Why do girls want guys to approach them, but only go after the guys who ignore them?

[Anonymous]

Question pretty much says it all. All you ever hear about is how women still want guys to do all the approaching (This is another discussion but for the sake of this question, let's just assume we're OK with that & generally I am). However why is it that you girls want us guy to make all the moves, but you only seem attracted to the guys who ignore you and show you no attention or interest.

I have a few female friends, who seem to do nothing but chase after guys who could give a sh*t about them. These guys ignore them in every way possible way, yet these girls chase these guys around for months without getting the hint. Yet the guy who actually pays them attention, makes a move on them, shows them respect, and flirts with them, gets nowhere. I've seen this behavior also extend past my own friends.

So why are you women so contradictory? Why do you sit back and look pretty, ask for us to come approach you, but then turn the cold shoulder when we do, and run off chasing the guy who did so much as even look at you? Is it maybe just a certain type of girl who tends to do this? Please explain to me the logic involved here if there is even any.

Updates

+1 y

If you think guys do you this you are wrong. 90% guys will tell you (& has been confirmed by many ?'s on GaG) that men are very turned off by girls who play hard to get or show no interest. Most men move on as soon as they realize a girl is going to take to much work or that she isn't interested. Nothing occurs 100% of the time. There are always people who are exceptions but its really no secret that women generally are far worse then men when it comes to chasing people who aren't interested.

[Anonymous]

The guys who don't give a sh*t about them are usually more physically and socially attractive. Guys do the same thing -- I know plenty of average guys who ignore girls who are after them hot and heavy. I even know pretty plain guys who sleep with girls they find unattractive while chasing "hot chicks." It's about as equal that guys chase women who aren't interested in them -- or else they would not have the frustration level that you are expressing. Many guys base their "approaching" only on apperance, beating their heads against the wall trying to catch a girl who is a bad match. Only, because of sexual attraction, the guy doesn't see what a bad match they are. I have MANY guy friends who do this -- for instance, I always use the example of this farm guy I am friends with who always chases professional women. He wants a farmer's wife and they want a guy who understands their career goals. But he makes decisions based on attraction, not compatibility. On the flipside, one of the happiest couples I know are both "computer geeks." They look like stereotypical computer geeks, hang with only computer geeks and most of their hobbies are computer-based. And they're madly in love, because both realized they wanted someone who let them be themselves.

It takes a certain emotional maturity to base dating decisions on logic as much as the "emotions" that good looking and fun people trigger in us. Women don't hold the market on making bad decisions based on chemistry. You see tons of guys who also throw emotions and money at women with drug habits, who treat them poorly, who cheat on them, who ignore them, etc. Dating is a tricky balance, for both men and women. Also, some young people chase people who aren't interested because they don't really want a relationship at all. They think they do, but they're really not ready for an adult relationship.

[Asker]

You are right but in my experience, me and the guys I know do use logic to determine compatibility. We won't date a girl who we know isn't right for us even if she is hot. We may just try and have sex with her but we don't date her. The guy being attractive isn't always the case. A female friend of mine is currently chasing a guy who even her female friends think is ugly (as do I). This same girl was previously chasing a guy who was skinny, wore the same 3 t-shirts, has 2 dui's and no money.

[Opinion Owner]

Guys are more likely to delude themselves into thinking a girl is right for them. Science shows that guys tune out all negative signals and are extra sensitive to any POSSIBILITY of positive signals when trying to mate...

[Asker]

R you being serious? Yes, men will f*** almost anything that moves, but we don't date that which we know is bad for us. Guys are a lot better at separating their emotions from logic when making decisions (this has been scientifically proven). A man is very capable and very often forgoes dating a girl he is attracted to because he knows its a bad idea. Women don't have this filter. If she is attracted there is not stopping her. Hence the reason women are more likely to be in abusive relationships

[Opinion Owner]

You've never known a guy who dated a woman who was batsh*t crazy, on drugs, or using him? Seriously? It goes both ways.

