Should the guy pay for the date because it cost women 3 times as much to look good for him?

Question

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

I've heard this reasoning, but I don't really buy into it. A girl doesn't have to spend that much extra money buying a new outfit. She does that for herself. He's new, he'd never known has long the dress has been in her closet. And $20 for a single eyeshadow pot is outrageous. We're getting fleeced. We should be more up in arms about why our shit costs more for no reason. The mark-up on these products is outrageous. Manufacturers are feeding into insecurities and the desire for love and attention, and they love their high profit margins. And we get no pockets! Wth.

However, maybe men should still be somewhat more generous with paying because of the fact that women still earn $0.80 to the dollar a man earns FOR EQUAL EDUCATION, EQUAL EXPERIENCE. And don't any man try to deny this. I've heard the rebuttals and I did a hell of a lot of research on this. There are many reasons for this, and I know them all.

Then there is the fact that the most common job category for females is some sort of service, and those are the lowest paying jobs. Want your child cared for in daycare? Food served in a restaurant? Hair cut? Sell you something in a store? These jobs barely make ends meet. Now ask yourself how much you value all the effort that she went into to look nice for you on a date? What is that worth? (There is no easy answer, by the way, I'm just posing the question. And she also has to manage her money and effort well. It's up to her, and she should not expect a return on her money or time investment. Both things are relevant to this topic.)

P. S. I also support sharing the cost of the date. But I would not make it mandatory in all situations. If someone earns significantly more, and the other person receives the gift of the meal being paid for, graciously, then it wouldn't be much of a problem for most guys. It's the automatic obligation and lack of gratitude that makes the situation untenable. Guys feel used. I would too.

I voted "Other."

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

I started not to reply, but then my darn stubbornness wouldn't let me skip this question without saying something-

NO. A man isn't entitled to pay unless he chooses to. No one is telling women they have to spend x amount of money to look good for a date!

Y'all want to know what I wear when I go out: comfy pants (jeans or leggings), a top, and tennis shoes. I don't wear makeup, and my hair is easy maintenance. I do wear nice smelling lotion and/or body spray, but that's it.

If I'm going out with a guy he already knows how I look beforehand: so I'm not stressing myself out to impress him, at least physically. I DO put effort into the date itself, my personality, and the conversation.

I know this might be hard for some of you to believe, but looks aren't enough to impress everyone!!! You might be a 10 in looks, but if you're an airhead, that's not going to guarantee you a second date...

jgokgotit · Accepted Answer

Not for the reason listed in this question. What a woman does with her appearance is not the guy's responsibility to compensate for. However, I do believe the guy should pay for the first date and even the second date as this is a sign that he can provide. It is not the greatest measure, but it is a good starting one. Dates 1-2 the guy should pay for, with the first date being simple and the 2nd one being a fun one centered around an activity that either both find fun or that she finds fun as this shows he listens to her. From the 3rd date on, it really does not matter who pays. This is how my mom taught me to decide the whole paying for dates thing. The way my first girlfriend and I did it was I paid for all the dates because I had a job while her parents did not let her work because they wanted her more focused on school. With my 2nd girlfriend, I paid for the first 2 dates, she covered the 3rd one and then we alternated who paid for dates and/or split the dates. At least until she learned how little the military pays an E2-E3, at which point she tried whenever she could convince me to let her pay for the dates.

Citizenkirk · Accepted Answer

I think, the more opportunities you have to take money out of the equation of romance, the better off a relationship is likely to be.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I pay for everything on a date because I am a traditional guy and that is how it works with my generation, BUT. . . most of the things that women do to get ready for a date are to boost their own confidence and I could care less about them getting a manicure or pedicure. And why would I care about their matching panties and bra when they are going to make sure that I never see them during the date? And if we do get to the point of shedding our clothes, the matching panties and bra will quickly be on the floor and I still won't care whether they matched. That new pair of shoes that match her dress "perfectly?" If it looks like I care, it's an optical illusion!

