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No my dear don't do it take it from someone who has quite a bit of experience in dating older men. You should simply stick to your age group calculation there is a psychological evaluation math formula to help determine what is your best youngest and oldest age to date.
My husband is over 70 years old and at this current moment we're not technically a couple the relationship in the end didn't work out. When I was about your age I dated someone. About 25 years older than me and trust me that was a nightmare I would not wish that upon anyone. I wish I knew then this mathematical psychological formula it would have helped.
Based on the age calculation rule the oldest you should date if you're 22 is a 30-year-old. It's just your best mentality connection area. The phycological equation for calculating the youngest you should date is Age ÷ 2 - 7 = youngest age to date 22 ÷ 2= 11 + 7= 18 The phycological equation for calculating the oldest is Age - 7 × 2= Oldest age to date 22 - 7 = 15 × 2 = 30 But once the age gap equations is said to push a person passed 20yrs age gap despite the equation the max age difference should stop at 20yrs. Example mine is 34 - 7 = × 2 = 54 Now to make certain I didn't exceed my 20 year Gap difference (which I know I didn't) I subtract 54-34=20. At the age of 34 I have reach the max gap. It is redundant and unnecessary to calculate the max age at the age of 35 and older. it's very easy just to remember that at the age of 35 and older all a person has to do is add 20 to get their max dating age. 35+20= 55 However in order to calculate the youngest we still have to use the equation Age ÷ 2 +7 = youngest age to date. Using my age that is 34÷2=17+7=24 the youngest I can date is 24. We use this equation until the age of 54 to calculate the youngest. 54÷2=27+7=34. Now if you check the difference you see it is 20 years. At 54 you have reached the max years of 20 years difference in the youngest you can date. after the age of 54 all we have to do is remember to subtract 20 and we reach our max youngest age we can date. So 55-20= 35 The math might seem odd at first but it's easy enough to learn. Well at least now I know my max age I am psychologically compatible with is 54... And then every age from 35 and up all I have to do is add 20 to reach my max.
He's not decent if he's 39 and going after a 22 year old...
I understand you're disappointed but maybe look for someone aged 26-32? You don't need to settle for someone older just because he messaged you and you're feeling dejected... 17 years is a serious age difference. Think about the future, would you be happy with someone who's already starting to fall apart while you're just reaching your full potential? I know it's harsh but it's a status thing for guys to be with much younger girls but it makes those girls look like fools more often than not. Also, if you're at all considering children in the future then unless you fall head over hills with a certain guy, you don't want one older than 35. After 40 years of age their sperm quality lowers significantly and your baby will have an icreased risk of genetic diseases. Unless you two are ok with just wasting a few years away with each other. Basically - don't settle for something you're uncomfortable with (which you say you are and it makes perfect sense) just because you're disappointed. Give yourself some time. If the fact he's single at his age isn't a red flag then going after a girl 17 years younger than him certainly is. Talk to your parents about it, see what they say. It's good to have the perspective of an older person on this one because until we've lived a certain age we can't always properly assess the situation.
I just recently ended a relationship with someone who was 13 years younger. The reason it didn't work had nothing to do with age though. For me personally, I have never been married. My career has had me on the road and just consumed me. I've loved it, but I've just never gotten into the right relationship. In my case, I've always been around younger people. I don't have as much in common with people my own age because I've never had kids and settled into that kind of life... yet. I like going out and doing things. Most people my age are in that area where they aren't nearly as free. So I don't feel bad about dating someone younger. I'm not dating an age, I'm dating a person with things in common with me. That being said, I also understand the reasoning for a young person not to want to date someone too much older, there's a stigma about it for sure. Most men my age will have been married a time or two, have kids, and baggage a younger person doesn't. So I think it's fair to judge on a case by case basis and be careful for sure! To each their own. Just thought I'd share my perspective on it.
I understand your frustration, but you're 22. There are other people who have dated dozens of times without finding a successful relationship. I feel the same way you do. I'm sick of the whole dating scene. The first date I ever had didn't seem to be going anywhere. Both me and my date could see that right away. But we still made the best of the evening. My second first-date was quite the success, but after that the girl just didn't put in any effort and we never went on any second date that I tried to plan. I wasn't frustrated by either of the girls. It was more so the fact that I'd once again have to continue my search. BUT, don't go for something easy that just so happens to conviniently present itself... Like the older gentlemen you mentioned. I know you probably hate hearing this, but please try to stay patient. I'm struggling just as much as you and I'd hate to think you went ahead and made the choice of trying a relationship with that guy. We're all in this together, and that's why people your age (like myself) want to help.
