If a woman does not get attention from guys and has been single for most of her life, should she blame herself?

[Xitomyth]

It really depends on the individual woman and the context of her situation. Could be the guys she is around have similar tastes that she doesn't fit, she could live an area where the guys or gals are raised to be horrible people for whatever reason, she could just be sending the wrong signals that tell the guys not to approach. It also depends on the guy and his tastes and such. She should definitely take a hard, objective, look in the metaphorical mirror and reflect on how she is, how she looks, and what signals she is sending out. I had a similar conversation with a friend of mine the other week. She is in her mid 30s and has had rotten luck in the relationship department. Some of the advice I gave her, and this is after knowing her personality and interests, was that she was likely sending either mixed or wrong signals, partly through how she acted and dressed. Most people don't consciously read the outfit/fashion and colors and mannerisms but their instincts tell them to go after the girl that is broadcasting availability and amicability. I told my friend that she should dress in a way that lets guys know that she is available and looking, and not in the slutty kind of way either (she's a little paranoid about that...). As for the guy any woman wants, she should first talk to such a guy if he is a friend, relative, or acquaintance and she what it is that that type of guy wants in a woman. Think of it this way, think of your ideal man... now ask yourself this one question: why would such a man want anything to do with you, what do you have that he wants? That answer will give you great insight into whether or not you are even attracting the right type of guy and if you are actually being realistic about it. As for blame, she certainly can blame herself, but relationships are two way streets (or at least most are, some relationships involve more than two people...) so the blame is not entirely on her, but could be mostly on her, depends on the woman. Hope that helps...

[JSmuve]

Probably. If "most women seem to get approached by men" and she doesn't then clearly she's not as desirable as most women and is either unattractive or doing something egregiously wrong to make guys stay away from her.

"it’s not fair that she never gets approached by guys she wants"

Oooo, this quote is telling. First, does she not get approached at all or not get approached by the guys she wants? If it's the latter, then she's just playing the typical victim card lots of women play and disregards all the attention she gets from guys because they're not desirable in her mind. That's a characteristic of a low-quality woman. Second, the quote alludes to the idea of "fairness" in the dating market. Nothing about dating is fair. If it were, then your average guy would be back-railing a new instagram model every week. The fact that this does not occur is a crime and totally unfair. Right up there with this particular woman's delusion that she's entitled to the guys she wants.

[SnowyOwl]

Don't put yourself down for somethin you just haven't figured out yet. Life is a learning journey. We dont start out perfect, we dont even get to be perfect ever. But we get to keep trying, again and again and again.
If the romantic area is a weakness for someone, then they should invest some time into it. Especially you should start learning by experience. Befriend someone you find cute, you might fail or you might make a friend. Ask them out on a date after a little while. You might get a date, or you might fail and learn something and gain some experience.
You just have to keep trying until you get it right.
Being partner material is really not just about being cute. People like mature partners why they can trust with their real selves. You can be a weirdo, you can be a child spirit, you can be super girly... doesn't matter, but you need to have an open heart, open mind, kindness, understanding of the other person. And you need confidence. If you are anxious, people won't feel comfortable around you. How could they, when you are uncomfortable yourself. Anxiety doesn't serve anyone so if you struggle with that, maybe do some therapy, or self-development program.
But yea, putting yourself out there will help you gain confidence and stop being afraid of failure. We learn from failure.
And listen, if someone doesn't take you as you are, they can go. Dont change for anyone. Dont try to be a pleaser, because that will ruin your mental health. I hope you dont learn this the hard way (or whichever girl we are talking about)

[Xoxocutekitty]

1) Does she have ridiculously attractive friends?

This kind of sucks to hear, but it's how life works. If you are the less attractive friend, guys won't notice you, they'll notice your friend. They'll ask you about your friend. When looking for a date it helps to be on the hot side of the friend spectrum or to fly solo. Doesn't matter if you're a 5 or a 9, attractiveness is relative.


2 ) is she always in large groups? If you're always using your energy looking after other people, you're not creating that 'mysterious woman' image. Guys won't come up to you if it means interrupting you and your friends, no matter how cute you are.

3 ) do you go out enough? I mean, to places where you could actually meet people? A lot of single people complain about never meeting people, but they aren't actually putting themselves out there. Join a (zoom) class for a totally new hobby without knowing anyone. Go sit at a bar, alone. Join a hiking group.

