Yes this shit is expensive
No that isn't fair at all
Other (okay okay see me ) in the comments Mr.
see poll ( no amount of popcorn will be enough for this one )
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
I've heard this reasoning, but I don't really buy into it. A girl doesn't have to spend that much extra money buying a new outfit. She does that for herself. He's new, he'd never known has long the dress has been in her closet. And $20 for a single eyeshadow pot is outrageous. We're getting fleeced. We should be more up in arms about why our shit costs more for no reason. The mark-up on these products is outrageous. Manufacturers are feeding into insecurities and the desire for love and attention, and they love their high profit margins. And we get no pockets! Wth.
However, maybe men should still be somewhat more generous with paying because of the fact that women still earn $0.80 to the dollar a man earns FOR EQUAL EDUCATION, EQUAL EXPERIENCE. And don't any man try to deny this. I've heard the rebuttals and I did a hell of a lot of research on this. There are many reasons for this, and I know them all.
Then there is the fact that the most common job category for females is some sort of service, and those are the lowest paying jobs. Want your child cared for in daycare? Food served in a restaurant? Hair cut? Sell you something in a store? These jobs barely make ends meet. Now ask yourself how much you value all the effort that she went into to look nice for you on a date? What is that worth? (There is no easy answer, by the way, I'm just posing the question. And she also has to manage her money and effort well. It's up to her, and she should not expect a return on her money or time investment. Both things are relevant to this topic.)
P. S. I also support sharing the cost of the date. But I would not make it mandatory in all situations. If someone earns significantly more, and the other person receives the gift of the meal being paid for, graciously, then it wouldn't be much of a problem for most guys. It's the automatic obligation and lack of gratitude that makes the situation untenable. Guys feel used. I would too.
I voted "Other."
The pay gap exists for sure but if women were more aggressive on getting the pay raises that they deserve maybe they would make as much or even more. Women also choose careers that pay less because they want more of a balance in life compared to a guy who will work 80 hours a week. It's all about choice in my opinion.
I would say in most cases it is... because it's against the law to pay someone more for the same job that is basically hourly. Now if we are salary and I CHOOSE to go to the boss and make my case of what my value is and get a raise and you don't... YOU chose not too make the case. So should you just get the pay bump for my value to the company? I mean we can go around and around on this but this is what I believe to be happening. I am sure we can agree on some things and other things not.
AmandaYVR, can you please provide evidence to support your claim that women still earn $0.80 to the dollar a man earns for equal education and equal experience? Everything I've seen suggests that the $0.80 figure is the difference of the average earnings of men compared to the average earnings of women WITHOUT accounting for education, experience or any other factors.
For example, the 2020 Payscale. com study showed that the "uncontrolled" figure (not accounting for education, experience, etc.) is $0.81 whereas the controlled figure, which accounts for education, experience and other relevant factors, is $0.98.
https://www.payscale.com/data/gender-pay-gap
You said you have done a lot of research on this so I may be missing some important evidence you have seen. Can you please point me to those sources? Thanks.
@DudeDiligence Ok. I'm taking a deep breath here. Your question is reasonable, and you asked it very politely. But I have to give you a head's up - this is a deeply, deeply inflammatory issue to me (as it should be to all females) and there is not one issue in today's society that makes me more angry than this. Am I therefore incapable of putting emotions aside and really digging for the truth? No. However in doing the research, or replying to comments here on gag in the past, I have come to the conclusion that I simply cannot put myself in that state of mind again. I will not argue back and forth with internet strangers about the validity of this. So I'm going to keep this short (this is short for me.)
The main issue is that there is much data put out on this, but like all of the most complex issues we have in society, it is not actually something easy to neatly wrap up. It is the interpretations that are often flawed. It is convenient for men to take certain numbers at face value. Very convenient. But there are so many mitigating circumstances that factor into this, and that is what I'm not prepared to list.
I cleared my cookies and browsing history a while ago so I don't have the best articles, or any, that I read, but a cursory look now found this (from Forbes):
"This year Equal Pay Day is March 31. Due to gender differences in wages, women, on average, have to work until March 31 to earn what men earned in the previous year alone. According to census reports, women currently earn about 81.6 cents for each dollar earned by a man and thus need to work about 25% more time than men to make up the difference. This gender pay gap is calculated from the census reports of men’s and women’s median annual earnings. For women of color, the pay gap is even larger. However, some argue that this calculation is overblown and that the gender pay gap is much smaller.
