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I’m sorry but why is that last line funny? It’s incredibly rude of him to say and more so, if I were you it would not be humorous. Why? Because it’s like a direct foreshadow to how he would discard you in the future when you don’t look so young and that’s detestable. Also to answer your question, I would not pursue a married guy until that marriage is finalized and she’s out of the house. I’ve seen dudes lie to have a side woman and treat her like a parenthesis — just a pause in his life before he goes back to reality. Don’t get played like a fool.
You’re gonna age too one day so enjoy the laughing now because you’ll be crying later…
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55Opinion
u What are you SUPPOSED to do? Do you think there is some "official" group somewhere that makes rules for these situations?
Once a couple has decided to get divorced, the paperwork is just a formality. I would look a little deeper into it, though. Do they still live together? How intimate are they?
If she doesn't know that he's going to divorce her yet, that would give me pause. That just means he's made a decision, or at least is telling you he has, but he hasn't taken action yet. You might want to wait until he has filed, which to see it from a somewhat manipulative angle, could "light a fire under him" to get it done if it means he doesn't see you again until it's official.
I dated a woman whose divorce wasn't finalized, but she had already filed the paperwork it was just taking a long time for it to get signed or something. The divorce was final about a month into our relationship. But in her situation, they were not living together and the guy wasn't around at all. I probably should have been more wary since she filed for divorce that she might be the type to bail, but I had to learn that lesson the hard way.
I also think there is some validity to what others are saying about "if he's ditching her, he may ditch you as well", but then again, he might not. I am also an older guy who is attracted to younger women, and I've had an honest look at this concern, because I do want to have a long term relationship and not bail out on a lover because it's 30 years later and she's now all old and wrinkly. After some soul searching, I believe it's important for me to initially fall in love with someone I find physically attractive, but that as I spend time with them that attraction grows from knowing them more. So I don't worry that if I find a gorgeous 20 something now, I'll lose my attraction for her when she's 40+.
Did you guys go to Disneyland together?
Pfft, girl, RUN! RUN RUN RUN. That man is lying to you and taking advantage of your age and naivety that comes with it. Have you never watched a lifetime movie where this same scenario presents itself? It goes like this, a married man hits on a young, chipper, attractive woman due to them feeling unfulfilled secretly in their marriage. Yet withholds their marriage status until they can't anymore. Tells the young gal that they're going to divorce their wife so there's no need to end their hot spontaneous relationship with each other. Then it never happens because the person is nothing but a friggin coward and simply wanted to string the young person along for as long as they can.
You should probably take that man's phone when you can so you can message their wife and inform them that their husband has been dating you for some time under the pretense that they are planning to officially divorce you and ask them if they're aware of this already? Help that poor wife out expose that lying cowardly mofo.
To answer your question, wait until he is divorced because older men often mess younger women about in these situations. They tell them they are about to file for divorce but the day never comes and there are always excuses that are never a fault of their own, or they just tell them they are divorced when really they are still going home to their wives and children.
Now just some advice I want to give you based off of the information you have shared. This guys a total ass. Not only is it inappropriate for a guy thats my mother's age to be having a sexual relationship with a 21 year old, but also he has zero respect for women.
His wife is aging awfully huh? The lady who birthed his children, who he's been with for 16 years? Good luck with him. He only sees you as an upgrade, you're not a partner to him, you can't be with that age gap and he knows it. You make him look good, thats it. He'll get bored of you eventually and toxic old men like this are the worst. They've got so much more life experience than you and right now he knows he makes you feel mature and respected, but watch what happens down the line. He will be toxic real fast, and he's already shown you that with how he's spoken about his wife. Dont think your special because you're not. You're just a trophy and nothing more, and once he gets bored he will speak about you the same. The fact that you put "lol" after speaking about why he is leaving his wife shows your maturity. This guy is going to knock you down big time.
OK this you wrote:
" he is filing for divorce because his wife is aging awfully"
Get rid of this guy ASAP.
Why?
Because he's going to say the same thing to the girl his will be cheating on you with.
IF IS NOT A QUESTION OF IF, BUT OF WHEN.
You want evidence?
Look at Donald Trump who divorced twice so he could get a new, younger better-looking wife.
TRUMP AND HIS WIVES:
TRUMP:
Born: 14 JUN 1946
TRUMP WIFE 1: IVANA
Born: 20 FEB 1949 (2y 8m younger than Trump)
Married Trump: 1977
Divorced: 1992
TRUMP WIFE 2: MARLA
Born: 27 OCT 1963 (17y 4m younger than Trump)
Met Trump: 1989, while he was married to his previous wife.
Married: 1993
Divorced: 1999
TRUMP WIFE 3: MELANIA
Born: 26 APR 1970 (23y 10m younger than Trump)
Met Trump: 1998, while he was married to his previous wife.
Married: 2005
==========
This guy is no good, honey. You are too blind so see it even though you should realize it from your own words.
Before you start dating this guy ask yourself this, what is he gonna do when you start aging? If the marriage is unretrievably broken and they are separated then it’s fine to date him. But if he is still living with his wife and she doesn’t even know his plans to divorce then it could be him just telling you that to get into bed with you. The reason I say to MAKE SURE their marriage is over is because when it comes down to you wanting more and getting serious with him will that be an option, or will he say that he never got the divorce and break your heart. Just be sure before you get into any relationship with him.
you're supposed to stay away from married men... that's the whole concept. wouldn't touch him without papers filed.. divorces take years. men in distress will say all kinds of stuff to feel good. you should resist your instincts and stay back until at minimum it's all filed they don't live together and it's emotionally in a good place. Otherwise, you are dealing with her and the kids if any as well.
