This is complete subversion of the question "should the man always pay for both people on the date?" It used to be assumed that the man asked the woman out, so he should pay. Now that the "war of the sexes" is in full force, we're asking questions that, to previous generations and cohorts, would have been something out of a Saturday Night Live comedy skit. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.
The rules of engagement used to be, more or less, obvious and clear. The dating rulebook had been written, we've been over this. But, that was 20 years ago... and it's not "20 years ago" anymore. Furthermore, it's not just that the rules have changed, the "meta" has changed as well.
The rules were "the guy asks, the girl follows", then it was "the guy asks, they work it out mutually", now it is "what even is a woman?", so that it's not clear if there are rules and who they apply to. Do you pay? Do I pay? If I pay, does that make you a prostitute with extra steps? Are we dating or just "hanging out"? Does it even count as dating, unless exclusivity is involved? Do we need to write down a contractual agreement and who signs on the dotted line? What happens if one party has a breach of contract?
As far as I can tell, most of the courtship ritual used to be improvised, but there was a ritual, there was a procedure. That's all gone now, replaced by... absolutely nothing. Depending on the pool of candidates, large chunks of potential respondents these days can't even say, with any degree of certainty, if they are humans or just "human-shaped" otherkin. Society has existed for long enough that it has become a parody of itself.
All of which is to say, the answer to the question "should the girl always pay for herself on a date" is "only if that is the arrangement reached by both parties", but the real answer is "there are no rules, so who knows these days?"
Here's the answer: are you a "traditional woman" or a "modern woman"?
A traditional woman is submissive to the man, the man leads the relationship, and the woman takes care of the man at home while the man earns the money and pays for things.
A modern woman wants equality or even to lead the relationship. She focuses on her career and doesn't want to follow a man or have to care much about his opinions.
Traditional women should expect their dates to be paid for. Modern women should expect to pay their own way. It's really that simple.
Privileges and authority comes with an equal dose of responsibility. If you want equal authority as the man, then you need to take equal responsibility. If you are happy to give the man the authority, then you should expect him to take on the same extra amount of responsibility, which includes, among other things, paying for dates.
What you cannot do is mix and match. You are either traditional or modern, and you accept one package of benefits and responsibilities or the other - just like men have to.
If your boyfriend works in a restaurant, even with the tips, he is not earning much to be able to go out a lot and pay for your food too. Even if he makes more than you.
I bet he's got some life goals he would like to achieve too and rather save that money. Going out costs a lot.
It is still a date in my opinion and at least you won't feel pressured to have sex with him "as he paid for the dinner". As I see it, he would like to keep seeing you, and go out, so you guys won't get bored, but probably he can't afford it. If you want someone to pay your meal, is it a date or just a free meal? I think you might need to have a think what you want and might need to let this guy go.
This is an individual thing not everyone has the same likes and dislikes. If they believe they should split the bill they can, if they want to pay for only the thing they personally order they can, and if they believe the man should pay then he can do that.
If i am ok with splitting the bill i will find someone ok with it. However if I dont want pay they bill i will only date people that is happy to pay.
If the person doesny meet your requirement simply dont date them again if you can't get past it or if its a boundary you have. Simple.
Opinion
84Opinion
u Does he have enough money so that he could afford to pay for you?
He works at a restaurant. So on top of his wage he also gets tips. He makes more than me.
Does he have more expenses than you?
@OlderAndWiser. "Does he have more expenses than you"? Of course, he has a girlfriend!
@KrakenAttackin :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
If she's a traditionalist/conservative, no. If she's a "strong independent woman" liberal feminist type, then absolutely, or else she's a hypocrite.
And frankly, I 100% agree with the boyfriend. If any woman is over the age of 18 (I know OP isn't) and CAN'T pay for her own meals, then she's a waste of time and she's best left to the curb for some other pathetic simp to go broke over before she leaves him and moves on.
