A good guy wants to go out with me but he's not my type, what should I do?

[Jemini_Crocket]

It's more of a views and type of a person thing.

He sought me out after I happened to be at one of the company's event (the company I work for) and apparently he asked a collegue of mine who am I and after the event he contacted me on FB.

From what I know he is a decent guy to say the least, but he's not what I'm looking for. For example he follows a strict regime, works out, healthy lifestyle which is all nice and admirable but I am not that kind of person. I am more of a homebody, I am not perfect, I've got chubby parts here and there... I'm surprised he didn't see that?

It could be that it's just what he wants to do but I can't imagine this to work out (he and I are quite different). Though it's true I don't know him properly but I don't have any "pull" to him to want to go out with him even just a for short time... I don't know what to do.

I wish to be with someone who is a bit more like me in this, who's more relaxed...

If anyone reads this and comments - thank you!

[DaveJord]

Well your 22 which is pretty young, so you got a lot of life ahead of you... one of the best ways to learn is to be willing to take chances and risk making mistakes so that you can grow from those valuable life experiences. If he is an attractive person and you think it could be fun, then go and have fun and try to keep everything in perspective and if it doesn't work out then at least you had some fun, and you tried and you learned something from the experience.

There is always reasons not to do something, but fear can be a major motivator for people not to do something... so what is it that you want? What reasons do you have to want to give this person a try and then focus on these reasons, but go into it with your eyes wide open. If it doesn't work out then you will be even more prepared for the next guy, and have a better idea of the the things you really value in a relationship.

But if this person is not someone that interests you in anyway then don't do it... but if you think he is attractive and might be a fun guy then there is nothing wrong with indulging yourself. I mean I dated women who I didn't really have anything in common with because they were physically attractive... long term it never worked out for me... but it made me more prepared to take changes with with other women later in life. But if you hold out for that one guy or that one special person and you never give people a chance... well you can end up living a very limited life. If you give this guy a chance you might learn something you never knew about yourself, and might just end up confirming what you already thought... but at least you will know because you tried... if not you will always question yourself when comes to the next guy and the next guy...

You only live once so live it.

[Jamie05rhs]

I completely agree. Very well said, sir.

[dynamicyandere]

If you’re not naturally drawn to him and you have to talk yourself into liking him, then I don’t think it’s a good chemistry match. Maybe you can try to get to know him some more to see if something will spark. But, if you really aren’t feeling it, you can politely let him know that you’re not interested.

[Jemini_Crocket]

You wrote it very well. I'm just not drawn to him at all.

[dynamicyandere]

Thanks for the MHO! :)

[Jemini_Crocket]

You're welcome. :)

[SaartjieJane]

Honestly I’m the same, I’m looking for this specific, perfect man and I brush off all these really nice guys when if I just took a step back and got to really know them then maybe I’d actually end up liking them. It’s also hard because even if you did do that there’s still the chance that you’re not interested and that’s fine but kind of also have be realistic.
At the rate I’m going, if I don’t find my perfect man I’ll end up alone😬 time to do some mental changes so that doesn’t happen

[Anonymous]

Simply put, if he’s not the sort of guy you’re looking for then don’t date him. You’re only creating this conflict in your mind because these aren’t negative qualities that he seemingly has. But if you’re already making excuses and trying to rationalize yourself into a ‘yes’, you will find yourself doing that every step of the way. So if he’s not the right fit, there’s literally no reason to guilt yourself about it, just be honest with yourself and politely decline.

[Jemini_Crocket]

But what if I'm just being picky? Looking for an almost perfect match for myself but it may not exist.
You're right though, I know that but I don't want to hurt the guy.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s you trying to rationalize, and in a lot of ways, settle. Perfection doesn’t exist, but you don’t strike me as the type to be looking for that anyway. In fact, I think what you want is just someone that aligns more with the sort of person you feel is compatible with you, and that is ok. Just like it’s ok to have standards and boundaries, you aren’t a bad person for wanting certain things, it’s just called dating with intention. Rejection is going to bum anyone out, there’s no getting around that, so go into telling him no knowing that there’s nothing malicious behind your answer. Besides, if you went on a date with him now because you’re afraid to hurt his feelings, that thought process will only make it harder and harder to say no or walk away. Better to stop before you start.