3) are you making yourself approachable? Go to the grocery store and struggle to reach that high thing near that cute guy. He'll take a hint. Ask a random cute guy for directions or a portrait selfish. Work as a dog walker and eventually you'll meet a single guy with a dog. In the olden days, women would drop handkerchiefs in front of a gentleman they liked. He would of course, be courteous and pick it up and then boom, social interaction.

[jennifer_bloom]

Ugly people get approached so it’s not her looks, maybe she looks depressed or overly aggressive.

[Anon621]

I don't think she should blame herself. There are a large number of factors that can play into not getting attention from guys specifically. In fact, very interestingly, one of my old coworkers told me that in her case she was brought up that if other guys looked at her sexually or paid attention to her that she was doing something wrong. I could never imagine being taught that mentality and I'm not sure how many people this has potentially affected since she was raised by a pastor apparently. To put my opinions in a short version, you have obviously physical looks and your body physique, personality, and plenty of other factors such as potentially not being interested in dating even though you still might or might not get attention from other people. The word attention has a very vague definition in my opinion because I can pay attention to someone for 2 seconds and that would technically be considered very short term attention but I suppose most people would define attention in this case as someone who notices you for whatever reason whether it be because you wrote something for a GAG post or because they think you are physically attractive.

[JackSmy]

So why is she just WAITING for some guy to find her, and not ACTIVELY trying to find a GOOD GUY, as a confident woman?
I don't care what age, but I ASSUME that women are at least my EQUALS, so I ASSUME, she is willing, and able to approach a guy, or another, (trying to be totally correct) and ask them out, ask them on a date, or just talk to the other!!!
In this time, why do some WONDERFUL women, still think that they must wait for a guy to ask them out, or show interest in them?
I actually really like it, and have A LOT of respect for a lady that approaches me, and initiates contact! Sometimes, I might not even know she likes me, if she didn't!!

[Chriscunning]

It's interesting to note in the question "approached by guys she wants". So that tells me she is approached, just by guys she feels aren't worthy of her time. I would therefore have place "blame" (if we can say that) on her.

Woman generally get approached, it doesn't matter if you ugly, fat, good looking, shy, pretty, etc. To be in mid-20's, told you cute (so we know you not an ugly duckling) and to have never dated anyone sounds like a choice. Sounds like the standards are to high, or she's hanging out with the wrong crowd or the wrong places since she's not meeting anyone.

[GoodManDave]

Not necessarily. I would probably try to ask questions to try to figure out what my advice, if any, would be. I wouldn't assume she didn't have the looks or it was "her fault."

Personally, as a guy, I know there's SOME stuff I'm doing that hurts my chances... but a lot of it comes down to stuff that is kind of outside of my control. I know very well that being single doesn't always mean that someone is "weird or antisocial." Sometimes it makes perfect sense. It's obvious. And sometimes it isn't.

[TDeans1987]

Absolutely NOT. If this girl has not been approached by men there is no fault anywhere.

Unfortunately we live in a time dominated by the internet. We have almost become a culture that feels like online dating is the best place to meet other people. Therefore less and less people go out with the mindset that they would like to meet someone.

Personally I would love to meet someone. Anyone actually since every single woman I have ever met was beautiful in her own way. Every single woman is. Including you.

If you have been told you are cute then you probably are. When you are out and about if you project a friendly demeanor then chances are someone will perk up the courage to make up an excuse to start a conversation with you.

Next time your out at a supermarket make sure you go to the till with the cutest looking guy or girl (depending on preference). That's usually a good place to practice your outdoor flirting skills.

[ZackBan]

There's a common misconception when it comes to guys being the ones approaching.
A large part of the work is done by the woman, she needs to be appealing visually, give off a friendly and welcoming if not all out flirty vibe, and she needs to send signals showing availability and interst. Sure the guy will have to initiate the interaction but guys don't randomly walk up to women what might feel random is actually by design even of both parties don't know it.

So the short answer is "Yes" this woman has herself to blame for lack of attention but it shouldn't be something negative where she hates herself and closes out even more.
Instead she needs to realize right now that she holds the power to sway most guys and begin working on being the approachable one in any given group.

[Leavesbound]

Sometimes it's just bad luck. If it's been that long she might want to consider a self assessment to figure out if she is doing something wrong. For one thing women should NEVER listen to the advise of their female friends on things like how they look. Most girls will tell their female friends to change their looks and do so in a way that reduces their ability to compete. The most common mistake is for a woman to listen to her best friend who says she'll look prettier if she cuts off all her hair. The best thing to do is suck it up take a deep breath and then go seek out a comprehensive critique from a trusted male friend and thell them to be brutally hones and then brace yourself because if it really is something our are doing wrong and if he is really your friend he will tell you to help yo fix what is wrong and get you on the right track though sometimes random strangers on the internet are the best choice for this.