Opinion
128Opinion
You’re 22. He’s 39. How’d you guys meet? Online or irl?
u What do you have to lose? Just be honest with the guy and let him know that you are concerned about the age gap.
I'm probably biased because I'm the same age as the guy you are considering, but I'm going to say it's worth considering.
More important than age, you should what stage of life he is in. If he is in a very different stage of life than you, then it may be hard to relate. Like if he's been divorced multiple times, and has kids from multiple marriages, that to me would be a bigger thing to overcome than the age difference.
As for my story, I wasted almost 15 years of my life in graduate school. The end result is I have a lot of esoteric knowledge in a specific discipline, but I am just starting to learn a lot of the general life skills that people learn in their 20's. I wouldn't say that I'm in the exact same mental state as someone in their 20's, but I probably have more in common with them than most people my own age. The main difference being that I have fond memories of my childhood from the 80's, and I think it's hard for anyone born after 2000 to imagine what that was like. Society changed significantly in the last 20 years. But I'm not an old dog who can't learn new tricks, just a dog with memories of a time that doesn't exist anymore.
One other thing to consider is that a guy who is approaching 40 may be looking for a serious relationship. He probably doesn't want to wait another decade to settle down. If you do decide to date him, you should discuss your expectations early on.
As for biology, my opinion is that the aging process can be slowed down significantly, if someone has both good genes and lives a healthy lifestyle. I use my parents as an example. My parents aged very slowly because they took care of themselves. My mom looked like she was in her 20's at age 40.
You can basically have decades from your 30's to your 70's, where your health, vitality and appearance change very slowly. But then as you reach the tail end of human life expectancy, there are a number of health conditions that have a high probability of popping up suddenly when you're a senior. Current medical science doesn't have a good way of dealing with these health conditions, so people tend to deteriorate very quickly when those conditions appear. However, with improvements in medical science that are likely to happen in the future, I would expect that we will develop breakthrough to better treat these conditions, and human life expectancy will be extended dramatically.
If all he has done is messaged you Ms Lily, there are more steps you need to take first to stay safe.
Step one is to talk with him on the phone and or do facetime or the equivalent. You may want to do this more than once to get to know him a little bit first.
Step two is to meet in a public place for a casual date for coffee or a meal.
Step three would be the formal date
Don't take any risks, there are too many crazies out there who appear to be nice on the surface until they're not and turn on you... I'm not kidding
Whoops, I meant to select yes, date him.
My father was nearly 30 years my mother's senior. Genetically speaking most people tell me k have the best body they'be ever seen up close. My IQ is in the top 5%, girls call me handsome. So from the position of whether there may be any generic issues, there won't be.
Secondly, for most of human history, older men have always settled down with younger women. I think modern society that has duped many women into slaving in a job until their best years of dating are behind them, have pressured older women to attack younger women for dating older men. That's because of competition. You're getting the men they'd have hoped to have gotten!
I'm 32, will probably settle at around 35-36 and will look for a girl between 21-24. That's the best option for a man that age.
Kind regards,
DoctorSex
If you feel you like some of the qualities he has and you trust him enough to go on a date with him, I would say go on a date and see how you feel afterward. A part of you says it's kind of "weird", but another part of you is also intrigued (and fed up) enough to want to go on a date with him, so I would say give it a try. The worst that can happen is that you wind up having the same feeling about it. On the flip side, you could also wind up with a changed perspective on dating someone his age. But you'll never know until you try and see what he is like. Life's too short to not experience and try different things, and at least you'll know. 🙂
Generally, I'd say go for it since older men tend to have their shit together. But the more I think about it, it's kind of weird. He's going to be into one of two categories- 1) he has lots of life experience and probably baggage you have to deal with; or 2) he has zero experience and lives in a parents' basement.
If he's 39 and hasn't been married before, I'm going to guess he has some personality traits which necessitate his single status. Most of the single guys I work with in the 35 to 40 age range are VERY hard to get along with- very stuck in their ways and won't listen to anyone.
So, for some reason, either he likes to date and not commit- perhaps he sees your young age as an easy pump and dump; or he has negative personality habits which cause women to stay away from him.
Either way, approach with caution.
Ok, I went on 8 dates the week before last; so, having a "failed date" is no indication that dating is going poorly for you- we don't automatically find our person after talking to only a handful of people.
As far as the older guy, I would actually suggest giving him a shot. As long as he doesn't have any crazy baggage, he can probably do far more for you than a guy in his 20's can. He's also got a better chance of actually wanting a relationship that leads to marriage in less than 5-10 years... Ask him what he wants, and entertain the idea. I'm not saying sleep with him, but let him take you out on one date and see how it goes.
In dating I always say if what you're doing isn't working then you got to change your approach. It ain't easy sister trust me.
