How long should I wait for a text back (it's already been 2 days)?

[Anonymous]

There's this guy I've been seeing. We do not text often-maybe 2-3 times a week at most. Normally he responds within 24 hours. But he went on a trip recently and before he left he agreed to my text saying that "we should go on another date". Since he left on vacation he stared texting me hella often-it was unusual but not a surprise since he had all this free time on vacation and he was excited to show me where he was and the places he was seeing for the first time. But he got back from his trip today and hasn't responded to a one sentence question (what's the name of his new cat?" I sent two days ago. I am getting a little nervous because he has never taken two days to reply and I only sent a few words to which he could have just sent one word (the name). I probably will get a lot of people wondering why I am concerned over a little thing but it's not just the timing, he is also active on social media. All day he has been writing statuses and posting memes and other photos on instagram and facebook. Last thing he shared was a news story just an hour ago. Do i send him another text to ask if we are still gonna meet up (he still hasn't given me a time or date)? Or will I come across as needy?

[Coolkat12345]

just send another text, he seems to be a little nervous cause he likes you so he got a little frozen. just send him more texts it will help him be less shy.

[Asker]

Okay. I think I will. I am curious though, Have you ever posted a lot on social media while ignoring a message? I feel somewhat offended that he has put 15 different posts (some memes, some statuses, some posts) all day. Is this something I am reading too much into?

[Coolkat12345]

dont feel offended trust me he got shy and scared/nervous because he for sure likes you. it happened to me when i first met my wife, guys get like that, it wasn't anything personal like how you girls do when you ignore, for him it was a fear/nervous thing lol

[Asker]

Oh okay. so you're saying that you posted a lot online while ignoring her message? That it just means you are nervous? I would be nervous posting online while ignoring a message lol I just get nervous and don't post online anywhere until i reply

[Coolkat12345]

ya lol well guys and girls do have some differences, that what is great about this site, because people can come to a mutual understanding.

[Asker]

when you were not responding to her were you posting just photos or were you writing statuses/posts?

[Asker]

I am asking because I am not talking a situation where he just doesn't reply due to nerves. He is writing paragraphs online yet he can't answer a simple short question that takes one word to do.

[Coolkat12345]

ya things like that basically i was just trying to focus on anything but her to calm my nerves down cause guys get really nervous and shy around a girl they like until they go out on at least a few dates because they have a fear that they might lose them or something like that so they get shaky

[Coolkat12345]

ya its because his nerves are related to you so if he posts online related to to other things he is fine but if it is related to you he will get all shaky, the cure is for you to just text him more and he will calm down and will stop being nervous

[Asker]

okay? What does that have to do with what I said? I am talking a situation that is different where he's posting paragraphs (almost essay) online. Why write so much online knowing I can see it if you are nervous? If you are really nervous wouldn't you be worried that I would be offended you didn't answer a question you can answer with one word (what is the cat's name) when you are writing essays online

[Asker]

to clarify what I just said above ^^^ i don't see what is nerve wracking about answering the name of your new cat when posting essay online for me to read is nervewracking cuz i see his mind more

[Coolkat12345]

lol that just the ways guys are unfortunately he needs to get over his nerves, you got to understand guys and girls are different so you need to be accommodating enough to just text him more until he gets less scared around you.

[Asker]

I don't think that is just the way guys are. Maybe you and some but I've never experienced this in my 5 years of dating. And usually guys are more nervous to post online much. But he posts online a lot. and not just pics, a lot of writing essays of what he thinks

[Asker]

But again, maybe I have been lucky to meet guys that really understand how to emotionally connect with me... he's different

[Coolkat12345]

Lol well I hope it works out just have some patience he for sure likes you a lot tho I have no doubt about that if what you are saying is true.