The argument suggests that the pay gap is erred because it doesn’t take into account the fact that men and women occupy different jobs and roles. Men are more likely to have jobs in high-paying industries and are also more likely to have senior roles that are more lucrative. To accurately calculate the gender pay gap, they argue, you need to compare workers at the same level and job.
This comparison is often referred to as the controlled or adjusted gender pay gap, because it statistically controls for factors like occupation, management level and years of work experience. The controlled gender gap is far smaller than the actual gender pay gap and is estimated to be between 94 cents and 98 cents on the dollar. The claim is that gender bias and discrimination are only responsible for the remaining few cents on the dollar. If this is accurate, then Equal Pay Day should be in January. Unfortunately, the logic is flawed.
Comparing Employees At The Same Level Ignores Gender Bias In Promotions
The controlled gender gap typically only compares employees at the same management level. Senior managers are compared to only senior managers, middle managers to other middle managers. However, there is substantial evidence that men get promoted at a much faster pace than women. If men move up the corporate ladder more quickly, then there will be far more men than women working at the senior management levels. Even if there is no pay discrepancy for senior managers in a particular industry, that does not indicate a lack of bias. The bias creeps into the promotion process, into how these people become senior managers in the first place.
Comparing Employees In The Same Industry Ignores Gender Bias That Lead To Career Choice
It’s true that women and men choose different career paths, and women are more likely to choose careers that pay less. However, it’s important to examine why women and men choose these different career paths. From a young age, girls are often steered away from certain fields by their parents, teachers and peers. Even if girls manage to overcome these influences, as women, they may desire to avoid professions where they will be one of only a few women, and where they will likely face bias and discrimination.
Similarly, men and boys are steered toward and away from certain professions. That’s why 97.3% of preschool and elementary teachers are women (interestingly, female preschool and elementary teachers only earn 83.8 cents for every dollar earned by men in this profession). If there were absolutely no bias in our society, we wouldn’t see these gender differences in occupation choice.
Controlling For Years Of Experience Ignores Gender Bias In Childcare
Women are more likely than men to take time out of their careers to take care of children. Why are women more likely than men to make this choice? Because that’s how we’ve always done it. Women are also more likely than men to choose more flexible schedules so that they can balance childcare and work. But, again, this stems from a bias in our society. If our country offered more advanced childcare options, and if there was an equal division of childcare between spouses, women wouldn’t have to choose between work and parenting.
Organizations are guilty of relying on this statistical nonsense to calculate their gender pay gaps as well. Organizations analyze pay at each job level and job description and then claim to have little or no gender bias in their organization. Google’s pay analysis even resulted in a claim that the tech giant was paying women more than men (not to worry, the men at Google were given extra compensation to make reparations for the gender bias against them). In reality, these organizations need to step back and take a look at who they are hiring and promoting to accurately determine their level of gender bias. To truly gauge bias, organizations need to look at the average man’s salary in their organization and the average woman’s salary. If there is a discrepancy, there is likely bias.
Controlling for management level, industry and years of experience doesn’t give an accurate picture of the true gender pay gap. Instead, it gives people an excuse to think there’s not a problem. A 2015 Glassdoor survey of workers found that a large majority (70%) believe men and women are paid equally for equal work. They’re not. The real gender pay gap is 81.6 cents."
@AmandaYVR Thank you, that was a lot of good information and I appreciate you taking the time to provide such a thorough response. I do realize this is a complicated issue and it is difficult to adequately control for all the factors that influence how much men and women earn. However, it sounds like you are suggesting that the uncontrolled pay gap is the real pay gap and I don't completely agree with that either. I think we have to try to better understand and account for all the nuances in this issue but I don't think we can just ignore them.
Anyway, thanks again for your response. Your initial response led me to wonder if you were confusing the uncontrolled pay gap with the controlled gap, and it's clear from your responses that you weren't so that answered my question.
Thank you.
@AmandaYVR Im sorry but I dont understand you. You talk of paygap but at the same time you list reasons why woman in general earn less than men. You talk of different biases against woman, but I fail to understand why you dont spend extra hours at job, dont spend your free time learning extra skills and dont ask for rise more often.