Like I said, if the girl is old school (which really isn't my type anyway; I'd want someone who's modern but not woke), then sure, maybe she can expect to pay. But those same women were also expected to put out at the end of the night as well, in case you guys didn't know how it worked. Men over 40 still expect the men to simp themselves to women who aren't grateful for the man and think it's just a given, so I think think older men "get it." We aren't dealing with ladies and dignified women anymore.
Otherwise, I'm sick of women claiming they want "equality" (despite literally having more rights and benefits in Western society than men do), then whining and b*tching about paying for their own food when with someone. Then they wonder why men don't trust them and assume they're gold diggers, hos, and thots. So sick of this double standard bullsh*t.
Well I would say no, not EVERY time. But recently I scheduled a weekend trip for me and my girlfriend to a place she very much wanted to go. I got a condo for the weekend cost me $1,200.00 but I told her since there is a full kitchen in the condo she needs to pay for all the meals... either cook in the condo or eating out its on her, but since I put out 1,200 on the condo she needs to provide all the food.
But this is the problem today with this belief in conventional relationship roles. Women want to be romanced and treated in ways women want men to be treated... but how willing are they to conform to traditionally defined women roles?
If you want your man to romance you and pay for things, then on what things does he get final say on when he does that for you?
I say in general men need to embrace this modern age of women liberation and accept the redefining of traditional gender roles in a relationship, and take their power back by setting expectations and boundaries on women... because like we see her you expect him to pay for YOUR date. But if you do not want to date him then don't pay and don't date him.
If you want him to be the MAN and pay, then you have to accept him as your MAN and give him that level of respect when comes to decision making if he is the one paying for everything.
@nice-girl It not about affording it to me, its about setting boundaries and holding others accountable. Women love to be wined and dined. But that is not how things work any more when society would have us all subscribe to this belief in gender roles within a conventional relationship between a man and women. I do not except her to bow down to me as a man, and therefore she should not except me to pay for everything. It's supposed to be an equal relationship based upon mutual respect and therefore she needs to pay for her share, finically emotionally, and as a man you need to set boundaries on your generosity when you want that type of relationship.
But what I did miss is that the person that posted this question is only 17... so your boyfriend probably can't afford to pay for much if he is only 17 to. So if she wants this guy to be her boyfriend then she needs to respect the boundaries he is setting or she needs to stop dating him.
Women used to make a fraction of what men made back in the day, so back then it used to make sense for the man to pay for everything. That's why it's tradition for men to pay. Because the older generations taught that it was the right thing to do.
But nowadays women have equal wages. Women fought for equality and have it now. So why should a man have to pay for you to be there? Are you just there for a free meal? Do you not want to go on the date? Is your time more valuable than his?
And I hate the concept where people say "The person who asks should pay." That is just another way of saying the man should pay because men ask women out 90% of the time. The only case where someone should pay if they asked someone out, is if they asked them out to a very fancy place that requires a lot of money.
I would never apply a different standard to my partner than I would my best friend. And I don't pay for my friend every time. We either split the bill or take turns when we chill.
And if it's a first date, it's safest to just pay separately. If you decide that the date sucked and don't want to go on another, then at least no one feels used and you move on.
And of course, low quality women will feel more attracted to a guy that pays for their time. Because they want to be treated like princesses, not partners. Their time is worth more in their eyes because they believe they are a "woman of value".
I would never date a girl that is entitled enough to think it's a man's job to pay for the date in this day and age. I really don't care who calls me cheap or insults me.
Anyways feel free to do what you want. I just gave my honest opinion.
there's nothing wrong with splitting the bill. Girls need this smacked into their head sometimes: HE DOES NOT OWE YOU A FREE DATE. Same way girls "don't owe a guy sex" just because he pays for a date.
Maybe he's trying to save money for emergencies, a car or a house. If you don't want to date him because he won't pay for you, just tell him that so he can know the kind of person you really are.
Relationships take teamwork and compromise. This is part of it. It doesn't make a guy more or less of a "man" if he pays for a date entirely or wants to split it. Anyone that disagrees with that is a simp or a feminist bitch. That's not debatable.
