A relationship does not happen without proactive effort and the trained skill to detect and notice opportunity when it hides from you, one thing that has helped me is knowing people will both pretend to like you or to not like you and to keep your eyes and ears open for chances to date women, and I also believe clustering and proximity raises your chances, rather than endlessly procuring acquaintances which does not work due to the impersonal nature of your first contact with the person. Also consider trying with girls that don’t immediately catch your eye to see if feelings develop, you can attempt this on a purely friendship level to avoid hurting her, or accepting women who come to you.
3 things. First, I already go out with girls I don't like to give them a fair shot in case something develops, so I'm glad I'm at least doing something right.
Second, I don't have the trsined skill to notice opportunity when it hides from me, that's one of many issues lol So I need to know HOW.
Third, please elaborate on clustering and proximity. I think I might know what you mean, but I might be misunderstanding.
I think when a girl expresses her desires in a guy and you believe you match, engage her in conversation to test her sensitivity to dating you, clustering means, socializing and being well integrated into the woman’s life and aiding the suggestion of you when your not physically present, proximity means being entrusted with her community concerns by being in her vicinity, maybe befriend more than one female to increase your chances.
Wait, isn't that a one-way ticket to the friendzone?
If not, I have dozens of female friends, and I regularly hang out with about 10 of them, so what else do I need to do? Just keep finding and hanging out with more and more of them platonically until I get lucky and one of their friends is maybe interested? lol Is it not the nunber of friends but the fsct that I only go out like once every couple weeks? How much time should I be spending on this?
I find the two thinks that get a girl are raw status and trust and status is determined by what the girl values, whether it’s sense of humour or intelligence or sex appeal or religion or dominance - if a girl is not interested in your personality, chasing her is not going to lead to a connection, I learned over the years not to waste time with people not interested in what you have to offer. Like if a guy likes religious girls I could date him but if he likes curves, I should move on cause that is different from my best quality.
Well, I have intelligence, and that's why my ex started dating me. Said I had a good personality too, so I'm not sure what to do with that. I no longer waste time on people not interested in me, but I'm not finding any who are interested. Lately, I've been thinking it's that because I'm autistic the way I want to act and the way I seem don't line up. Not sure how to fix that though 🤔
Your ex girlfriend is very attractive and most women who look that good expect to date the richest of all men because they have so many options and don’t have time to give all of them equal consideration, but maybe if you change your scope, by aiming for an intelligent girl or a funny girl and not try to achieve your former benefits it could work, my friend from church said, when you chase the money, the girls come easily and me, I try to chase self improvement. People also say, if your kind and humble, love will find you when your not looking for it. My friend dated over 200 girls and met his girlfriend when he was not on a date, he was picking peaches with his aunt and a girl showed interest in him while he was there and they got together and are now married.
You're attactive but I don't like how you dress (quite thuggish). You also have way too many pictures with other ladies, please don't ever post those on your tinder profile because you look like those older men who would do anything for a fuck. Don't bring up sex or anything about being single for so long (but also don't say you JUST broke up with someone). I would need to know more but it just might be that you seem too desperate and the longer you go without a partner the more desperate you unintentionally appear? Big assumptions there but I'm going off what you've given me.
As for the pictures, no worries, I only posted them here. I have NO pictures of myself, so I figured those were better than nothing. I actually only went that one time to get over my fear of talking to really attractive girls. I'm not sure how well it worked though. Really don't want to do it again.
I've only dressed like this for a year, so that's not what I really need to address. HOWEVER, I'm trying to get more into fashion now, so if you have any tips I'd love to hear them. Most guys who are great with girls dress like this though, so maybe it's a regional thing?
Anyway, I've bern wondering the exact same thing. It's very possible that you're right, and I'm unintentionally seeming more desperate as time goes on (because I am). Any suggestions for stopping that?
What region do you live in that dressing like this pulls girls? I'd work on your strengths and maybe do a lumberjack look (as in that style shirt). Atm you're dressed like you sell drugs (sorry).