This week I clocked about 70 hours at job (full stack dew) Im also doing online courses in my free time to learn more. Im asking for rise at the end of December, when some bigger tickets will be finished. I usually ask for one in about 9 to 12 months. In tree years Im earning about half more than girl doing about same job as me earns with about double of time worked. You won't really get her to do owertime work or anything outside work hours.
I think Its about attitude and how much effort you put in.
Yeah okay.
I started not to reply, but then my darn stubbornness wouldn't let me skip this question without saying something-
NO. A man isn't entitled to pay unless he chooses to. No one is telling women they have to spend x amount of money to look good for a date!
Y'all want to know what I wear when I go out: comfy pants (jeans or leggings), a top, and tennis shoes. I don't wear makeup, and my hair is easy maintenance. I do wear nice smelling lotion and/or body spray, but that's it.
If I'm going out with a guy he already knows how I look beforehand: so I'm not stressing myself out to impress him, at least physically. I DO put effort into the date itself, my personality, and the conversation.
I know this might be hard for some of you to believe, but looks aren't enough to impress everyone!!! You might be a 10 in looks, but if you're an airhead, that's not going to guarantee you a second date...
Thanks for the insight! Your invited to my funeral! Lol
I already have your eulogy ready! Lol
Thank you for being there for me and always being proactive! Ha
@Cynicaldreamer, You’re incredibly awesome. I’d love to take you out on a date.
@Avicenna @Cynicaldreamer Oh thank god I got me some popcorn for this!
@Cynicaldreamer: That's a good part of your charm- your genuineness. And I was being sincere about wanting to take you out on a date...
@Avicenna @Cynicaldreamer Grabbing extra butter for the pops corns
@Avicenna I'm sorry sir, but I don't date anyone on here! I made that a policy of mine YEARS ago to avoid potential drama on here, lol. I prefer to keep GaG and real life as separate as possible; honestly that's probably better for -everyone- on here to do in my opinion since this really isn't a dating site
@coachtanthony How much popcorn do you keep over there?
@Cynicaldreamer: OK, gotcha...
@coachtanthonyThat's was really something watching with popcorn 😂.
I am entertained 😂
@lokeshdh00 LOL thanks.
best response here!!
I see some women disagreed with me: figures, lol.
I'm sorry my honesty offended some of y'all!
Not for the reason listed in this question. What a woman does with her appearance is not the guy's responsibility to compensate for. However, I do believe the guy should pay for the first date and even the second date as this is a sign that he can provide. It is not the greatest measure, but it is a good starting one. Dates 1-2 the guy should pay for, with the first date being simple and the 2nd one being a fun one centered around an activity that either both find fun or that she finds fun as this shows he listens to her. From the 3rd date on, it really does not matter who pays. This is how my mom taught me to decide the whole paying for dates thing. The way my first girlfriend and I did it was I paid for all the dates because I had a job while her parents did not let her work because they wanted her more focused on school. With my 2nd girlfriend, I paid for the first 2 dates, she covered the 3rd one and then we alternated who paid for dates and/or split the dates. At least until she learned how little the military pays an E2-E3, at which point she tried whenever she could convince me to let her pay for the dates.
I think, the more opportunities you have to take money out of the equation of romance, the better off a relationship is likely to be.
Love it. This is a great point.
🎭🤘
🌹🌷👩❤️👨👨❤️💋👨♾️
Opinion
68Opinion
I pay for everything on a date because I am a traditional guy and that is how it works with my generation, BUT. . . most of the things that women do to get ready for a date are to boost their own confidence and I could care less about them getting a manicure or pedicure. And why would I care about their matching panties and bra when they are going to make sure that I never see them during the date? And if we do get to the point of shedding our clothes, the matching panties and bra will quickly be on the floor and I still won't care whether they matched. That new pair of shoes that match her dress "perfectly?" If it looks like I care, it's an optical illusion!
First of all, I already look good and I don't have to spend a lot to enhance myself. If a guy doesn't like, how I look, then he's not attracted to me. Ok then I can live with that. I don't want to ever change my appearance so much that I don't look like myself.
