I can attract guys but I can't keep them. What's wrong with me?

[holly6090]

So I've always had this problem with dating where a guy will find me physically attractive, find me fun to hang out, and thinks I'm an "amazing" girl. I make them laugh, care for them, understand their emotions, be loyal, and all-around make them feel good. Also, I don’t give up sex easily to them. I’m not perfect of course but I do the best I can.

However something always happens where despite all of these things he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, is just using me for sex, or I'm just a rebound for him to get over his ex. The guy, later on, will dump me or just ask to be friends in which I decline.

I'm really frustrated and confused. I feel like dating is so much easier for other people but for me, it's impossible even though everyone thinks I'm a "catch". I kinda just want to give up.

What's going on? Whats wrong with me?

[Browneye57]

You're awfully young yet honey. You need to understand the boyz your age are just that, still boys. A guy's brain doesn't even fully form 'till about 25. So their entire decision making process is like a teenager. You're really going to need to date up a little to find a similar maturity level to yourself.
Additionally, you need to convey from the start that you're serious about dating, why you're dating, and that you're looking for a life partner. The wannabes dweebs and fukboyz will eliminate themselves. Only the serious ones will continue to engage.

And really, you need to choose a little higher level of value, a guy that already has his shit together. You want a man, not a man in the making. The latter simply isn't ready to commit, he's just looking for some fun and some sex. The right guy is out there, but it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of dating to find him. So just keep your head up, and don't be disappointed when you have to next them. It's just the way the process works. Plus, gaining this level of experience actually gives you the tools to be able to discern, to be able to make a determination as to their worthiness, whether they are a match. Most simply will not be. And don't have sex with them all, only the ones you think you want to make a permanent connection with. Be clear about what you want, your hopes and desires, don't beat around the bush.

Choose wisely, treat kindly. __Dr. Laura

[R4zor]

Hey hey, stop beating yourself up alright? I am 22 and I do look good, (by the way you look great too), One girl took my attention to eventually laugh at I was crying that she is leaving, Another one used me to tell her friends she looks great, another one told her friends I bothered her, another one used me to make her boyfriend jealous. Only one girl is a really good friend even if she has a boyfriend we are still friends when I was burning in my own anxiety because things had faded a little between us she calmed me down.
What I wanna say is most people are self-indulgent narcissistic cowards, but that shouldn't stop you from being kind.
you will get what you deserve that is why you lost them, they simply don't deserve you yet want to make think the opposite, be patients.

[Warmapplecrumble]

You keep attracting guys that are not available to you. You have a anxious attachment style due to past experiences. Nothing wrong with it.

You need to attract people in your life that will love you, and you don't need to pull or chase them to be with you.

You need to heal yourself, and love yourself then you can recognise the right person for you.

[inb0x908]

That is really nice. Thanks for sharing this

[holly6090]

I would agree with this a bit.
Everyone always says that I should go for the "good guys" but I'm never attracted to them and they always put me on a high pedestal.

[Warmapplecrumble]

@holly6090 Yeah you need to heal yourself then those guys will become more attractive.

@inb0x908 thanks 🙂

[holly6090]

Eh im not sure about that. I know I deserve love and respect. I'm not saying I'm turned off by guys that want me however some of those "good guys" that do like me... I'm just genuinely not attracted to them. I don't mean to be rude but a lot of them are super needy and don't really have a spine around me. I've definitely been attracted to guys that "like" me.

[Warmapplecrumble]

Where you finding your guys?

[holly6090]

Mostly online. I work 2 jobs and go to school so meeting guys in real life is a bit hard. I'm open to doing it but I never know how to do it right. Plus I'm a little shy in real life

[Warmapplecrumble]

You should write down 10 things you want in a future life partner.
You should write 10 things you hate in a partner.

Then keep reducing the list and questioning everything you put there.

Then you'll have a foundation.

To me my foundation was
Being a priority
Having similar goals
Having similar religious and political beliefs
Living close to me, and having same nationality as me

[SunnySri]

Mam, I think you should start your relationship as friends with someone and get to know them better and then pursue the dating relation that way you can understand him and he can understand you without much expectations.
Hope this helps mam, but don't give up on love yet, if you are interested in finding someone.

[nachosaresexy]

Some guys just naturally lose interest after a while... take things for granted... would rather play the field.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You'll just have to be patient and wait for the right guy/relationship?

How long do your typical relationships last?

[tofamous]

Well being attractive does have its own problems It's like being wealthy everybody want some of what you got but they're not willing to commit But they're put on a show And say everything you wanna hear and might even do some things to make you feel like They care. I feel it's not any one factor Yeah after the cat the whole person acted actions and behaviors will tell you a great deal

[DWornock]

Men date down for sex but they don't marry down. Therefore, you have the same problem that most young women have. That is, you choose to date the hottest guys that will fuck you and reject guys within your league that would want a relationship. When you decide to accept guys within your league, your problem will go away.

[Not-karen]

Hard to say with out getting to know you. You sound great based off what you said but obviously you are having issues. Maybe you are not what you say you are. You look good yes. But I can’t speak for the rest until I got to know you.

have you ever asked a guy why?

[GavinM]

Trust me, it is the same for men.
It happens to me all the time.

In some cases, you could be too clingy, too emotional or not enough.
Maybe you are trying to make them do things in which thy might not like.

Take your time and try not too rush into things.

[normalice]

Sounds like sexual incompatibility. My guess is you have a low sex drive and only agree to it because that's what they want. This is not how "good sex" occurs.

[abhi_97]

Maybe you're too easy to get, they didn't realize the value of winning your heart. If they'd put efforts, they won't let you go that's easy.

[AmeerX]

You need to dress more conservative to make the other person think you are serious. Second, abstain from sex till the end. Any guy who is willing to wait to marry for that will put in effort for you

[TheAfrikan]

Well you are simply seeing the boys, soon the right Men with good and meaningful vibes with bigger intentions will come to you.
Basically you are just a right pretty beautiful flower attracting the wrong pollinators.

[_Whatever]

Uh... "Also, I don’t give up sex easily to them"

... so... what are you confused about

[In_Trance]

It must be something you're saying or doing. Or not. You really need to do some reflecting and figure out where the commonalities are

[loveslongnails]

You're dating boys, that's why. Try dating some real men.

[SavageDaddy]

Nothing with you but you might be attracting the wrong kind of men. What do you wear usually?

[EssenceOfLight]

Try to find out what your exes have in common.

[B2281]

Maybe looking in the wrong places.

[holly6090]

Where should I look then?

[B2281]

Grocery store, park, social events.

[Anonymous]

That is exactly my problem too

[mrgspoter]

Same for me kind off