Is this a red flag or just affection?

Question

What about a woman that you meet online (but have not met in person) who almost immediately begins calling you things like "darling, sweetie, " etc? I consider this a MAJOR red flag (Catfish or Borderline Personality Disorder) but I have friends, both male and female, on and off here, who disagree quite vigorously.

I take the opinions of my friends quite seriously, and I would hate to make an error by dumping someone that I could have had a great relationship with. I will absolutely consider and also greatly appreciate the opinions of as many people here, (both men and women) as possible. Thank you!

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

I don't think that's a red flag at all. It's just a personality trait/preference. Some people use terms of endearment more and/or quicker than others.

In fact, I'm quite surprised at just how many strong opinions people have on this. One of the most surprisingly controversial qs I've ever seen on here was one about this topic, and tons of people had very, very specific preferences for what terms they like and don't like.

So then I mentioned it to my husband... and he did too! (Turns out I should not be calling him babe or baby or bae or boo. I kind of like 'boo' - it makes me think of Monsters, Inc., which is my second fav Pixar.)

The way that I look at it is - any term that is positive and pleasant is ok by me. I would never be annoyed with someone for calling me 'the wrong' term of endearment.

However your q is more about the speed of it. And like I said, I just think some people do this quickly. I liken it to waitresses in restaurants that are very casual, like diners. "Hi there, how you doing, Sweetheart? What can I get ya?"
It doesn't offend me. I actually feel they're being warm and sometimes motherly. I am just so happy that any person even does that job. Seems fairly thankless, shchlepping food, but otoh, everyone has to eat, and it's relatively easy, so I respect them for trying to make the best of it. (I've even had them put a knee down on the bench next to me, to take a load off. That's a little weird, but also sort of strangely warm as well.)

Is she a catphish? No way. No correlation.

DarkCarousel · Accepted Answer

It’s not uncommon to use those names when you’re being sentimental or affectionate towards people, especially if the person is from the Southern US.
It’s also not uncommon for people to use names like that to give the illusion of familiarity for ulterior motive.
I don’t this alone should be a red flag. But certainly don’t get too comfortable with this person without knowing more.

LonelyDeer · Accepted Answer

There's no certainty in red flags or that it is a scammer but I've personally experienced it before and it *always* ends up a scam in my life. Probability is almost never a fair game but I'm a firm believer that if you are uncertain or unsure about doing something, it's always better to not do it.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

If she is a Southern girl, that is normal behavior.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

These days people throw those words around, chal anyone that, so I wouldn't put much sick in that alone

Anonymous · Answer

I am quite popular online and even offline. hahaha It means nothing. It can mean though she likes you and would like to meet you. Look for signs though when they want to get right into a fast relationship. I find them needy. Or greedy if asking for money.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

I personally talk like that to everyone, it's how i was raised, it really doesn't mean anything until I'm in a relationship with the person im with, even then i try to call them something unique to them.

Dragonpurple · Answer

When I was younger, I did phone calls for a call center across the country, many people often called me darling or sweetie, like it was a common term for them.

It is entirely possible she is from a family or culture that does that... in my experience it seemed like it was often people from the south calling me terms of endearment... that or maybe I just had awesome customer service after they got the shaft from others and were grateful for me... who knows.

Alyssa11 · Answer

I don’t think it’s a red flag. Maybe something you won’t like but not a red flag. I also don’t like it when men give me names like that - I haven’t expressed that I like you yet. Don’t call me that until you’ve earned it.

SillyDaffodilly · Answer

She likes to use pet names. Sounds like she has a high viewpoint of you and you should be flattered.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

How is Google image search tough to use? Tbh if I'm ever unsure about someone I tell them to chat to me on Kik and send a live pic on there.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Always trust your gutt you can go wrong or you can go right but always trust your gutt

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

I had a girlfriend that was exactly as you described. she loved me immediately, used affectionate names for me before we met and she probably had BPD as well

WowwGirl · Answer

I do that to everyone it's common where I live so I don't know

Iron_Man · Answer

If she won’t send you a picture that’s a red flag

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Red flag if they do it only to you

pink_and_inlove · Answer

I think it’s just affection

Anonymous · Answer

I take everything online with a grain of salt.

Anonymous · Answer

its weird, but not weird enough to cut her off

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yeah, huge red flag. Total scammer behavior.

Anonymous · Answer

Can I PM you?

Is this a red flag or just affection?

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