Is First Date sex a relationship killer?

Question

razelove · Accepted Answer

As much as I am a fan of first date sex I'm also well aware from oh so many experiences of the distance if not outright rejection it creates. So, you meet someone, you both feel needs, attraction, help each other to fulfill some of those needs, scratch that itch, then in the morning she's not so sure it was a great idea.

I cannot recall how many times that has happened, or that we might still be very attracted to each other in the morning, but now we're firmly boxed in the friends with benefits category because of that distance. Generally I'd get that more from women with lower self-esteem, but high enough to not just let me be a part of their life because "I don't usually do this".

The last category would be first date turning to sex turning to a relationship which I can only describe as dominance. The women I've gotten with who will sleep with me on a first date, and think it's a great start to a relationship are at a severe disadvantage. I have what I want, and will continue to get it. If they want more from me they must give more to me. So their role is to be completely submissive to me and what I want while I dominate them with any requests I have because they are truly desperate. Not just desperate for sex, but attention, validation, you name it.

Yeah, so I still enjoy sex on a first date, I just know where the road is going before the car goes into gear.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Not necessarily. It's all an individual thing, of course. I can just hear guys calling girls sluts.

It's not usual to have sex after a first date unless people are just looking to hook up. Those people aren't relationship material.
There's a certain propriety to dating. They are usually about getting to know someone and deciding if they trust the person enough to pursue a relationship. That doesn't usually happen after one date.

But if two people really hit it off, are sexually attracted to each other, and are horny, I wouldn't judge someone for having sex after a first date. It's a sign of strong libido and mutual attraction. And they just might find that they really like each other. I can see relationships forming with such initial fireworks.

I'll add that I don't care about a woman's body count.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Put it this way: I wouldn't personally do it. You've giving the other person what they want before they commit to a relationship with you. Meaning they have no reason to work or prove to you they're worth being in a relationship with.

So yeah, in my opinion it definitely can be! You're making too easy for them- and let's be real, you come off as "too easy" (Sorry if that offends anyone, but it is what it is). If you barely know anything about the other person, why would you sleep with them on the first date? How about work on building a connection with said person first before sleeping with them?

That's the problem with several of y'all on here, especially you younger users- y'all equate sex with love and think if you don't "give it up" right away, the other person will love interest in you-

And if they do, that's FINE because it means they weren't really interested in you in the first place!!! Know your self worth. If you want to sleep with someone on the first date? Fine. But realize that's not going to make someone fall for you faster, or guarantee they're going to be your girl/boyfriend because you slept together.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Nope, I don't think it's a deciding factor.

You're probably asking this based somewhat on the idea that some men won't respect the girl. She's then out of the running for anything beyond a hookup chic. I can't speak for them. I have never known men like that, either irl or on gag. My types don't see sex that way. We're on equal footing, and there's no games.

However, I've never done it. I treat sex more significantly than that. I base it on all interactions with them. I need to see inside their mind a bit before I'd want to.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

I wouldn't say 100% of the time, but I would guess more times than not, it would. You barely know this person, much less their likes/dislikes,, there's usually more nerves or some people feeling the need to overly impress. All things that can hamper truly great sex. And also, some people have sex on the first date, and then turn around and negatively judge that person as a slut or not "relationship" material, which is pretty hypocritical, as even though ain't had sex for a minute, I do remember it takes two for sex 🤷🏼‍♀️
The attraction/urge to have sex can be there but in my opinion, waiting is the better way!

Chikky · Answer

It gives room to be ghosted quickly in my opinion

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

I have had a fair bit of first date sex, and did not think anything negative about the girl and some have dated from casual to actually in to a relationship.

I've even had the sex before the date, as it was just a spontaneous case of jumping each other’s bones as we simply clicked.

it really depends on situation, context etc.

Also where I live, girls in Newcastle have always been confident, independent and will often make the first move and actively chat up a guy.

Geordie girls can scare some guys lol, having a girl tell you to ‘grab your coat pet cos you’ve pulled’, can scare the shit out of some southerners (shandy drinkers).

Screenwriter · Answer

I've heard that some people who had sex on a first date ended up in relationships. I have no idea what PERCENTAGE of people ended up this way. My guess would be very few.
In general, I think it's a bad idea. You don't know the person and you have no idea how careful or careless this person is or was with past sexual partners.
I'd give first-date sex a wide berth.

OlderThanILook · Answer

No? If two people want to have sex with each other of the first date, then they both got what they want. Why would that kill their relationship? Man, people overthink these things.

guesswhoseback · Answer

I’ve gotten in two long term relationships with two girls I slept with in the first date. I was honest in both situations i wanted to keep dating if we did. One girl told me “let’s have sex now so we can have sex again”.

I still regretted it though. It didn’t “kill” the relationship but it would of been better with more build up.

But I’ve also tried holding off and taking things slow with women years ago. I wanted to make sex mean something. This included a virgin I knew in college.

