Is First Date sex a relationship killer?

[coachTanthony]

Yes

No

Well ( Let me explain ) in the comments below

See Poll ( I only do Anal )

Updates

+1 y

Inspired by todays question by @Chikky

Do you have it mind to sleep with a date on a first date? ↗

[Cynicaldreamer]

Put it this way: I wouldn't personally do it. You've giving the other person what they want before they commit to a relationship with you. Meaning they have no reason to work or prove to you they're worth being in a relationship with.

So yeah, in my opinion it definitely can be! You're making too easy for them- and let's be real, you come off as "too easy" (Sorry if that offends anyone, but it is what it is). If you barely know anything about the other person, why would you sleep with them on the first date? How about work on building a connection with said person first before sleeping with them?

That's the problem with several of y'all on here, especially you younger users- y'all equate sex with love and think if you don't "give it up" right away, the other person will love interest in you-

And if they do, that's FINE because it means they weren't really interested in you in the first place!!! Know your self worth. If you want to sleep with someone on the first date? Fine. But realize that's not going to make someone fall for you faster, or guarantee they're going to be your girl/boyfriend because you slept together.

[coachTanthony]

I can't believe I am going to say this but... I agree. Good points.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Let me screenshot this comment because I know I will NEVER hear, or rather, see you type those words again.

It must be my lucky day!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

This answer here 💯 !!!👏👏

[coachTanthony]

@Brainsbeforebeauty Yeah Yeah she has some good tips once in a while LOL

[Cynicaldreamer]

@coachTanthony Better than your advice you've been giving...

Oh wait, I don't see you giving any dating advice, Coach. Hmm...
Maybe I should be a dating coach so you can retire from all that hard work you're doing over there, LOL

[coachTanthony]

Yes let me retire to the beach. It's all yours! lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You guys are funny 🤣

[DiscomfortZone]

I'm sad for you, that you're under this false impression that once people get sex from you - they "stop working". I can only imagine the kind of partners you've had, but that makes me even more sad. Better luck next time?

[coachTanthony]

@Brainsbeforebeauty I can't really tell if she likes me or not bahahahahaha

[Cynicaldreamer]

@DiscomfortZone And I feel sad for you for assuming me not wanting to have sex right away is a bad thing. Perhaps if people put more value in sex and relationships that wouldn't be so odd to understand. But hey, I respect you taking the time to comment sir~

[Cynicaldreamer]

@coachTanthony I tolerate you!
Take that as you will :)

[coachTanthony]

Awwww that is super sweet. Thank you.

[Kas19]

I don't know if I agree. If you're great at sex or whatever then they might just wanna commit. Every dude is different ig.

[Cynicaldreamer]

@Kas19 And hey, that's fine if some of you do! I'm not hating on those of you that choose to do that. Obviously there are always exceptions, or guys that are willing to commit after you sleep with them on the first date: good for them!

I'm just saying 'I' personally would not do so. If a guy really likes you, he's going to be willing to wait and get to know you before sleeping with you, regardless of timeframe.

Plus some of you forget that having sex tends to form an emotional connection with most people. Meaning if there's no feelings there, it's not as meaningful or hard to just sleep with someone. On the first date, is there always an emotional connection formed? (Not to be confused with chemistry or lust; that is completely different!!!)

No.

[Kas19]

Completely agree. I think my case was different because we both had great chemistry. Well said.

[ct1243]

Exactly unless you want hook up sex ; sex should be shared in commitment or by marriage. I won’t do it and ok with waiting especially if you love the person

[Cynicaldreamer]

@ct1243 Thank you!!! I'm glad some people still feel that way. I try not to judge people that feel otherwise as it's their choice, but it doesn't mean everyone feels that way.
Some of us prefer being in a committed relationship or marriage before taking that step. And that's okay!