Purple_Rose · Answer

First of all, I already look good and I don't have to spend a lot to enhance myself. If a guy doesn't like, how I look, then he's not attracted to me. Ok then I can live with that. I don't want to ever change my appearance so much that I don't look like myself.

Second, I don't like the idea of a guy paying for everything on the date. 1. Because I don't think that's fair. 2. Because this has happened to me a couple times in the past and it never ends well because the guy always thinks "I owe him something" simply because he insisted on paying for everything. Then they get mad because I said I didn't feel comfortable doing their "favor".

I'm all for equally paying for things on the date. At least, while you're in the early stages. Now, for a couple that's been seeing each other for over 6 months and are exclusive, then that's fine for one party to pay for everything but only if they want to treat their significant other or for a special occasion. No one regardless of gender, should feel like they have to pay for everything on a date.

anexi · Answer

I wear minimal makeup, if any at all. And I wear it for myself, so that I feel pretty, not so my date thinks I look pretty. Same with jewelry and other accessories. It's likely that they have never even seen me "all dolled up". Either they are already attracted to me or we aren't going on a date 🤷

I'm a fan of equality. I would try to offer to pay first. If he declines and wants to pick up the tab, I would be very grateful and offer to buy ice cream or the bowling tickets or movie tickets or whatever else our date entails. However, if he insists on paying for everything, I would not feel obligated to "return the favor," nor do I expect that request to be made.

This all assumes that we are doing something like going to dinner and an activity. Personally, I prefer dates like hikes with a picnic (in which case I'd offer to bring food and let him bring drinks and smoke or vice versa).

Not that I go out on dates of course, this is just how I would behave if I were in that situation, and how I have acted in the distant past.

Anonymous · Answer

The most important thing for a man to know when it comes to attraction is the idea of masculine vs feminine polarity. The more attractive the woman, the more important this is. If you're fine dating average/below average women, then I guess it doesn't matter as much, but those guys are losers.

Straight men are attracted to femininity. Straight women are attracted to masculinity.
Straight men like to feel masculine, and a feminine woman will make him feel more masculine. Straight women like to feel feminine, and a masculine man will make her feel more feminine.

When you obsess over equality and sameness you kill the polarity, and therefore the attraction.

The guys who complain about paying for dates are guys who are unsuccessful with women. They're mad at paying for dates because they pay for dates with multiple women and then they don't get laid, they just end up with an empty wallet.

The reason for this is that they're not masculine. Then because of all of this, they argue that women should pay their share. They shoot themselves in the foot because this makes them seem even less masculine, which is the source of their problems. Instead they should be more focused on leading more instead of following her lead, being more assertive, not coming across as too soft.

It's for this reason I'll pay for the first date regardless, to create that polarity. I make her feel like a woman. In return she makes me feel like a man, and if not another one will so it doesn't matter. I'm not going on tons of dates spending money and getting nowhere so I'm not mad at it.

Anonymous · Answer

My answer would be "No shit." Lmao

If my boyfriend and I had to tally each other's bills whenever we pay for the date, I'd go mad. Just pay how you want to pay for it based on your financial capacity. And if you dont have the financial capacity to do it then just stay home. That's the smartest way to do it. Lol

Oh also some men can cost 3 times more just on hair products or shoes too ... so again I'd go mad if we have to think about their costs to go on a date every time I go on a date lmao.

nandinikhaneja · Answer

I chose option b because this sounded really dumb like guys can also say that they bought really expensive clothes for this date and tbh I feel that there is just so much expectation from a guy which I think is not correct, rather one should feel comfortable and happy on their date. I am not saying that girls shouldn't apply makeup but still they need to feel comfortable because it can even be said why to even go on a date when you can netflix and chill?

thegirlfromthething · Answer

Most guys seem to prefer a natural look and don’t care about fashion labels so women don’t have to spend a lot to prepare for a date, unless they go somewhere formal that requires more effort than usual. I wouldn’t expect a guy to pay because I spent more money to look good; I would just expect him to pay if it was our first date and he asked me out.