All of these women got bored, friendzoned me and ran off to someone else. The virgin lost it to someone else and had the gall to tell me about it back in college.

ct1243 · Answer

It is too me why buy the milk if you’re looking for milk unless your ok with casual sex. I think it should be something over time unless you you have religious beliefs about it. I’m ok with waiting until my mate and I decide on it. I’m ok with waiting too until marriage.

Anonymous · Answer

Hmm... Let's see.

You don't know one another, have no connection, and have no reason to continue the relationship after having sex. You **have** heard of one-night stands, right?

Seriously. Why ***is*** this even a question? A child would know the answer. It **is** a relationship killer. And by relationship I am talking about a real one not trashy friends with benefits, etc. setups.

Really the main thing is, is such behavior conveys that the people are "easy" and likely ***can not*** be trusted in a serious relationship **not** to cheat. Why would anyone want to waste their time, money & energy getting involved with such individuals?

Anonymous · Answer

Thing is that most first dates do not end up in relationships regardless if you have sex or not. In the culture I am from it is pretty normal to have sex early so almost all i know in relationships had sex on the first date/first time they met. Does not change a thing if you fit together in the long run.
Personally it takes me several months of dating to find out if I want to be in a relationship with someone or not. Most men do not want to wait so long and I don't want to either if I like him from the start. I see no point in waiting for me. I enjoy the ride and I keep it safe.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

I realize many of those who voted No are just hoping to get some first date sex, but I'd just thought I'd share that last time I've had first date sex I ended up getting married :) We have a 1.5 years old and are almost four months pregnant. So, you know, sometimes it's the oppossite of relationship "killer"!

Anonymous · Answer

Nine times out of ten, I'd say yes, it's a relationship killer. If you have sex on the first date, the other person hasn't gotten a chance to know you or form any kind of attachment towards you. When the mental/emotional connection gets skipped and it's all purely physical, they really have no reason not to leave.

misanthropistkev · Answer

Yes because a lot of women believe that’s all they have to offer and it’s all we ever want (not true)
That actually really ticks me off when I think about it cus women always say how they don’t like being objectified and used for sex yet treaT guys as if we’re some sex crazed animals ( WE ARE NOT)
The brain is an amazing organ and if you treat someone a certain way or have them think that they’re a certain way they’ll begin to believe and become just that
Sex should be had whenever both parties are comfortable even if it’s the first or last date my whole thing is if your pursuing a relationship with a guy treat them like the human being with feelings and desire for companionship and trust they are not just some sex crazed simpleton who only knows how to spill his seed

cheapshotbob · Answer

i think it is yeah , but this younger Gen thinks its some kind of daily goal to post about on that instagram or tinder app like its some amazing thing they accomplished. i mean its almost like posting about how awesome it feels to complete a poop when you went to the bathroom after struggling with that poop all day.

its silly lol

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Yes. 99% of the time. Its a test by men with options to see how easy you are. If a girl is easy im not going to date her. The only exceptions for wiggle room is if she does fuck me on the first date but she's highly inexperienced like she was a virgin or had one highschool boyfriend. Then ill use a little gut instinct on if she is still dateable or not.

SashaAMB · Answer

It can be, and often is. The exception is if you were longtime friends before and there was sexual chemistry well before the actual date. Then, it may be more like the 100th date so why wait any longer?

Browneye57 · Answer

Naw, not if you're both hot to trot. Sex is the glue. It's worse if she just doesn't like sex - and there are WAY too many of those.
Or as I like to say, "She likes sex alright... just not with YOU." :)

queenimpala · Answer

Explanation: I've had two instances of "first date sex" where it worked out amazingly; we ended up dating right from there on. However, this has only happened when I KNEW the guy before, ex: we were good friends for a long time. Then ended up hanging out/going on a date one night, and then hooked up and then were pretty much in a relationship. For randos I feel like it would be much harder.

JuliaStyles · Answer

Seems more like a hookup than a date. If I had a girlfriend that went out on a "date" for sex I would tell her, "No, you are hooking up with someone to Ho with."

JohnDominik · Answer

It isn't. I met my girlfriend that way.

We got to know each other in a night club. There was this instant chemestry between us. We had sex the very first night and it was awsome. We both assumed that the other has done this before. For me the idea that she slept with so many other guys was such a turn-on. After the first hookup, I asked her out for a date. We met in a park and wanted to go to a nice cafe. We started to make out again. It escalated and we went to my place and had sex again. It was pure ecstasy. In the evening, we finally made it to the cafe and figured out that we are both very talkative after sex. We also figured out that we click on so many other levels and started dating. To this day, this strong sexual attraction is still a very important part of our relationship. I'm sure by now that she is my life partner.