I live on Oklahoma, so it's super common. I'm very curious what drug dealers you've seen because around here, drug dealers where designer stuff like Gucci, where flamboyant clothes and caps, and have tons of tattoos. I've never known a plain t-shirt and occasional baseball cap to be what drug dealers where... that's just what guys where lol What else would guys wear?
Funny you say that because in winter, early spring, and late fall, I have always done the lumberjack look with flannel and such that you are talking about. I'm guessing you live in a very cool climate though because it's 105 degrees and above where I live everyday right, and was at least over 90 for the past couple months, and will be over 90 until October. Sadly, there is no version of a lumberjack outfit that works in this weather.
Still, that's helpful to know I've been doing fine in cold weather, but do you have any SUMMER style suggestions that won't give me heat stroke and make me smell like sweat and BO all day? lol
BBQ dad or private school kid look is the way. Also go to places where you'd meet the kind of girls who like that look. Go to beach bars and not clubs. Join some random hobby based classes. Go on hikes. I would need to meet you in person to actually know exactly but yh. When it comes to women when do they usually pull away? Is it usually during the early talking stage I'm guessing? Like when you chat them up initially?
Not sure what you mean by BBQ dad lol Like what specific types of shirts and such? Also, isn't that an awful idea since I'm not old and not trying to be a loser stepdad? lol I think I know what you mean by private school kid; I assume you mean the prep look. I can try that, but when I have before, I always felt I looked gay--and even worse like balding gay dude. doesn't sound like what girls are looking for 😅
Well you dress pretty decently from the pictures, you seem to be a fairly well groomed guy, and pretty confident from the pictures with girls and the fact that you actually hang out with them.. And you're not a bad looking guy at all.. You also have hobbies.. So, it seems like your problem might be that you don't talk to enough women.. Like go out and try and get numbers and date them.. It seems like you try to be friends with a girl and then ask her out.. Maybe you might even come on strong, or not strong enough.. Maybe saying "I think you're really beautiful, and would love to take you out on a date".. And wait to see if they get back to you..
I used to ask girls out when I first me some I liked (granted, only with one girl at a time, which I guess was a mistake lol), but they always turned me down. Usually in the classic method of giving me their number or whatever and never responding, which I know helps them avoid getting yelled st by creeps but still stings 😅
So I tried being more vague like some people told me to. They said be more aloof. I've also talked to more girls, but only like 3-5 at a time. And only 1 or none of them are ever real options. Should I be talking to even more? How many is a good number? 10? That seems impossible, like I'd have to spend every day asking out every girl I find a bit interesting. Would I even have time for anything else like work and family?
I read somewhere that if you are romantically interested in a girl, make it known right away before you become her friend that you want to take her out on a date and not just be friends only. That way you both know where the other is coming from right away and there's no big disappointment from thinking she was interested when she was not.
I can start trying that again! I did that until 4 years ago since I was always immediately rejected that way. I thought if I was more vague in the flirting/friend territory they might give me a chance after getting to know them. But maybe me being upfront isn't the problem, so I can go back to doing that. Maybe I have some other problem I don't know about.
I don't know remember where I heard it from but they were saying you don't want to start out in the friend zone. That's the opposite of more cautious women who want to know who you are first. So I guess some women want you to make your attraction known and some do not, and want to get to know you before any romantic overtures. It's also confusing that some women will only hang out with you if they are romantically interested, because they don't want to be seen in public with a guy and have people think they are dating, fooling around, etc. Then some women are not that self-conscious and will just hang out with you as a friend. When you start to think "hey, this girl might like me" and ask her out on a date and things get all awkward and she's not all smiles, and then you're like "well I'm an idiot"and go home feeling like a failure. The problem here is a lack of clear and effective communication, the girl half the time will be attracted to you and act like she's not and expect you to be fucking psychic and make the first move, because she's afraid you don't like her back or she doesn't want to appear desperate, or some such bullshit. I say fuck it, learn to deal with chance of rejection. Just ask a woman out of she's friendly and happy to see you, likes to talk to you and doesn't cut it short. If she touches you when talking, joking, etc. or tries to invade your personal space and stand closer to you than people normally would, then ask her out.