[Asker]

I want to believe you but I think that's making excuses for him, like guys will be guys. he's rarely if ever nervous and... What's so nerve-wracking about giving your cat's name? He's sent me like HUGE paragraphs discussing his traumas, his exes, his sexuality/kinks, and more. But no he's writing essays online about politics/philosophy while disregarding a short message he can answer with 1 word. I can't deal with hot/cold games and men making excuses for their actions. Just like I haven't sent a second text to not be annoying, it would be nice if we both tried to put in work to make each other happy. You can't expect people to just deal with your issues , anxiety or not, because they like u

[Coolkat12345]

True but if all it takes is for you to just send a few extra texts to get rid of this problem then you should do it. I would do whatever I needed to get rid of the problem if I could and wouldn’t let the pride or ego get in the way

[Asker]

Yeah I sent another one nearly an hour ago. I still don't get why giving your cat's name would make anyone nervous lol but I sent a new text asking how he is doing. But if I have to keep pushing him, I dont think that's fair. Maybe for some girls it's okay but I can't keep pushing someone to talk to me. It's ridiculous. Especially if you only need to say one word in reply

[Asker]

Pride and ego I dropped to double text him. But if he can't put away his nerves to just even send one or two words, then he is being selfish

[Coolkat12345]

True

[Asker]

It's one thing of we are both trying to put in the work. But I can't be the only one trying to put in effort despite any hang ups. Plus why is he nervous now of all a sudden. He's told me deep details about his sexuality and his past. And he kept messaging me about his trip (without me asking) but now I ask one thing and now two things and so far... Nothing

[Coolkat12345]

True but don’t let your ego and pride get in the way, it seems like you set it aside for a few texts and now it’s creeping back up just drop it for good please.

[Asker]

I dunno about you but a lot of guys hate being double and triple texted even if they like you. I had an ex who used to always tell me if he didn't reply he didn't wanna be bothered for awhile

[Asker]

Wanting someone to not need to be forced to pay engage with me isn't about who by the way it's about having standards. by the way you never answered my question why would he be nervous to just tell me his cat's name (and now my other messages all ignored) when he's told me some really deep, dark shit and written paragraphs. He's not a nervous person. He is a ladies man and is rlly flirty

[Asker]

Like you keep telling me the same thing- that guys are different and they get nervous. But you haven't really said anything engaging with what I am actually saying. Like when I asked you if you would post writing essays online of different topics while ignoring your girl. You never said yes or no. Or when I asked specifically about why writing to answer one question would make someone nervous if they have told me deeper darker details (like childhood traumas or sexuality) without any issue, it just went over your head and you repeat the same things. But every guy is the same you know, most guys I've been with were not nervous to reply to me. You keep acting like one answer fits every man, that every man doesn't reply for the same reasons. Also just because he's done what he does doesn't mean he likes me. Some people lose interest. I know I have. Some people maybe they are depressed cuz a family died. Or maybe they got bored talking.

[Asker]

Sorry I just don't actually feel like you are trying to help me out. You keep saying the same thing not answering my questions- like why would telling me your cat's name make you nervous if you have answered deeper questions about childhood traumas (being abused), kink interests, dating history, and more in detail. You also never told me if you would write paragraphs on Facebook for your wife to see when you were unresponsive. You just keep saying - yeah that's what guys do and put away your pride. Its not prideful to not want to beg for his attention. If I put away my pride to send now 3 more messages, he should be able to put away his nerves but he hasn't lol I shouldn't be the only one trying to "change". Plus most guys I been with are much more sweet and never were shy to reply quick and they were more nervous than he was. This guy is A FLIRT

[Asker]

Oh damn okay he finally responded to all my my messages I sent (which was 4 in total) to tell me he found someone on vacation that he wants to pursue... Anyways what a waste.

[Coolkat12345]

Oh well at least he did respond and ya forget him to be honest he seems like a scumbag

[Asker]

I mean he's allowed to lose interest. Nothing wrong about that. It happens.

[Coolkat12345]

True he also seems like a jerk and a lost cause so forget about him you are much better than that. Trust me keep your standard high and you will find somebody good try a dating app, muzmatch is good because it doesn’t allow transgender or gays.

[Drumlin2001]

Send a message when/if you meet up have a conversation about expectations of frequency and platform for contact

[In_Trance]

I don't know... and hour or 2?