Are you supposed to wait until a married guy is divorced or can you date him if he is soon to be divorced?

Question

He is 45 years old and I am 21. He has been married for 16 years but is unhappy in his marriage and told me he is filing for divorce because his wife is aging awfully lol

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I’m sorry but why is that last line funny? It’s incredibly rude of him to say and more so, if I were you it would not be humorous. Why? Because it’s like a direct foreshadow to how he would discard you in the future when you don’t look so young and that’s detestable. Also to answer your question, I would not pursue a married guy until that marriage is finalized and she’s out of the house. I’ve seen dudes lie to have a side woman and treat her like a parenthesis — just a pause in his life before he goes back to reality. Don’t get played like a fool.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You’re gonna age too one day so enjoy the laughing now because you’ll be crying later…

OlderAndWiser · Answer

What are you SUPPOSED to do? Do you think there is some "official" group somewhere that makes rules for these situations?

zeitgeist057 · Answer

Once a couple has decided to get divorced, the paperwork is just a formality. I would look a little deeper into it, though. Do they still live together? How intimate are they?

If she doesn't know that he's going to divorce her yet, that would give me pause. That just means he's made a decision, or at least is telling you he has, but he hasn't taken action yet. You might want to wait until he has filed, which to see it from a somewhat manipulative angle, could "light a fire under him" to get it done if it means he doesn't see you again until it's official.

I dated a woman whose divorce wasn't finalized, but she had already filed the paperwork it was just taking a long time for it to get signed or something. The divorce was final about a month into our relationship. But in her situation, they were not living together and the guy wasn't around at all. I probably should have been more wary since she filed for divorce that she might be the type to bail, but I had to learn that lesson the hard way.

I also think there is some validity to what others are saying about "if he's ditching her, he may ditch you as well", but then again, he might not. I am also an older guy who is attracted to younger women, and I've had an honest look at this concern, because I do want to have a long term relationship and not bail out on a lover because it's 30 years later and she's now all old and wrinkly. After some soul searching, I believe it's important for me to initially fall in love with someone I find physically attractive, but that as I spend time with them that attraction grows from knowing them more. So I don't worry that if I find a gorgeous 20 something now, I'll lose my attraction for her when she's 40+.

Did you guys go to Disneyland together?

wheresmrcunnunglis · Answer

Pfft, girl, RUN! RUN RUN RUN. That man is lying to you and taking advantage of your age and naivety that comes with it. Have you never watched a lifetime movie where this same scenario presents itself? It goes like this, a married man hits on a young, chipper, attractive woman due to them feeling unfulfilled secretly in their marriage. Yet withholds their marriage status until they can't anymore. Tells the young gal that they're going to divorce their wife so there's no need to end their hot spontaneous relationship with each other. Then it never happens because the person is nothing but a friggin coward and simply wanted to string the young person along for as long as they can.

You should probably take that man's phone when you can so you can message their wife and inform them that their husband has been dating you for some time under the pretense that they are planning to officially divorce you and ask them if they're aware of this already? Help that poor wife out expose that lying cowardly mofo.

anniisa97 · Answer

To answer your question, wait until he is divorced because older men often mess younger women about in these situations. They tell them they are about to file for divorce but the day never comes and there are always excuses that are never a fault of their own, or they just tell them they are divorced when really they are still going home to their wives and children.

Now just some advice I want to give you based off of the information you have shared. This guys a total ass. Not only is it inappropriate for a guy thats my mother's age to be having a sexual relationship with a 21 year old, but also he has zero respect for women.

His wife is aging awfully huh? The lady who birthed his children, who he's been with for 16 years? Good luck with him. He only sees you as an upgrade, you're not a partner to him, you can't be with that age gap and he knows it. You make him look good, thats it. He'll get bored of you eventually and toxic old men like this are the worst. They've got so much more life experience than you and right now he knows he makes you feel mature and respected, but watch what happens down the line. He will be toxic real fast, and he's already shown you that with how he's spoken about his wife. Dont think your special because you're not. You're just a trophy and nothing more, and once he gets bored he will speak about you the same. The fact that you put "lol" after speaking about why he is leaving his wife shows your maturity. This guy is going to knock you down big time.

abc3643 · Answer

OK this you wrote:
" he is filing for divorce because his wife is aging awfully"

Get rid of this guy ASAP.
Why?

Because he's going to say the same thing to the girl his will be cheating on you with.

IF IS NOT A QUESTION OF IF, BUT OF WHEN.

You want evidence?

Look at Donald Trump who divorced twice so he could get a new, younger better-looking wife.

