My date just said something to me that felt insulting and I don’t know how to take it. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

So my date and I were texting over the phone before our date tonight and we were talking about the gym and how we work out and I said “I don’t have much muscle on me but then again I don’t have much testosterone.” And his response was “haha that’s very true, you would be way too hot lol you’re already short and pretty now add some strong legs and arms lol too much to handle”

somehow I felt a little insulted of this comment. I think it was the part where he said that strong legs and arms would make me look hot. The comment makes me feel like I’m not enough for him. And I feel pretty objectified too, which would be nice to not be by someone I’m dating since I deal with it everyday even though I dress conservatively.

I voiced most of this to my date that the comment made me feel objectified and not enough for him. His reaction was that he is sorry and didn’t mean to make me feel that way and was trying to compliment me and feels embarrassed.

I still feel upset over the comment. I think I just need time alone to blow off steam. I’ve always been objectified since I was a teenager and it never makes me feel great. I got therapy for it but the objectification still happens. Dealing with objectification is actually one of the things I have to go through at work everyday and I know there’s nothing I can do about it, but it’s exhausting. I just want an escape from the objectification but my date didn’t make me feel great with that comment. I even told him we should move our date to next week as I’m tired. Was I overreacting? How should I approach him if I still don’t feel great even though he apologized?

[kyleelyn199723]

What is your personal fitness goals? I simply think you shouldn’t make your body anyway for a guy, but more so yourself. If that is the opposite of what you want your body to look like, then that is okay. If this man is only talking to you because you are hot, then he isn’t the right guy. I think you need to take a few steps back and focus on what you would like to do. If he doesn’t like it, he can find someone else.

[Asker]

I’m not working out for him. I do it for myself mostly for my mental health. I don’t think he’s after me because of my body. We started dating because we chat a lot and we both found it funny that we’re both short in size and are frustrated about it and we both like focusing on career goals and not sex and alcohol like the other people at our college do.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker understand. But at the same time you should talk to him about your personal fitness goals. What he likes, doesn’t mean you have to like what he likes, but also make it known. My man is kind of like this. He thinks he needs to get abs for me, meanwhile I like the way he is. I would be happy with either but still.