[slatyb]

"Thanks, I'm flattered, but I don't think it would work."

That's all. If he asks why, just reply "Sorry, I can't say why, that's just how I feel." That's it. If he persists, say "Please stop asking, my answer isn't going to change." The next step is to just walk away, Renee.

[trumpets310]

If he's a good guy but his lifestyle differs from yours too much, don't lead him on or try to make it work. Both of you deserve to not have your time taken up with a relationship that doesn't meet your needs. As a guy when I shoot my shot, I respect a woman a lot if she is straight with me either way - the thing that makes my life hard is when someone leads me on even though they think it wouldn't work out.

[ALovely_Queen]

Uh there's this guy that likes me he's totally nice but the way he dresses can totally get to j
Every time he asks me out I beat around the bush bc he's my friend and I didn't wanna hurt his feelings
Then there also the pblm wen he can get really distressed
So I had to deal with him having a mental break down
But he kept holding on hopeing that I would be wit him
So u should just tell him how u feel
If u tell him ur not interested in dating now he will hold on to the fact that he still has a chance which will be even worst for u

[trumpets310]

@ALovely_Queen Don't be indirect, just say that you're not interested in dating him. Don't say not interested in dating now, don't say it's not a good time, none of that. Tell him he's nice but isn't what you're looking for.

[Guy13]

It could be that the naturalness of who you are so overtook him that he saw nothing else. It could be your femininity, graciousness, and manner were so intoxicating... that I have got to be around that... and see if it is true. Things like this happens.

Take a compliment, will you please? Accept his compliment... make sure he pays "goodly" for the chance to discover Substantive Stuff over Fluff...

[CallmeTheKnight]

Stop doubting yourself and grow up and put your big girl boots on, you got a man checking you out. The guy is interested in you. He saw you, he's aware of you, and he's interested in you.

You never said what your type is and if he's not your type, it's ok to reject him. If you're interested in giving it a shot, go ahead. He's fit and is healthy, maybe he's also pretty fun to be around. It's a lot better than staying in the house.

[Gent207]

Tell him you are not interested. If he escalates block him on all apps.
I hope you find a man that's the right balance between homebody and adventurous.

[20yearsolder]

So you be polite and say thank you very much for the offer but at this time I'm not really interested in dating

[bowenw]

You may still get along very well. A couple does not have to be clones of each other for a relationship to work as long as neither tries to change the other.

[Tiptoetamm]

Give him a chance you never know he could be a good match for you. Something we have to get out of our comfort zone to see if it works

[motownplayer2000]

I mean.. you don’t want to settle, but if you don’t settle you can never say that you can’t find a good man. So you are in a pickle.

[Jemini_Crocket]

But settling with someone I don't really want is just... it does sound terrible.
I want what my mom has with my dad. :( They fell in love and they're together for more than 30 years. She def. didn't settle for him, they found each other.

[motownplayer2000]

All that comes with time tho. Just because you are attracted to someone from the jump doesn’t mean that they will last in your life. Nor if you date someone you are not as much attracted too does it mean you can’t have 30+ years of happiness. Attraction is important, but when I mean settle, I mean you can give some of these “nice guys” and chance and see if that grows. Love takes time and effort to grow and become what you want it too.

[Jamie05rhs]

He purposely asked for your name and sought you out and contacted you. He likes you! He wouldn't have gone to all of that trouble if he didn't think you were hot.

[glennos89]

be honest about how you feel because you only make it harder for him on the long run

[Table4YTwo]

Talk to him, tell him you need to get to know him better.

If you still feel no pull cut it off.

[SeekingVirginWife]

You want more relaxed people? I guess you should try dating people in Brazil.

[Staximus]

Sometimes people that are your opposite can balance out your life. If he's not shady, there's no harm in just getting to know him better

[Anonymous]

either give it a shot or nicely turn him down. but your reasoning doesn't make too much sense.

[007kingifrit]

honesty is the best policy, it's ok to tell someone they aren't your type

[IsoUser]

It's your decision go with what your heart says, just don't jeopardize current relationship.

[PatriceONeal]

You won't be second guessing "nice guys" In 5 years. Keep that in mind.

[Shy_Steve]

If He doesn't make you feel good when your with him then your better off letting him down gently.

[Anonymous]

I usually tell such guys that I'm not allowed to date by my parents and stay friends with them.