TRUMP AND HIS WIVES:

TRUMP:
Born: 14 JUN 1946

TRUMP WIFE 1: IVANA
Born: 20 FEB 1949 (2y 8m younger than Trump)
Married Trump: 1977
Divorced: 1992

TRUMP WIFE 2: MARLA
Born: 27 OCT 1963 (17y 4m younger than Trump)
Met Trump: 1989, while he was married to his previous wife.
Married: 1993
Divorced: 1999

TRUMP WIFE 3: MELANIA
Born: 26 APR 1970 (23y 10m younger than Trump)
Met Trump: 1998, while he was married to his previous wife.
Married: 2005

==========
This guy is no good, honey. You are too blind so see it even though you should realize it from your own words.

Ronni69 · Answer

Before you start dating this guy ask yourself this, what is he gonna do when you start aging? If the marriage is unretrievably broken and they are separated then it’s fine to date him. But if he is still living with his wife and she doesn’t even know his plans to divorce then it could be him just telling you that to get into bed with you. The reason I say to MAKE SURE their marriage is over is because when it comes down to you wanting more and getting serious with him will that be an option, or will he say that he never got the divorce and break your heart. Just be sure before you get into any relationship with him.

lightbulb27 · Answer

you're supposed to stay away from married men... that's the whole concept. wouldn't touch him without papers filed.. divorces take years. men in distress will say all kinds of stuff to feel good. you should resist your instincts and stay back until at minimum it's all filed they don't live together and it's emotionally in a good place. Otherwise, you are dealing with her and the kids if any as well.

I've seen this play out before more than once with the age gap, girls drawn to older guys and "snatching them". "good religious" people including. not good, but it's a natural world with insufficient training and support. I have to question the attraction/psychology of all this and is worth exploring for your own growth.

his bashing his wife is just an excuse... that's not the whole story.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

I hope this is a troll question. If not please be careful. I don't agree with huge age gaps it never ends well. One of my best friends her parents forced her to married a man that's 10 year age gap not her choice my friend she is 30 now her husband 40. They aurgue a lot unhealthy. I asked her husband why he choose to marry my friend you know what he told me? He married a younger woman so that he can have more control over everything a woman his own age wouldn't put up with his controlling behavior. He might be telling you that he is getting a divorce just to get inside your pants but believe their is a chance he will never live his wife.

molonski2 · Answer

Wouldn't remotely focus on either , the important thing is " financial settlement " that needs to be done , dont know how the law works in the wonderful US of A..
But , when I was divorced many years ago , we had done the settlement , completely separate lives , I never got around to the final bit ( only because it meant nothing ) for about 15 years --
At the time of the settlement , she would not agree to pay half of the actual divorce , so out of spite ( I was young ) I just didn't do it , but she had no rights to anything of mine as visa versa. then finally I thought this is stupid , went got her to sign and finally just completed. None of this stuff is so Black/ White as some of you seem to think , just go with the guy , and see how it goes..
Whether a piece of paper has come though means completely Jack...

Seinna · Answer

You would disrespect yourself if you had an affair with him while he's still married. Men lie about such things and he doesn't seem like a particularly trustworthy man if he's divorcing his wife becuase she aged but already involved with another person when it hasn't been finalised. Also, be aware that he's going to start aging really fast from now on too and you'll still look young for the next 15 years or more. And it's not about looks, he's going to have health problems very soon and you'll have to slow down because he won't be able to keep up with you. Unless you want him just as a fuck buddy or sugar daddy and you're sure you're ok with that. Either way I predict it won't end well for you.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

"because his wife is aging awfully lol"

"lol"?

"LOL"?

You think this is FUNNY?

You are a sorry excuse for a human being.

I hope you get dumped by your husband when you are 45 so you will know how it feels.

You are TRASH.

YOU are the reason why all these young girls -- Your Peers, might I add -- are afraid to get married because they don't believe that their husbands will stay with them.

I seriously hope you get all of the sexually transmitted diseases in existence. Plus COVID-19. Plus cancer.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I ran into this problem with a woman. She moved on from me and is now with a different guy because she was "getting divorced". The guy was a real loser I don't blame her. But I respect the institution of marriage. And I wouldn't be anything other than her friend till she was no longer married. And that wasn't good enough for her.
My personal take on this is. If it's real between you two. What's the rush? They can and will wait. Right is right and wrong is wrong. And I don't regret my decision. I regret that it didn't work out. But clearly it wasn't meant to be.

shaysh87 · Answer

he likely is not even interested in you. Likely the situation is, he will never divorce his wife. But just using you for sex that he's not getting from his wife.

