Could I find someone in university, given my emoitional history?

[JHNS98]

Going back to university this term (February - June). This is not only exciting on an educational level, but maybe also socially and maybe even romantically as well... Who knows?

I don't have a sucsessful romantic record, and I am still battling emotional trauma. I also have a lacking social confidence since being bullied in 7th-9th grade, meaning I don't feel confortable talking to new people I don't already know. It actually took me nine months before I was socially engaged with my classmates during the last two courses I went to at that university.

Furthermore, I don't approach women who I am interested in because I'm [still] afraid of rejection, even though I have adopetd a more casual response to that lately. This avoidant sign has the side effect that I instantly fall for women just by them approaching me., which is further amplified by my reality on dating apps.

An example of this is my ex friends with benefits, who wrote to me on a dating app telling me she "loved" me, by which she probably meant that she had a huge crush on me. The whole thing was a complicated ordeal which I probably don't want to go in to...

Given all the context described above, do you think I can find someone who actually wants to date me within five months at a 20 hour a week course?

Updates

1 y

So I'm starting a bachelor's program in social planning this semester, and there's this cute girl in my class. But she's only 19, which bothers me. I don't have a crush on her yet, and I don't intend to go there. Should I shoot my shot or should I just brush it of?

Updates

1 y

So I've been talking to this girl after a couple of lectures, and I think I like her. Though I don't know when I will dare to ask her out, or even if at all. My current course lasts until the end of this month [April], and she takes the course independently, which means that I won't see her anymore after the exam. How do I approach this time constraint? I also don't know if she even is single...

[slatyb]

Seems unlikey if you are afraid to ask for a date. Consider getting counseling to work through your past trauma and get over your fear of rejection.

The easiest way to date is to ask someone you already know, so just focus on saying hello to your classmates, male and female. The easiest conversation starter is “How was your weekend?” Or “Any plans for the weekend?” If a woman engages in extended conversation with you, she will likely be receptive to an invitation to lunch or coffee.

[JHNS98]

There are many cafés and/or restaurants throughout the university, in fact, there's a café or restaurant in almost every building. And last time I went' I ate restaurant lunch every day of classes, now, the meals are only between $6 - $9.50 being on-campus dining, so lunch dates are pretty probable.

As for councelling, I actually went to therapy last year. That was for a different issue at first, but my therapist ended up giving me a pretty good psychology book on attachment theory applied to the dating scene. Now I'm just looking for another psychologist to discuss further on that topic and how I can gain an understanding and use that knowledge to improve results.

[charlean]

Wonderfully written post


You CAN find someone there, but from what you’ve written, I don’t think it’s a matter of them liking you, I believe the obstacle will be gaining some more self confidence for urself with talking to women you’re attracted to

[charlean]

and just self confidence in general because when you’re confident about yourself, you know what you want and don’t want (won’t fall for a women who likes you even tho u don’t actually like her)

[JHNS98]

My self confidence and self-esteem wasn't really on top when I posted this. I didn't have a job and couldn't find one, essentially being stuck between agencies, getting nowhere and not even knowing what I wanted to search for.

I spent the past two years at an audio engineering school, but the job market in entertainment doesn't go through the Employment Service, so I had to rethink, which only left me daunted...