Seriously, why is dating (girls) so hard?

[Anonymous]

This is just gonna be me ranting because God knows how tired I am of how dating works.
I just wanna know if this is only happening to me, or if that's an actual thing for everyone:
I've been on dating apps for a while now, and most of the time it just doesn't work, which is normal in my opinion. But the thing is, every single time it does work, the *same* pattern happens again and again. Litterally every time, for the first 2 days or so, it goes really well, the conversation is nice, we have fun and the other person says they liked talking with me. Cool right?
Well yeah, except that every time, after those great 2 days, the person just gets more and more distant. Somehow, when everything's new, they find the time to talk to me sometimes for hours in a row. But suddenly they're "so busy" or "so tired" they end up messaging me later and later, less and less, until I'm fed up and don't bother carrying the conversation anymore.
I just wanna know if I'm doing something wrong? I know I'm not perfect, but I try to always be nice and respectful of others. I ask questions, joke around, don't mind serious talks if that's what they need atm, etc. Like really I do huge efforts because I want to treat people just the way I want to be treated myself. So why is this happening all the time? Does it happen with everyone? Am I doing something wrong?
I honestly have tried many things. I tried to play hard to get cause I don't know maybe people want me to be less available: it doesn't work. I tried to be flirty, funny, supportive, god knows what else: still not working. More than anything, I tried to be *myself* and sadly it clearly doesn't work either.
My self-confidence is dangerously dropping. I just find it heart breaking to see that I can't seem to find someone interested in me for more than 2 days, despite my best efforts...
Please can you guys tell me if I'm doing something wrong or if that's a common thing?

I'm really clueless at this point as per what to do.

[Novacane]

Don't worry you are not alone in this one, I feel like this happens quite often. One thing I've learned is to always pull away from the app. For example, you don't want to continue getting on the app and having conversations there. One thing you can do is if you hit it off, try to plan something to hang out and grab a coffee or something anything small, or move the conversations to another app like IG, Twitter, Fb, or even Snap. Apps that they are more likely to get on. I feel like people don't like opening those apps as often, as for me I don't get notifications and don't like to always open the app, and can sometimes lead to me responding late and once that happens the convo will start dying. Also take your time, talking to someone for so much can lead to not having much to talk about later, I am also trying to follow this advice of mine, and it's been getting better compared to before.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree that moving to another app is key, so I always use another social media. I think you're right that spending too much time with someone can just lead the 2 persons feeling like the conversation dried out. I think that's hard for me to understand because when I like someone s company I don't see why I wouldn t talk to them. But I'll try to work on that. Thanks for your advice!

[Novacane]

Of course and I completely understand and I feel the same way, if you meet someone you connect with then the conversations should flow and be easy! But there are some things we need to consider and at the end of the day they still are strangers we are talking to, so they don't know whats going on in their lives and they don't know about ours, it's kind of like starting a random conversation with a stranger on the street, you can only keep the conversation for so long before you have to part ways unless you guys make a plan to meet again (equivalent to a date). Also, it is a dating app, lets consider that we are not the only person they are talking to, at this point, it feels like love is a numbers game, sadly. But I hope it gets better for you and I hope you find someone worthy!

[Asker]

Thaks, I hope the same for you too! :)

[slatyb]

When the pandemic is over and you can get out, don't mess around texting before meeting someone. Go have coffee or lunch and see if there is any chemistry in person. It took me a while to learn this. Eventually I met my wife on match. com.

[Asker]

You're definitely right! The thing is I'm a big introvert and have trouble being myself irl with total strangers... that's why I try to talk over messages just for a few days before deciding on a date. in my opinion someone who has the kind of behaviour I described above is not someone id like to go on a date with anyway 😅

[slatyb]

I was pretty shy too when I started dating online, but the hard part for me was just connecting with someone face to face. Once we agreed to meet it was easy.

First dates are mostly fun if you go with no expectation of another. Most of the time it's one and done but so what?

[slatyb]

For the initial meeting make it simple. Coffee is great because you can be in and out n 20 minutes if it’s not going to work. If it is working you can extend it to lunch or dinner. I met my wife at a Starbucks. She asked me if I wanted another coffee and I said no, let’s get lunch.

[boggboss]

Welcome to online dating the issue is the people you are talking to are not only talking to your they are talking to many others at the same time and unfortunately you got weeded out

[Asker]

I mean i get that, but how do i prevent this from happening again and again? Also why do these people feel the need to tell me how much they like me if that's not the case then. It's not like I ask them?

[boggboss]

Because they do like you at the time they just like others more unfortunately and with how to stop making it happen I dont feel there is a sure fire way as sometimes it can be completely out off your control

[Asker]

Well that's great. People are great. Thanks for answering me anyway!

[WesBrewer]

Don't use dating apps, they will never work out, just wait till covid is over and meet people in person.

[Asker]

Honestly I wouldn't if I didn't have to. It's just dfficult to date when you are not heterosexual, and even more complicated when you're an introvert and avoid places like bars and prides.

[WesBrewer]

if you aren't straight are you lesbian?

[Asker]

Why?

[WesBrewer]

you said it's hard to date when you aren't straight meaning you are something else, and usually, nowadays it isn't hard to find someone else who is LGBTQ+.

[Asker]

How do you know it isn't hard, are you part of the community too?

[WesBrewer]

No, but I know many people and talk to many people, some LGBTQ+ and some straighter than a woodworker's ruler.

[Asker]

Haha i know but when it comes to having a love life it's difficult to start talking to someone without knowing if they're queer :) that's why dating apps are very useful!

[WesBrewer]

I guess that's true

[MCheetah]

Because girls are higher in demand and thus more picky, shallow, and entitled due to how many options they get because of it...

[msc545]

Everyone has this experience. Online dating is a nightmare.

[chriscdi]

cause women can be more complicated

[In_Trance]

it's as easy or difficult as you perceive it to be