Or even if he does end up divorcing, he will discard you once a hotter, prettier girl comes along. I can't imagine what a 45 yr old would have in common with a 21 yr old kid. Sex is likely what he's looking for.

SometimesASiren · Answer

I smell a midlife crisis.

If he's hot or rich, don't do it. Chances are he'll still have some sex appeal and/or money and be able to trade you in after a couple decades as well.

Leaving someone due to poor aging is horrid and selfish tbh.

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

Honestly, I wouldn’t do the wait until he’s divorced I’ve heard so many stories about things being worked out.. (ultimately leaving the third party disappointed) I would ask him if he’s okay with waiting until the divorce is finalized, if he says no, then you dodged a bullet.

Anonymous · Answer

Chances are, his age aside, he won't be looking for ANY kind of relationship after (assuming he actually does do this and isn't just telling you he will - ie actions speak louder than words), and won't be ready for another (would you be ready if it were you?). Is that what you want also, maybe a casual relationship? You can start dating, IF you can keep your emotions separate and use your common sense. First you need to make sure you both want the same thing. Then you really need to look at your lifestyles (if looking for a relationship). Do you like the same things (not just interests, but your daily lifestyles, example if you like to go party, and he likes to stay home). With your age differences, these things are especially important. Don't get caught up in your emotions, stay grounded.

The1Girl · Answer

I wouldn't go there. Very creepy on his part, I have nothing against age gap relationships but he is 'divorcing' his wife (probably bullshit), and wants to bang a 21 year old whilst he figures out what he wants? You're just being used. But judging by your attitude and replies you don't care, the truth won't sway you. All I can say is prepare to feel like trash when he's done with you.

DaisyM23 · Answer

he sounds really dodgy for leaving a marriage of 16 years just because his wife isn''t as pretty as he expected, I'm sure he hasn't kept up either. But that's just my opinion. Plus you're 21, very young compared to him, but I don't know the full story/background

Prezzi3 · Answer

You loose them the same way you get them. If he can do this to her, he can do it to you. Ask yourself, do you really want to be with this
mam long term or permanently, or are you just having fun and looking for someone to take care of you financially? Like you said, you like older men, which is fine. There’s a lot of older men that are available and single. So, what makes this one married older man so special?

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

He is divorcing because his wife is aging awfully?
How about him?
He’s not aging? Stay away from that rotten milk darling, he’s lying. And even if he says the truth, that’s even worth.

After 27-30, when you get your first tiny wrinkles, he’ll find another 21 years old. So, don’t waste your time on him.

Adam1978 · Answer

Well if you want to age alone, you can always go for a guy that admit he trades up when it fits him. And if you want to encourage and allow this behavior. Unless you intend to dumb is old arse when he is old and start needing care. Because you will be the one that has to handle that part.

MTC29 · Answer

Do nothing until he is actually divorced from his wife.

Understand that when you are age 51, there is an excellent chance that he will be dead. At age 61, you can almost count on it. Women that age seldom, if ever, remarry, so you will spend the rest of your life alone.

I'm not trying to scare you, it's fact: women far outlive men. In the meantime, you'll have his angry ex-wife to deal with for decades after he's buried.

DermalPunch · Answer

Every circumstance is different. Regardless, do not fet unvolved if he doesn't have a clear exit plan with dates and concrete efforts to execute said plan. The best plan is to be patient. He may get comfortable and devalue you since you are giving him full access without him being fully free and clear.

Mangospacho · Answer

Isn’t it funny how the cheater is always in the process of leaving his wife but he just hasn’t filed the paperwork yet? It’s not that hard to leave your wife. It’s much easier to just hook up with someone else and just say you’re in the process of starting the process.

Anonymous · Answer

You're a desperate whore who will drink semen of any guy or even an animal who's having a mate. Why snatch a married man? Every woman will snatch your every husband, then keep on crying.
You're not even a human, you're animal if you love stealing partners.

globetrotter22 · Answer

“he is filing for divorce because his wife is aging awfully lol”.

That should tell you a lot about his character. It would be one thing if she was cheating on him or doing other bs. But that’s low.

Whatever you two get involved with just realize it won’t last forever. What about this guy turns you on anyway? Money? If he’s honest you can be honest.

Daniela1982 · Answer

News flash!, they all tell you that so they can get in your pants. As soon as he gets tired of banging you he and his wife will miraculously have a re-conciliation and leave you behind in the dust.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

If this is real I think you need to get rid of him and work on yourself. Once you start to get: gray or white hair, wrinkles, crows feet, dark circles under your eyes, eye bags, cellulite, saggy boobs ex he will put you on the curb to be picked up with the rest of the trash.