I don't mean to sound harsh. I'm just being factual. Some people go by "whoever asks the other person out on the date should pay".
But you should ALWAYS work out beforehand how the bill will be handled so there's not an awkward moment.
But it's assbackwards in this day and age to expect a man to pay for everything just because "he's a man".
@Anonymous
Respect! All 100% true. Only men in their 40s and older can't seem to get it anymore and still thinking buying their way into a woman's heart is how it works in the Age of Simps when women just take all that for granted nowadays and use it to financially drain you. Including OP.
Absolutely not! Things are different here in Nigeria men pay majority of the bills especially when going out. Plus it’s a fair rule who ever asked for the date should pay. I’m not going to go on a date and pay when I never asked to go on the date. Sure if you’re dating you can reach an agreement that’s you and your boyfriend. My boyfriend gets mad when I offer to pay for things I really don’t mind. But the idea of being asked on a date and being made to pay is a no. I still ensure I have more than enough money to pay for my food and transport home Incase something happens just for emergencies.
@Paul09 wellll then it was your choice to ask her out so you should pay. Why would you ask someone out on a date and expect them to pay? They never told you they wanted to go out so it’s only fair you pay. When you guys get closer you can make arrangements between yourselves, whether to split the bill or pay separately. In Nigeria men usually pay the bills it’s strange to ask a lady to pay the bill here. So it’s your choice
I understand that. But you are not understanding me. If 90-95% of men have to ask women. Out, have to apparently pay. And only 5-10% women ask men out. How is that close to being fair? Women rarely adj out guys, hence they will rarely pay. If we lived in a 50|50 world id agree more with you.
@Paul09 It’s a fair rule you pay for what you want. You want clothes you pay for them. You want to take a girl on a date you pay for the date. Have you ever met a host that makes the guests pay. As long as someone never asked to go out and makes time out for the date it’s only fair that you in turn pay for it. You have the choice not to go on a date so you don’t pay. That’s fair
@Paul09 no you’re seeing it completely wrong you are asking for someone’s time. The person doesn’t know you or like you in a lot of situations. You are getting to know the person. You saw her and you chose to ask her out whyyy should she pay. When you asked her to go out it makes no sense. You’re not paying to sleep with her you do not have that right. I am not an escort. I just won’t pay when someone asked me out it shows you’re cheap to even think of that. You’re literally the host she’s not supposed to pay. And it’s not the ladies fault no one is asking you out on a date. If someone does ask you out the least she can do is pay for your time. By paying for the date. It doesn’t mean you’re an escort. Or just don’t ask anyone out on a date if you don’t want to pay it’s easy. You’re saving your wallet and saving the girls time.
No I dont believe in that all the broke guys they want the girl to pay for her way for all the feminine ladies do you want to be a man they want to pay their own way
I don't really fall into society's rules if I ask a girl out I'm going to pay for her if I ask a girl to come do something with me I'm going to pay for her I would never ask a girl to pay her half that would be totally embarrassing to me and the little thing to her in a roundabout way if she wants to pay have and she expresses that I have hi S I will make that choice it's usually going to be now because I'm usually the one asking her out
Personally it gets tacky fast to split the date each time. If you've agreed to every 2 weeks, just trade off who picks the place and who pays. Queens treat her king, kings treat his queen.
Let him get the first date of the month and you can get the second.
If he's strapped for cash one week, he can pick a cheaper place and if he ONLY chooses cheap places because he's prioritizing his friends or hobbies, then it'll become obvious pretty quickly.
Nickel and diming each other in the long term isn't sustainable and neither is one person paying the whole way.
Are there no gentlemen left in this country? Or "men", for that matter? Bunch of cry babies.
You should tell him that if he wants sex, he'll have to pay for it. Just kidding. If I were you, I'd leave him and find a real man; someone who adores you and doesn't take you for granted.
Once a woman I were in a committed relationship and started doing lots of things together, she would often offer to pay for things. I have no problem with that at all. It's classy.