[AzzaBlue]

I said yes, because at the end of the day the only person that is responsible for your life is yourself. People and in particular women seem to make excuses for the state of their own lives. You hear women constantly bemoaning how they can't find a "good man." But no one is asking the right question, which is what are YOU going to do about it. Many women would rather just sit of their arse and wait for "Mr Right" to come and sweep them of their feet and of course it doesn't happen. So what do they do? They keep doing the same thing (waiting) and expect different results. I you are lonely and you want a relationship then maybe you should start being proactive and actually do the approaching. So I'll ask again, what are YOU going to do about it.

[Makeushiver]

No, she should make an appt. with competent therapist. I would think an appt. w/ a psychiatrist because they can prescribe any medications,. Their focus would be on your harsh self-assessment -For working through and suggestions on how to maintain a higher degree of self-esteem.
But I'd only see a Psychiatrist a couple of times a year-to adjust any meds. For most of the actual therapy- a psychologist who would be the best option. cheaper and better-I think at least so- at understanding what people are trying eel as well as rhink

[ohshee]

Well I was at to say she's a little bit shy she doesn't put herself in the positions 2 maybe go out if people tell her she's cute she probably is cute I would need the picture to see sometimes when we want what we want we need to make a choice if it's not coming to you go to it so if you are the person who you're talking about change it up a little bit be bold start right now send me a message start a conversation it's a first stepping stone you have to start someplace

[slatyb]

"She's told she's cute" -- by whom. Your family will say that whether you are or not. If you aren't getting attention, either you aren't all that cute or you are viewed as unapproachable. Are you very shy? That's the usual problem. If a young woman is too shy to make conversation, men will assume she isn't interested.

[David92506]

It seems to me that most people are so self-absorbed and self-centered that they can't see beyond their own nose unless they want something from you. I suppose most men would want sex. If men aren't giving you attention maybe you are dodging a bullet.

[Nik1hil]

You are cute and have great personality...
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. It's the shit that everyone says to you.
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.. Please tell me in which hole of your personality should I put my dick in..
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Kids are cute and I ain't Pedo.
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Nobody has time for true love or relationship in today's world..
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. Put sex out there.. Look sexy
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And you will get plenty of attention
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. Also you will be like I am not getting attention.. I am getting creepy guys to creep me out..
Creepy guys is also attention..
If you are not getting attention from rich or handsome or successful men does not means it is not attention..

[Floppy2112]

Not enough information to make a judgement on that. Is she not getting approached by the guy's she likes or not approached by anyone ever? There is a difference. If she treats some men like ghosts then yes, its her fault. If she isn't approachable, then she's got a personality problem and it's her fault. If just just doesn't put herself in a position to get asked out, than it's her fault.
More than likely it's her fault, but need more info to make a better judgement.

[Browneye57]

It has nothing to do with 'cute'. You are either unapproachable, or your personality sucks. Generally, women have made it pretty clear they don't want to be approached. PERIOD. So you're going to have to work on your attraction skills.

Love can't start till attraction does, and then there needs to be a conversation.
So get some help with the former, and work on your social skills for the latter.

[Ludoblue]

A little sf reflection like how am I acting can help, do you have rbf or sit closed off, do you go out and meet new people at bars or events, do you chatted easy or are you quite and anxious when talked too, do you make eye contact with men, there's things you can do to bring them in and feel welcoming

[Anonymous]

Just look at this site, "most" women aren't getting approached so you're not alone. The only thing she could do differently is approach herself! Don't wait for guys to do it. Especially guys she's actually interested in.

We guys have or can have all the same thoughts, feelings and insecurities about approaching that you women do (we're all human beings), yet we are "expected" to be the ones to do it. Talk about unfair!

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

Get a dating coach. They exist for women too. There isn’t a picture of you so I can’t rate you on looks , but a dating coach can teach you how to at least flirt and take initiative. You can also purchase a pheromone perfume.

[NamerOfStars]

No. It may be her fault, at least partially, but blaming isn't productive at all (it can lead into things that are, but more often it just winds up running the show, drowning people in a spiral of guilt and shame). So if she wants more male attention, and isn't getting it, she should start taking steps toward that end. And if it's not just attention she wants, but a relationship, consider approaching guys she finds attractive, as well.