AshleyTaylorDanny · Answer

I screwed his brains out on the first date... been together 14 years all together 😃

karenchick111 · Answer

I had sex with my husband on the first date and we've been together ever since. It's important to show him how you feel right away.

iLoveJuice · Answer

Not necessarily. I don’t think anyone should push to have sex on the first date but I don’t think it’s going to hurt things if both parties really like each other. I’m actually talking to someone right now & things got sexual on the first date but we’re still good.

dragoblack · Answer

Technically no, it is how it is handled after. Sex is just sex, and sometimes it is good for testing compatibility in the bedroom. If you can still be honest, care about the person after, and not build the relationship off of just sex, you're fine.

glock33sig357 · Answer

The sex can remove the stress of the anticipation between us and help to build a bond quickly if you vibe with each other on a personal level, buyers remorse is more prevalent with the wait because you build up your perception of each other based on false imagery and the need to impress.

Laciandmaci · Answer

I am waiting till marriage so if a guy want on the 1st date... see ya later!

CaptainLegal · Answer

Depends, if someone who isn't serious about a relationship they may take advantage of the other person's emotions and ghost them after sex or sex might not be good enough or they only care about having fun themselves and not the other person too.

SamFromFL · Answer

How can it be? There isn’t a relationship yet to kill

burlen · Answer

Sex on a first date is not a relationship killer. In fact, why should it be a relationship killer?

jessacat83 · Answer

Not necessarily, it depends on the situation and the people involved.

Anonymous · Answer

If I haven’t already sensed that he was just on the prowl for sex, and hinted with sexual advances on the first date, he wouldn’t be someone I’d take seriously in the relationship department.. at that point I placed him in a certain category and I become detached, somewhat heartless, in the sense that if he ended up falling for me later on if we continued to date, I wouldn’t feel bad rejecting him...

Torari · Answer

No. If I stop pursuing the girl after first date sex, it was because I was only interested in sex with her.

I have never lost attraction to a girl I was genuinely interested in just because she had sex with me sooner rather than later.

Heck, one of my best relationships, which lasted 2 years, started as a random drunken hookup.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Not really. I've learned that there's usually a 5 month window where baggage is allowed or not cared about whether sex happens the first night or many dates later.

SphynxUK · Answer

If I like them that much, I won’t sleep with them on a first date. If I did, I wouldn’t see them again.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no. I met a person I liked before and wanted a serious relationship. I thought she wanted something serious after she wanted sex but it didn't work out. I eventually met someone, got sexually involved and now married for 8 years. Sometimes you meet someone that have the qualities you're looking for.

WalterBlack · Answer

If you have taken the time to get to know each other before having an official date, I don't think first date sex would kill the potential for a relationship.

electromagnetic · Answer

If he tryna fuck, I’m down. Why beat around the bush when we can both beat meats.

Anonymous · Answer

Hello? Who doesn't have sex on the first date? I think I didn't have sex one the first date maybe 2x... but nailed them both second date.

Who has time to waste to get to know each other? Thier is over 50% chance you aren't gonna make it more then 6 months anyway... most are divorced within a few years.

Fuck for the best, while you fuck for the worst...

I mean pray for the best, but be prepare for the worst.

Davidbrooks · Answer

Well if you have sex on the first date it depends on her preformance, to know if it is worth going on a second date

jgibsonian1986 · Answer

You can build a house without laying a foundation yes, but don't expect it to last when the storm comes.

TruthBringer · Answer

Easy to get is easy to go.  No high value man is going to invest in a woman who is an easy lay. Only desperate dudes with a scarcity mindset do.

iFarted · Answer

No and I wouldn't think she's a "slut" or a "whore" cause of it.

Anonymous · Answer

No, the relationship was or wasn't going to happen regardless of sex, in most cases.

Yaaten · Answer

People have sex on their first date? Wow. I've got a lot of catching up to do.

Slim57 · Answer

Not unless they do it with every one of their first dates

Anonymous · Answer

True and a lot of women wonder why they keep attracting assholes (hit and quit) It’s because they allow them every time.

Mercedesbenz65 · Answer

Sometimes yes and sometimes no. If you really like each other and love each other then it’s usually ok. But if you “kinda” like each other then it can ruin chances. So I guess it depends how much you like each other.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm pretty sure a LACK of sex has killed FAR more relationships than too much sex.

legalboxers · Answer

In 2 relationships I was in, I had sex on the 1st day. In both instances, the relationships lasted 2-3 years for years. During both - she cheated :(

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Not always, but almost always

BUNroaster · Answer

Ah, can be. Depends heavily on the penises and vaginas involved, also the people and personalities wearing the penis or vagina

Anonymous · Answer

yeah I’ll get bored of him because the excitement is already gone!

msc545 · Answer

No, it is not. Often it is the start of a relationship.

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

I intentionally avoid it if I want her to stay around as a relationship

jasco · Answer

Sometimes it is and sometimes it not, depends on how good it was

SirJohn42 · Answer

not at all. Might be moving to fast but if you do you do.

FornixMassage · Answer

If the sex is hot and you make sure she cums harder and more often than you then you're set. And make sure you call her.

Joker_ · Answer

See Poll ( I only do Anal )

Anonymous · Answer

Thanks for the sex. Now my TRUE SOULMATE with come to me now ^^ but it isn't you.

Nayyrr · Answer

Yes, and anyone who does it is for the streets

Is First Date sex a relationship killer?

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