[Asker]

No I honestly can't say that I have, because as soon as a guy learned that's how is girl is, he get up and leave her ass, instead of continue to f*** him, having a kid with him, and claiming "but I love him".

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I know plenty of guys who burn themselves out chasing with women with issues. Not all of them are stereotypical chumps, either.

[acka72]

Well if its of any consolation men are the same. They whine about women not taking the initiative more often but when we do you loose interest. Its human nature really, we like achieving things we like to feel like the person that we are dating is unique and that that makes us unique because we conquered him/her.

The mistake that a lot of people make is to want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship and that is not how things should go. The girl you date has to earn your trust. You can ask her out but make it clear that she is not your only option and that if she wants a relationship with you she better treat YOU with respect and gradually as she becomes more deserving you give her parts of your respect and your love.

I see the dating scenario as a dance where you give and take and where both the man and the woman have to approach retract approach retract and make it clear which behavior s they tolerate and which behavior s they don't tolerate. Whenever someone gives too much, instead of being an equal partner they become slaves and masters don't fall in love with their slaves.

Also most women have no self esteem and they like a**holes but a quality chick will not go pursuing a guy who is absolutely not interested in her.

[Asker]

I actually don't do this. I always give every women a chance, unless she is just butt ugly or something. The best Girlfriend I ever had, and so far the only girl I've ever truly loved, was a girl I almost didn't want to date, but decided to give her a chance.

[Chawkins7]

Girls love a challenge...seems to me you go for the girls that are one too obviously. But I don't think girls like a@@holes, we just like the chase. Maybe play a little hard to get, Idont like being completely ignored...but I do like it when a guys isn't so eager to be with me.

[Asker]

I'm not eager at all, I don't text or call a girl every day, I only hang with her a few days a week, and I just use subtle flirting and compliments. I'll have the girl eating out of the palm of my hand, only to see her turn around and run after some guy who won't even return her text.

[bassman]

Girls like the attention from guys...but when a guy they like ignores them...this raises their interest level...makes the guy a challenge.and mysterious. They want a guy who has enough confidence to approach them. If a guy's confidence is really solid...he will sometimes ignore a girl...sometimes on purpose...sometimes not on purpose.

[Asker]

I know this, its game 101. The problem is it creates a paradox. Either approach women with confidence and show your interest, running the risk that she is turned off because she doesn't find you a challenge, or show her no attention with the hopes that it will cause her to chase you, but in turn running the risk that she doesn't act on her feelings because she thinks you're not interested. Women always exhibit this paradoxical type behavior and as a result force men to always walk a fine line.

[bassman]

Men are suppose to be the agressors. So approaching shows confidence. Its also shows she has passed our eye test. Getting her number and then waiting 5 days to call her is being a challenge. This also gives us an insight to her interest level in us...and also shows us if she has a good attitude. Go in slowly...stop...back up...this will drive women crazy..and if they have high interest level...they will chase you. Men need to let the girl REACT to them...not the other way around.

[bassman]

After reading guys stories on this forum. Most guys meet a girl...get too excited too early...move way too fast...and are jumping up and down the whole time saying pick me pick me! They fail to read the girls interest level...as to whether its steady, rising, or falling. Two weeks later when the girl gets tired of his behavior,she starts giving him little signs of falling interest level. The guy fails to see the signs due to his high interest level. Then he gets confused..and wonders wtf?

[Asker]

The problem is only women can be interested one week and not interested the next. This doesn't really happen with men. I'm am very good at reading female signals. Sometimes far too good. I understand that just because she texted me once does me she is into me, but when a girl cuddles with you, texts you every day, smiles constantly at you, talks to you for hours, rests her head on your shoulder, hangs with you everyday, and then starts chasing a guy who has never returned a text of hers. well...