silvermoon84 · Answer

Absolutely not! Women are not entitled to have a man pay for her unless he chooses to do so on his own volition, and as a woman I put on makeup because I want to. Not because I feel like I have to. One other thing: I don’t doll up completely for dates. I dress in a sweater, jeans and boots with minimal makeup consisting of lipstick and eyeliner. I don’t spend hours doing my hair, rather I spend no more than five seconds brushing it and putting it into a ponytail. Not expensive at all. I can pay my own way.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

No one is forcing women to wear makeup and wear expensive dresses but all she have to do to be considered attractive is be healthy and look like she had been taking good care of herself. This is kind of like women complain that they have to wear makeup but they also say they just do it because they wanted to. But i get it those are two different girls. Nobody is also forcing a guy to buy video games, really expensive cars, power tools, paying for the gym membership or other stuff that makes him feel manly to impress women.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

The person who asks should pay unless they agree otherwise. Why? Simple. It is not reasonable for me to take her to Pelican Hill, order the meals, get a bottle of wine, and then drop the "we're splitting the bill" when I asked, chose the location, did not inform her, and now expect her to kick down what might be her entire month's food budget because of my preferences.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I don't do much to make myself look good, but even if I did he shouldn't have to pay for the date. Or at least for my part of it that is. Only in certain dates he can do that, but that's mainly because we're having a fun date together so money isn't wasted.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

No one asks the woman to spend a ton on makeup, if anything show your real face or be minimal, anyone can look far better than they do by caking themselves up, guys would too, because you can hide almost anything, just a bit of a reality check, lol.

If you want to be traditional, then yeah, especially if you discuss if beforehand, but don't go in with the expectation that the man should pay - nothing wrong with traditional roles, but pay your part too, like don't be an untraditional woman and act entitled to special treatment from a traditional man.

The thing is, this is talked about a lot nowadays, so couples should agree to sometimes beforehand to save the awkwardness, but from a neutral POV, I'd say pay for your own, especially if a first date is nothing serious.

Dutchgirl97 · Answer

A man can choose to pay for the first date out of kindness. A woman can chose to spend money on 10 lbs of makeup out of choice. A man shouldn't HAVE to pay on a first date because a woman is too insecure to go out without spending 100s of dollars on the way she looks.

hahahmm · Answer

No. That math would've made sense back when a woman could focus on one guy at a time and give the guy a decent shot. The guy was spending money on the date but it was like an investment. But that hasn't been true in decades. Now women are going on dates with multiple guys each week. Paying for a (first) date now is like giving money to a hooker without getting anything in return. It's crazy and sane men don't do it.

Correction: It made sense back when guys didn't act so desperate that they gave tons of attention to every random woman & we were smart enough not to treat every woman like she deserved our attention. But things are changing... fewer guys are acting like fools now. Eventually women will have to buy the guy a steak dinner. Ha ha.

fonduegirl · Answer

Girls generally who spend this much amount of money on looking gorgeous are rich bitches. I know because whenever we hang out, they pay without fail.

The real question stands : why should a woman blow her money on appearance when she doesn't have enough for a meal? That's so stupid.

heatherlj01 · Answer

I think definitely the guy should pay for the date but that’s me I’m old fashioned I don’t know that many people are like that anymore though chivalry is dead heck men at like stores aren’t even holding the doors for women anymore it’s crazy

FrenchGirl2 · Answer

I mean yes it's expensive and if we go just on the make up side, if we add accessories, clothes, shoes (because generally when I have a date I NEED to buy new stuff because EVERYTHING is wrong) but going down that road should guys pay for our contraception method and feminine hygiene stuff because he didn't want a baby that month? Even if we are in the 21st century there is a gap between salaries for men and women but I like to think that if we be the bigger person the society will change.
And if we are in a relationship he will see how much I spend to be feminine.