But in your boyfriend's case, tell him that you won't burden him anymore. Walk away, cut all ties, and let him date himself. That way he won't have to worry about being "taken advantage of" anymore.
@nice-girl. Thank you. ☺️
I´m not sure if there´s rule for that which can be general set.
Generally speaking I think it depends on your expectations of a date and how it should work.
I wouldn´t say a woman has to pay on everyday date but on the hand she can´t expect the guy to pay on every date. That´s a part that needs communication especially if he has an average wage he can´t take you out so often.
The old expectations that guys are going to pay for everything while women make the same if not more money is outdated.
Maybe it would help if you talk with him about and you find a compromise where he´s paying at times for all of it if you would go out on less dates maybe.
I was in a relationship with a guy like this and I absolutely hated it. The way he handled his money made me feel like I was some gold digger because he never wanted to even entertain the idea of him paying for a date for both of us. I literally don't mind paying for the date (our first date "I" volunteered to pay for us even though he invited---and he "allowed me to"). I am totally a he pays the next, and I pay the next sort of thing, but there is something so gross to me about someone never wanting to take care of that other person during the course of dating. Everything is either all his or all yours. What is that? At some point, things should mesh and it should not be a who should pay argument for every date or everything. I want to feel and know that our lives our blending.
The dating culture is different in North Europ. First few dates are like a coffee date, and we pay for what we get, meaning i pay for what i drink, she pay for what she drink. When it begins to become for serious, then and only then we might go for a dinner date. The same rule apply there, i pay for what i eat, she pay for what she eat. I never heard about anyone paying for their date. Because we are equal, she is proud and happy she works the job she has, same as men are proud and happy he has a job. We are not children, and we live in 2022, not 1950.
That's shocking to me. My boyfriend pays for our dates. I can only support if I wish to. Even when I offer, he's like "no, it's my job." I don't know why your man is doing that. The man is supposed to take care of the woman. Woman is to support her man. That's my understanding anyway and that's the he eral thing around me that I see. And I feel it's the natural way to go.
What's he doing in your life if he is not willing to take such responsibility? He needs to sit down and think. You need to evaluate your lives together and make deliberate and concrete decisions. If it doesn't bother you, stay but if it does, and he won't change then leave. Personally, I would leave a guy like that. It is not acceptable.
And I would leave a woman like you in an instant. You would leave your man the moment he stops paying for all your shit. That's not love.
@HawkPerception Men should take responsibility. If I'm to provide equally with him then why am I a woman and he is a man?
Do you even listen to yourself? What kind of fucked up logic is that?
Do you make any money of your own; are you a housewife? Do you suck his dick whenever he tells you? If not, then I genuinely feel sorry for your boyfriend because you are a literal gold digger.
Women like you are the literal definition of a drain on money and energy.
@HawkPerception Look, I have a job and he has a job. The thing is, he is the man. He is the leader so he has to provide. My money is my money. His money is our money. I just support.
It is hard to say with you youngsters nowadays. When I was your age, I would never have asked a girl to pay for herself on a date. But I would expect she would offer to pay at least every third date, if not for parts of each date. For example, I pay for dinner, she pays for the movie tickets. Something like that. I know things are different now. Also, do both of you work? That comes into play.
In my relationship, my boyfriend and I often pay for ourselves, but sometimes we treat each other and pay the bill. I want to be treated equally, and I don't see any reason why he should always pay for me. We are also both students with lower incomes due to that. I think it is odd that your boyfriend is so adamant you must always pay for yourself, as sometimes it would be nice for him to pay or for you to pay. But it is up to you what you want in a relationship.
The person who invites the other is always the one who should pay. As a rule, I date professional/career women who are proud of their income, and they will either split the bill or insist on paying when we are on second date. After that, we simply rotate paying.
The “guys pay for dates” deal is typically referring to the early stages of dating which you’ve obviously passed. I’ve always found splitting the bill a little stingy but you should pick up the tab once in a while at least
It doesn't necessarily have to be 50/50 but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to contribute your fair share. I was making about 3x what my last ex was when we were dating and she still insisted on grabbing the bill here and there.