[bassman]

Sounds like you have problems with keeping the girl. From what you've said..it sounds like you're being anything but a challenge...and she gets bored...and wants to meet other guys. She had high interest level in you...but you turned her off.

[Asker]

I guess understand that but I find that so f*cking weird. It makes no sense, which is my point. Why would someone rather be with someone who doesn't care about them as opposed to someone who does. And don't say its because its a challenge. That argument only works to a small extent. Backwards logic from the illogical female mind. Go figure...

[bassman]

Its not that they want to be with someone who doesn't care. As women...they want to chase a little sometimes too. They want a guy that doesn't care...as much. Move in slowly...stop...backup. This drives girls crazy. Hey, if you ate your favorite food 3x a day everyday..you would eventually get sick of it. Same with girls...if you spend too much time with them..they lose interest. This is even more true with girls 22 and younger.

[bassman]

Challenge is so important..from the time you meet and throughout a marriage. Challenge causes a girl to pursue YOU! If they are coming at you...they can't be rejecting, and leaving you! You have to learn to always keep the girl wanting, more from you,and learning more about you. If you give them the store too soon...you turn them off

[martyfellow]

A lot of girls are also tired of this rule that says guys should have to do all the approaching, So sometimes they go after the guy who doesn't, just to show they're modern.

Those have always been the most sncere and attractive women, in my experience! Don't put them down for this behavior.

[Asker]

I like a girl who approaches men as well, but then they need to stop going around complaining that us men don't approach them enough, don't show enough interest, don't call/text enough, and aren't aggressive enough. If you want me to sit back and look handsome and wait for you to come after me, I'll do that all day for you, but don't get mad at me when I do.

[martyfellow]

Don't worry, no one is going to get mad at you!

[Anonymous]

It's not the behavior, it's the attraction.

The truth is: the guys who ignore them and show no interest are the good looking guys they are attracted to and want to date. The guy who actually pays them attention (the 2nd guy you're describing) is the guy they're not attracted to. When girls sit back and look pretty, asking for certain guys to approach, they aren't asking every guy to approach - just the ones they're attracted to. They turn the cold shoulder to unwanted men.

You're looking at this question as if women see all men equally when that's not the case. Some men are more desirable than others, and the girls are chasing the desirable guys.

[Asker]

Well then you women have scewed views of what is attractive. I wasn't aware that a skinny, goofy looking guy, who wears the same 3 t-shirts, 5 year old shoes, has no job, 2 dui's (so can't drive), was attractive.

[Anonymous]

Women are contradictory by nature.

But your question is badly formed. Much of the behavior you cite, is taken to extremes to make some bizarre point. If you could limit yourself to an accurate description of girls behavior , you'd find it's totally explainable.

[Asker]

No I think I explained it perfectly. I truly do know women who ignore the guys who treat them well and show obvious signs of interest (attractive guys), but chase after the guy who blows them off constantly, and never returns their calls or text, and even some times makes fun of them and even degrades them.

[JustChris]

I know right. Some women just don't know what they want. They say this and that but mean another thing. This excludes guys that take every word or answer from women literally.

[Asker]

Agreed. I've always known women were full of sh*t. A woman's brain and her vag contradict each other. At least with men, our two heads are on the same page.

[JustChris]

Exactly. I agree with you 100% on there man.

[carinabina820]

Because the instant we approach or pursue you guys lose interest and call us stalkers! And dot tell me it's not true I've done it enough times to know.

[Asker]

I've personally never done this or seen this happen. I'm usually at least a bit flattered and will simply tell the girl I'm not interested. However, your comment only proves my point more, because you are essentially admitting to the fact that chasing a guy who has no apparent interest in you is a waste of time.

[Moloch]

Want what they can't have.

[Asker]

and say they want what they can...

[Moloch]

Exactly.

[1-3-2-4]

I'm curious about this too

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

girls want a challenge, unfortuneately

[larry69]

I think women like a subtle approach