Okay so I have Aspergers, I have not told any of the guys ( since elon musk came out about it now I feel comfortable ) and I don't really know how to talk to guys. I met this handsome guy a month ago at the giant store and I was really shy to meet him at first so I ignored his first requests for dates and sorta ditched him ( he lives in a different state ). Moving forward 2 weeks after I meet him and it was awkward but he seemed a little passive aggressive but you know we had fun. Then he ghosts me and then he finely responds after I sent him so many texts. We meet up again and went out together with his best friend. He ghosts me again. I was so obsessed I even did witchcraft. 2 weeks later... I finally get over him and started seeing his best friend because I felt like it was really hard to socialize ( I don't even have female friends irl) and so I meet the other guy plus he seemed to really appreciate me.
Now a month later I finish my business management certification and then redownload the phone app I used to communicate with him, look who I see has been blowing up my phone... Even from a different number and I don't even know what to say...I do really miss him and I even dreamed we got married but now I don't even know or want to be hurt again and I know I'm mildly autistic so I may have offended him. Not sure.
I need advice from people with great social skills
Updates
+1 y
Plus he is from eastern Europe ( Bulgaria )
What do I say or do with this guy who came back after rejecting me?
Ok... I told myself I was going to go to bed like 2 hours ago. And I really do need to. But... I do have good social skills. I'm very good at reading people. I am very good at navigating and interpreting social situations. I am not good at many things. But I am good at that.
I would be happy to give you advice. But I would need to know basically as much detail as possible. The more information I have to work with, the better. So if you message me, tell me all about it. I can definitely give you some good advice.
I'm also a very honest guy. I'm not going to lie to you or bullshit you. I'll tell you what I think. That doesn't mean It's right (it's just what I think).
From what you've written here. ... keeping in mind that this is not a complete picture...
This does not seem like a guy who is going to be someone you want to try and have a relationship with. Being ghosted twice, and the intense messages (from you AND from him) in between when you were talking... is a bad sign. Just in terms of "is this a promising potential relationship" the answer is... no. Not at all. Not based on what you've said about it here. There might be more information about things which could change what I think about it.
... If you were a friend of mine. My advice based on this post alone... would be to move on from him. 100% I would not advise you to not become involved with him again. Sorry, I realize that's not what you want to hear.
So do message me if you'd like a more thorough answer.
You think he is an abuser? Because I have been in abusive relationship in the past and escaped. He told me to date his friend so that he can see me every week but I thought it was a joke and I didn't talk to either of them for a week. Then I texted him and he ghosted me. So then I started seeing his friend alone, his friend told me he was falling for me and asked me if I'm talking to brian, and I said no I don't care anymore... Then his friend said why he's a good guy... I don't know... you know I just want to feel loved and socialize with someone... Not be ghosted and not someone to take my jacket forever and never return it.
This guy is setting off ALL KINDS of red flags. This is NOT AT ALL a man who is capable of loving somebody (at least not at this point in his life).
The red flags he's setting off are not ones that I associate with abusive guys. Except for the one you just wrote here. That is a red flag that a guy might POSSIBLY be abusive. Certainly likely to be emotionally abusive. In fact, he already IS being emotionally abusive. I know those abusive red flags very well. Making sure a guy isn't abusive is something I'm always looking out for. I am extremely sensitive and cautious about any whiff of the possibility that a guy might be abusive. I have known way way too many amazing women who've been in abusive relationships. I had friends who were particularly close to me. I know very well just what kind of scars a man like that can leave on a woman's psyche. I am so sorry that you've been in an abusive relationship in the past. Good for you for escaping.
So, my worry has not been the risk that this guy is possibly going to end up being abusive. What you just said: "He told me to date his friend so that he can see me every week but I thought it was a joke and I didn't talk to either of them for a week."
That is a red flag for an abusive guy. I say that because of what it shows about his thinking in general. More specifically, it shows a lot about how he thinks of the women he becomes romantically/sexually involved with.
When a guy is interested in a woman for the right reasons... the goal is to win and secure her affection. You are looking for love. Any guy who tells you to date his friend is not a guy who is looking at you with anything close to affection or love. It treats you like an object. It means that this guy doesn't care one bit about you, as an individual person. Nobody who was looking for a loving relationship could EVER think of saying that to a girl. A normal guy wants you to like HIM (because he likes you). It shows that this guy's view of women and relationships is SUPER unhealthy and, frankly quite likely abusive.