That makes sense.
Well, I've never had the whole talking/touching thing happen in my life. Sounds great... I did recently have a girl tap my shoulder to talk to me, but I think I scared her off after gettingnher number. I try to look for othrr signs sincr I never get the touching thing, but I always misinterpret.
I'll just go by what you've said and do and say absolutely nothing to anyone who isn't doing the touching, joking, stansing close thing. Also, is there a way to get girls to do that? Since it's never happened even once, I'm clearly not doing whatever makes then do that.
Opinion
12Opinion
u Have you thought about ditching the facial hair?
My opinion, but I don't think hair on your chin compensates for hair on top of your head.
When you lose the hair on your head, I'm just saying that the beard is not going to make it look any better.
Well it sure doesn't look any worse. So I'm not sure how it is worth mentioning. Especially since I can grow a better beard than anyone I know other than my brother. If you saw the pictures of me without a beard, you'd agree lol I look like a single, divorced, middle-aged lawyer without some kind of facial hair. You would probably tell me to grow out a beard if you saw me lol
I am a lawyer. That's never been a problem for me!
And. . . this all began with you having a 7 year dry spell. It's fairly safe to say that something you are doing isn't working, right?
I had a bad breakup and took several months to even be interested in anyone else. When I was, I would occasionally get a few dates (I think 7 total in the seven years) but no second dates. Most girls ghosted me while texting.
You're right that something isn't working! I feel like it has to be me coming off as desperate or be related to me being a virgin.
But I could try shaving the beard just to see. I just don't see anyway it'll look good. People with clean faces have to have hair to pull it off or they look old
Doesn't matter how it looks to you, does it? Got ny close female friends (purely platonic?) Ask their opinion.
Ask the kind of women who you would want to take out on a date. You need to know what prospective dates think when they see the beard.
First off You looked old enough to be those Girls dad.
You look like you could be there dad and I’d give you a Dirty look if You on a date with those Girls and as a Fellow Father I wouldn’t approve of you dating my Daughter just for the simple Fact that You looked like you could be those girls dad
Dang, harsh man. I can't control how old I look really :/
They are all 20 and above, and you can see I'm 26, so I don't know what you want me to do about it. To be their dad, I'd have to be at least like 36 (a decade older than I am) but realistically like 40 or so.
I could ask for tips in looking younger, but you seem hostile, so I'm wary.
I've been out of the game 7-8 years now, it wasn't a bad breakup I just gave up and got busy, now I'm too busy to take the time out (I take my birthday off (Christmas Eve) that's it even in hospital I kept working)
No matter how busy I am, I have periods where it's all I can think about. I've given up several times, but every time I do, I'll meet a new girl or two who give me hope (then later take it away again lol).
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm betting you've still done hookups or friends with benefits, just not official dating, but that isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a grand total of 5 dates in 7 years. No other contact with females at all except friends and family.
Doesn't working that much keep you from spending time with friends and family?
I'll correct you there, nothing at all beyond friends, family and clients... I work at home so still see family and my friends are self-employed so work similar hours albeit in different industries to me
Being successful helps along with relaxation and deep thoughts
Living life on one's own terms
You’re not getting out there much. Maybe you’re still stuck in the past and afraid of moving on. There’s definitely something holding you back and whatever it is you need to get rid of it.
I definitely want to get rid of it, hence my question.
Assuming it's not getting out there enough, what would "enough" look like?
I go to the gym daily, but I've only befriended one girl there because hardly anyone uses it. I go to malls, bookstores, and other cool stuff on weekends. Is it that I'm always alone and don't go with friends? Do I automatically get written off because I'm always alone when I go places?
You seem like one of the cool guy to hang out with.
I'd totally hang with you on the weekends. Those girls are missing out.