Second, I don't like the idea of a guy paying for everything on the date. 1. Because I don't think that's fair. 2. Because this has happened to me a couple times in the past and it never ends well because the guy always thinks "I owe him something" simply because he insisted on paying for everything. Then they get mad because I said I didn't feel comfortable doing their "favor".
I'm all for equally paying for things on the date. At least, while you're in the early stages. Now, for a couple that's been seeing each other for over 6 months and are exclusive, then that's fine for one party to pay for everything but only if they want to treat their significant other or for a special occasion. No one regardless of gender, should feel like they have to pay for everything on a date.
The guys doesn't always think that you owe him... that is just a bad guy. Are you saying the guy that is right for you thinks that as well? How can this be?
I don't think the guy who is right for me would ever tell me "I bought you dinner, you could at least let me fuck for a few minutes." That has been an actual phrase someone told me in the past. It made me feel like lower than dirt, so I promised to always pay 50/50 on dates in the future.
Okay but not all men think this way. Just so you know. Most men were brought up to pay no matter what... not to get something out of it. So sorry you feel that way... because that sucks.
I just do that to be safe. Once I get to know him better, and he decides he wants to pay for the date, I'd be okay with it. It's just when it's the first or second date, I try to be careful.
Okay you do you! Safety first.
I wanted to thank you for always being very kind and providing helpful advice and helpful perspectives.
choose better... but 50 / 50 like we do here in switzerland its just perfect.
That's so cool that you're from Switzerland. I've heard that 50/50 is also common in The Netherlands.
mostly in all Europe, keeps things practical, and no one angry...
I wear minimal makeup, if any at all. And I wear it for myself, so that I feel pretty, not so my date thinks I look pretty. Same with jewelry and other accessories. It's likely that they have never even seen me "all dolled up". Either they are already attracted to me or we aren't going on a date 🤷
I'm a fan of equality. I would try to offer to pay first. If he declines and wants to pick up the tab, I would be very grateful and offer to buy ice cream or the bowling tickets or movie tickets or whatever else our date entails. However, if he insists on paying for everything, I would not feel obligated to "return the favor," nor do I expect that request to be made.
This all assumes that we are doing something like going to dinner and an activity. Personally, I prefer dates like hikes with a picnic (in which case I'd offer to bring food and let him bring drinks and smoke or vice versa).
Not that I go out on dates of course, this is just how I would behave if I were in that situation, and how I have acted in the distant past.
How come no dates?
Ok well that makes sense. Thanks for the comments.
The most important thing for a man to know when it comes to attraction is the idea of masculine vs feminine polarity. The more attractive the woman, the more important this is. If you're fine dating average/below average women, then I guess it doesn't matter as much, but those guys are losers.
Straight men are attracted to femininity. Straight women are attracted to masculinity.
Straight men like to feel masculine, and a feminine woman will make him feel more masculine. Straight women like to feel feminine, and a masculine man will make her feel more feminine.
When you obsess over equality and sameness you kill the polarity, and therefore the attraction.
The guys who complain about paying for dates are guys who are unsuccessful with women. They're mad at paying for dates because they pay for dates with multiple women and then they don't get laid, they just end up with an empty wallet.
The reason for this is that they're not masculine. Then because of all of this, they argue that women should pay their share. They shoot themselves in the foot because this makes them seem even less masculine, which is the source of their problems. Instead they should be more focused on leading more instead of following her lead, being more assertive, not coming across as too soft.
It's for this reason I'll pay for the first date regardless, to create that polarity. I make her feel like a woman. In return she makes me feel like a man, and if not another one will so it doesn't matter. I'm not going on tons of dates spending money and getting nowhere so I'm not mad at it.
My answer would be "No shit." Lmao
If my boyfriend and I had to tally each other's bills whenever we pay for the date, I'd go mad. Just pay how you want to pay for it based on your financial capacity. And if you dont have the financial capacity to do it then just stay home. That's the smartest way to do it. Lol
Oh also some men can cost 3 times more just on hair products or shoes too ... so again I'd go mad if we have to think about their costs to go on a date every time I go on a date lmao.
I chose option b because this sounded really dumb like guys can also say that they bought really expensive clothes for this date and tbh I feel that there is just so much expectation from a guy which I think is not correct, rather one should feel comfortable and happy on their date. I am not saying that girls shouldn't apply makeup but still they need to feel comfortable because it can even be said why to even go on a date when you can netflix and chill?