Ehhh…the guys I have gone out with always paid for me. 🤷🏾♀️
My current boyfriend, pays for me a lot, and I pay sometimes (we usually argue a bit when I offer to pay). :)
Then again, it depends on if the guy works and has money. 🤷🏾♀️
I personally feel that the person who asks - almost exclusively the man should pay for the date and make all arrangements. However, the person who is asked out and agrees almost exclusively the girl has an obligation to seriously consider the suitability of the man for a second date, relationship and sex. If not then offer to pay for half and refuse a second date.
If he orders my food, or a whole menu that I did not ask for, he better pays for that. I hate when I can't choose my OWN FOOD.
Aside from that, I am totally fine paying for my own food. I pay for WHAT I ORDERED.
Every single time is still only once every two weeks. What's so bad about paying for your own food? Cause if you find that bad, imagine paying for two people every single time! How terrible, would be, right?
No, there very few couples I know that each pay their own way. The only exception I've seen (and experienced) is the first date, where each is feeling each other out and neither wants to make a full-blown commitment yet. After that, one or the other, whichever one arranged the date, pays for both.
The guy shouldn't pay your way until you pay his way first. More guys now realize that many women just try to use them as a free meal ticket.
I learned my lessons long ago. Women that always want the guy to pay and she never pays for him are just greedy users.
Yes, you should, unless its your birthday or some other thing celebrating you.
Think of it from his point of view.
When is the last time you ever heard of a woman paying for herself and her guy on a date? Pretty much never? Yeah, I thought so.
Why should women get free meals and service, but men shouldn't?
No, if the guy is inviting the girl he should pay and vice versa. I had a long distance relationship. We lived 1500 miles apart and plane fare was expensive. The deal was that when the other person spent all that money on plane fare , that person did not have to pay for anything else for the whole week.
Difficult some people prefer to keep things separate, I always try to pay, but I have had relationships where they just pay before we sit down or if I have to pop to the loo..
Next time he says let’s go out for a meal, say you don’t have enough? would he offer to pay for the meal or just not go out?
Who ever initiates the date should pay for it. If you don't want to spend money it's easy enough to go on a hike, or to a museum, etc.. If I ask someone out I pay, if someone asks me out I expect them to pay unless we have had a discussion about going Dutch. If they pay I cover the tip just to be polite.
Hahahahahaha
That’s called equality. This is what women marched for.
Unless you want to be a free loader and have someone else pay for your meals. You could always, gasp, be an adult and actually pay for him for a change, but since the thought of even paying your own way bothers you I doubt he’ll be so lucky.
Oh brother, that's not quality it's called etiquette, you wouldn't invite someone over for dinner and expect them to cook their own meal...
If you put out, he should pay. Regardless, if a man is employed, almost always he will pay because most dates don't cost much compared to his income. However, at your age, likely neither of you have any income other than an allowance and maybe a part time job at near minimum wage. Therefore, perhaps sharing the cost is reasonable.
My view is that the guy should pay at least 60% of the time, and always have the ability to pay. The guy should also ALWAYS pay for the first date. If a girl is "traditional" and believes a guy should pay for everything, she should fully understand what other things came with the guy paying for everything. She can't hold a job, she is quite literally property, and she owns NOTHING.
I think she should always assume to pay for herself.
Unless the guy invites her out, or he has much more money and takes her to a more expensive place.
I believe in paying for the girl when we go on a date, I could not live with myself knowing I made a girl pay for her own date just how I feel.
For the first dates, yes. Because no one owes you anything as long as you're not official.
And if you're smart, you don't want to owe anyone anything before you're official.
Pay for your own stuff for the first 5 to 10 dates, then when it's clear that you get along and can do something together, you can think about paying stuff to each other.
A girl should never have to pay for herself on a date. If he doesn't have the money then he should not ask her out. but if she ask him out then she should pay for the date unless he offers some assistance.
Yes she should. It's not always the boyfriend who should pay for her. She should be independent in financial life.