Thanks lol I get along with all kinds of dudes since my interests are so varied. I feel like the things I like to do are fun 🤷♂️ Sports, movies, axe throwing, whatever haha
Which is the opposite of girls since I haven't had a good time with a girl in years with I think 3 exceptions... which is too few.
Perhaps it's the locations you're choosing? Do the girls know you're interested in them on an attraction level?
Up until a year ago, the locations were around my university campus: my classes, sporting events, honor society activities, etc. I would ask them out after I knew them pretty well, so it was clear in what way I was interested in them. They all ghosted me as soon as I asked them out. Over the past year, there really hasn't been anywhere other than work and the gym. The most recent girl is from work and goes to the gym with me, making things awkward. I can't think og any other locations I could choose that wouldn't have an awful outcome. I go to bookstores, libraries, coffee shops, etc. and hang out, yet somehow never run into anyone interesting or have anyone express any interest in me. I see it happen to people around me all the time though, and it's bizarre.
Go Sox, eh? Maybe you should come down to a warmer clients...
There probably is, but I can't move and leave my family and friends behind. It would be silly to only see them like twice a year on the off-chance I'd meet a few decent girls...
I'm working on talking to more girls than just one at a time, and that definitely helps, but I still keep thinking girls are interested before getting hit with tons of excuses for not hanging out.
You look like a dude I work with and he's married. It may be what @Iron_Man said don't wanna go through the motions of meeting someone new enough.
Your hearts probably not into dating anymore
I keep trying occasionally when I get the motivation, but I lose the motivation as soon as something doesn't work out. I've been told I'm not talking ti enough girls, but unless I start asking out every girl I find even a bit interesting, I don't see anyway that'll happen. And if I do that, how will I have time for anything else? Is it maybe a problem that I'm always alone when I go out?
Tedious!!!
Thank you, I've been looking for the right way to describe dating for a man that hates the whole dating dynamic.
Tedious , expensive, degrading, unpleasant, unfulfilling, discouraging...
It's really hard to date when you're feeling good and confident, it's impossible when you're low from a break-up or bad relationship.
Hooter's probably isn't the best place to find someone looking for serious.
If you want someone looking for tips, on the other hand...
Thanks but thankfully I'm not THAT stupid lol I was only there because it's one of several places I've been terrified to go to and talk to people. I forced myself to go and talk to the girls to try to get over my nerves. I'll likely never go again. I only put it on here because I have no pictures of myself 🤷♂️
COVID definitely made some trouble lol
It is difficult for me at least, so I don't know what to do. Assuming they are all interested goes poorly. Assuming none are interested makes it look like I have no interest in anyone. Should I ignore anyone who isn't being super obvious and risk losing an opportunity?
I mean sure, I could meet girls while traveling, but nothing will come of it. No one is going to move away from their home country just to date someone. I still need practice with American girls anyway lol
If all you're finding are the cast-offs, change the places & people.
Also - get rid of the necklace...
The cast-offs are only from dating apps and occasional creepy DMs and PMs, which is why I've stopped using dating apps and rarely use social media.
Most of the girls I meet in person are great! And I have several good female friends, so it's not like I'm abhorrent lol Only one turned out to a little scary because of her belief in paganism...
It's a chain, but why get rid of it? It's the style right now. It's the only thing girls compliment besides my shoes, eyes, and beard 🤷♂️ I am planning on getting some other chains though that are more subdued.
You wanted an opinion, you got one.
Contining to defend your current issue is part of the issue.
I'm done here.
Lots of guys are still virgins by your age so you are better than many guys
True, but I don't know of any normally functioning, healthy dudes my age who are virgins and don't have serious behavioral problems. It seems impossible that I'm just perfectly fine and have the absolute worst luck in history or I'm like "destined" to not meet someone yet. Seems far more likely I'm doing somrthing wrong.
Nothing wonky about your looks.
No idea. You seem pretty normal to me.
Do you watch pron?
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