

[Tonytoutouni123]

What exactly is disrespectful about your guy? What did he do/said? How did he not treated you right? Is he generally an asshole?

[Maddie_95]

He only texts me when he wants too. I won’t hear from him for days. He ignores my texts half of the time. Law school is literally his life, which I understand is important but, only when he needs a break he’ll get in touch with me

[Maddie_95]

Plus he says all the right things to me like with dating, complimenting me and other stuff but his actions are very different

[Tonytoutouni123]

I believe that he either
- really just has a lot to do and therefore rarely writes to you
- or has no great interest in you
- or he knows that most women find a man boring if he answers often and quickly and a lot and therefore wants to remain interesting for you.

[Tonytoutouni123]

Or he only wants to sleep with you a few times, but has no real interest in your person and knows what you want to hear.

[Hotboy_booblover]

Humans always value things that are difficult to get..