Your boyfriend is just playing the wrong cards. It was his idea for y'all both going out that often. So he should try to be a Mann py for those dates but it cannot stop you to kill him off somedays n pay them bill y self that easy. A relationship which is sweet is where y'all both play like a team.
That doesn't sound like a lot of fun. I don't like to keep accounts with my partner. If I'm earning significantly more, then I will mostly pay. If it's equal, then we can alternate paying and expect that it will work out.
No. The one who had the idea should pay in the beginning. With my friends and my past guy, we always paid for each other and nobody counted or shit, but one day I paid for both, another day he did etc
I prefere to go dutch. Is this not a common thing in america since it is western? I only know that in Asian/middleeastern countries men are expected to pay.
Thank you
No. She doesn't always have to pay. I'm in a relationship right now and he refuses to let me pay. He also doesn't accept any gifts from me as he prefers giving me gifts instead. xD
It depends.
Personally, I like going dutch most of the time - on occasion, it'll be my treat or viceversa.
I'd say it's normal for modern couples to split the bill on a regular basis.
no. i think there should be an option generally for people to invite others to dinner and pay for them as a token of goodwill or whatever. but i think women should stop expecting to be paid for if they wanna be seen as "equal".
It depends. How is his financial condition? Or maybe he was hurt before by a gold digger and is being cautious...
I’ve been with him for 15 months. When we went out on dates before he was never like that. He makes more money than I do, he works at a restaurant so gets tips on top of his wage. I only make minimum wage working at a retail store.
No I don't think it should be that way always. I think the person who asked the other person out should take on the responsibility of payment. But let's face it we're all on a budget of some type so if it's a 50/50 split sometimes that's cool
If the guy takes her out, he pays.
If she takes him out, he pays.
If one offers and cannot pay, it needs to be communicated beforehand.
It's quite common as the meals can be expensive. Never done that though. But I can see myself doing that if I was in an expensive country. (My country used to be an inexpensive country, but not nowadays)
The person who asks the other out should pay unless there is a prior arrangement. I am the sole breadwinner in our marriage so I naturally pay but I can see taking turns or some such.
Both men and women should be willing to pay their share. If the other person offers to pay, you're free to accept. That's my opinion anyways.
Talk with the person you are with. Figure out your own plan for new relationships. Pay for yourself, or pay all and rotate each time.
I think it depends on how well you know each other and the culture where you live. Here we usually pay for ourselves and if you know someone well, you/they could suggest paying.
I’m a guy I always pay for dates, but I would feel like crap if I made her pay for a date (Unless she’s a millionaire then I won’t really care)
Understand your boyfriend is probably as young as you are.
He doesn't have money to pay for dates for two people and a meal also every two weeks.
Be reasonable. Help him out unless you know he comes from a rich family.
No, but the financial means of each may mean that one or the other may pay or they could each pay for themselves, one of the old school thoughts I still hold onto is the guy usually pays for both. or the asker of the date pays for both.
Ehh, technically it falls to whoever made the plans. But chivalry is still alive and well. And guys are so sensitive to being over eager, or not seeming like a dickhead. We walk the razors edge for you biatches.
If you work and make a somewhat similar pay ofc you should split the bill. The whole point of the man paying is because women didn't work or if they did were severely underemployed. If you dont want to pay consider being a homemaker.
Fuck no. At the same time, if you insist hardcore, nope. You still aren't paying. Agree to disagree. You want to pay, then I probably know you are hardcore something I don't want to deal with.
Then what happens if the woman out earns when things get serious? The woman wears the pants. It's a situation that I have seen, not sure I could take that hit. People do it all the time.
Who ask? I was taught if I asked I would pay for both. If we were just friends going out we would pay Dutch. Which was fun too.
That's feminism for you. You wanted equality, pay for your own meals.
No, she should never have to pay anything, on any date, period. The guy should always pay.
I have a son your age and he wouldn't even think to ask the girl to pay. He'd be embarrassed.
Yeah. I'm not here to bankroll your evening out.
Simples...
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