Well polls show that women believe this so I thought I would put it out there. Thanks for the comment.
welcome☺️
Most guys seem to prefer a natural look and don’t care about fashion labels so women don’t have to spend a lot to prepare for a date, unless they go somewhere formal that requires more effort than usual. I wouldn’t expect a guy to pay because I spent more money to look good; I would just expect him to pay if it was our first date and he asked me out.
Why should he pay, though?
@Jamie05rhs As the asker he’s like the host for the evening and the host is supposed to provide for the guest. In cases where the host knows his guests well enough it’s appropriate to have them provide for themselves, but on a first date we’re not close enough for that. And once we’ve been on at least one date before I think we’ve established enough intimacy that it’s fine to split the bill, have the person who asked for that activity/location pay, or something like that.
He's only the host if you come over to his house.
Also, why should he pay for you if he doesn't even know you at all? You're a stranger. That's like giving money to a panhandler (except -- we're assuming -- the girl going on a date isn't homeless.)
@Jamie05rhs Not necessarily. A host can be a person who has others over to his house, but it is also defined as “a person, place, or organization that holds and organizes an event to which others are invited”.
If we’re on a first date we know each other to some extent, at least enough that we know we’re attracted to each other, but probably not well enough for the inviter to ask the invitee to pay for herself.
A date is an event? Lol
And wtf. You're assuming you know the guy well enough to ask him to pay for you?
@Jamie05rhs A date does fit the definition of an event as “a thing that happens, especially one of importance” or “a planned public or social occasion”.
The point is that we don’t know each other that well and that’s why it’s proper for the host to pay for the guest— it would be rude to ask someone you don’t know very well to do something with you and have them pay for themselves. It would be like inviting an acquaintance to have dinner at your house for the first time and expecting her to bring her own meal or get food from the kitchen herself.
But I don't see a first date as being important. Because I don't even know the person. It's just a meeting. I think you should keep your expectations low when it comes to first dates.
And it's not social nor public. It's private. It's one-on-one.
I disagree. It wouldn't be rude at all. On the contrary, I think it's rude to expect to be paid for.
And I already addressed the issue of in-home hospitality. I agree that the host should serve.
@Jamie05rhs Have you never heard it's best to make a good first impression? That is what women do on a first date.
@Jamie05rhs That definition doesn’t say that the thing must be important, it just says “especially one of importance”, so unimportant things are not excluded from the definition of “event”. I don’t know what your dating process is but I would consider a date important since I’m exploring the possibility of a relationship with a guy I like. That’s a big deal to me.
And dates are social— they are “relating to or designed for activities in which people meet each other for pleasure” and we interact with each other on a date.
I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
@coachTanthony If my first impression is flashing money and covering her bill, then she's going to learn to expect that and she's going to beg me for money for the rest of her life. I'm not interested in taking on a permanent financial liability.
@thegirlfromthething I just don't see it as important until it becomes important. As in, "official.". Until that point, everything is chill (as it should be.)
You are ridiculous for expecting the guy to pay for you on the first date. You expect him to pay for you because you expect him to ask you out for the first date.
Absolutely not! Women are not entitled to have a man pay for her unless he chooses to do so on his own volition, and as a woman I put on makeup because I want to. Not because I feel like I have to. One other thing: I don’t doll up completely for dates. I dress in a sweater, jeans and boots with minimal makeup consisting of lipstick and eyeliner. I don’t spend hours doing my hair, rather I spend no more than five seconds brushing it and putting it into a ponytail. Not expensive at all. I can pay my own way.
The boots are a good call, because that way you can get more bang for your buck if you have to kick him in the nuts.
@Jamie05rhs lol omg. I never thought about that, but it’s not a bad idea 😂
Lol. Thanks
No one is forcing women to wear makeup and wear expensive dresses but all she have to do to be considered attractive is be healthy and look like she had been taking good care of herself. This is kind of like women complain that they have to wear makeup but they also say they just do it because they wanted to. But i get it those are two different girls. Nobody is also forcing a guy to buy video games, really expensive cars, power tools, paying for the gym membership or other stuff that makes him feel manly to impress women.