[ct1243]

I’m that way I rather wait it I’m committed or married , but to each their own I prefer it and it’s my religious beliefs

[AGirl_x]

"You're giving the other person what they want before they commit to a relationship with you " ... therefore why should they be bothered.
So... people want sex and the way to get it is find people who also want sex or commit to a relationship. Who the fuck will commit to a relationship, tie their life to someone else's cause otherwise they can't get that sex from said person? That's what the fuckin tradeoff is... sex? If it were like that, fuck relationships. That's how you make it sound...
But here's an idea: what if a young person who does give it up right away is very much aware that sex and love are not the same thing, sex is NOT a way to show love, interest in a future together, and definitely sex I not going to secure a girlfriend /boyfriend status and what if those like me are not interested to build a connection, and sure as hell do not want a relationship... they just want sex? Cause sex can also be fun. Nothing else but fun and both parties want this same thing and neither is led to believe that it's the beginning of a relationship?
If your value lays between your legs... that's just sad.
But this is what society has decided to be "the right way" and I see today the same rhetoric that my grandmother was questioning... fuck it! I'm perfectly fine with being easy, cheap, slut, trash etc

[razelove]

As much as I am a fan of first date sex I'm also well aware from oh so many experiences of the distance if not outright rejection it creates. So, you meet someone, you both feel needs, attraction, help each other to fulfill some of those needs, scratch that itch, then in the morning she's not so sure it was a great idea.

I cannot recall how many times that has happened, or that we might still be very attracted to each other in the morning, but now we're firmly boxed in the friends with benefits category because of that distance. Generally I'd get that more from women with lower self-esteem, but high enough to not just let me be a part of their life because "I don't usually do this".

The last category would be first date turning to sex turning to a relationship which I can only describe as dominance. The women I've gotten with who will sleep with me on a first date, and think it's a great start to a relationship are at a severe disadvantage. I have what I want, and will continue to get it. If they want more from me they must give more to me. So their role is to be completely submissive to me and what I want while I dominate them with any requests I have because they are truly desperate. Not just desperate for sex, but attention, validation, you name it.

Yeah, so I still enjoy sex on a first date, I just know where the road is going before the car goes into gear.

[Lliam]

Not necessarily. It's all an individual thing, of course. I can just hear guys calling girls sluts.

It's not usual to have sex after a first date unless people are just looking to hook up. Those people aren't relationship material.
There's a certain propriety to dating. They are usually about getting to know someone and deciding if they trust the person enough to pursue a relationship. That doesn't usually happen after one date.

But if two people really hit it off, are sexually attracted to each other, and are horny, I wouldn't judge someone for having sex after a first date. It's a sign of strong libido and mutual attraction. And they just might find that they really like each other. I can see relationships forming with such initial fireworks.

I'll add that I don't care about a woman's body count.

[AmandaYVR]

Nope, I don't think it's a deciding factor.

You're probably asking this based somewhat on the idea that some men won't respect the girl. She's then out of the running for anything beyond a hookup chic. I can't speak for them. I have never known men like that, either irl or on gag. My types don't see sex that way. We're on equal footing, and there's no games.

However, I've never done it. I treat sex more significantly than that. I base it on all interactions with them. I need to see inside their mind a bit before I'd want to.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I wouldn't say 100% of the time, but I would guess more times than not, it would. You barely know this person, much less their likes/dislikes,, there's usually more nerves or some people feeling the need to overly impress. All things that can hamper truly great sex. And also, some people have sex on the first date, and then turn around and negatively judge that person as a slut or not "relationship" material, which is pretty hypocritical, as even though ain't had sex for a minute, I do remember it takes two for sex 🤷🏼‍♀️
The attraction/urge to have sex can be there but in my opinion, waiting is the better way!

[coachTanthony]

Yeah people can be stupid about the judging part pffffft that is lame. Having sex too soon can interrupt the two people connecting on a deeper emotional level that you would of had if you were not now having the sex. So yeah it can be an issue.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I agree, sometimes sex can cloud our mind/decisions especially if there is good sexual chemistry. But in the end, that's not enough to sustain any relationship

[coachTanthony]

True they tend to keep connecting on the sexual level and forgetting about the real connections they aren't making... ya know like morals, standards, boundaries, do you want kids, marriage, two dogs or one...

3 months later it's over because they never discussed anything of substance.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Exactly 💯 that right there!!! That's probably one of the biggest reasons a lot of relationships fail!!

[JohnDominik]

You say sex can cloud our mind. That's true. But waiting for sex can also cloud it, especially if there is a strong sexual tension in the air. I remember one first date: My date wore such a hot dress that I really had to concentrate to still be charming, interesting and a good listenter. Even if I'm genuinely interested in a woman, I still filter a bit what I say in order not to spoil the chances for sex.