I've seen this play out before more than once with the age gap, girls drawn to older guys and "snatching them". "good religious" people including. not good, but it's a natural world with insufficient training and support. I have to question the attraction/psychology of all this and is worth exploring for your own growth.
his bashing his wife is just an excuse... that's not the whole story.
I hope this is a troll question. If not please be careful. I don't agree with huge age gaps it never ends well. One of my best friends her parents forced her to married a man that's 10 year age gap not her choice my friend she is 30 now her husband 40. They aurgue a lot unhealthy. I asked her husband why he choose to marry my friend you know what he told me? He married a younger woman so that he can have more control over everything a woman his own age wouldn't put up with his controlling behavior. He might be telling you that he is getting a divorce just to get inside your pants but believe their is a chance he will never live his wife.
Wouldn't remotely focus on either , the important thing is " financial settlement " that needs to be done , dont know how the law works in the wonderful US of A..
But , when I was divorced many years ago , we had done the settlement , completely separate lives , I never got around to the final bit ( only because it meant nothing ) for about 15 years --
At the time of the settlement , she would not agree to pay half of the actual divorce , so out of spite ( I was young ) I just didn't do it , but she had no rights to anything of mine as visa versa. then finally I thought this is stupid , went got her to sign and finally just completed. None of this stuff is so Black/ White as some of you seem to think , just go with the guy , and see how it goes..
Whether a piece of paper has come though means completely Jack...
You would disrespect yourself if you had an affair with him while he's still married. Men lie about such things and he doesn't seem like a particularly trustworthy man if he's divorcing his wife becuase she aged but already involved with another person when it hasn't been finalised. Also, be aware that he's going to start aging really fast from now on too and you'll still look young for the next 15 years or more. And it's not about looks, he's going to have health problems very soon and you'll have to slow down because he won't be able to keep up with you. Unless you want him just as a fuck buddy or sugar daddy and you're sure you're ok with that. Either way I predict it won't end well for you.
"because his wife is aging awfully lol"
"lol"?
"LOL"?
You think this is FUNNY?
You are a sorry excuse for a human being.
I hope you get dumped by your husband when you are 45 so you will know how it feels.
You are TRASH.
YOU are the reason why all these young girls -- Your Peers, might I add -- are afraid to get married because they don't believe that their husbands will stay with them.
I seriously hope you get all of the sexually transmitted diseases in existence. Plus COVID-19. Plus cancer.
I ran into this problem with a woman. She moved on from me and is now with a different guy because she was "getting divorced". The guy was a real loser I don't blame her. But I respect the institution of marriage. And I wouldn't be anything other than her friend till she was no longer married. And that wasn't good enough for her.
My personal take on this is. If it's real between you two. What's the rush? They can and will wait. Right is right and wrong is wrong. And I don't regret my decision. I regret that it didn't work out. But clearly it wasn't meant to be.
he likely is not even interested in you. Likely the situation is, he will never divorce his wife. But just using you for sex that he's not getting from his wife.
Or even if he does end up divorcing, he will discard you once a hotter, prettier girl comes along. I can't imagine what a 45 yr old would have in common with a 21 yr old kid. Sex is likely what he's looking for.
I smell a midlife crisis.
If he's hot or rich, don't do it. Chances are he'll still have some sex appeal and/or money and be able to trade you in after a couple decades as well.
Leaving someone due to poor aging is horrid and selfish tbh.
Honestly, I wouldn’t do the wait until he’s divorced I’ve heard so many stories about things being worked out.. (ultimately leaving the third party disappointed) I would ask him if he’s okay with waiting until the divorce is finalized, if he says no, then you dodged a bullet.
Chances are, his age aside, he won't be looking for ANY kind of relationship after (assuming he actually does do this and isn't just telling you he will - ie actions speak louder than words), and won't be ready for another (would you be ready if it were you?). Is that what you want also, maybe a casual relationship? You can start dating, IF you can keep your emotions separate and use your common sense. First you need to make sure you both want the same thing. Then you really need to look at your lifestyles (if looking for a relationship). Do you like the same things (not just interests, but your daily lifestyles, example if you like to go party, and he likes to stay home). With your age differences, these things are especially important. Don't get caught up in your emotions, stay grounded.
I wouldn't go there. Very creepy on his part, I have nothing against age gap relationships but he is 'divorcing' his wife (probably bullshit), and wants to bang a 21 year old whilst he figures out what he wants? You're just being used. But judging by your attitude and replies you don't care, the truth won't sway you. All I can say is prepare to feel like trash when he's done with you.
he sounds really dodgy for leaving a marriage of 16 years just because his wife isn''t as pretty as he expected, I'm sure he hasn't kept up either. But that's just my opinion. Plus you're 21, very young compared to him, but I don't know the full story/background
You loose them the same way you get them. If he can do this to her, he can do it to you. Ask yourself, do you really want to be with this
mam long term or permanently, or are you just having fun and looking for someone to take care of you financially? Like you said, you like older men, which is fine. There’s a lot of older men that are available and single. So, what makes this one married older man so special?
He is divorcing because his wife is aging awfully?
How about him?
He’s not aging? Stay away from that rotten milk darling, he’s lying. And even if he says the truth, that’s even worth.
After 27-30, when you get your first tiny wrinkles, he’ll find another 21 years old. So, don’t waste your time on him.
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