Anonymous · Answer

Men say they hate "golddiggers" but then when they're rich, those women are who they go for. Men don't hate "golddiggers". They just hate that they can't afford to be with them

Agape93 · Answer

No.  Plus who’s to say his outfit isn’t more expensive? Or that the make up came from a dollar store?

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

I say each person pays for themself on the first date if any money needs to be spent on them. The reason is so if it does not work out one of you do not feel like you wasted your money on the other person. It's a red flag to me if the other person won't pay for themself on the first date. To me it's a sign that they think her money is hers and his money is both of theirs. If they are not willing to pay for themself on the first date why should I believe that they would help later on in life if we were to get together. It was a big deal breaker for me when I was single.

AmazyingOnlyMe · Answer

In my opinion in the 1st day you could do 50/50 ... see if works out then after that take turns! Makeup girl use all the time ( not all) but makeup could last for a year. In depending in the girl how much they buy. It should not matter!! I love makeup and I do makeup because it makes me happy not for the man 👨

Lliam · Answer

Good point, coach. They invest both money and a good deal of time making themselves look pretty for us. Plus, I'm not a cheap skate. If I ask a woman out, it's because I'm interested in her. Paying for some food or whatever is the gentlemanly thing to do. I want her to feel cared for, special, appreciated.

Neko911 · Answer

Nope. I'm a firm. believer normally in who ever askes the other out pays. Or you take turns. No man is forcing a girl 2 spend a shit ton of money on how she looks for a date. She's choosing to do so herself

Jamie05rhs · Answer

If she doesn't look good in her natural state, and yet she wants to be appealing to men and go on dates with them, then that's on her to cough up the money and invest in herself in order to accomplish her goal.

DaMack999 · Answer

Are kidding. Women dress up to go everywhere no matter the occasion. Men do the same. We don't come looking like trash. We have expensive car fees, parking fees, paying for dinner, paying for movie. Dining n wining if it's at home stay. He still orders in via pizza or Uber eat. Or gets grocery if his chef. And then end of the night lady doesn't put it out. He feels like what was all that effort for. My expensive cologne. To my expensive Italian made shoes. C'mon. Women aren't the only one floored by money when it comes to dating. If she pays for her half n hosts at her place n gives him pussy then we equal.

YHL6965 · Answer

I never asked nor expected you to spend a fortune on clothes and makeup because I don't care about either. In fact, I prefer a natural woman over a woman full of make up. YOU decided to spend money on that, not me so it's YOUR problem.

Also, what about guys spending money on gym memberships, proteins, accessories to trim their beard and all of that? And why not pay the time spent exercising too? I find this reasoning to be absurd. It's probably an excuse used by entitled people because they don't want to be exposed as entitled.

lokeshdh00 · Answer

*IGNORING THE QUESTION* AS you already got more than 50 replied. Man! How you got the influencer sign, You are humorous too. Can I find a female version of yours? , Do you have any siblings? 😂

Browneye57 · Answer

Whomever clearly has the most wealth should pay. Otherwise you take turns.  She spends what SHE decides - on herself. It's not HIS responsibility. Yet, anyway. :)

Grond21 · Answer

No. Those were her decisions. She didn't have to buy those products.

if he invites her on the date, he should pay for it. If he invites her out to a cheap restaurant then he pays for that. If he invites her out to an upscale one he pays for that. It's his choice where to go and what to pay for, just like it's her choice what to use for makeup

Avicenna · Answer

LOL, I’d rather that she didn’t put on any makeup or wear something fancy.