On the first date with my girlfriend, it was different. We had met at a night club a couple of days before and had sex the same night. Of course, we didn't do anything special but just to undress her was pure ecstacy. Although she basically went home with a stranger she did a bit of dirty talk. It was such a turn-on. I just wanted to see her again. When we met in the afternoon for our first date in a park, it was a bit awkward at the beginning. We hugged each other, started to make out and went to my place first. We had a very wild afternoon. In the evening, we finally made it to a cafe. Interestingly enough, I didn't talk or think much about sex during the date. It was a very comfortable and relaxed atmosphere where we really got to know each other (maybe there is such a thing as post nut clarity). We started dating after three months and are still together. I'm sure by now that she is my life partner.

In our case, sex before the first date made conversation a bit more honest and deeper. Of course, I didn't tell her my whole life story on the first date but it was propably more than I would have told on other first dates. So, it seems that sex before the first date isn't a bad idea after all.

[Chikky]

It gives room to be ghosted quickly in my opinion

[coachTanthony]

I mean that could happen especially if the sex was just OK or not great. For sure.

[Chikky]

I think most guys would have a low opinion on the lady, it's not about the sex

[coachTanthony]

That is one superficial egotistical guy then because SHE could feel the exact same way about him. If he is easy then he must not be relationship material. So I think if two people are adults about it and the sexual energy was there and they just went for it... then it might be okay but like you said... too many immature people doing stuff... then immaturely judging after the fact.

[Chikky]

@coachTanthony well said

[WalterBlack]

I have to agree with coachT. If the sex is great with that person, wouldn't you want it all the time?

[ChrisMaster69]

I have had a fair bit of first date sex, and did not think anything negative about the girl and some have dated from casual to actually in to a relationship.

I've even had the sex before the date, as it was just a spontaneous case of jumping each other’s bones as we simply clicked.

it really depends on situation, context etc.

Also where I live, girls in Newcastle have always been confident, independent and will often make the first move and actively chat up a guy.

Geordie girls can scare some guys lol, having a girl tell you to ‘grab your coat pet cos you’ve pulled’, can scare the shit out of some southerners (shandy drinkers).

[Screenwriter]

I've heard that some people who had sex on a first date ended up in relationships. I have no idea what PERCENTAGE of people ended up this way. My guess would be very few.
In general, I think it's a bad idea. You don't know the person and you have no idea how careful or careless this person is or was with past sexual partners.
I'd give first-date sex a wide berth.

[OlderThanILook]

No? If two people want to have sex with each other of the first date, then they both got what they want. Why would that kill their relationship? Man, people overthink these things.

[coachTanthony]

If sex is all they want then yes you are right but if they want to have a healthy relationship down the road... having sex too soon may cause some issues of attachment too soon before knowing if there is a real connection.

[OlderThanILook]

in my opinion, I think people are too impressionable. If they don't want to have sex, then just don't do it. Like if they're unsure of what they want out of the relationship and think that sex will cause problems, they should probably have the awareness to hold off for their own benefit.

[coachTanthony]

I hear you man! Thanks for the comments.

[guesswhoseback]

I’ve gotten in two long term relationships with two girls I slept with in the first date. I was honest in both situations i wanted to keep dating if we did. One girl told me “let’s have sex now so we can have sex again”.

I still regretted it though. It didn’t “kill” the relationship but it would of been better with more build up.

But I’ve also tried holding off and taking things slow with women years ago. I wanted to make sex mean something. This included a virgin I knew in college.

All of these women got bored, friendzoned me and ran off to someone else. The virgin lost it to someone else and had the gall to tell me about it back in college.

[WalterBlack]

It seems like it is better to not have any unbreakable rules about how long to wait for sex. If the mood feels right and you're both physically, mentally and emotionally prepared, then it is probably the right time for it to happen - whether it is the first date or the 10th.

[ct1243]

It is too me why buy the milk if you’re looking for milk unless your ok with casual sex. I think it should be something over time unless you you have religious beliefs about it. I’m ok with waiting until my mate and I decide on it. I’m ok with waiting too until marriage.

[Anonymous]

Hmm... Let's see.

You don't know one another, have no connection, and have no reason to continue the relationship after having sex. You **have** heard of one-night stands, right?

Seriously. Why ***is*** this even a question? A child would know the answer. It **is** a relationship killer. And by relationship I am talking about a real one not trashy friends with benefits, etc. setups.

Really the main thing is, is such behavior conveys that the people are "easy" and likely ***can not*** be trusted in a serious relationship **not** to cheat. Why would anyone want to waste their time, money & energy getting involved with such individuals?