It implies... that it's appropriate for him to tell you who to date. That is SOOOOOOO messed up. That in itself is an example of him already being emotionally abusive. It implies that he thinks it's fine that he exert control over aspects of your decision making, feelings and actions in a way that is abusive. Anyone who could say this is, in my view, a good candidate to be an abusive man in a relationship.
I am not saying that he will necessarily be physically abusive. But since physical abuse ALWAYS has a giant component of emotional abuse... and the underlying way of thinking about women is identical; it's entirely possible that he would indeed become physically abusive. But at this point, the 'red flag' is a worry about the emotional abuse component. Which... especially for someone with an abusive relationship in their past can be JUST as awful and damaging as a physically abusive guy. Think about it... it was all the emotional/mental/mindfuck stuff that was so awful about your past relationship (I would be willing to bet). It was way more complicated than simple fear of violence. So emotional abuse isn't any less damaging or difficult to escape.
Also, being ghosted like that. And the 'hot and cold' bullshit is also emotionally abusive. BUT that aspect BY ITSELF isn't a red flag for potential risk of abuse. But if there are other signs that a dude might be an abuser (like here)... then in that context, it becomes a red flag. It's in line with a guy with an abuser's mentality. But it doesn't indicate that a guy has such a mentality on its own.
You absolutely should cut this guy out of your life. No question. Even if I am wrong about him being a possible abuser (which I'm not); this guy is at the very least just a bad guy. If you want to be loved. This is DEFINITELY not a guy you'll find that with. I would bet my mother's life on that.
This called to mind a friend of mine who is much younger than me. When she was 16, her boyfriend used to pass her around to all his buddies. He would do shit like lock her in a bathroom with 3 of his guy friends and not let her out until she sucked all their dicks.
This guy shows a similar mentality. Clearly not to that extreme (yet). But the underlying way of thinking about the girl you're supposedly in a relationship with, is exactly the same.
A complete evaluation of self is needed and ramp up your standards. Take into account what conditions you have to live through life and know that there are real life honest people out here but your standards must prevail. There are different cultures and rituals and their ways may not sync with yours. People who are real and true will understand you and be the best for your life. People who have been given and reciprocated love, attention and respect will yield responsibility, maturity and integrity. Those are the people who know without a doubt that which is necessary to sustain and enjoy life. There are a few of us who understand thoroughly your trials, tribulations and hardships. If you need to confer further as a human being I am here to offer guidance, assurance and a voice to offer consolation, advice and even friendship. Be blessed be safe and healthy and listen to your inner self it usually knows what's best for you.🥰
I don't even go outside. I didn't even expect to meet him and this guy offered me $400 and I ran away, he even bought me an expensive pink pressnt and I still ran away. I am taking speech therapy because literally all I care about is making money, computer science and school. I know I'm super pretty okay but I need to learn how to connect with people and empathize
Well I imagine if you have been dating his friend that he's a bit upset. How far has that gone? Have you slept with the friend? I would message him back saying "Hey I am so sorry I only just got news you were contacting me as I didn't use that app anymore. How come you didn't just call me on my number? I would have picked up! Let me know if you wanna chat"
In sleeping with his friend you most likely have lost him, especially with where he is from as they are traditional guys. HOWEVER it could be that he wants you so badly he doesn't care about it. I think honestly you just need to open up the lines of communication and be sincere, I know it is tough emotionally with Aspergers however being genuinely sorry is the way to go about his friend. You are entitled though to be a little angry about him ghosting you if you feel that is what he has done. Ultimately you could tell him that rejecting you so coldly pushed you closer to his friend but be careful as men hate being blamed for things...
And that he was going to see me every week if I see his friend, and I thought it was a joke... Never responded but I think he was serious... Anyways I run away from both of them... I try to text brian a week later and he never responds... So I meet up with his friend alone as he is open and nice... His friend tells me that he is falling for me... then I don't speak to him after we slept with each other all night... he ghosts me for a week then I ghosts him for 4 weeks and he texted me every week since then... Now we plan on meeting up... But I pretty much had no hope for this guy brian ever talking to me again. It's really difficult to function socially with high functioning autism. So if I broke social norms... I'm sorry. But now he was blowing up my phone
I put a love spell on him but at first I thought it wouldn't work and he would never talk to me again - look here 1 month and a half later. But hey everyone probably thinks it's bogus or a joke or something but I'm dead serious, I followed a certified book and spoke to professionals. My mom actually was scared but I was like Nah it's bs then the same day I said that brian showed up in the night after 4 weeks of ignoring me begging me to come outside randomly. For what? When I was begging this guy he ignored me ughhhs
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