FCDALLASFAN · Answer

😂. Don't get me wrong some ladies put in that effort. I wouldn't say it is the average especially with the entitled feminism thing going on. Plus I don't buy into men make more than women. Generally, they make the same if not more. Maybe 70 years ago it was an issue. Not in 2020. You might find situations where the man is working and the lady stays home. That's where the stats come from. In most households, both partners are working. There is the no financial gap. Except in types of professions. If I like the lady I gender buy. It depends on the situation.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I generally like to look nice/presentable. I spent money on myself, not much on makeups. Nice clothes, shoes, nails done.
One doesn't have anything to do with the other.
If I take my time out to go on a date, (not how much I spent on myself). I would feel appreciated that my date at lease pay on the first date and I offer to pay for the tip or the next activity. It's team effort. I have no problem paying, but I have had better experience with men who were true gentlemen.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

First off, it doesn't cost that much. Second he has to pay far more into her then she has to into looking good, that is including the fact that he will be paying for almost everything for the entire duration of her relationship with him, and he also has to work harder to produce that money which means more of his time and by extension his life is gone in order to provide for her. In addition one could then argue that she is required to have sex with him since he is paying and his time is precious (because its how he makes his money is with his time so she is costing him yet again).

If anything this is an argument for women having to put out and to get paid less then men since men are forced to pay for everything else for these women as they are effectively using the man like a welfare check.

Arivor · Answer

I always expect to pay for what we do on a date. Even, if she was the one who asked me out, I would at least insist on splitting the cost or even "Ok, you can pay for the movie and I'll take care of dinner." The thought of how much it cost her to look good for me... actually never crossed my mind. Good point and something I will consider from now on.

proNutro · Answer

What rubbish is this?😂
Firstly a woman should get dressed up the way she wants t for HERSELF, not for the man. So, no I don’t think the man HAS to pay. I prefer if whoever asked for the date should pay but if he asked for the date but didn’t have enough money to pay for me or for the both of us then I’d pay for me or for the both of us. I’m baffled by this ridiculous question and why one would even have to ask this or let alone think this.

Screenwriter · Answer

Dates can be casual affairs, especially first dates. What is the point of dressing up when that date could be the one and only? Go for coffee. No need for makeup or anything fancy. Go for a walk: again, no need for war paint or heels. I'd wait to pull out the stops. 10th date! Have a fancy dinner. When you see it's going well, both of you do it up in your Sunday best and head somewhere special.

Jjpayne · Answer

I partly agree but it's just good manners to pay for her date if you can afford it. But I'll give a girl kudos and she will earn points if she insists that we just pay our separate ways mainly because it shows me she is not there for a free meal and she wants to be a fair and reasonable person. That she wants to share and compremise. Rather than want or desire to be treated. Hopefully that makes sense

JackSmy · Answer

What if I HATE all that fake BULLSHIT, make-up and clothes, and labels, and NEVER date the ones that do that?
I don't EXPECT her to do anything special, and prefer her just being HER, no lies, not make-up, no crap!
I have no problem paying, but when does the EQUALITY thing come into the picture?
Equal, as long as it benefits women? Is it a conditional thing, or a REAL THING!!!
With the women I CHOOSE, she likes it being a REAL THING, and I do too!!

Hermes-Paris · Answer

Well I'm not sure about the cost of looking good. I spend a quite a bit myself on French and Italian clothes and Creed and Tom Ford fragrances aren't sold yet in Walmart. I'd dare say many of us guys spend as much or more than the women do looking good. I like the way things work here in Latin America. The person doing the inviting pays the check usually.

JennyFoxworth · Answer

Girls being beautiful for herselves. Personally I feel like I would owe him another date where I have to pay, so let's just share the bill. 😂

Ninani · Answer

I usually don't wear makeup, but when I do, it's to empower myself and have fun. If I'm wearing it on a date, it's more for myself than for him, so of course he shouldn't pay extra for that!

Don-__-Don · Answer

No.

I don't think that's a valid reason to pay for a date. The make up a woman puts on for a date, can be the same make up she wears everyday other day for as far as I know.

It's just a traditional thing for men to pay for a date, at least so I thought.

That argument is faulty and it's almost like you're reaching for any reason to not help pay for a date. When you do that it really just takes the genuiness out, it kills the vibe.