[Anonymous]

Thing is that most first dates do not end up in relationships regardless if you have sex or not. In the culture I am from it is pretty normal to have sex early so almost all i know in relationships had sex on the first date/first time they met. Does not change a thing if you fit together in the long run.
Personally it takes me several months of dating to find out if I want to be in a relationship with someone or not. Most men do not want to wait so long and I don't want to either if I like him from the start. I see no point in waiting for me. I enjoy the ride and I keep it safe.

[razelove]

That's a really good point, even if you're off to a good start the puppy love wears off and you start to notice each others flaws. Typically that is a month or several in.

[DiscomfortZone]

I realize many of those who voted No are just hoping to get some first date sex, but I'd just thought I'd share that last time I've had first date sex I ended up getting married :) We have a 1.5 years old and are almost four months pregnant. So, you know, sometimes it's the oppossite of relationship "killer"!

[Anonymous]

Nine times out of ten, I'd say yes, it's a relationship killer. If you have sex on the first date, the other person hasn't gotten a chance to know you or form any kind of attachment towards you. When the mental/emotional connection gets skipped and it's all purely physical, they really have no reason not to leave.

[razelove]

The flip side of that I've seen are the women who "never do this kind of thing" when I wasn't pushing any agenda. You're right though, fun nights, only really concerned that I'll have to buy breakfast on the way home/to work rather than cooking it and saving some money there.

[cheapshotbob]

i think it is yeah , but this younger Gen thinks its some kind of daily goal to post about on that instagram or tinder app like its some amazing thing they accomplished. i mean its almost like posting about how awesome it feels to complete a poop when you went to the bathroom after struggling with that poop all day.

its silly lol

[bamesjond0069]

Yes. 99% of the time. Its a test by men with options to see how easy you are. If a girl is easy im not going to date her. The only exceptions for wiggle room is if she does fuck me on the first date but she's highly inexperienced like she was a virgin or had one highschool boyfriend. Then ill use a little gut instinct on if she is still dateable or not.

[misanthropistkev]

Yes because a lot of women believe that’s all they have to offer and it’s all we ever want (not true)
That actually really ticks me off when I think about it cus women always say how they don’t like being objectified and used for sex yet treaT guys as if we’re some sex crazed animals ( WE ARE NOT)
The brain is an amazing organ and if you treat someone a certain way or have them think that they’re a certain way they’ll begin to believe and become just that
Sex should be had whenever both parties are comfortable even if it’s the first or last date my whole thing is if your pursuing a relationship with a guy treat them like the human being with feelings and desire for companionship and trust they are not just some sex crazed simpleton who only knows how to spill his seed

[SashaAMB]

It can be, and often is. The exception is if you were longtime friends before and there was sexual chemistry well before the actual date. Then, it may be more like the 100th date so why wait any longer?

[Browneye57]

Naw, not if you're both hot to trot. Sex is the glue. It's worse if she just doesn't like sex - and there are WAY too many of those.
Or as I like to say, "She likes sex alright... just not with YOU." :)

[razelove]

Oof, that last statement, too accurate, too precise lol

[queenimpala]

Explanation: I've had two instances of "first date sex" where it worked out amazingly; we ended up dating right from there on. However, this has only happened when I KNEW the guy before, ex: we were good friends for a long time. Then ended up hanging out/going on a date one night, and then hooked up and then were pretty much in a relationship. For randos I feel like it would be much harder.

[JuliaStyles]

Seems more like a hookup than a date. If I had a girlfriend that went out on a "date" for sex I would tell her, "No, you are hooking up with someone to Ho with."

[JohnDominik]

It isn't. I met my girlfriend that way.

We got to know each other in a night club. There was this instant chemestry between us. We had sex the very first night and it was awsome. We both assumed that the other has done this before. For me the idea that she slept with so many other guys was such a turn-on. After the first hookup, I asked her out for a date. We met in a park and wanted to go to a nice cafe. We started to make out again. It escalated and we went to my place and had sex again. It was pure ecstasy. In the evening, we finally made it to the cafe and figured out that we are both very talkative after sex. We also figured out that we click on so many other levels and started dating. To this day, this strong sexual attraction is still a very important part of our relationship. I'm sure by now that she is my life partner.

[AshleyTaylorDanny]

I screwed his brains out on the first date... been together 14 years all together 😃