AviatorTom · Answer

Until they are legally separated, you should not date him. Some men will say they're getting a divorce just to win you over, and then stay with their wife. You need to be sure the marriage is over before dating a guy.

supercutebutt · Answer

If this is a real question, he better be a very wealthy gentleman. Because if he is a regular dude are truly gets divorced, he will be a poor dude soon. Especially if he has kids. Or is it your dream to be with an old, poor man? :)

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Why to take the unwanted tension if it is going to go away in a matter of time. Chill and let the guy get divorced and then you will be free to do as you please.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

This must be trolling. that’s not grounds for divorce. if this is not trolling, consider when you put on an extra KG, look at another guy, reach 24, you will get dumped.

TyLeeAndPink · Answer

Uhh if he's leaving his wife because of her looks then you should probably stay far far away, my guy

Anonymous · Answer

This sounds like white people problems. Im certain I won't age, I've seen my parents and im black the whites in there age group omg look 70 💀. Anyway, id encourage you to go with him but again you will age terribly too im sure he's old looking white, its not like they can tell your ages apart anyway!. White women do age the worst though I will agree. Does he have money? Make sure he pays for everything. Old white men are revolting to look at.

Siren777 · Answer

Wait until her sorts this out and he finalizes his divorce or he is an actual free man. This can get pretty messy.

Anonymous · Answer

Come on people.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

You can date him when you like but he sounds awful. Are you not worried he'll just trade you in in 10 years time for a younger model?

genericname85 · Answer

Well you can do what you like obviously. But i don't know if i want a partner that basically cheated their spouse with me. Cause why would I believe they won't do the same to me later?

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Why would you want to date someone who will clearly just drop you at the first sign of a wrinkle?

Passion_Devil · Answer

As a single person you can do whatever you want to do. But if he's any decent, he should divorce first before going out with another.

annabananna · Answer

I wouldn’t even date him when divorced. He doesn’t value marriage and his promises. Also, he is way too old to still be that shallow and immature.

cryscrys1 · Answer

He is going to look old soon his testicles will drop too lol

SkipPerk · Answer

Have you thought about what he will do when you age awfully? This sounds like a bad choice.

serious_miss419 · Answer

So many terrific guys would kill to be with a woman that doesn’t put up with that type of crap. It’s hurtful and a huge game that you deserve better. He’s older and he knows damn well better

DWornock · Answer

And, of course you believe him; foolish girl. However, I guess it doesn't matter since you are already fucking him and the experience will give you an education so it's not a total loss.

Anonymous · Answer

If any man is divorcing his wife, you should think about what makes you think he would be any more loyal to you.

HighValue · Answer

If he is divorcing her because of how she is aging, he would do the same to you once you age.

legalboxers · Answer

wait until he is divorced.. lemme guess. you want a sugar daddy...

VikingWarLord · Answer

Ahh the joys of being a man, you can still date hot younger heauxs in their early 20s when you're in your 40s, 50s and even 60s!

Guido · Answer

Not until he is separated and moved out. Too often guys say this so they can fool around but they don't actually leave their wife. It happens all too often so use caution and wait..

IsoUser · Answer

I am actually older than the guy you're interested in, can I just caution you in that he may be only interested in one thing so ne wary of May to December romances so to speak.

Dargil · Answer

A. I chose to wait until the ink was dry. It was hard and I was horny. But I waited.

anton_dee · Answer

He is a fuckin dick... you be marrying a dick who wants to leave his wife coz she ain't aging well. Jeez...

Better_off_here · Answer

if he is legally married wait until he is done with the process. even if he is separated he is still married and men like to use that to get what they want.

Anonymous · Answer

If you want the actual answer, you steer clear of the guy in the midlife crisis because he’s going to use you up and leave you like he did his wife.

Guanfei · Answer

Always wait until it's official. Until then, he's not single, and you shouldn't do anything with him. No sleeping, no kissing, no flirting.

Andro36 · Answer

For your own sake, you should wait. Sometimes he may even never get divorced

Anonymous · Answer

Have a plan in case because I think he's just making you next in line to dump for another 21 year old once you turn over 28

cookiecrusher · Answer

So a shitty guy trading his older wife for a dumb one? I guess he wanted someone more like him.😗

Iron_Man · Answer

you have to wait to make it official if not you’re committing adultery

Are you supposed to wait until a married guy is divorced or can you date him if he is soon to be divorced?

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Is it the okay to go on date with married man in process of divorce?

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Is it the okay to go on date with married man in process of divorce?

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