WowwGirl · Answer

The man should pay because he's the man. Easy breezy

Texaskid1 · Answer

Why should the man pay?  I thought women didn't need no man ( fish , bicycle)  Don't need no man... snap... snap...

kitty71 · Answer

That is one stupid reason for a guy to pay for a date. Stupid and dumb!!! If the woman wants to looks good it is her choice not the guys choice. Besides you dotn have to pay a lot of money to look good, you can look good without paying too much money. Stupid excuse for a woman to do that. Maybe the lady who do that is high maintenance so if if she is like that if I were the guy I re-consider going on a date with her in the first place.

Jinjir · Answer

Well if you're trying to look good for him then you have it wrong. Look good for yourself. If it costs you more for things you prefer than so be it. Your personal physical and mental health is your responsibility and at whatever price you must pay to keep it up. But to say that a guy has to pay for you and himself each time you both go out is rude. Split the costs for everything but each others personal products

codyccc · Answer

Not really do you know how much it costs to get your car perfectly detailed lol

Anonymous · Answer

Excuse me...just finished a good hearty laugh at that one. What a woman or man chooses...emphasis...chooses to do to get ready for a date, is on them. Wearing make-up, nor the spending of hundreds on it, is the "fault" of a man which he should then be "punished" for by being guilted to pay for a date. A man should only pay for a date if he asked his date out or he wants to, either or, but this is just simply a ridiculous notion by only hopefully a few.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Its up to the woman wether or not she pays to "look good". Thats totally optional. Who pays its up to both of them, discuss it beforehand and everyone is happy.

Anonymous · Answer

Women judge a guy on EVERYTHING. Not just how he looks. If we're going to judge based on expectations women are WOEFULLY behind lol.
You think a guy gives a squat about her shoes, how she's dressed, where she lives, what she drives, how much she makes? No. But that's frequently her expectations for a man.
If a woman wants to look like a clown that's her choice. But don't put that on the guy.

Snickermarstwix · Answer

Nope, if she thinks I gotta pay for her to look good I may as well pay for an escort. At least that's part of her job and I won't feel robbed.
I pay if I want to.
She pays if she wants to. A girl wants to pay for the first date? Go girl go ! Women empowerment!

x_Pretty_x · Answer

No, I think a woman can pay for the date if she would like to. Its always nice if the guy pays but he doesn't have to. To me, its 50/50 in relationships and times have changed. Men and women can do the same things

AreWeHuman · Answer

Nope, no one is making them spend money to look good but themselves. We guys really appreciate it when a girl does it but it's just not necessary to do so. It doesn't really make sense for a guy to pay for a date just over that.

AndrewMG · Answer

I mean clearly you're a troll account... or on the verge of getting sued for calling yourself a dating coach! I mean I'm I've had friends who have misdialled a sex phone line that have more insight than you, but hey keep up the good work mate!

jshm2 · Answer

Depends who initiated the date and the outcome.  Splitting the bill is the "default" if nothing comes of it from either side.  But usually the guy will pay. After all, you are there to talk - not eat.

rp52077 · Answer

men need to pay because us women we to look good for them

lukeedmonton · Answer

I wouldn't want to date somebody who spent all that time and money trying to look good. I stay away from vain people. If she wants to doll herself up that's her deal.

FairEnough · Answer

I mean you have it under control wouldn't you? So you can decide how much money you want to use up to make yourself look good for the day/night. It's not like the other guy/girl demands you to look good/to buy products and use them.

bulltaker · Answer

Yes, the guy should pay for a date, however, if you are in a relationship then not so much, some means of division needs to be made.

Anonymous · Answer

No, taking it upon yourself to spend money doesn’t warrant anything from me. No one demanded you do that.

It’s effectively making decisions about how my money is spent before we’ve even met. Makes no sense.

If you just want people to pay for your shit then just be honest about it. Don’t make nonsense excuses about expenses.

Should the guy pay for the date because it cost women 3 times as much to look good for him?

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Should the guy pay for the date because it cost women 3 times as much to look good for him?

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