The person who asks should pay unless they agree otherwise. Why? Simple. It is not reasonable for me to take her to Pelican Hill, order the meals, get a bottle of wine, and then drop the "we're splitting the bill" when I asked, chose the location, did not inform her, and now expect her to kick down what might be her entire month's food budget because of my preferences.
Well yes I agree 100 hundred percent. This is just an observational question that has come up from women who say... hey I spend a ton to look nice for you at least you could is pay.
I don't do much to make myself look good, but even if I did he shouldn't have to pay for the date. Or at least for my part of it that is. Only in certain dates he can do that, but that's mainly because we're having a fun date together so money isn't wasted.
No one asks the woman to spend a ton on makeup, if anything show your real face or be minimal, anyone can look far better than they do by caking themselves up, guys would too, because you can hide almost anything, just a bit of a reality check, lol.
If you want to be traditional, then yeah, especially if you discuss if beforehand, but don't go in with the expectation that the man should pay - nothing wrong with traditional roles, but pay your part too, like don't be an untraditional woman and act entitled to special treatment from a traditional man.
The thing is, this is talked about a lot nowadays, so couples should agree to sometimes beforehand to save the awkwardness, but from a neutral POV, I'd say pay for your own, especially if a first date is nothing serious.
A man can choose to pay for the first date out of kindness. A woman can chose to spend money on 10 lbs of makeup out of choice. A man shouldn't HAVE to pay on a first date because a woman is too insecure to go out without spending 100s of dollars on the way she looks.
No. That math would've made sense back when a woman could focus on one guy at a time and give the guy a decent shot. The guy was spending money on the date but it was like an investment. But that hasn't been true in decades. Now women are going on dates with multiple guys each week. Paying for a (first) date now is like giving money to a hooker without getting anything in return. It's crazy and sane men don't do it.
Correction: It made sense back when guys didn't act so desperate that they gave tons of attention to every random woman & we were smart enough not to treat every woman like she deserved our attention. But things are changing... fewer guys are acting like fools now. Eventually women will have to buy the guy a steak dinner. Ha ha.
Girls generally who spend this much amount of money on looking gorgeous are rich bitches. I know because whenever we hang out, they pay without fail.
The real question stands : why should a woman blow her money on appearance when she doesn't have enough for a meal? That's so stupid.
I think definitely the guy should pay for the date but that’s me I’m old fashioned I don’t know that many people are like that anymore though chivalry is dead heck men at like stores aren’t even holding the doors for women anymore it’s crazy
Yeah I walked by a lady in the grocery and a loaf of bread fell right in front of her on the floor and I at first didn't even notice but was in a rush... once I walked by she yelled I will get it! As if it's my responsibility or something... that felt a bit strange.
you have arms... use them... we open de door like a courtesy not cause you're a woman. this courtesy extends to... old people, blind people, overwhelmed people, pregnant women, an your girl and by extension her family..., the others... hmm... no real reason... is not a must, is not your right.
I mean yes it's expensive and if we go just on the make up side, if we add accessories, clothes, shoes (because generally when I have a date I NEED to buy new stuff because EVERYTHING is wrong) but going down that road should guys pay for our contraception method and feminine hygiene stuff because he didn't want a baby that month? Even if we are in the 21st century there is a gap between salaries for men and women but I like to think that if we be the bigger person the society will change.
And if we are in a relationship he will see how much I spend to be feminine.
Men say they hate "golddiggers" but then when they're rich, those women are who they go for. Men don't hate "golddiggers". They just hate that they can't afford to be with them
Well there is some truth to that lol
@msc545 yeah, nobody except rich men
Only sugar daddies like gold diggers
They don’t love them
@kingykringy A golddigger is like a plumber - necessary sometimes but expensive and best avoided if possible.
No.
Plus who’s to say his outfit isn’t more expensive? Or that the make up came from a dollar store?
Well nobody is saying that. That is very possible but not always likely.
I say each person pays for themself on the first date if any money needs to be spent on them. The reason is so if it does not work out one of you do not feel like you wasted your money on the other person. It's a red flag to me if the other person won't pay for themself on the first date. To me it's a sign that they think her money is hers and his money is both of theirs. If they are not willing to pay for themself on the first date why should I believe that they would help later on in life if we were to get together. It was a big deal breaker for me when I was single.
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