Everyone thinks they know what they want, but you got to ask yourself what it is you really need and if this guy could possibly be that guy... then why not give him a chance and try to figure it out?
17 years is a big gap... but you're pretty young at 22, and 39 is far from old.
6 failed dates in a row is nothing. It's hard finding someone, it tasks time and a lot of effort honestly. But you can't get discouraged and you got to stay committed to the process. But you have to learn and improve from every failure, and approach every new possibility as and opportunity to get better, so you can become the best version of your self possible.
At your age if this is something your are seriously considering and not out right opposed to, then take the opportunity to find out if it's seriously something that could work for you.
It all really depends on how the person is, is he good too you, is he not properly behaved when it comes to you, he might have "good looks" but does he have a good personality, tell him you just want too see how things are in the beginning no dating just hang out and see and realize how u are with him and how he is with you, make sure he's worth who you are sweetheart okay, never forget that, that's the best advice I can give because I don't have much information on the person and from what it sounds you don't have enough information either so that's the best advice I can give honestly😌
You've got to ask yourself what you seek with these partner matching services. To experience Eros, or life-giving energy with a trusted partner is a worthwhile endeavor. Building trust and time with one you could see yourself engaging with in bed at one point. If that is what you seek, take account Lily. Make note of what your parameters and boundaries are. Age is just a number. In many ways, I have a better physicality at age 30 than any in the past. People put in work to themselves and people approaching forty now aren't always banged up, maybe just so they can bang up.
Trust your senses and be confident in your situational impressions.
Well what are you committing to? A dinner. Not much of a commitment. You could suggest meet for drinks if you wanted to reduce the time commitment.
LilyoftheLake I think you should be happy when guys deal themselves out early rather than waste your time. I know it can be disappointing but those six guys have done you a favor really. How did those dates fail?
To be honest when I was 20+/-, I was really just interested in vaginas. It wasn't much more complicated than that. At that age we aren't much more than boys. We do need to get a few years on us before we do start appreciating and enjoying all the other feminine attributes a girl brings to the table.
So I would urge you to say yes. If it is a no afterwards he is going to be mature enough to understand and not be upset.
If things continually don't work out for you then it makes sense to try something different. People going for the same thing over and over regardless of failure is what often leads to continual disappointment in life.
Get to know him, see if both of your long term life goals are compatible, etc. Do you want kids or not? If you do, does he?
How about what the expectations are for long term living arrangements. Does he want something serious or just temporary fun, etc.
You should talk more and ask about the important things then if those match, give it a try.
Only 6 failed dates in a row? That isn’t so many failed dates in a row at all. I am probably about at least a dozen failed dates in a row…
Do whatever makes you comfortable but don’t do it out of desperation of getting out of the dating pool. That won’t work out long term either.
The dating pool has pee in it. Period.
No. you're too damn young to be wasting your time on someone so old that will do their best not to let you go because theyre aware of it. Dont waste your youth. Go out with people in your age range so you can have more in common and live in the present more.
Older guys outside your age range are prone to take advantage of your lack of life experience when compared to theirs and will manipulate you.
It is just dating, no big deal. I've personally found that the only real differences between older men and those closer to my age is pop culture references. The older guys are way nicer though, more respectful, in general. Younger guys can be too, but I've never met a ass older guy yet.
Could be they are so happy to have someone younger, that they are polite or just seems like that generation.
Give him a chance, you never know what could happen.
I don't have any issues with age gap dating in general. My parents had a gap of 9 years and they have had a super successful marriage and have been great parents.
However, 17 years might be a bit much in my opinion. I mean if you know it's only a casual dating thing, that is totally fine because you can enjoy the experience and get out of it what you want.
But if you are looking for a serious partner and potential husband, I would advise against it. You two are just in very different places in your lives. And there's a good chance he is just looking for some fun with an attractive younger women, which is very popular among some men that age these days, so you might get hurt if you're not careful.
"Not unattractive" -- it is much much too early for you to settle for "not unattractive". Is there any chance that could change to "attractive" if you knew him better?
There's no reason you shouldn't date him. You'll learn something about him and about yourself. If he love-bombs you, run away. Then run away more.
Only after you find out more from him, you'd know if he is right for you. So the chance you give can be to ask questions. Do you want a long-term relationship or a fling, do you and him want children? ... children In the same timing? You just want to enjoy him until you are are willing to accept the pain of possible being widowed early... etc
you can go on a date with him but understand that you can't grow old with someone who is already old. Imagine if you are 43, and you find yourself married to a senior citizen. By then, ask yourself: would you still be happy? If yes, go ahead. If not, ditch him. You don't want to be looking for a new husband at that age.
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